Some of the degenerate gamblers at a local sports site called www.thelosscolumn.com have forced me into setting odds on various circumstances involving the Orioles. I’m kidding. Not about me setting odds – I’m kidding about the degenerates… they’re not really degenerates over there. It’s actually an interesting site that is generally baseball-heavy and extremely pro-Orioles, which makes me an odd match for them. They have a handful of active, ardent readers and contributors, most of which think the O’s are probably going to shock the world and win the World Series next year. I’m kidding about that too…they’re not that naive about the state of our beloved Birds. But, and this is DEFINITELY serious, if they lose 13-2 tonight to the Blue Jays (line on that happening, +570…bet $100 to win $570 if the O’s lose by 11 runs…who wants that action?)…anyway, if the Birds fall 13-2 tonight, no doubt one of the regulars over there will post something like, “yeah, we got beat 13-2 but you have to give Freddie Bynum credit, he fought (insert pitcher’s name here) hard on that at-bat in the 7th inning when he drew that walk”.
Good people over there at thelosscolumn.com – by the way, how appropriate is the name of that site based on the struggles of the O’s?
Anyway, I’ve decided since no one in Baltimore is interested in the game against the Blue Jays tonight and the weekend series with the Yankees, the only way to stimulate some degree of care is to set some betting lines – mythical of course – since I am not really interested in booking the action. But, I AM interested in seeing how many of you would “mythically” bet on some of the scenarios listed below.
> O’s get swept in their last four (+490 — bet $100 to win $490) – I’d never make this bet. No chance the O’s get swept. Ain’t happening. You’re just wasting your $100 if you take this wager. Of course, if you put down $100 and they lose their last four, you’re up $490. Don’t do it…
> A Yankees fan says to an O’s fan, “when’s the last time youse guys’s team made the playoffs, huh?” — (off the board…no bet available on this because the house would lose their ass)
> Daniel Cabrera throws at someone on the Yankees before the 4th inning is complete on Sunday — (even money) – Pretty good bet here. Especially if the Yankees jump out to a 4-0 lead early. Bet $100 to win $100? Might have to think about that one…
> Brian Roberts says to Kevin Millar, “Dude, I’d shave my head and get a tattoo that says I LOVE WNST to play on the same team as Derek Jeter” (-270 — bet $270 to win $100) – This is a virtual slam dunk, I’d say. Roberts has NEVER played a professional baseball game that mattered in the standings. Playing with Jeter, you at least know you’re going to be in the post-season, which is all Roberts probably wants at this point in his career.
> Dave Trembley whispers to himself at some point during the Yankees series, “What the hell was I thinking back in July when I took this job?” (-990 — bet $990 to win $100) – Still a fairly safe bet, even if your exposure is almost a grand…it’s an easy $100 in your pocket.
> Derek Jeter says to A-Rod at some point during Saturday’s game…”is there anyone over there you’d have?” and A-Rod replies, “yeah, the cute blonde ball-girl who works the 1st base line.” (-1400 — bet $1400 to win $100) – Have you seen the 1st base ball girl? Another easy $100 if you’re willing to risk the $1,400.
> Miguel Tejada walks off the field on Sunday after a 5-4 O’s win over the Yanks and says to Ramon Hernandez, “Amigo, that was the longest four years of my life…you gonna help me find a place in Chicago?” (+410 – bet $100 to win $410) — Pretty good chance Tejada gets a head cold after Saturday’s loss and doesn’t play on Sunday in the season finale. Better yet, even a better chance that Hernandez doesn’t play at all Sunday after he fails to run out a ground ball in the 8th inning on Saturday night.
OK, seriously, here are a few legitimate betting lines for this weekend and beyond.
Right now, not knowing who the Orioles are going to acquire, sign, trade or release in this off-season, how many wins do you think they’ll have next year?
The over/under is “75”. We’ll put the “Under” at -130 since they haven’t won 75 games since Jesus was a teenager…and the “over” can be bet at +150.
Jamal Lewis’ rushing yards on Sunday vs. the Ravens. Over/under is 70 yards.
How many times will the Ravens get in the red zone at Cleveland on Sunday and settle for a field goal? Over/under is 2.5.
Number of calls I get on The Comcast Morning Show on Monday morning from listeners who want Brian Billick fired despite the fact the Ravens beat the Browns, 27-16? Over/under is 5.5.
Number of times Jamal Lewis says to Ray Lewis on Sunday, “Damn, dawg, why you being so mean to me today?” Over/under is 9.5.
I’ll take all mythical wagers at: email@example.com