September 21, 2009 | Glenn Clark

As a reminder, we don’t include the Ravens in this. The Ravens get their own “Tuesday Top 7” every week, so we’ll worry about them then.

You deserve props:

1-Matt Schaub and Andre Johnson, Frank Gore, Michael Turner, Drew Brees and Marques Colston, and Kurt Warner

Elsewhere in the NFL Sunday, ummm…….Jeff Reed Sucks.



Ehh, it’s Week 2. Let me be excited. You guys always ruin everything for me.

2-Floyd Mayweather

Not that anyone was surprised. With no offense to you Juan Manuel Marquez, the fact that your trip to Las Vegas didn’t end THIS way should probably be enough to make you feel like the whole thing wasn’t a wash……

3-Jason Bay, JD Drew and Clay Buchholz

I swear to God you would have been hard pressed finding 5 people in the city of Baltimore who would have gone to see the Orioles play the Red Sox today, no matter circumstances. Thanks again to the fans of the city of Boston, who came in thousands to support our city. You guys are the worst human beings of all time, but we need your money. Since you don’t come back again this season, I hope you drown in your chowder.

(Editor’s note: Apparently I’m not supposed to say that. Or feel that way. WTF? Is this a blog or a damn Public Service Announcement?)

4-Michal Neuvirth


Did you know that Neuvirth (a Capitals goalie prospect) is from the Czech Republic? Did you also know that Megan Fox appeared in a recent issue of the Czech Republic’s version of “Esquire”? Crap, I lost you at Megan Fox, didn’t I? Okay…..


5-Vitor Belfort and Josh Koscheck

I will admit this. I didn’t watch UFC 103 Saturday night. Not because I’m not a manly dude, but because I was at a Dave Matthews Band concert. Oh, crap.

Anyway, here’s video of Brock Lesnar training for something. I don’t know what it is, but I’m gonna guess saving the world????

6-Kip Wells, David Price, Yovani Gallardo, Kevin Correia, Ian Snell, Ubaldo Jimenez, Ronnie Belliard, Matt Garza, CC Sabathia, Scott Kazmir, Brett Anderson, Brian Duensing, Luke Hochevar and John Buck

Elsewhere in baseball, Cubs OF Milton Bradley was suspended the rest of the season for “conduct detrimental to the team.”

Namely…..trying to win?

If that’s true, the O’s should probably just go ahead and not bother…..

7-Mark Martin and Scott Dixon

I would tell you more about NASCAR or IRL, but you and I both know we don’t give a crap about any of this. So I’m gonna stretch here. I was in the locker room at 1 Winning Drive one day last week, and Terrell Suggs had “Fast and Furious” playing in his locker. I’m not sure how or if that movie had anything to do with racing, but Jordana Brewster was in it, and I can now post a picture of her and forget that we were ever talking about racing…..


8-Jeremy Avery, Evan Royster, Ty Jones, Jahvid Best, Dane Sanzenbacher, Landry Jones, Russell Wilson and CJ Spiller

Elsewhere in College Football this weekend, the University of Minnesota (who never could figure out a way to slow down Jahvid Best), announced that they will be doing SOMETHING to curb excessive drinking by students who attend games. I’d tell you more about what they were doing, but I would have had to have read the entire AP story.

I do know that this almost HAS to be the first time in the history of the Associated Press that the words “get blirzed” had news worthiness. But what does “get blitzed” mean, anyway? Not something I’m familiar with……

9-The Czech Republic and Spain

I’m pretty sure no one in the world was watching the Davis Cup this weekend, but…..it happened? The Czechs and Spaniards will now meet in the final.

To celebrate, I Google Image searched “Spain Sexy.” We can all now celebrate appropriately.


10-Steve Sarkisian

Relax USC, you still have this……


11-30 Rock

Did I watch the Emmy’s? No, but I DVR’ed them so I could watch later why the hell would I watch that crap?

The point remains. If you don’t think Tina Fey is sexy/awesome, get bent Steve.


12-Sergio Kindle

Is Taylor Potts still alive?????

Somewhere right now, none of these people are amused…..

13-Female Sports Fans


I always wondered how Nestor Aparicio made it work with a life-long Red Sox fan. I always imagined that would be the breaking point for me. But I had a realization this weekend. I was watching Sunday Night Football with some friends, including one who is a lifelong Dallas Cowboys fan. This presented a unique scenario, as I have REGULARLY been the person who told everyone else to shut up while I was watching some sort of sporting event. But this time, I felt myself trying to have a conversation while my friend the Cowboys fan (who just so happens to be a LOVELY young lady) was wholeheartedly uninterested in ANYTHING I might have to say. And the only word I could use to explain it would be…….


Hey, I don’t give a half a crap about the Cowboys, but I couldn’t help but find such attention to football hot.

But maybe it’s just me.


You know Barry brought to the Glenn Clark compound Sunday afternoon? How do these delicious treats do you?


You might not think that a Ritz Cracker, McDonald’s pickle, aged cheddar cheese, and pepperoni sounds that good; but they went DELICIOUSLY with the 187 Blue Moons we downed until Ray Lewis made our day complete.

15-“Alligator Pie” by Dave Matthews Band

I hadn’t seen Dave Matthews Band in 5 years until Saturday night. Okay, maybe 2 years. Or maybe I saw them last summer. Or last week. Seriously, you guys ask too many freaking questions. Can’t you just let me live my damn life? I was gonna tell you so much funny stuff about Alligator Pie and the show Saturday night-but instead-get bent. I do so much for you people.

You got lucky:

1-Anyone who wants Glenn Clark to be wrong

I got exactly ONE of the 4 games I picked Friday right. To make that worse, I picked the Patriots. And the Steelers. And the Packers. And the Browns (I think). And the Eagles. And the Panthers. And the Chiefs-I think. And the Titans. Jesus.

But here was my face just seconds after I found out Maryland had fallen to Middle Tennessee State……


More on the location of the picture later.

2-Rex Ryan and Chad Ochocinco

Note to the Packers fans who gave the middle finger while Chad Ochocinco did his Lambeau Leap-I get that you were wholly embarrassed by the fact that the Bengals came to Green Bay and kicked your ass; but this is now the ONLY way you will be remembered in the future.

3-Anyone who has ever wanted to officiate a NBA game

I think they should go with her personally…..


4-Ryan Lochte

This guy was named Swimmer of the Year by USA Swimming.

Yeah, there’s probably no one else who was more deserving of that award at all……


5-Everyone who WASN’T affected by the floods in Dundalk


Thanks to The Sun for the picture. Props to everyone in Dundalk for avoiding violence and looting during this. For your suffering, you get the Poop Plant this year. Congratulations.

6-Washington Redskins fans

I didn’t realize Ray Bachman had switched allegiances…..


Your team beat the Rams 9-7. And what’s worse, FOX is forced to show the game in our market; meaning we missed whatever ACTUAL NFL games might have been being played at the same time.

7-Khloe Kardashian

It’s not that Khloe Kardashian is unattractive. She’s lovely, really.


But, do you think Lamar Odom was aware that she had a sister named Kourtney?


Or a sister named Kim?


I mean, they’re on TV……they have like 100 shows. The one used to date Reggie Bush. And Ray-J. Well, maybe she wasn’t dating Ray-J, but they seemed awfully comfortable together in this one movie I saw. Anyway, what was I talking about? Eh, who cares, there were boobs above.

You’re a zero……

East Philadelphia/South Jersey

Usually, I get behind a place that has a store like this…..


But if I want 12 beers, and don’t want to pay 30 bucks for them; I don’t want to have to go back to Delaware to do it. New Jersey is quite possibly the WORST place of all time; and the fact that I had to drive WEST off of 95 to get to the EAST part of town is easily the strangest thing I have ever experienced ever. Sell your beer at a liquor store. Charge 8 bucks for a 6 pack of something decent. Not the 15 they tried charging me at a diner.

And Camden, NJ-I’m not sure how they get people out of Merriweather Post Pavilion so easily, but I would suggest maybe you consider learning how to do the same thing. The 2 and a half hours I spent sitting outside the Susquehanna Bank Center were about as pleasant as the rest of your miserable state’s existence. I hope Maryland beats Rutgers by 80 next week.

(Editor’s note: I know they won’t.)