Don’t ask me where I got this. If I told you, I’d have to shoot you.
Here’s a stolen copy of the travel itinerary for the Bills and their trip to Baltimore.
Buffalo Bills Game Itinerary – at Baltimore, 10/24/10
Sat., 10/23 — Travel team meets at Buffalo airport at 2:30pm. All players are asked to bring a copy of their Bible. In addition, players are encouraged to bring their own crutches to the game. The club only has 4 sets of crutches. This one could get ugly.
3pm — Team departs for BWI Airport via USAir #0-5
3:02 pm — Most players look out the window as the plane departs and think to themselves “sure wish they never would of drafted me”.
3:03 pm — Dwan Edwards says to himself, “What the hell was I thinking, signing here?”
3:09 pm — Chan Gailey settles in next to Ryan Fitzpatrick on the plane and tells him “I really believe we can win this game’.
3:11 pm — Gailey leaves the seat next to Fitzpatrick
3:12 pm — Fitzpatrick thinks to himself, “That dude is completely nuts. We’re gonna get our asses kicked down there in Baltimore.”
4:49 pm — Arrive at BWI Airport
5:45 pm — Travel team arrives at Waterfront Marriott. Two people are waiting in the lobby for autographs.
7:00 pm — Team meeting in Room 101. Gailey starts meeting by saying, “Anyone in this room who thinks we can’t win tomorrow should just walk right out that door and jump into the harbor.”
7:02 pm — 19 players get up and ask the coach if he will hold their cell phones so they won’t get ruined in the water.
9:30 pm — Team bible study. Gailey leads the opening prayer.
10:30 pm — Curfew. Lights out.
12:05 am — Four team members are in the Havana Club downtown. They’re approached by a few football fans who say, “Aren’t you guys with the Bills? Don’t you have curfew the night before the game?” One of the players says, “Dude, we’re 0 and 5. Playing without a hangover hasn’t helped us all season.”
Sun., 10/24 — Kick off at 1pm. Team bus leaves at 10:15 am.
9:00 am — Breakfast in Room 111.
9:02 am — Ryan Fitzpatrick says “my stomach doesn’t feel so good”.
9:03 am — Lee Evans leans over to Fred Jackson and says “if he ain’t playin’, neither am I”.
9:09 am — Guy serving coffee in the breakfast room says, “Is Scott Norwood still on your team?” to Chan Gailey
10:15 am — Bus departs for the stadium.
10:25 am — As bus pulls into the parking lot, hundreds of Ravens fans are standing there doubled over in laughter. Roscoe Parrish says “they must think this is the Orioles team bus pulling in”.
10:45 am — Fitzpatrick goes in the locker room, quietly fills up a cup of water, and throws it up in the toilet to feign vomiting.
10:46 am — Trainer yells in, “Ryan, you OK?”
10:47 am — Trainer goes to Gailey and says, “Coach, Fitzy is throwing up in the bathroom.”
10:48 am — Gailey responds, “F**k him…he’s pulling the old drink-a-cup-of-water-and-act-like-you’re-throwing-up trick. And even if he is sick, he’s playing.”
11:45 am — Bills official warm-up begins
11:46 am — Lee Evans feels a “twinge” in his hamstring.
12:45 pm — Gailey gives the ballboy a note and says, “take this out to the team bus and give it to the driver”.
12:46 pm — Ballboy opens the note to read it: It says, “Keep the bus warm, Charlie, this one might be over at halftime.”
1:00 pm — Ravens return the opening kick-off 102 yards and lead 7-0. Gailey mutters to himself, “Can’t win games if you give the other team a 7-0 lead like that.”
1:04 pm — Fitzpatrick’s first pass of the game is picked off by Ed Reed. He laterals it to Chris Carr who runs it in for a TD and it’s 14-0 Ravens just 1:34 into the game. Gailey mutters to himself, “Can’t win games if you give the other team a 14-0 lead.”
2:05 pm — Willis McGahee runs it in from 4 yards out to give Ravens a 24-0 halftime lead. Gailey opens his halftime speech by saying, “I was impressed with the way we picked up those 2 first downs in the second quarter.”
4:15 pm — Final whistle blows — Ravens 34 – Bills 6
5:45 pm — Gailey stands up at the front of the plane just before it departs and says, “Well, guys, everyone gets paid today and no one got killed. I call that a win.”