Boy, oh boy, do I have just the thing for those tired, aching muscles.
No, it’s not Vicodin.
It’s Friday Mud.
On a 1-to-10 scale right now, how sore are you from shoveling on Wednesday and Thursday?
I was about an “8″ on Thursday as I sat down to put this edition of Friday Mud together. By the time I was finished — and I had read it to myself 2-3 times — my pain level was down to a “2″.
I went from a 10 to a 2 in the span of about 15 minutes. I hadn’t felt that good in a long time.
OK, who am I kidding…I took a Vicodin.
But you should still try the exercise anyway…rate your pain right now. Read Friday Mud. Then tell me how you feel. I’m interested to know.
> If you see Orioles pitcher Troy Patton in Fells Point, toss him a pair of your boxers and say, “Just trying to help, dude”. Then point him to THIS TIP in Friday Mud. He’ll thank you later.
> By now I’m sure nearly all of you have picked up the latest copy of Baltimore Magazine which features “Baltimore’s own” Jen Royle of MASN as one of our city’s Sexy Singles. Evidently Jen’s photo shoot didn’t go so well. When she arrived at the location, the magazine staffer handed her an outfit and asked her to get dressed. Royle replied, “But I brought something that I think depicts my style a little better.” Fortunately, the editor wouldn’t allow Jen to wear THE CLOTHES SHE BROUGHT TO THE PHOTO SHOOT.
> Not sure if you heard or not, but Roger Goodell told the NFL owners this week that if there’s a lock-out on March 4, he’ll work for THIS until a settlement is reached. Within minutes of that news hitting the street, Goodell was offered a job at double that salary by THIS GUY.
> The President of our country is perhaps the most polarizing figure this side of Merton in Indianapolis. You either love Barack Obama or…well…you don’t. If you’re on the fence, THIS should fix things for you. Yep, he’s a rat fink.
> So I like going to Google and typing in random phrases to see what pictures pop up. For instance, I typed the words “How stupid can you look with a cigar in your mouth?” and THIS GOOF SHOWED UP.
> Song #8 on my all-time favorite CD is THIS GREAT SONG from John Cougar Mellencamp. The video is pretty cool, too. Check out the three farmers in the beginning. The dude on the left never says a word or moves a muscle — until the end of the scene when the guy on the right says “Wanna buy a farm?”. Anyway, I think JCM has been EXTREMELY underrated in his career and to me, this song sort of best represents what he’s always been about — singing about the common man, the blue-collar guy, the worker. I love this freakin’ song…
> Orioles FanFest is this Saturday. That’s the good news. The bad news? The club went over-budget on signage for the Convention Center. Evidently, they ordered 1,000 OF THESE SIGNS just to make sure they get their message across. Umm…message received.
> We’re always thinking about new marketing themes at WNST.net. Recently we splurged and went big-time, hiring an ad agency out of Chicago to craft our new 2011 corporate message. The ad agency met with all of our on-air staffers and then pledged to come up with a theme for each of us. This past Tuesday, they came to Baltimore and unveiled their suggested marketing slogans for each of us. When it came to me, the woman in charge said, “And we have GREAT news for you all. We were able to take one of our Burger King themes and just mesh it perfectly with Drew’s morning show. That will save you time and money as we didn’t have to bill you for any of the creative or production work. I agree with her, THIS CONCEPT fits perfectly with me and the morning show.
> Washington Capitals coach Bruce Boudreau recently asked me to come down to Kettler Ice Rink and speak to the Caps prior to a practice. I told Bruce, “That’s such a long drive…why don’t I just fax you down something simple and you can hand it out before the practice. It will be self-explanatory.” Boudreau said, “That’s fine. Just keep it simple.” I remarked, “It will be simple and easy to understand.” So I faxed THIS MEMO to Boudreau. I hope he distributed it to his team.
> Derrek Lee recently signed a one-year deal with the Orioles and moved into a nice, quaint home up in Lutherville. Our WNST staff photographer managed to squeeze his way past the security gate and snap a photo of Derrek’s new digs. And you have to hand it to Lee, he’s already making plans for next October, as THIS PICTURE proves.
The “Shoot” Section (Anyone who has ever watched wrestling knows a “Shoot” interview is when the wrestler offers a real, out-of-character discussion).
Do me a favor. CLICK RIGHT HERE if you would please. See that? That’s what the Orioles want you to give them on Saturday at FanFest in exchange for getting four autographs from their baseball players. Understand this: I want you to go to FanFest. I’m recommending you go to FanFest. It’s a terrific way to get baseball in your blood in late January when there’s snow on the ground. Go to FanFest on Saturday. OK? But under NO circumstances should you give those creeps $15 of your money in order to be graced with the signatures of four players. And yes, I’m well aware that the $15 “fee” goes to OriolesREACH, the club’s charitable organization. That’s awfully noble of them. Here’s what I think you should do. Do NOT give them $15 for those autographs. It’s a joke. They should be ashamed, charging people to get IN the building and then charging adults for autographs. Disgraceful. But I DO think you should give Nick Markakis $10 that he can use for his RightSide Foundation. So that’s what I’m suggesting you do. Make a $10 check to “The RightSide Foundation” and give it to Markakis or an Orioles official that you see roaming around…and tell Markakis you’d rather give HIM the money than to be bent-over by the club for four autographs of players. You’d think the Orioles would be THRILLED to have people come in to the building and actually want to engage with their players. $15 for autographs. Laughable. Don’t do it.
End of “Shoot Section”
> Karns High School squandered a huge 4th quarter lead and fell to Clinton High School last night. It was a shocker. It even made the headlines in the sports section. Oh, you don’t believe me? PROOF IS RIGHT HERE.
> I realize it’s chic to pick on the Steelers and their fans. I get it, I really do. But you have to give those folks in Pittsburgh a lot of credit. The big game isn’t until next weekend and they’ve already descended upon Dallas in record numbers, as our WNST staff photographer proves RIGHT HERE with his latest picture from the Cowboys Stadium parking lot.
> This has no business being in Friday Mud. But I typed the words “Girls in unique positions” and THIS PHOTO showed up. I have no idea what it is. I pulled my quad muscle just looking at it. Then I typed “Ben Roethlisberger on the beach” and this PICTURE was displayed. I don’t remember having Ben having blond hair, but the rest of it looks right to me.
> Last but not least. Cam Cameron has come under great scrutiny since the season ended a few weeks back. Recently he asked the Ravens chief custodian, Reverend Slappy, to paint a new catch-phrase on the front door to his office. You might not agree with it, but here’s Cam’s 2011 PERSONAL SLOGAN.