September 28, 2009 | Glenn Clark

A reminder, we save Ravens analysis for Tuesday morning. We call it the “Tuesday Top 7.”

You deserve props:

1-Jim Schwartz, Rex Ryan, Marvin Lewis, Jack Del Rio and Kirk Ferentz

Raise your hand if you are the only former Ravens assistant and current head coach who DIDN’T have a good weekend this weekend*


(*Mike Singletary lost, but it wasn’t that they had a BAD weekend…..Mike Smith……well, you get the point.)

Also, if ANYONE can find a picture of what Rex Ryan was wearing when he arrived at Giants Stadium today; I will give you a worthy prize. Not kidding. It was so amazing, I’m not sure I can express it in words. Rex Ryan looked like……me!

2-Anyone who actually watched an Orioles-Indians game this weekend


I swear to God, I have NOTHING more to say about this team. Literally, NOTHING. Someone asked me who pitched today and I guessed Scott Kamieniecki. I haven’t bothered to go check to make sure I was wrong.

3-Jimmie Johnson

The NASCAR guys were in Dover this weekend. Rumor has it the event was SLIGHTLY more interesting than what people do in Dover every other Sunday during the year……


Ehhh, I’m sure it was a good time. WNST took a bus up there. Which means there was a bus.

4-Ryan Williams, Ricky Dobbs, and LaMont Bryant

Elsewhere in College Football this weekend, at least Cal didn’t prove to be a fraud or anything, huh?

Taken from both Deadspin AND The Big Lead, there’s a funny sign in this photo. See if you can figure out which one it is…..


5-Mark Teixeira

If you had told me 12 months ago that Mark Teixeira would be clinching the AL East with the team he grew up rooting for; I would IMMEDIATELY declare you a liar. But sometimes miracles do happen…..



6-Jennie Finch

…..did something. It reportedly involved Jay Crawford from ESPN. As if any of us care. This is just an excuse to do this….


7-Fred Taylor, Kevin Kolb, Maurice Jones-Drew and Pierre Thomas

Elsewhere in the NFL this weekend, the Cardinals went back to being…..you know…..the Cardinals. But like I said once before, relax Arizona. You still have PLENTY going for you….


8-Tim Kennedy

A former Green Beret who now kicks ass as a MMA fighter for Strikeforce. Or as I like to call him, “The Most Kickassingest Human Being on the Face of the Planet.”

In other MMA news, Chuck Liddell is on Dancing With The Stars. Which means his week will look like this……


9-Mike Knuble

The Caps won a game Sunday and had some sort of major convention thingy on Saturday. Washington sports fans came out in droves, mostly because how the else would they spend their time?


Your awful city deserves everything it gets. Get bent Skins fans.

10-Gael Monfils

You ask me why I would include something about a tennis player that only I have heard of?

Here’s a picture of Andy Roddick…..


I have to stop. This last one even made me feel uncomfortable.

11-Jimmy Lange, Mark “TNT” Tucker and Vitali Klitschko

Congratulations to Eldersburg native Mark “TNT” Tucker, who won his first USBO belt Friday night in Westminster by beating some guy known as “The Steel Chin.”

Congratulations to Vitali Klitschko for making sure no one in the world would suddenly become interested in heavyweight boxing again. We’re all counting on you.


Won the Maryland Million. I’d have more to share about horse racing, but my Saturdays in the fall are dedicated to 3 things, and 3 things only.

1-College Football
3-The Endless Pursuit of Video of Megan Fox making out with Amanda Seyfried in Jennifer’s Body….

And yeah, my Saturday was perfect, thank you.

13-Peyton Manning and Justin Timberlake

Plus there was this one from a while back……

By the way, I’m not sure why the “I’m Sorry Dick Butkus” commercials aren’t available on YouTube, but they probably should be. Thanks.


Attention all artists worldwide not named “Maxwell”: That place you were clearing on your mantle for a Grammy Award this year? Go ahead and look into some other uses. For example, maybe you can see if anyone has the ball from that time you got 4 hits in a Little League Game. Just an idea.

15-Chili and Cornbread


Went to dinner with Luke Jones and Patrick Stevens (of Washington Times fame) following that disaster at Byrd Stadium Saturday night. My dinner looked like that combined with a few Samuel Adams Boston Oktoberfests. Suddenly I didn’t want to vomit quite as much……

You got lucky….

1-Brett Favre and Greg Lewis

That Favre guy should just retire. What an ass……

And also, this kicks ass Sears…..

2-The Guy(s) Who Hit Tim Tebow

Yeah, their names are Taylor Wyndham and Marcus Gilbert. I’m well aware. Who cares what their names are; this isn’t about them. Okay, technically it is. The point is that if Taylor Wyndham’s hit on America’s Quarterback (and his subsequent bounce off Marcus Gilbert’s leg) had caused anything more than a concussion; we would probably be forced to kick them out of college football, maybe America. Definitely America.

If I had been there, my reaction would have been similar to this husband/wife/mother/son/brother/sister combo…….


Also, from a friend…….I will pay someone $20 to photoshop Tim Tebow into a “National Treasure” movie poster.

3-Tiger Woods

He wins……EVEN WHEN HE LOSES?!?!?!?!?! WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Drew Forrester kept trying to get me to pat attention to whatever the hell the golf thing was that was going on Sunday. I told him I was about as interested in that as I was watching Ray Bachman run……

4-Anyone who managed to get tickets to see Bruce Springsteen at 1st Mariner Arena

No worry, you can always get tickets to one of the other amazing concerts coming up in Baltimore. You know, like this one….


5-Dom Natale

How…..in the hell…..can a guy who SHOULD have been flipping pizzas Saturday instead be spending his day beating Maryland despite completing all of FOUR passes. Hell, Chris Turner completed THREE passes to Scarlet Knights players himself!

How did I keep myself from heading DIRECTLY to the Bay Bridge? About a 5 minute walk around College Park….


6-Anyone who hasn’t seen the baby “Single Ladies” video

Crap. I guess I ruined that for you. Damn. Sorry. Well, while I’m here…..



What the hell would we have done without the internet?

7-Jenny Slate

Apparently Saturday Night Live reverted back to being lame for the season opener, which seems borderline impossible give Megan Fox as a host and U2 as a musical guest……but at least Jenny Slate will be remembered……

(Video NSFW. Unless of course you work for SNL. In which case, that was an effing terrible show.)

You’re a zero…..

Seattle Seahawks Uniforms


I swear to God, I take back everything I said earlier about the Titans wearing Oilers uniforms and the Jets wearing Titans uniforms and all that nonsense. When it comes to uniforms, all new things are terrible.

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…..