Dear Sam…

May 02, 2007 | Drew Forrester


Thought I send “the skipper” a quick note on some things I continue to see with his baseball team.  Here goes:

Dear Sam:

It seems like just yesterday you guys were 11-7 and as high as Jeff Spicoli in Fast Times At Ridgemont High after that weekend sweep of the Blue Jays on 4/20-21-22.

Not sure what’s happened to your club since then, but I thought I’d jot down a few notes for you.  I realize it’s not always easy to tell the players EXACTLY what you’re thinking (you do have a few, uh, “sensitive types” on the club), so maybe you can just pass MY thoughts on to them and see what kind of response that gets you.

Let me try the direct approach, Sammy.  Let’s see if that works.

Note to Miggy – Hey pal, how ’bout you get a hit or two with runners in scoring position sometime soon?  But wait!  Before you get to the plate with runners in scoring position, please remember that EVERYONE in the ballpark knows you’re going to swing at the first pitch, no matter where it might be located.  So, here’s a tip for you…DON’T SWING AT THE FIRST PITCH!

Note to Daniel Cabrera – Ever heard the phrase, “let sleeping dogs lie?”  That’s what you shoulda done with Sheffield on Monday night.  He’s been in a Van Winkle-type slumber all year, why’d you have to go and throw at him and wake him up?  Every time Tejada comes back to the dugout and says to you – “Hey, bro, (insert name here) just threw one in there pretty tight on me…next inning you need to send a message to them” – it doesn’t mean you have to do it.  You run your own show, DC. 

Note to Melvin Mora – That bunt-thing at the home game against Oakland last Monday night was a bad decision on your part.  Face the facts, Chief.  NO ONE in the ballpark knew you were bunting.  Take the heat, OK?  You goofed up.  We still love you.  But the pouty face thing isn’t very endearing.

Note to Jay Gibbons – It’s not looking so good for you right now, Gibby.  I have no idea what’s happened to your swing.  But you are struggling, my man.  Better do something about it. 

Note to Brian Roberts – See above.  Except where it says, “Gibby”, insert “B-Rob”.  Or…should that be, uh, “K-Rob”?  Just kidding my man.  You’ll get it turned around.  I still say you’ll be near the .300 mark by the All-Star Break.  And if all else fails and you have a lousy season and hit .250 or something like that, don’t worry about it…the chicks don’t care about that stuff.  They still want you.

Note to Kevin Millar – It’s no use complaining about your lack of playing time.  For some bizarre reason, they wait until you go 7-18 over a 4-game span and then they sit you.  Who cares, anyway?  You still have your Red Sox World Series ring, right?

Note to Aubrey Huff – Smile, dude.  This is still WAY better than Tampa Bay.

Note to Sam Perlozzo – I feel for you, pardner.  Your shortstop reminds me of American Idol.  He’s only “on” twice a week.  Your #3 starter is probably finished for the season, your bullpen has already pitched enough to qualify for worker’s comp insurance and your power hitters are, well, not very powerful.  I picked your team to win 85 games.  And maybe they still will.  But it’s not looking like 85 is a reachable number right now, based on what I’ve been seeing lately.  Hang in there, though.  If Boston, Toronto and New York all come down with a rash of injuries that sideline 4-6 of their respectives starters between now and August, you might find yourself in a playoff race come Labor Day.