Any Orioles fan paying attention to Sunday baseball—and if you haven’t, I envy you—knows how putrid the team’s fortunes have been dating back to last season.
The Orioles were an astonishing 3-21 in Sunday games last season and are trying to top that mark with a 1-8 record so far in 2009.
While most will point to Dave Trembley’s tendency to use Sunday as a day to rest several starters, I decided to dig much deeper into the issue to determine why the Orioles cannot win on Sundays.
From the home office in Glen Rock, Pa., I bring you the Top 10 Reasons Why the Orioles Can’t Win on Sundays:
10. The good Lord said to rest on Sundays, and darn it, we’re going to do it!
9. Felix Pie keeps forgetting to pick up the Sunday doughnuts. Can’t that guy do anything right?
8. The Orioles have some very serious U2 fans in the clubhouse:
7. As a nod to Dugout Club sponsor Chick-fil-A, the club has decided it is also closed on Sundays. The pesky issue of the other team continuing to show up still needs to be resolved. Not to worry, the same individuals handling the spring training situation are on top of it!
6. Adam Eaton continues to make prank calls to the Sunday starting pitcher, challenging him to top what he did in his short time in Baltimore. Isn’t that veteran influence a great thing?
5. Baltimore loves Purple Sundays in the fall, eh? We’ll show them! (insert evil laugh)
4. Players are preoccupied trying to remember if they set their DVRs for Desperate Housewives.
3. Trembley insists a blue law still exists in the state of Maryland prohibiting good baseball from being played. When reporters then asked about the team’s performance Monday through Saturday, Trembley left the press conference in obvious disgust.
2. Much like the rest of the PGA Tour, the Orioles simply fold to Tiger Woods on Sundays.
And, the No. 1 Reason why the Orioles can’t win on Sundays…
Matt Wieters will answer the organization’s prayers…just not on Sundays.