15-7-0

November 16, 2009 | Glenn Clark

You get props……

1-Kurt Warner, Aaron Rodgers, and Brett Favre

I’d like to be any of these people. Or Tim Tebow. More Tim Tebow, but apparently the role is already filled.

Speaking of Tim Tebow (and any time a quarterback’s name is brought up, we ARE speaking about Tim Tebow); I’m not sure when they do the voting for TIME Magazine’s Man of the Year; but I’m reasonably certain there are only 3 viable candidates….

-Jay-Z
-Tim Tebow
-Sergio from the drive-thru at the Chick-Fil-A in Owings Mills

And while you’re thinking I’m leaning towards Sergio; I’m not. There’s only one answer to this riddle…..

tebow

2-Landon Milbourne, Reggie Holmes, Calvin Lee, Kareem Brown and Brett Harvey

After 2 solid road wins (Albany and UMBC), rumor has it Todd Bozeman has decided to up his wardrobe a bit. Here’s what he’s planning on wearing Thursday night against East Tennessee State…..

pjs

You know what, that WOULD be an upgrade!

(Editor’s note: How funny is it that I make fun of how Todd Bozeman dresses considering the fact that I went to church this week wearing a Blast jersey and warm-up pants!)

3-Manny Pacquiao and Randy Couture

After dismantling Miguel Cotto, rumor has it the Pac-Man will face Floyd Mayweather next, and the rumor is the fight could happen at Yankee Stadium. Which was previously only home to people who abuse steroids and have purple lips……

arod

(Editor’s note: This is a good place for me to remind you this. F*ck the Yankees.)

4-Jonathan Stewart, Ricky Williams, Maurice Jones-Drew, Jamaal Charles, LaDainian Tomlinson and Chris Johnson

It was a great weekend for Running Backs. Except Running Backs who play for Maryland. For them it was a great weekend to say “AAAAAHHHH!!!!!!”

Meanwhile, what the hell was Bud Adams thinking when he starting flipping everyone off at the Titans-Bills game yesterday?

Maybe he was trying to do his best Stone Cold Steve Austin impression???

stonecold

5-Jimmie Johnson

Won the NASCAR Race 500 Sunday in Phoenix. Although reportedly the fans in the Valley of the Sun would have preferred seeing Jeff Gordon win.

Relax Arizona, you still have plenty of things going for you…..

asugirl

6-Tobias Harris

Even if Tobias Harris ends up committing to come to College Park; I still think I’m going to end up preferring Tobias Funke…..

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lDSqcCPRsW0[/youtube]

7-Bernard Scott, Hunter Smith and Courtney Roby

So I’m confused…..do the Redskins NOT suck now? And as far as the Broncos are concerned-I know they started the season 6-0 and all; but if a team lines up for a 53 yard field goal, calls timeout, and THEN puts a pass-catching tight end on the field; do you REALLY not know that they are going to run a fake???

And while I am NOT happy to see the Bengals winning, anything that makes these people suffer is okay by me….

steelers

8-Jonathan Dwyer, Ryan Williams, Jim Harbaugh and Ricky Dobbs

As much as it bothers me that the Terps stink, I guess if I have to put up with thousands of opposing fans coming to Byrd Stadium, there could be worse groups than Virginia Tech…..

9-Tiger Woods, Michelle Wie and Stephen Ames

One of these names doesn’t belong…….

…..That’s right Michelle Wie, get out!

I’m kidding, this is golf! Michelle Wie should be MUCH more proud of her accomplishments than either of those other two. You’re men! Hit someone!

By the way-Michelle Wie IS old enough for me to stare at by now, right?

wie

If not, please insert your own “JAILBAIT” sign underneath this picture and continue…..

10-Zach Waller, Jake Gibson and Nathan Ayers

I want to sit here and tell you about how Dunbar and company won their High School Football playoff games this weekend, but I’m just not able to follow anymore. And since the “Jailbait” bit is a “Top 10 Baseball Distractions” staple, I might have to dig deep here.

A quick note here, because I have NO IDEA where else to put this in. I have a friend who attended Oklahoma-and she was lamenting to me that she had to look ALL THE WAY to the 2nd page to find out what time the Sooners played Saturday because they’re no longer ranked in the AP poll. I asked her if she was able to find the Maryland-Virginia Tech internet listing somewhere on page 357.

Hmmm…..what else do I have to throw in here? Ashley Tisdale from High School Musical seems lovely…..

ashley

Okay, that’s about all I got. And again, Congratulations to all of the High School football winners. Rich from Westminster will want me to point out that Linganore won again. Now I have. Which means I can get on with something else. Like Jenga!

11-Semyon Varlamov

This is worth pointing out-what with Star Wars in Concert coming to 1st Mariner Arena this week and all. “Varl” is apparently the home world to the Hutts-according to “Wookiepedia.” Not kidding.

And this Star Wars note is also a PERFECT excuse for me to include a picture of a gal in a Princess Leia costume. Yay! This blog just keeps getting better!

leia

12-Brandon Jennings and Carmelo Anthony

Carmelo Anthony said the Nuggets’ win over the Lakers was a very big deal. Similarly, Lakers forward Lamar Odom commented that his sister-in-law has a very big ass…..

kimk

13-Eddie Gamboa

The Orioles prospect got his first save in Arizona Fall League play. He was upset to hear that the save alone will not earn him free agency.

And when it comes to Eddies, I’ll always prefer this one……

eddie

14-Parks and Recreation

It airs Thursdays. I usually watch TV shows a day later thanks to Comcast DVR or Hulu. Therefore, it happened over the weekend. Bite me.

Anyway, I’ve totally come around. This show is hilarious. Almost as funny as 30 Rock, certainly funnier than The Office. Maybe not as captivating as “The Hills”, but what can be?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9yknG2cRW_c[/youtube]

Great freaking show.

15-Orange Chicken

orange

Chinese places that don’t serve it aren’t worth a lick. I sometimes don’t know whether to eat it or whether to bathe in it. Wow.

You got lucky…..

1-Peter Angelos

Cuba, huh? Where do I even begin?

-When reached for comment, Fidel Castro responded “Baltimore? BALTIMORE? Isn’t Kansas City available? Maybe Pawtucket?”

-In fairness, maybe Mr. A should be a little less concerned about getting people in Havana to watch the O’s, and a little more concerned about getting people who go to Little Havana to watch the O’s.

-When hearing that Angelos might be coming to their country, the fine people of Cuba decided unanimously that Fidel maybe wasn’t such a bad guy after all.

More?

-The trip might not be the greatest idea of all time. We’ve heard rumors that Nick Markakis and Matt Wieters are considering a defection to the oppressed nation.

-Castro pointed out that he was confident in his country’s chances to beat the Birds, mostly because no one who pitches for Baltimore would be good enough to make his team.

Okay, I think I’ve made my point. Norm MacDonald is up next.

2-Matt Tyrie

And what is Loyola rewarded for their troubles of winning the MAAC and advancing to the NCAA Tournament? Only the defending NCAA Champions……

terps

And with no offense to Mark Mettrick, Jimmy Patsos, Charley Toomey, Shane Koppens, or Chris Bonetti……

Suck it Greyhounds! Let’s go Maryland!

3-LeBron James

Literally the only good thing happening in Cleveland at all. Trust me, I’m there.

Seriously…..THIS was the representation of Cleveland that made it to ABC…..

mimi

4-Peyton Manning

Bill Belichick made the WORST DECISION IN THE HISTORY OF FOOTBALL. I’m not kidding. And I would know a thing or two about bad decisions. For example, THIS was my date to junior prom……

prom

I’m not really sure either…..

5-All swimmers not named Michael Phelps

Easy to beat a guy when he’s not really trying, huh? Phelps was basically playing THIS role in Stockholm and Berlin last week….

brawler

6-EJ Henderson

[vimeo]http://vimeo.com/5795409[/vimeo]

Nice little wedding you had there, EJ. I know you’ve become a star up in Minnesota and everything; but I’m a little surprised you didn’t give your old pal Glenn Clark an invite. Sure, you’ve become a playmaker on one of the best defenses in the NFL; but I’m not sure if you heard this-I’ve become “The Most Electrifying Man in Sports Radio Entertainment Today.” Which-I’m pretty sure-is just as awesome. Plus, I could’ve totally gotten you a Jack LaLanne juicer as a gift. If you already had one, you could just give it back to me!

7-Bruce Springsteen

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EW-x2kUSX00[/youtube]

In fairness-if I had to choose between being in Cleveland or being in Detroit; I might pick Indianapolis. Ugh.

You’re a zero……

The Towing Industry

I parked legally at Town Hall Lounge Friday night in College Park after the Terps throttled Charleston Southern. Somehow, it ended up costing me $150 to take my car home that night. I wasn’t drinking.

So to PME Towing…..get bent. You’re terrible people. I call back Bud Adams to pass along my feelings…..

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FTxHuUGG_2c[/youtube]

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…..

-G

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