The 15-7-0 Is Feeling Rather Presidential This Week

November 28, 2011 | Glenn Clark

7 Not So Positive Observations…

1. Remember how none of us wanted to see a LSUAlabama rematch for the BCS Championship? Well you got it!

Hey Arkansas coach Bobby Petrino! Point in the direction of the team that will be playing for the national title!

Holy hell Petrino is such a clown.

Staying in the center of the universe SEC West, the aforementioned Trent Richardson did something nifty to help the Crimson Tide gain a measure of revenge on Auburn Saturday in the Iron Bowl…

At least Verne Lundquist wasn’t at all overdramatic in his call of the play.

The most important question about Saturday’s game is whether or not all of the newborn babies in the Yellowhammer State decided AGAINST the Tigers upon their arrival to the planet…

LSU gets to play Georgia next week in the SEC Championship Game, but it’s meaningless. The Tigers and Tide will hook up for the title. The nation mehs in unison.

2. The Indianapolis Colts are THIS close to clinching the #1 pick in the NFL Draft.

I’ll give you the option. Either you can watch the below highlights of Cam Newton and the Carolina Panthers beating the Colts on the road OR you can click THIS LINK and watch Gus Johnson absolutely FREAK OUT about a play in the Oklahoma/Iowa State game that never really happened.

Don’t worry, we’ll still be here when you get back.

3. Remember how Sam Winters handled Darnell Jefferson in “The Program”? Maybe Raheem Morris and Mike Munchak should consider similar philosophies?

The Tennessee Titans turned the ball over five times. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers turned the ball over four times. As always, if you want to win a football game you just have to win the turnover battle…

I understand the game was played in the rain. But NINE turnovers? NINE?

I mean, the holding onto the ball thing sure as hell worked for the ESU Timberwolves…

4. You know how people say “things are so bad they couldn’t possibly get worse”? Maryland proved that theory wrong Saturday.

Yes, Maryland blew a 41-14 lead in the second half and lost 56-41 to North Carolina State in Raleigh. Yes, the Terrapins finished 2-10 in their first season under Randy Edsall. Yes, there is a popular #FIREEDSALL campaign on Twitter. Yes, John Feinstein called for Edsall’s head in the Washington Post. Yes, former Edmondson DE David Mackall is leaving the Terps after a “disagreement” with Edsall.

But…you know…everything is okay in College Park.

5. There has never been a less deserving conference championship game participant than UCLA.

A Bruins fan but together a nice compilation video of their tough loss to USC Saturday night in Los Angeles…

So, here’s the deal. The Trojans won the Pac-12 South. They even have the t-shirts to prove it…

But because of the NCAA’s postseason ban, they can’t play in next week’s title game against the Oregon Ducks in Eugene. Because of Utah’s stunning loss to Colorado, Rick Neuheisel gets an extra week before looking for work.

If the Bruins lose, they’re not even as much as bowl eligible. If the Bruins win…heehee I almost imagined a scenario where the Bruins win!

Also, Matt Barkley is 5th on my list of (4) Heisman Trophy candidates. Does that directly contradict something I said earlier? Screw you man, it’s my life.

6. Has anyone suggested the Houston Texans sign Jeff George yet?

That has to be coming soon, doesn’t it? The Texans lost backup Matt Leinart for the season (well, probably) a game after losing starter Matt Schaub for the season. So…TJ Yates was the go-to guy in the team’s win Sunday over the Jacksonville Jaguars…

So…what are the other options? David Garrard? Jeff Garcia? Marc Bulger? Steve Bono? Stoney Case? Bert Jones?

I don’t know how to wrap this joke, so I’ll just keep typing random quarterback names and question marks.

Tim Hasselbeck? Randall Cunningham? Sam Hollenbach? Marcus Vick? Terry Bradshaw? Kaipo-Noa Kaheaku-Enhada?

7. Akron coach Rob Ianello doesn’t have an argument that he shouldn’t have been fired, but the nature of his firing was about the worst possible.

Long story short, the former Zips coach was fired on his way to his mother’s funeral.

Also fired Sunday? Arizona State’s Dennis Erickson, Illinois’ Ron Zook, Memphis’ Larry Porter and Kansas’ Turner Gill. Mike Leach was immediately identified by all fanbases as the likeliest successor and Towson scrambled to see if Rob Ambrose had any connection to any of the programs.

Somebody should come up with a phrase like “Sunday Bloody Sunday” or something to describe the event.

So how do we still have fun here after previously mentioning a mother’s funeral.

I know! An ugly Christmas (hockey) sweater! Thanks Wilkes-Barre/Scranton Penguins!

And my “oh no” moment of the weekend outside of football…

“Oh no! The NBA came back from the lockout just before I had a chance to notice the NBA was locked out!”

I’d love to tell you I was excited that the NBA was back. I’d love to have any opinion at all in fact. Since I don’t, why don’t we all watch the montage scene from “The Muppets”?

I enjoyed the film.

(Thanks to Awful Announcing, Deadspin, SportsGrid, Busted Coverage, Yahoo! Sports and The AP for tips.)

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…