October 26, 2009 | Glenn Clark

You deserve props……

1-Peyton Manning, Tony Romo and Tom Brady

It was a hell of a weekend to be a quarterback. Unless of course you were Hall of Fame QB Bob Griese, who thought that his assignment as color analyst for the Ohio State-Minnesota game Saturday would be an appropriate time to make a racist joke at the expense of driver Juan Pablo Montoya……

…..but since we’re talking about tacos, anybody want to share their thoughts on this spicy number???


2-James Padgett

There hasn’t been this much anticipation for something in College Park since they introduced Thirsty Thursdays at Cornerstone-or since Busta Rhymes hit Santa Fe Cafe. Both were big nights.

I’m not trying to over-hype James Padgett’s arrival as some sort of interior salvation for Gary Williams, but the big man play over the last couple years has made me really wonder if this guy might have some eligibility left…..


(Edit from GMC: You don’t have to remind me that Buck Williams is 50 years old. The Terrapins started Dave Neal at center last year. Dave Neal made Mike Mardesich LOOK LIKE Buck Williams.)

3-Tavon Austin, Anthony Allen, Kyle Parker, Vince Murray, Graham Zug, Allen Bradford, Jordan Shipley and Golden Tate

In other College Football news, I noticed that Alabama needed a miracle to survive a 12-10 win over (3-4) Tennessee at HOME. At the same time, Texas absolutely pasted (4-3) Missouri by 34 points on the ROAD. So why wouldn’t the Crimson Tide still be #2 in the newest BCS rankings????

I know he needed work, but was it really the right idea to name this guy BCS President?


4-Ryan Grant, Cedric Benson, Beanie Wells and Shonn Greene

Did Arizona REALLY go to New York and beat the Giants? REALLY? They know they’re Arizona, don’t they?

Congratulations to the Bengals on a huge win over the Bears Sunday as well. That being said, I’m not certain I trust getting my news from this man……


5-Andy Pettitte

Pettitte pitched the Yankees past the Angels and back to the World Series. In a related story, “F*ck the Yankees.”

(Editor’s note: What? F*ck the Yankees.)

6-Denny Hamlin and Jimmie Johnson

Apparently Hamlin won this weekend’s NASCAR Race 500; but Jimmie Johnson is somehow better for it. Do I understand? Of course not. Do I need to? Not at all. There’s a lot of confusing stuff going on in the world. For example, anyone know why Michael Beasley (who had to go to rehab over the summer) was hanging out on a boat with alcohol???


He looks tired. He was probably trying to watch “The Chase for the Cup.” It’ll do that to you.

7-Owen Daniels, Vincent Jackson and Jeremy Shockey

Word is the Saints-Dolphins game yesterday was a hell of a football game. I say “word is” because I actually didn’t spend as much time watching NFL football as I thought I might this weekend. Not because I had a lot of cool plans or hot dates, but more because I heard Shayne Lamas had a new show on E!……..


8-Brooks Laich

Rumor has it the Capitals got an overtime win over the Islanders Saturday night. It’s a rumor because I just don’t care much what the Caps do. Sorry. No matter how much this girl thinks I should……


Oh crap. Is there a chance I could root for a team’s dancers without rooting for the team?

Also, did the Atlanta Thrashers REALLY allow Jeff Schultz to score THIS goal last week? How embarrassing…..

9-Peja Stojakovich

When I saw Peja’s name on the front page of Deadspin Sunday, I honest to God couldn’t remember which team he played for. The Kings? No, he hasn’t been there for awhile. The Magic? No, that’s Hedo Turkoglu. Apparently it’s the Hornets, but that’s really not the point here. The point is, this is allegedly what Peja was doing on Friday night……


Whereas THIS is what I was doing Friday night……


10-LaMarr Woodley and Jairus Byrd

When I had heard that Minnesota was facing Pittsburgh, I had just naturally assumed it was in a “who has bigger women?” contest.

And with no offense to those representing the Vikings……


I think the Steelers still take this one…….


(Edit from GMC: I get it. You’ve seen the picture before. But I can only work with what I have. I can’t force you to go out and take more pictures of ugly female Steelers fans. But trust me, they’re out there.)

11-Vineyard Haven

I’d love to tell you about what happened at Laurel Park Saturday, but I’d much RATHER tell you about Lorel-AI Gilmore…….


And save me the “Dude, you watched the Gilmore Girls?” crap. Of COURSE I watched the Gilmore Girls. We ALL watched the Gilmore Girls. Just hoping…..

12-John Rallo and Binky Jones

Was Saturday night’s Shogun Fights event perfect? Far from it. But was it cool to have Mixed Martial Arts in Baltimore, with some mega-celebrities (like Rickey Henderson) sitting ringside to watch? Very cool. That being said, if Rallo REALLY wants to impress me, he’ll get this guy to step inside the circled circle with him next time……


13-Corn Mazes

I visited one of these establishments Sunday-it was allegedly in Shrewsbury, PA. I say “allegedly” because I’m pretty certain it was actually in “Nowheresville, PA.” I don’t think I helped my group get around the maze much, but I did a HELL of a job of telling maze jokes, drinking apple cider, and sneaking peaks at the mother’s of small children who were enjoying their time in the maze.

For the record, if every maze looked like this, I’d go daily……


14-Maxwell and Common

If you aren’t listening to Maxwell, I don’t know what to say to you. He’s in a dogfight with Kings of Leon and Jay-Z for “Artist of the Year” in this guy’s mind, but an easy choice right now for a lot of honors, like “Artist Most Likely to Help You Get Laid.” Suggest you start with “Help Somebody” in your discovery……

And Common was INSANE doing “Testify” at 1st Mariner Arena Friday night. Wow. There’s no video, but here’s the song if you aren’t familiar. You should be…..

15-Lindeman’s Framboise and Pumpkin Cheesecake


Spare me your comments about how I drink fruity beer, or about how it’s a bit girly for me to geek out about a dessert I had. My dinner was better than yours Saturday night. Deal with it.

You got lucky…..

1-Anyone who roots for a College Football team OTHER THAN Maryland

Maryland was PATHETIC in their loss to Duke down in Durham Saturday. Just pathetic. It was PAINFUL to watch. At this point, I’m reasonably certain THIS team could beat the Terps…….


Speaking of which-remember “Icebox” from the Little Giants? Her name is Shawna Waldron, and she has aged nicely…….


Back to college football for a second because I think we’re done with it after this-you know who else got lucky this weekend? Ricky Stanzi and Iowa……

2-Mark McGwire and Manny Acta

The Indians hired MANNY FREAKING ACTA? Was Dave Trembley not available???

(Editor’s note: For a second, I had almost totally forgot that the Orioles had actually brought Trembley back. Not kidding.)

And hey look, Mark McGwire is coming back to be the hitting coach for the Cardinals. Which I think is a GREAT idea. Yep. And I also think the Charm City’s own Mario should consider hiring one of these guys as a vocal coach……

(Edit from GMC: I know half of Milli Vanilli is no longer with us. I’m doing shtick here, people.)

3-Lyoto Machida and Cain Velasquez

I actually didn’t watch UFC 104 Saturday night. I had a long day (that involved a nice trip to Home Depot and Bed, Bath and Beyond) and decided to fall asleep watching Arizona State/Stanford on Comcast SportsNet. That being said, the word is that Shogun Rua should have actually beat Machida, and Velasquez WOULD HAVE beat Ben Rothwell, but got a stoppage at a strange point.

The more important thing here is that while I was watching the Sun Devils get trounced by the Cardinal, knowing that an ASU alum in Velasquez was fighting on Pay-Per-View; I started to wonder what Tempe must look like this time of year……


4-Ryan Rosenbaum

This will be the first (and only) time I ever mention SMU Soccer in a 15-7-0. But WOW this shot against Tulsa was something……

However, Brazil’s Falcao isn’t impressed…..

Neither is Shane Falco, for the record.


5-Jim Zorn

Congratulations Redskins fans! Couldn’t happen to a better group of people…..


6-Gymnasts NOT named Jessica Gil Ortiz

But I prefer gymnasts who are NAMED Jessica Gil Ortiz……

7-Anyone who already has their Halloween Costume Figured Out

So, “The Luckiest Dang Gal on the Face of the Planet” and I thought maybe we’d do a couples costume this year. I usually think those types of things are stupid, but this year I figured she’s done a nice job of waiting on my every need and making sure she’s quiet when men are talking, so I thought I’d throw her a bone. At first, we thought we’d be this lovely couple……


But my hair is much too nice for that type of thing. Then, we considered this couple for their connection to Baltimore…..


But we weren’t certain anyone would get the reference. One of our friends suggested this famous couple……


But I’m just not sure TLDGOTFOTP has a suit that looks like Garceau’s. We finally settled on a popular movie couple from Summer ’09. I’d be Captain Kirk……


And she’d be his friend…….


Alas, in our first test run, the green didn’t come out for weeks. So we’ve got nothing. Ideas?

You’re a zero…….


Breaking news: People have sex. More breaking news: People have sex with people OTHER THAN the people they are supposed to be having sex with. It happens. If a girl goes psycho, you shouldn’t be fired over it.

And it’s easy to sit here and say “I wouldn’t have sex with MY office assistant”, but your office assistant isn’t a hot piece of ass like Brooke Hundley is……


Intern Super Jack is more attractive.

(Editor’s note: You’re probably thinking…..”Glenn, you just ruined a relevant sports opinion by objectifying a woman based on her physical attractiveness.” And you know what, I’m going to do it again. This gal’s name is Stacy Keibler, and she used to be an intern at WNST. Any one of us would have been willing to risk being fired by Coach Billick……)


Flexing my mic muscles since 1983….