I should stop for a second or two and bring a little bit of niceness to this obituary, since I am known around town as “Doctor Fair”. So I’ll cease with the thrashing and give you some truth.
In all honesty, we in Baltimore have been extremely envious of what you, the Yankees franchise, have been able to accomplish over the last 15 years. While our organization sunk to the lowest of lows, the Yankees were busy putting together winning teams that made their city proud. I’m not afraid to admit the truth. We don’t like you guys because we’re jealous of what you have been over the years…winners.
You took the one legitimate hometown-boy-made-good from us in 2009 when you signed Mark Teixeira. That would have caused a fistfight had it not been for the fact that most of the fans in Baltimore who actually cared about the Orioles had given up on them a year or two earlier.
I’m not at all shy about admitting how jealous we are of the Yankees organization. Hell, the Orioles were so willing to embrace the heritage of the Bronx Bombers that they started selling Yankees merchandise IN BALTIMORE three or four years ago. Anything to make a buck, I guess, even when it digs at the pride of the few remaining fans in town who still care about the Orioles.
So it’s safe to say we’re just a tad bit envious of all the winning, all the fans you’ve stuffed into OUR ballpark and the way you’ve rubbed our noses in it.
That, however, has come to an end in 2012, as shocking as it is.
The Yankees are on the verge of a Red Sox-like collapse. Dead? Not yet. On life support? You bet your ass.
Let me write this to prove to myself it’s real: The Orioles – I might break out in hives – are better than the Yankees. I’m sure you can’t believe it either. A team with A-Rod, Jeter, Cano, Granderson, Swisher and C.C. should NEVER lose – regularly – to a roster of misfits like the one we’ve employed in 2012. When you’re getting your hat handed to you by Nate McLouth and Robert Andino and Chris Davis, you’re in big trouble.
I understand how a lot of this has happened with the Yankees. Injuries to very good players have wrecked your club in 2012. With the Gardner’s and A-Rod’s and Rivera’s and Sabathia’s and Teixeira’s available for all six months of the season, I’m man enough to admit that New York would be well ahead in the A.L. East. But it didn’t work out that way — and that’s a doggone shame (I’m giggling here…).
But when you’re old (like the Yankees) and spending gobs of money on 7 players and paying minimum wage to the other 18 (like the Yankees) and you think you should just win because history says you should (like the Yankees) — you’re eligible for this kind of downfall.
Enough with the Mr. Nice Guy act.
Now…back to the bashing.
No offense, but we’re thrilled to see you guys collapse like this. It couldn’t happen to a nicer bunch of men, except of course, your friends in Boston who perfected the September collapse a year ago and have wobbled most of the 2012 season while sniffing around last place since May.
Here’s a quick joke that should be making the rounds by next Monday morning in Baltimore. “Knock, knock.” “Who’s there?” “Not the Yankees…or the Red Sox.”
To have both the Yankees and Red Sox go south in the same season is almost as funny as watching Ike Taylor try to catch up with the Broncos wide receiver in that side-splitting Steelers overtime playoff loss last January.
We, the fans of Orioles baseball, are going to enjoy these next four days, trust me. The stadium will be packed and, believe it or not, there will be more orange in the place than dark blue. In the past, the Yankees buzzed into town late in the season and entertained their fans – in OUR stadium – en route to another playoff berth. You guys hit home runs and trotted around the bases in a lumbering style that would have made Babe Ruth yell “HURRY UP!”. You threw at our batters who were merely trying to get through the season without getting hurt so they could head off to off-season-parts-unknown to polish up their golf game. You laughed at us from your comfy spot in the visiting dugout as you ran off 5-run innings and 13-4 wins. We saw all of it, believe me. We saw the giggles and the snickers and the high-fives at the plate that had a little more emphasis to them that they should have given the fact that you were running up the score on us.
If I seem a tad over-the-top about all of this, it’s because I am.
We’re sick of watching the Yankees win and the Orioles lose.
But that has officially changed, as of tonight at Camden Yards when Game One of the September Beatdown commences.
Ding, Dong, the witch is dead.
(Please see next page)