June 29, 2009 | Glenn Clark

Hey Forrester, here’s the new Jay-Z tune…..

Don’t say I never did anything for you.

You deserve props….

1-Terrell Suggs and Matt Hobgood

One says he’s going to sign, the other actually did.

How many times do you think Matt Hobgood looked at his agent and said “Do I HAVE to?”

2-Kenny Perry

Won a golf tournament. If I remember right, it was called the Travelers Championship. But my memory is just really REALLY good. For example; do you remember  who won the Academy Award for Best Picture in 2002? I do…..


3-Bobby Lashley

It’s possibly you missed Lashley fight Bob Sapp Saturday night because the fight wasn’t shown on live TV. I of course did NOT miss the match because I’ve never been more excited about anything in the history of the world. No stack of sofa pillows would be enough……

4-Brad Bergesen and Nolan Reimold

Does Dave Trembley HAVE to do 5-7 shots of Jack Daniels before filling out a lineup card on Sundays? I can only imagine his conversations with Dave Jauss when putting together the batting order….

“Jausser-put Wigginton on 2nd”
“Dave, I don’t know if Wigginton knows how to play 2nd”
“Who cares-we don’t have anyone else. And have him bat 2nd too.”
“Dave-he’s one of the slowest guys on the team.”
“Have Jones lead off……”
“I’m not certain he’s ever done that before, Trembs”
“It’s either him or Zaun”
“Okay, I guess we can go with Jonesy”
“And one more thing…”
“Let Huff pitch.”
“I’m drawing the line here DT.”
“Look, we’re playing the effing Nationals….”

5-Rachel Alexandra and Zenyatta

In the immortal words of Brooke Valentine, “it’s about to be a girlfight.”

(Points if you know the reference. Of course, take those points right back if you know the reference because there is NO REASON any person with a pair of testicles should have ever heard the song.)

Rachel Alexandra won the Mother Goose Stakes and Zenyatta won the Other Horse Race Stakes. Of course, Rachel Alexandra is the hot young 3 year old; while Zenyatta is the crafty “cougar” of the horse racing world at the age of 5. So it would be similar to Hayden Panettiere….


….battling Jennifer Aniston….


……..yep, nothing too exciting there.

6-Melanie Oudin and Andy Roddick

You think I’m going to go down the road of just talking about looks here, don’t you?

Well, I would. But Melanie Oudin is only 17; so there’s an officer standing over my shoulder reading everything I type. And making sure I don’t miss our next meeting.

Of course, Andy Roddick ISN’T 17, which means this is for me the ladies….


(Attention Melanie and Andy: You can make Wimbledon MUCH more interesting for everyone on this side of the pond if you’d be as kind as to keep winning.)

7-Jake Arrieta, Brian Matusz, Brandon Waring, and Kenny Moreland

It was “cavalry” weekend down on the farm; where Jake Arrieta and Brian Matusz showed off what was waiting for Andy MacPhail just down the road.

Koji Uehara had a big weekend too. He threw almost as many pitches as he does in his average start.

8-John Tavares

Congrats bro; you were the number 1 pick in the NHL Draft. Which means you’re now in a group that includes Sidney Crosby, Alexander Ovechkin, umm……..and……..ummm………

look, the first two were really good, who cares if no one can name any others.

(Editor’s note: After doing more research, I decided that doing research sucks. I also noticed that almost every #1 overall pick went on to a particularly successful NHL career. Other than Kwame Brown.)

9-Michael Rodgers and Carmelita Jeter

Are the fastest man and woman in America after this weekend’s U.S. National Outdoor Track and Field Championships. Which of course means there are two qualifications to their championships. They aren’t the fastest people on the planet; they’re just the fastest people in the country. Amongst people who run outside.

But that’s still pretty good. Frankly, if someone told me I was voted “Sexiest Radio Personality”, I’d be excited. If I found out later that they meant “Sexiest Radio Personality in Baltimore”, I’d still feel pretty honored. If they really meant “Sexiest Radio Personality in Baltimore Whose Initials are GC”; I’d throw a party. And I’d invite WLIF’s Greg Carpenter to the party and say to him “Suck it Greg! You call yourself competition?”


10-Andre Eithier, Jayson Werth, and Aaron Hill

In other baseball news this weekend, Manny Ramirez hit a home run in a minor league baseball assignment; and ESPN made sure to have 12 reporters there to cover it.

Here’s a clip; where you’ll notice that everyone on the team tried to throw Manny high-fives he could clearly care less about receiving…..

11-Andre Letren

The Baltimore Mariners are going to the playoffs. I’d tell you more, but I just noticed you already flipped over to AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com out of boredom. Of course, AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com does have this…..


12-Douglas Ganzer and Chris LaPierre

Maryland Attorney General Douglas Ganzer is helping to bring the game of lacrosse into inner city Baltimore. Love this. We all know the story of Dr. Miles Harrison’s Morgan State teams; and I think it would be outstanding to see Morgan State and other schools eventually get back into the game of lacrosse. Love it.

Chris LaPierre was the star of the Under Armour All-American Lacrosse event Saturday night at Unitas Stadium. Love that. It was the cap of a great day at Towson that included Kurk Lee and Sam Cassell’s charity hoops game. Love that too. Love all of this really.

I mean, the only thing about all of this that I don’t love is the fact that Chris LaPierre-of Gilman-is going to Virginia.

Get bent Chris.

13-UNO on Facebook

Well, it’s all over. As I told my girlfriend (you know her-“The Luckiest Darn Gal on the Face of the Planet”) earlier this evening, don’t expect me to be available much anymore. Not only do I have UNO on my iPod now; but my roommate and I spent the evening playing UNO on Facebook and screwing with the people we were playing against.


Screw you, Jason R. You’re going DOWN.

14-Wedding reception band “New Town”

I wish I could throw you a plug link; but unfortunately I had made one too many trips to the Open Bar at the Rolling Road Country Club Saturday to remember if you told me you had a website. But your version of “I Saw Her Standing There” made my body move in ways I’m not entirely certain it is supposed to.

Also, to the Wise Guy who kept saying “You know, I’m sure some of the other guests would enjoy Hors d’oeuvres as well”; cram it. I don’t know what your fancy french words mean; and I want some more cheese.

Note #2-I understand that we looked REALLY awkward due to a mixture of open bar and open bar; but I thought it was a bit distasteful (but completely accurate) to vote this couple the evening’s “least photogenic”……


15-Optimus Prime


The movie certainly deserved better than the 21% it received on RottenTomatoes.com (although it was FAR from flawless); and apparently just about all of America went to see the flick this weekend. Look, is it frantic? Yes. Does it lack story development and character depth? Badly. But is it a damn fun trip to the movies? Yeah.

Please allow my friend Jason Cook (of YOUR Baltimore Ravens) to sum this up…..

“Optimus Prime is the Realest!”

Yes he is.

You got lucky……


You think he wasn’t sweating out the potential embarrassment his country would suffer merely at the thought of losing to the ugly Americans?

And spare me the whole “The US really showed us something though” crap. They had a lead that they should have been able to hold onto. But the other team was better than them. As an Orioles fan, I am all too familiar.

The best thing that has come from America’s sudden relevance in soccer is my chance to learn about American Soccer WAGs. For example, one of the people in this picture is reportedly Landon Donovan’s wife….


…..the other is reportedly the future Mrs. Glenn Clark.

2-Tony Bennett and Josh Pastner

Will Regan committed to Virginia (I guess because he’s seen what a powerhouse they’ve built down there in front of half-empty Charlottesville crowds?) and Elliot Williams plans to transfer to Memphis (saying he believes the “major violations” facing the Tigers are probably just gas).

I’ve changed my mind. Gary Williams should start cheating. Clearly nothing short of that will get you players anymore.

3-Elivs Grbac

This story is SO outstanding I don’t care that it is technically a day older than what I usually allow here. Thanks to brilliant blogger/writer/columnist/Facebook friend Jeff Pearlman for outing the story of how Rich Gannon was supposed to be named People magazine’s “Sexiest Athlete” in 1998 but they accidentally gave the award to Grbac instead…..


4-John Henry and Hank Baskett

I see you married a hottie in a lavish ceremony at an exotic place. Well………I had a turkey sub at Subway and embarrassingly sang along to every word of “All The Above” by Maino.

You tell me who had the better weekend.

5-Joey Lagano and Scott Dixon

Lagano won a race because it started raining; and Scott Dixon won a race that the drivers thought was an “awful race.”

You got another “racing is better than soccer” gem in you, Rex Snider? Oh wait…..you do??? Jesus. You REALLY think NASCAR was a bigger story Sunday than Brazil/U.S.?

Every Facebook/Twitter poster in the WORLD apparently is not in agreement.

6-Sidney Ponson and Geovany Soto

He can’t be suspended because he tested positive at the WBC (and because it is only a suspension if your team actually wants you to be back on their roster); but Sidney Ponson deserves to be.

The surprising thing about this story is that Ponson tested positive for a weight loss stimulant. What on earth makes you think you need to lose weight, Sid?


7-Anyone who got tickets to Virgin Festival and actually wants to go

With no offense to Blink 182 or Weezer…..I’ll sell you mine. Just let me know the price. I didn’t get them out of excitement, people.

You’re a zero……

The last 7 days

Let me get this straight…..

Michael Jackson died. Farrah Fawcett died. Ed McMahon died. Billy Mays died. The DC Metro crashed. Iran is in a state of complete uproar. Jon & Kate are getting divored. The governor of South Carolina has been cheating on his wife with some chick in Argentina. The Orioles were swept by the Marlins. I lost a game of bocce to my girlfriend.

I’d like to make a joke here but this has really just been awful. I mean, the best news of the week was that Barack Obama still likes to smoke every now and then.

That’s right; I said it was the BEST story of the week. This week sucked. No wonder everyone is on vacation.

The good news is that next week it’ll rain.


Flexing my mic muscles since 1983….