October 05, 2009 | Glenn Clark

You get props……

1-Melvin Mora

I can only imagine how the conversation went when Andy MacPhail told Melvin Mora they wouldn’t be exercising his option for 2010…..

AM: “Mel, I gotta be honest with you; given how we’re financially preparing for the future around here-I’m not sure you’re going to really fit into our plans.”
MM: “That’s too bad, Andy.”
AM: “But Mel, we want you to know how much you’ve meant to us; we’re sure this is really difficult for you.”
MM: “I get to go somewhere else, right Andy?”
AM: “Yes, but I know how much Baltimore has meant to you….”
MM: “I think I’ll be okay.”

In fairness, if you looked up “good soldier” at Dictionary.com, I believe there’s a picture of Melvin. Well, maybe not, but there CERTAINLY isn’t a picture of this guy……


When the hell did Bachman join the Army, anyway?

2-Alexander Semin

NHL season is underway for real, which means Flyers fans…..well……are right back to stabbing each other????

What the hell, Philadelphia?!?!?!

Why don’t you guys go back to what you do well?


Yeah, this is pretty much the only thing I can think of…..


3-Peyton Manning and Eli Manning

Why is it that for every AWESOME commercial Peyton Manning makes (I posted the Sony commercials last week)……

There’s another that just sucks……

4-Tony Stewart

It’s not that I’m not a fan of the man who won this weekend’s NASCAR race in……ummm…….Burlington? Canada? Jupiter?

It’s just that I find it more interesting to talk about Kimberly Stewart……


Is it weird that when I look at this picture, all I can think is “gee, that’s a weird belly button!”

5-Tyrod Taylor, Montel Harris, Riley Skinner, Demaryius Thomas and Mikell Simpson

Wanna know how to make ACC Football look better? Have ACC teams play OTHER ACC TEAMS!

Of course, that didn’t make North Carolina look better……but this does……


6-Matt Forte, Rashard Mendenhall and Ronnie Brown

And in honor of Ronnie Brown; let’s talk about Fins cheerleader Lilly Robbins….of course, by “talk about” I mean “check out sexy pictures of”……


(Editor’s note: For those of you who want to point out that The Big Lead did the same thing yesterday……you’re right. You see, I enjoy The Big Lead; but didn’t even notice it until after I had already posted this. Believe it or not, I’m not the only blogger in the world who hears “Miami Dolpins” and thinks “tits”.

7-Homer Bailey, Nelson Figueroa, JD Drew, Alex Rodriguez, Prince Fielder, Randy Wells, Victor Martinez, Wade LeBlanc, Jake Peavy, Eric Byrnes, and BJ Upton

And after 3 straight pictures of hot chicks, I feel like I should do something for the ladies since A-Rod hit a couple of homers the other night……


You know what, maybe that one was for us too…….

8-Mike Easton and Kris McCray

Not much from the world of fights this weekend. If you went down and checked out UWC at Patriot Center; you kick ass. If you didn’t, maybe you’ll enjoy this just as much……

9-Rodney Harrison

Did the officials cost the Ravens against the Patriots? No.
Is Tom Brady a bitch? Probably.

Thanks to Rich From Westminster for passing this one along, apparently he was able to find the NFL’s OFFICIAL definition of “roughing the passer”……..



Dude, if Common DIDN’T know Brady Quinn was in the crowd-this story isn’t quite as cool. But I’m gonna assume that Common DID know Brady Quinn was in the crowd; because in general-Common kicks ass……

AND……Brady Quinn deserves it, trust me……


11-The FBI

Yeah, way to go Federal Bureau of Investigation! We CANNOT have our nation’s sideline princesses be at risk of crazy stalkers filming them through hotel peepholes!!!!!


(Edit from GMC: Oh wait, they’re not reading this? WHAT THE HELL FBI?!?!?!? You arrested an American hero!)

12-Triple H & Shawn Michaels

They won a match at WWE’s “Hell in a Cell” Pay-Per-View. I believe they defeated Bruno Sammartino and Bill Goldberg. But I’m not certain. Anyway, I remember when these guys did this, which was really funny. (Editor’s note: Language NSFW. Unless you work at Wal-Mart. You can pretty much do anything you want there.)

13-Fenway Park dining


Look. Boston stinks. Their team is named after an article of clothing. Their mascot is a Wall. Everything about their existence is just awful. But after scarfing down a Lobster Roll Saturday night, I almost washed my face with the clam chowder. It was HISTORICALLY good.

14-Foo Fighters

To think-I just proclaimed Maxwell as the greatest song of 2009-3009, but we have another early challenger!!!!!!!


Did anyone go see this flick? It actually looks pretty good. Or at least better than “Whip It.” But “Julie and Julia” looked better than “Whip It.”

You think there will ever be another movie that comes out that you say “OH MY GOD I HAVE TO SEE THIS” when you see the trailer?

I mean, BESIDES this one……

You got lucky……

1-Ralph Friedgen and Ken Niumatalolo

Coach, I love you. But 4th and 1 from YOUR OWN 29?!?!?!? I thought Don Brown was this team’s new coordinator, not Norv Turner…….

In Annapolis, Navy needed overtime to get past Air Force. I tend to root for Navy because…..well……


2-Miguel Cabrera

Your team’s in a battle for the final playoff spot……and you’re out getting drunk and having your wife scratch your face up????

Nick Harper is unimpressed.

But if you think you’re the most disappointing athlete in Detroit Miggy; you owe these guys a BIG thank you for returning to form Sunday…..


3-Jim Zorn

Although the rest of us maybe weren’t as lucky……


I mean, do you think we would have missed any Washington fans??????

4-Jay Haas and Matt Kuchar

In an event that LITERALLY only Drew Forrester cared about, Jay Haas won the Champions Tour event at Baltimore Country Club.

Rumor has it Tom Watson thought he could have used a better caddy on Sunday…….

5-Rio de Janeiro

In the end, I think this was an easy decision.

Rio offered Adriana Lima………


Chicago offered Dennis Franz……


I mean, no offense NYPD Blue fans……

6-Rod Barajas


I swear to God that gal looks exactly like I remember this one 5th grade teacher from Chapel Hill Elementary School. And Rod Barajas looks like he’s pulling off a move that only EVERYONE I went to 5th grade with attempted to pull off at some point accidentally.

“Oh, Ms. Miller, I dropped something on the other side of the playground wal…….WOAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!……….”

I guess this joke isn’t quite as funny these days as it was back before teachers started sleeping with students. Of course, it’s still cool when female teachers sleep with their male students, right?

7-Everyone who hasn’t felt sick yet this Fall

Because-good lord-you’re going to need it. Walked outside in the morning recently? I’m pretty sure I’ve already beaten off 3 colds since October started, and definitely beaten off the flu at least twice. And if you’re heading to the WNST Neighborhood Tour with us anytime soon; please don’t be freaked out when I order a Jack and Airborne.

But no need to freak out about the change in weather or anything. Unless you’re the Baltimore Ravens……


You’re a zero…….

Glenn Clark: Fantasy Football Owner


I got Kurt Warner, Larry Fitzgerald, and Steve Breaston. They got me ONE win in the first three weeks. Then they had a bye. And Mark Sanchez did his best impression of Kyle Boller.

We’re 1-3 in the Glenn Clark compound. If Maryland hadn’t won this might’ve been it for me.

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…..