May 25, 2009 | Glenn Clark

Nothing like MASN to decide that the fans of the Orioles and Nationals probably don’t want to see their own broadcasters call the games, huh. I mean, why have Rob Dibble be a guest analyst during the Orioles’ broadcast when you can just pay one TV for the weekend? Nothing says money-saving quite like MASN. Ugh….

You deserve props…..

1. Danys Baez

If chicks dig the longball, then who digs the rally-starting dribbler? Ferrets? I’m glad Danys Baez has decided to be a contributor; because Chris Ray usually decides not to be.

2. Lyoto Machida

After beating previously undefeated Rashad Evans Saturday night at UFC 98, Lyoto Machida shouted “Karate’s Back”! I certainly hope so, because this guy has been looking for work for like 25 years…..

karate kid

3. Kobe Bryant

Remember how everyone spent the week talking about how LeBron James was a better player than Kobe Bryant? Can I remind you of a couple things???

A-Three rings
B-Kobe can SHOOT the ball (And spare me about how LeBron made one really big outside jumper)

LeBron James might go down as one of the greatest players in NBA History. But Kobe Bryant already has a Hall of Fame resume. Maybe getting ahead of ourselves isn’t the best idea in the world.

4. David Hernandez, Brandon Snyder, Troy Patton, Caleb Joseph

David Hernandez collected 14 strikeouts Friday night. Chris Ray has 15 on the season.

You know what what, maybe I’m piling on Chris Ray unfairly. Brad Bergesen has made 7 starts this season and only has 18 strikeouts. But I paid money to go to a baseball game Sunday, and I liked what I saw from Brad Bergesen. I didn’t like what I saw from Chris Ray.

Before I move on from this weekend’s O’s-Nats series, I’d like to thank the Mottram Brothers at Mister Irrelevant for posting this image of a hat I saw at Nationals Park.


Washington sports fans are TERRIBLE. And since I’m at it, I have to call out my friend Matt Palmer from The Catholic Review….


PICK A TEAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ROOT FOR THEM!!!!!!!!

5. Evgeni Malkin

You know how good the basketball playoffs are right now? The hockey playoffs are equally as bad. Like-you couldn’t pay me enough bad. I know everyone likes to tell me about how great the NHL regular season is, but the postseason has been about as exciting as this week’s PGA golf Tournament (which Rory Sabbatini apparently won-but I knew better than to think you cared).

6. Rob Pannell and Pat Perritt

So…..the lacrosse Final Four happened. Of course, since it happened in Boston and no teams from Maryland were involved, I didn’t care. Apparently no one else did, as attendance was down some 10,000 fans. Organizers said the drop in attendance was likely based on the decision to ban alcohol from the infield the economy. In a related story…..


7. Frederick Cadets

I was going to write a joke here, but then I remembered that the name of the team was the Cadets. Let’s move on…..

8. Phil Dalhauser and Todd Rodgers

I know what you’re thinking. “It must have been a lame weekend if you had to include the results of a beach volleyball Tournament. But that’s where you’re wrong. I simply included this because I REALLY needed an excuse to finally include this picture in a blog…..


9. Kenshin Kawakami, Gavin Floyd, Kyle Lohse, and Brandon McCarthy

And just in case Forrester is reading, here’s a picture of Derek Lowe…


Wait a second!!!! What’s that???? That’s Trinka Lowe!!! The lovely MRS. Derek Lowe! I’m sorry Drew…….

10. Scorpio Brown and Val Teixeira


(Sorry, I heard someone say Teixeira)

11. C.W. Post and Cortland

Notable alums from Cortland, you ask? Try…..




You see, it’s not all about lacrosse titles at Cortland! They gave us Paul Blart!

12. Mickael Pietrus

The NBA Playoffs…..where “WHO THE EFF IS MICKAEL PIETRUS?????” happens.

13. David Traver and Jack Passion

trav passion

The World Beard & Moustache Championships were held this weekend in Anchorage, Alaska. The fact that Rollie Fingers wasn’t invited should be subject of an international investigation, but I think these particular winners in the beard category were well deserving.

14. Ben’s Chili Bowl Half Smoke (All the Way)


While DC, their teams, and their fans can all bite me; I will prefer to take a bite out of this monster, which was my lunch Sunday-and was absolutely DELICIOUS. It was a mix of pork, beef, chili, mustard, cheese, onions, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickes, onions on a sesame seed bun.

15. Memorial Day (and whoever it is we’re supposed to honor on this Holiday)

Is this the one for the trees?

(Edit from GMC: I’m KIDDING, people! I know this is the one that honors grandparents. You kick ass Pop Pop!)

You got lucky……

1. LeBron James

You want me to say something that would be more captivating than the highlight? Fat chance.

Of course, there might still be 2 or 3 of you that didn’t see this…..

The NBA is like REALLY entertaining again. Thank God, because Baseball is really not.

2. Helio Castroneves

You mean to tell me you can go from the edge of prison to drinking milk and hanging with Danica Patrick in the span of less than a month? There’s hope for me after all!!!!! And did you know Helio Castroneves used to be on Dancing with the Stars? That reminds me that I’d rather be looking at a picture of Julianne Hough than talking about the Indianapolis 500…..


Julianne Hough is reportedly on “Dancing With The Stars.” I say reportedly because admitting I watch Dancing with the Stars would make some of you question things about me. Things like, “what kind of food do you normally eat when you’re watching Dancing with the Stars?” The answer is ice cream.

3. Adam Dunn (as in….the Nationals are REALLY lucky to HAVE Adam Dunn)

Spare me the thing about the Orioles shouldn’t have signed him because he strikes out a lot. He wins games…..like the one I was watching today. The following hitters are all amongst the top 25 strikeout kings in baseball…..

grif reg
jack bigg
mantle rick

4. Meredith Frank, Katrina Dowd and the Northwestern Wildcats

I hate saying this: but women’s lacrosse is just awful. I mean, really painful to watch. Thankfully for me; Northwestern and Penn found a way to make this particular game slightly less unbearable to watch. The Quakers scored 4 goals in the final minute of regulation; and then scored a goal with 11 seconds left in overtime. But since women’s lacrosse DOESN’T have a golden goal rule for some reason; the game went on, and Dowd poked home a goal with less than a second left. Frank scored the golden goal in a later overtime, then Northwestern topped North Carolina for the championship Sunday. The entire weekend at Unitas Stadium included maybe 3 hits. And they came when I was punching Maryland media relations star Sam Angell for letting me watch a women’s lacrosse game. But he did bring Berger Cookies to RFK Stadium for out “Battle of the Beltways” tailgate. And he doesn’t root for two teams. Because he’s not a comunist.

5. Panathinaikos

You mean to tell me Nick Calathes is Greek???


I don’t see it.

6. Giles Simon

The 7th seed at the French Open had to go 5 sets to advance to the 2nd round. Another seeded player has already advanced to the 2nd round in my heart…..


And sadly that might be as far as he advances this week…….

7. Anyone who still remembers all the words at the end of the night at Howl at the Moon…..

By the way, I asked around; and this DOES kick ass after all…..

You’re a zero……

Randy Starks

First Lonny Baxter shoots up the White House, now Randy Starks hits a cop with a truck. What’s next? Shay Doron sexually assaults an overweight morning radio sidekick?

(Editor’s Note: There’s nothing funny about sexual assault. Especially not if it involves Shay Doron and my dreams. WHAT?)