October 12, 2009 | Glenn Clark

You deserve props……

1-Mark Teixeira and Vladimir Guerrero


Well, we sure told him back in April, didn’t we???


Look-I’m not rooting for the Yankees like ol’ Drew Forrester is (he might as well be a communist)……but I couldn’t help but giggle when Tex crushed that homer Friday night. Seriously, does it get worse for us? Why don’t they just have Jeffrey Maier hit a game winner??????

And since they were my favorite baseball team last week in beating the Red Sox, The Angels will CERTAINLY be my favorite team this week when they face the Yanks. My choice for ALCS MVP? Danny Hemmerling…..

2-Ahmad Bradshaw, Adrian Peterson and Michael Turner

Boy, they all looked pretty good. Remember when the Ravens used to look pretty good?

Anyhoo, apparently Brett Favre turned 40. This man declared it “The Most Important Day in American History”…..


3-Ricky Dobbs, Peter Athens and Devan James

I’m not sure if you noticed; but all of the above players play for teams in the state of Maryland; yet NONE of them play for the team CALLED Maryland. That’s because Maryland DIDN’T PLAY this weekend.

Yep, nothing happened. Don’t try asking me about it, because there was no game.

I was excited about Towson’s big win over Rhode Island, and couldn’t wait to get home and read about it in their student newspaper, The Towerlight. But WAIT A SECOND WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!?!?!?


Next thing you know, some blogger on a sports site will start posting gratuitous pictures of hot chicks in their underwear. What the hell is this country coming to? Oh wait……


4-Benson Henderson

Congrats to Benson Henderson for his big win at the WEC event Saturday night. I hope he gets to face Jamie Varner in Phoenix now. That’s a great MMA market.

Meanwhile, Tito Ortiz is apparently going to face Forrest Griffin at UFC 106; now that Forrest has moved past that whole “running out of Philadelphia like a bitch” thing. This is great news, as now I can post a picture of Jenna Jameson and it can KINDA have relevance to something; even if not at all. We’re all winners here.


5-Jeremy Maclin, Austin Collie and Miles Austin

Jesus, how can the Titans have gone from “Le Awesome” to “Le Suck” so quickly? They didn’t even look like a football team Sunday night.

There hasn’t been such a freefall in Nashville since Garth Brooks had an idea……

6-Josh Nesbitt and Ryan Williams

From the world of “I guess somebody has to win the ACC”, Georgia Tech got a big win at Florida State while the whole world was waiting for Bobby Bowden to resign, and Virginia Tech treated Boston College like Boston University in a thrashing in Blacksburg.

A reminder to get your spot on our bus trip to College Park for Maryland-Virginia next week. Sure, “Mr. October” Al Groh has his team playing well and “Mr. Medifast” Ralph Friedgen didn’t have the best of weekends, but maybe we’ll see this on the trip…


7-Tiger Woods

Look, I didn’t give HALF a crap about golf this weekend, but I can ALWAYS get behind America winning things. For example, if we don’t turn things around and start winning THIS particular championship in the future, there will be hell to pay….

8-Kurt Warner, Matt Hasselbeck, Ben Roethlisberger and Kyle Orton

You think Josh McDaniels was excited??? It probably had EVERYTHING to do with the fact that he realized he would NEVER have to see his Broncos wear these uniforms again….


9-Jimmie Johnson and Dario Franchitti

Congratulations to Dario Franchitti for winning this year’s IndyCar title. His prize? Ummmm…..winner gets to put extra vowels in their last name????

10-Alphonce Yatich and Iulia Arkhipova

I was actually going to run in this year’s Baltimore Running Festival. Unfortunately, I don’t believe I would have made it past Harborque……


11-Carmelo Anthony and Stephen Curry

Does anyone else actually think playing a game at Indian Wells is kinda cool?


And I’m not sure how things are going to work at the NBA level, but I can only hope leaving Davidson doesn’t mean we’ll see less of Stephen Curry’s mom…….


12-Gina Carano

If you never win another fight, trust me when I say that you’ve still accomplished plenty here on Earth…..


13-Novak Djokkovic and Jo-Wilfried Tsonga

Eh, what the hell? Here’s Serena Williams’ ESPN The Body Issue cover since we’re talking about tennis*

(*We were KINDA talking about tennis….)


14-Saturday Night Live

Borderline funny AGAIN. This is getting dangerous, NBC. Plus, I’m totally coming around on The Office. Can this network do anything better?

Oh, RIGHT!!!!!!

15-Bud Light Golden Wheat


If I have to stomach through one of the worst football games of all time AND ESPN360, I’m going to drink in the process. In fact, I’m going to drink so heavily that I think Wake Forest is actually playing for both teams; and Tim Duncan is having a hell of a game. But why does Dave Odom keep insist on letting Josh Howard punt? Dude, I love you. I know this is a crappy night and the Terps look like snowmobiles, but I’m glad you’re here. Let’s order a pizza, the other one disappeared……I ate it? You’re FUNNY! 

You got lucky……

1-Tim Howard

Remember what I was saying about America kicking ass? It’s much easier to kick ass when your opponent is bailing you out as if you were a Detroit automaker. Tim Howard’s reaction after this ball sails over the goal is priceless…

I know this look. This is the EXACT same look I had when I was 13, had my parents come into my room to yell at me for something else; and realized that hadn’t even noticed the Playboy I accidentally left at the end of my bed.


2-Golf and Rugby

You know what else should be an Olympic sport? That’s right…..

3-Owen Schmitt

That West Virginia education is sure looking good, huh?



I laugh, but the Mountaineers would kick the Terps’ ass right now, so I don’t really have anything else to say.

4-Anyone who got the chance to talk to Albert Pujols or Ray Lewis this weekend

Even with the superstars in town yesterday, no one could track down ol’ 52 after the game. That’s right, not my gal Rachel Nichols (who made trying to get work done REALLY difficult),


and not even Hall of Famer John Clayton…..


(Editor’s note: Say what you want about Sean Salisbury, but he was DEAD ON with that one….get it……DEAD on……you people suck.)

And since we’re talking about ESPN; what the hell was Christine Taylor doing on the “Mayne Event” with Kenny Mayne yesterday morning?


I mean, BESIDES making me drool…….Christine Taylor on the TV and Rachel Nichols a row down from me made me trying to do any work in the M&T Bank Stadium Press Box about as likely as Dave Trembley winning the 2009 Manager of the Year Award.

5-Randy Hanson


In the red corner, Tom Cable……….


And in the blue corner, Kimbo Slice………


This is worth paying money for. Unlike everything else my man Kimbo has done since he got off YouTube….

6-Tomas Holmstrom

Did the Red Wings get lucky to score a Power Play goal Saturday night against the Capitals? How the eff would I know? There was college football on TV! NO CHANCE I would watch a NHL game.

Was Wings Center Henrik Zetterberg (or any other man) lucky to bag Emma Andersson? Umm, yes.


7-The Prankster Friend of Mine who Got Me GOOD Friday Night

This was EPIC.

I’m not sure how closely you follow the WNST staff on Facebook; but we have a bit of a game we like to play with each other. If one of us leaves our Facebook page up on a computer and walks away, we like to change the status to say something really mature like “I love my boyfriend.”

Yeah, we’re a classy group.

Well, such mature games carry over to other groups of my friends, which leads me to what happened to me Friday night.

I was with a buddy of mine (who happens to be from New Jersey), and we were watching the Yankees-Twins game. I was also talking to a friend of mine (who happens to be a VERY attractive gal), who I was planning on meeting up with later at a house party.

I hung up the phone, set it down, and went to the bathroom before leaving my friend (we’ll call him “Anthony” from now on)’s company for the company of the very pretty gal (we’ll call her “Michelle” from now on) and other friends.

When I came back, I had a text from “Michelle” saying “Was that intentional?”

To which I responded “What the eff?” in my head, but then decided I should probably figure out what was going on.


You see, “Anthony”-who has been the victim of a number of my incredibly mature Facebook and Twitter pranks-he had gotten me back.

He went through my phone, found a picture of a gal in a state of undress, and texted it to the most recent phone number I had dialed, thinking it was my girlfriend.

Problem is, the recipient was NOT my girlfriend. But the picture….was.

Therefore, “Michelle”-who is a FRIEND of mine and a beautiful girl; now had a picture of “The Luckiest Dang Gal on the Face of the Planet”‘s boobs.

Anthony’s explanation?

“I was hoping to send a picture of your junk; but you didn’t have any in your phone.”

Sorry to let you down?

And “Anthony”, I owe you one. Probably something like this…..

You’re a zero……

Everyone in the country who was forced to watch the Browns play the Bills or the Panthers play the Redskins

I would have rather watched anything. Literally, anything. Christ, I would have rather watched this…..

Which got about a 3% on RottenTomatoes.com by the way. And is still 3% more than “Semi-Pro.”

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983……