November 02, 2009 | Glenn Clark

Ravens on Tuesday. Tuesday Top 7 we call it. In the meantime, here’s the rest of the world.

You deserve props……

1-Tony Romo, Donovan McNabb, and Brett Favre

I guess there was some sort of football game in Green Bay Sunday that everyone was freaking out about. Which is likely the first time anyone in Green Bay freaked out about anything besides this…….


Speaking of which, how freaking AWESOME is cheese?

2-Andy Pettitte and Alex Rodriguez

I’d like to take this time to offer some serious World Series analysis, as this is of course the final team I will be referencing Major League Baseball in the 15-7-0 until the Spring.


F**k the Yankees.

No seriousy, F**k the Yankees.

That is all.

3-Greivis Vasquez

After the Maryland basketball scrimmage Saturday, Greivis Vasquez was asked if he had seen anyone around campus dressed as him; which he laughed off. Sean Mosley was asked if he would be going around as Greivis for Halloween, to which he answered “no, but I AM going as my favorite Venezuelan….”


(Edit from GMC: You know, Sean IS from Baltimore. I guess it’s possible…….)

(Edit from GMC Part 2: Why is it that when I ran a Google image search for Nasty, the first picture I found was Jim Palmer in his underwear?)


4-Ryan Moats, Steven Jackson, and Chris Johnson

The Rams and Titans are winners! The Rams and Titans are winners!

Which I guess only leaves the Buccaneers to claim this honor…..


5-Gilbert Arenas and Andray Blatche

They helped the Wizards beat the Nets Saturday night at Verizon Center. I know because I looked it up on the internet. Certainly not because I give a crap.

That sounded much meaner than it should have. I’m interested in the ‘Zards. I mean, not really interested in the team; but I’m sure they have hot dancing girls, right?


They seem nice, too.

6-Clay Zavada

Clay Zavada won an award for his moustache…….


On the very same weekend that I dressed up as one of America’s favorite moustachioed characters, Lt. Jim Dangle…..


Hmmmm……guess that wasn’t really a great picture of the moustache, was it? And it might have been NSFW. Anyway, there’s a picture of my ass if you were wondering…….

7-Reggie Wayne, Ted Ginn Jr., and Vincent Jackson

It was a good weekend to be a wide receiver. Unless of course you’re THIS wide receiver…….


In which case, you’ve really got to be wondering if maybe the UFL would have been a better option…..

8-Jeremiah Masoli, Curtis Brown, and Tim Tebow

Since when are you not supposed to call Georgia-Florida “The World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party”? I guess maybe they preferred “World’s Largest Outdoor Stare at Hot Chicks Party”?


9-Ross Fisher, Ian Poulter, John Cook and Loren Roberts

Of course, Drew Forrester was the only person who even knew there was golf being played this weekend, but congratulations to all of the guys above; who I guess all won something.

That being said-with no offense to the sport of golf, how in the hell do I take you seriously when you cancel AN ENTIRE PGA TOUR EVENT?!?!?!? Could you do anything more to say your sport is irrelevant?

“Hey, we’ve got an event this weekend, but there’s rain in the forecast.”
“Eh, just cancel it.”
“Cancel it? A lot of people made a lot of plans based around the event….”
“Steve, it’s the Viking Classic. Who gives a crap?”
“Eh, true.”

10-Charles Tillman and Julius Peppers

As always, when it comes to the Arizona Cardinals-whatever you think they’re going to do, pick the EXACT OPPOSITE. Think they’re going to be exposed coming east to play the Giants? Pick them to win. Think they’re going to beat up on the Panthers in Phoenix? Pick against them.

And as always, relax Arizona-you have plenty of other things going for you….


11-Jamie McMurray and Sebastian Vettel

Congratulations to Jamie McMurray for winning this weekend’s NASCAR Race 500; and to Sebastian Vettel for winning this weekend’s Formula One Grand Prix of Formula One.

I could tell you more about racing, or we can watch one of my favorite scenes of Will Ferrell as Ricky Bobby in Talladega Nights. I thought you’d concur.

12-Jenn Brown

Am I the only person in America who didn’t know about our new sideline princess????


Who had a neat Halloween costume………………


13-Jamal Lewis

You mean to tell me that playing in Cleveland has ripped the passion right out of Jamal Lewis??? Stunning! I mean, Cleveland is such a nice place!


14-Michael Jackson

I’m not sure if you’ve heard of the guy, but he’s pretty accomplished. However, when it comes to Halloween songs, I actually prefer this…..

To this…..

And CERTAINLY to this, which WLIF played on the hour EVERY FREAKING HOUR Saturday…..

15-White Chicken Chili and Clipper City Marzhon


And my dinner was DELICIOUS Friday night, thanks for asking.

You got lucky…….

1-Tom Cable

I wasn’t sure it was a good thing when the Raiders coach got a vote of confidence from this man over the weekend………..


2-War Machine and Kimbo Slice

Look, I enjoy the Kimbo Slice phenomenon as much as anyone. I actually REALLY think he’s good for Mixed Martial Arts. However, Houston Alexander was the man that did THIS to Keith Jardine……

And from the “Most awesome MMA story I have ever heard” category, popular fighter Jon “War Machine” Koppenhaver has ventured into another business……the adult film business. He plans to both fight…..and screw. If he started reading the news, he’d be as good as Christina Applegate in “Anchorman.”

War Machine’s first co-star is a lovely gal named Riley Steele. Who I imagine is quite the conversationalist…..


3-New York Islanders and Columbus Blue Jackets

The Capitals played 2 games this weekend; and lost both in overtime. I don’t know this because I was watching, I know this because Ed Frankovic kept me updated via Twitter!

Apparently the the Caps played most of Sunday’s game without Alexander Ovechkin. Which is sorta like WNST broadcasting without “The Most Electrifying Man in Sports Radio Entertainment Today…..”


(Edit from GMC: Boy, a lot of me in the 15-7-0 this week. Which only means an immediate ratings spike……)

4-Serena Williams

Serena wasn’t lucky to beat Venus in whatever the weekend’s tennis tournament was; she’s lucky to be one of the sexiest women on the face of the planet.


(Edit from GMC: This is not a bit. I’m ALL IN.)

5-Bats who survived their weekend trip to San Antonio

Remarkable, considering Manu Ginobli was in pursuit…..

6-Anyone who has seen Layla Kiffin in a swimsuit

When the rumor leaked that Layla Kiffin was going to pose for SI’s swimsuit issue; it took me about 20 minutes to start breathing again. When the University of Tennessee denied it, it took me about 20 minutes to stop crying.

Mrs. Kiffin-may I PLEASE suggest you do this. I believe this would re-define the term “recruiting tool”…………


7-Anyone whose apartment WASN’T flooded this weekend, ruining their plans to decorate for Christmas

Not that I know anyone who had this exact scenario play out over the weekend or anything. Oh wait……I do.

Couldn’t have been more awesome to come home Saturday night to find all of my carpet ripped up and my furniture piled in the corner of each room…..


Ugh. This of course means that I’m staying with “The Luckiest Dang Gal on the Face of the Planet” for a few days. I’m kinda afraid she’s gonna get the wrong idea. Like that I put the toilet seat back down after going to the bathroom. Of course I don’t.

You’re a zero………

J.J. Redick

Rap album, huh? This is your guy, Duke fans.

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983……..