From the home office in Glen Rock, Pa., I bring to you the Top 10 Reasons Why the Orioles Bullpen Held a Closed-Door Meeting on Monday Afternoon.
10. They’re still trying to figure out just how high Radhames Liz’s ERA was in his last stint with the club.
9. “I know we’ve asked you before, but is it pronounced ‘Danny’ or ‘Dan-eez?'”
8. They figured since they can’t manage to close the door late in the game, they might as well try to do it in the clubhouse.
7. With minicamp starting Friday, the relievers discussed who among them could be that big-play receiver the Ravens lack.
6. To cool complaints about not having established roles, the front office sent over a pack of these for the bullpen to share.
5. “George, when you’re the closer, we called it colorful. When you’re not, the brim’s just kind of lame.”
4. Jamie Walker shared his new seminar titled “How to Critique Umpiring Tactfully.”
3. After watching another episode of The Office, Chris Ray shouted, “Conference room, 5 minutes!”
2. Figuring out how to get the bullpen phone to go straight to voice mail is not a one-man job.
1. In an attempt to jumpstart the club, instead of pitching the seventh, eighth, and ninth innings, the relievers will now take turns hitting seventh, eighth, and ninth in the lineup.
(Update: Gregg Zaun, Cesar Izturis, and Felix Pie were unavailable for comment, as they were working in the bullpen with pitching coach Rick Kranitz. MASN’s Jim Hunter immediately praised the decision.)