September 08, 2009 | Glenn Clark

You deserve props……

1-Jahvid Best, Daryll Clark, Mark Ingram, Michael Floyd and Andrew Brewer

So……that whole return trip to Berkeley thing didn’t work out so well, did it?

In fairness, Maryland’s loss to Cal Saturday night was embarrassing, but I guess it could have been worse? It could have been like this……….


2-Melanie Oudin

While Andy Roddick was busy losing to the tallest man in the history of the world, James Blake was busy polishing off a career of disappointment, and Sam Querrey was busy not living up to the hype; at least ONE American was actually making me not want to throw things at my TV. Oudin has been inspiring to watch; especially considering that she has regularly had to rally from a set down to advance at the US Open. The only bad news was that to make this run, she had to take out this person…..


Also, props to John McEnroe and Novak Djokovic for doing this…..

3-Scott Feldman, Brian Matusz and Jeremy Guthrie


Should we just throw them a ticker tape parade? It ain’t getting any better this season, folks.

Also, the Baltimore Elite Giants jerseys looked particularly sharp……


Seriously, this might have been the best weekend for the Orioles since 1997. Melewski hasn’t bothered to put pants on yet.

4-Steve Stricker, Jeff Sluman and Suzann Pettersen

Golf happened. Tiger Woods was apparently not a factor. Or maybe he was. Who freaking cares? There was football on. Congratulations to Steve Stricker for doing SOMETHING.

(Editor’s note: Of course I at least Google Image Searched Suzann Pettersen to find out if she was hot. Problem is, I can’t really tell…..


…..attention LPGA: want me to pay attention to you? How about bikini Fridays on tour?)

5-Kasey Kahne

Speaking of things I can only pretend to give a crap about; Kasey Kahne won the NASCAR race this weekend in…..Atlanta, was it? Yeah, I guess. Anyhoo, there was actually important racing news this weekend, because apparently THIS is coming to NASCAR……


…..when something in auto racing NOT named Danica Patrick becomes interesting, I’ll follow that too.

6-Dave Krynzel, Brandon Erbe, Robbie Widlansky, Gary Helmick and Tyler Sexton

When informed that his first season with the Orioles organization had ended, I can neither confirm nor deny rumors that Norfolk Tides catcher Robby Hammock said “Oh thank God” Monday.

I can also neither confirm nor deny reports that after he was told there was a chance he might be called up to Baltimore Tuesday; Hammock said “Can’t you just tell them I’ve got a bad ankle or something?”

7-Clint Dempsey and Jozy Altidore

The goal? Loved it. The Stanky Leg?

Please Jozy!

8-Tyler Smith, Dominic Harper, and Joseph Blackwell

If you’re considering attending a high school football game-whether in Glen Burnie, Bel Air, Perryville, Catonsville, or wherever, please remember this one thing…..


9-Mark Teixeira, Derrek Lee, Billy Butler, Juan Uribe, Chris Carpenter, Ryan Zimmerman, Prince Fielder, Gavin Floyd, Jose Contreras, Scott Baker, Roy Halladay, Wade LeBlanc, Wandy Rodriguez, Jered Weaver, Bronson Arroyo, Seth Smith and Chris Young

Elsewhere in baseball this weekend, the Diamondbacks trotted out a new pitcher……


……who was just as awesome as you remember.

10-Nate Kaeding, Jacoby Jones and Ian Johnson

Elsewhere in the NFL, thank God these games start counting soon. This last week was absolutely BRUTAL.

Ian Johnson didn’t make the Vikings’ 53 man roster, he was instead named to Minnesota’s practice squad.

Do they KNOW who he is?????

11-Carmelo Anthony and Mario

Melo-way to do the right thing. Of course, your recent history includes more right things than it used to….



How freaking good is this guy? Baseball stinks, but this guy is AWESOME. In fact, he’s the 2nd greatest athlete to ever come from Japan. Only behind……


13-Bill Belichick

It’s borderline unfair. Richard Seymour deserves better. If he never shows up in Oakland, I won’t blame him. But the Patriots, they’re amazing. I hate them, but they’re amazing.



I didn’t get onboard for a long time; but damn I’m glad I did.

15-Smoked Turkey Legs, Zero Gravity Rides and the Birthing Center at the Maryland State Fair


As I stated on Facebook, my Friday was better than yours.

You got lucky…..

1-Jim Tressel and Bronco Mendenhall

“I see we’re up 15 and can make this a 3 possession game. Ehh, our quarterback who hasn’t accomplished a thing in his career yet wants to go for it, so let’s do that.”

Nice call, Jim.

Also, I have a friend who graduated from Oklahoma. I like to poke fun at her (which is kinda tough given the fact that the school I went to lost by 39 points this weekend), and called in backup last week. I asked Ravens WR Mark Clayton to help me mess with her. He said to me, “ask her what a Sooner is.” I said to Mark “okay, but what IS a Sooner?” Mark responded “just ask her.”

I asked her, “What’s a Sooner?” She responded “I can’t tell you that.”

So after a week of debate, I finally figured it out. A “Sooner” is a QB that would have been better off leaving for the NFL “Sooner” than later…….

2-Tila Tequila

If Shawne Merriman’s story is true, than Tila Tequila is lucky her friend tried to help her. If Tila Tequila’s story is true, than she’s lucky to be relevant.


3-Anyone who had a ticket to see the New Westminster Salmonbellies play the Brampton Excelsiors in Canada’s Mann Cup

Thanks, Deadspin. The game of lacrosse has apparently only come so far in Canada….

4-Matt Lawrence, David Hale, Kelly Talavou, Steve Hauschka, Prescott Burgess, Dannell Ellerbe, Antwan Barnes, Edgar Jones and Brandon McKinney

And a shout-out to Jamison Hensley of The Sun, who decided to make John Harbaugh’s first weekly press conference of the regular season a LITTLE bit more awkward. When Harbaugh asked the media how everyone’s weekend was, Hensley responded….

“Better than 22 other guys”

…..ouch. Also, I had been texting throughout the day Saturday with Derrick Martin before he received the word that he had been traded to the Packers. Knowing his Wyoming Cowboys were playing Weber State, I asked him if they had bothered to schedule any real teams this season.

He let me know they were facing Texas next week.

Sorry, Derrick. You’ll be missed here.

5-Byron Hout

Why didn’t Chris Petersen just come out and say “We’re not suspending Byron Hout because we want to win”?

I would have at least appreciated the honesty.

6-Fans of Women’s Pro Football

And I’m not talking about whatever it was that Anita Marks used to do. That would be unwatchable. I am of course speaking of the Lingerie Football League, which played it’s first ever regular season game Friday night. The winners were the Chicago Bliss….


…..and (of course) everyone else in the world everywhere.

7-Jerry Lewis and Bob Barker

I hate to say that someone is “lucky” to be alive, but that’s only because you’d be offended if I did. Otherwise, I’d just say it.

Here’s Bob “hosting” WWE’s Monday Night RAW (I thought he was great, by the way)

Jerry was back at it with the MDA Telethon this Labor Day weekend; and was just as great as always (Possibly NSFW. Not if you work at the Bingo Hall on Route 1 though……anything goes there.)

You’re a zero…..

ACC Football

Leave it to Feinstein. I’m glad you wrote what the rest of us were thinking. As Scott Van Pelt said on SportsCenter Monday night, the Atlantic Coast Conference “needed” the Miami-Florida State thriller after such an embarrassing weekend.

I needed an update on my favorite Florida State fan, the lovely Miss Jenn Sterger…..


Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…..