On Sunday’s “Nasty Purple Postgame Show” on AM1570 WNST.net, Ryan Chell and I introduced a new segment. It will be a segment you hear on the postgame show following every Baltimore Ravens game this season.
We call the segment “Pats on the Ass”, in celebration of the one motion every man participates in during an athletic competition. As men, we except the fact that there is no justifiable explanation for the “pat on the ass”, but we do it anyway. We follow up the pat on the ass by saying “good game” or “good play” in hopes of making the motion seem less uncomfortable.
We’re not bothering with any of that. We’re just celebrating manliness by offering pats on the ass to members of the team for special play in each game.
There are simple rules. Two offensive players get pats. Two defensive players get pats. An additional “Wild Card” gets a pat-it can be a special teams player, a coach or someone else from the team who deserves a pat for a special reason. One of the five receives a “pat on both cheeks”, it is our variation of a “Player of the Game” award.
Here are our “Pats on the Ass” for the Ravens’ 35-7 win over the Pittsburgh Steelers Sunday at M&T Bank Stadium…
Ryan Chell’s Pats…
Don’t think Haloti Ngata deserves a pat on the ass? Perhaps we should ask Steelers RB Rashard Mendenhall…
Two interceptions at this point are pretty much just common for Reed. Perhaps Reed is more deserving for his hit on Steelers WR Hines Ward. I’m sorry there isn’t a better video on YouTube…
17-29 for 224 yards and 3 TD’s. Nice day, but what does LaMarr Woodley think?
You know why Ray Rice had so much room in the video below? (Sorry there isn’t better video again.) Bryant McKinnie. If he got a bonus just for his weight, what does he get for actually playing well?
Chuck Pagano (two pats)
Hell of a way for your first game after replacing Greg Mattison to go, huh?