The things you hear Billick say…

October 15, 2007 | Drew Forrester

Consider this a 3-act play.

Act 1

Steve McNair arrives at M&T Bank Stadium at 10:30 am this morning.  Billick immediately approaches him as McNair puts his bag down near his locker.

Brian:  “Well, how we feeling Mac?”

McNair:  “Still stiff, Boss…I don’t think it’s a good idea to play today.  Let Kyle go.  If you need me, I’m available.”

Brian:  “Dammit Steve.  This is going to create a major issue for me.”

McNair:  “How’s that?  I’m obviously struggling with this back injury.  The smart thing is to let Kyle play.”

Brian:  “You don’t get it.  These fans are relentless.  I’m in a no-win situation here Steve.  If Kyle plays and we win, everyone is going to say, ‘Boller should have been quarterbacking all along’…If Kyle plays and we lose, everyone is going to blame me.”

McNair:  “C’mon Boss, people aren’t that dumb around here, are they?  It’s pretty simple.  I’m hurting and it’s best that I not start.  Kyle will do fine and no one will say a word about it.”

Brian:  “You’ll see, Steve.  I never get an ounce of credit when things go right.  Hell, we could win today 22-3 and I’d probably get the s*it beat out of me on the radio tomorrow morning because we ONLY scored 22 points.  Are you sure your back hurts that much?”

Steve:  “If you really want me to play, I will.  But Kyle is ready.  This is one of the reasons why you brought me here, remember?  You guys brought me to Baltimore so that one day, when I can’t go anymore, all that stuff I taught Kyle will rub off on him and he’ll be a #1 quarterback for you and the Ravens.  Just like you wanted way back in 2003 when you guys drafted him.”

Brian:  “Give me a hug, Steve…you just made my day with that last statement.  You’re right, we could have very easily given up on Kyle after 2005, but we brought you in to mentor him and that’s turned out to be a great decision on my — err, I mean, OUR part.”

Steve:  “And who knows, maybe we’ll win today and Kyle can go again next week at Buffalo.”

Brian:  “Bite your tongue.”


Act 2

With 6:30 to go in the 1st quarter, Boller misses Mark Clayton on a 3rd and 7 situation at the Ravens 49 yard line.

Billick gets on the headset and talks to Special Assistant Vic Fangio and Part-Time Offensive Coordinator Rick Neuheisel…

Brian:  “OK, let’s kick a field goal here and get 3 points.”

Fangio:  “Uh, Bri, we’re at our own 49.  Let’s punt the ball like every other team in the league would do.  We’re not in field goal territory yet.”

Brian:  “I don’t give a damn.  We need points.”

Neuheisel:  “Brian, that’s something like a 69 or 70 yard field goal.  It’s never been done in the history of the game.”


Fangio:  “Brian, have you lost your mind?  Stover can barely hit it from 50 yards, let alone 70.”

Brian:  “Amazing.  Here it is, we’ve put ourselves in a decent spot to kick a field goal and you guys with no balls want to punt.”

Neuheisel:  “Brian, what has gotten in to you?”

Brian:  “Shut up Rick.  I love f**king field goals.  Haven’t you heard the talk shows in town.  It’s the worst kept secret out there.”

Fangio:  “Brian, we just got a delay of game penalty because we didn’t get the play in on time.”

Brian:  “Dammit…now we have to punt.  Thanks a lot guys.”


Act 3

It’s 4:45 pm –  most of the players are on the verge of filing out of the stadium after the Ravens 22-3 win.  Ray Lewis pokes his head into the coaching room and sees Billick sitting on the couch, towel over his head, sniffling slightly.

Lewis:  “What up dawg?”

Brian:  “Oh, hey there dog.  Nice job today.”

Lewis enters the room and shuts the door…

Lewis:  “What’s going on Bee-Bee?  You down in the dumps or somethin’?”

Brian:  “Yeah, I guess so.  I was really hoping we might get beat today.”

Lewis:  “I’m down with that…you and me both, bro.”

Brian:  “This winning crap is really starting to get old around here.”

Lewis:  “Truth that.”

Brian:  “I mean, we could have really used a nice 27-6 ass thumping today.”

Lewis:  “I’m with you.  I was thinking the same thing driving in to the stadium today.  I looked out as I was buzzing down 83 South and thought…’you know what would be kinda cool today?  If we just got our hats handed to us by 19 points.'”

Brian:  “I’m just sick to death of these wins.  We won by 7 over the Jets.  3 over Arizona. 2 over the 49’ers.  It would have been so nice to finally just get our doors blown off.”

Lewis:  “Rollesy and Emergency Room (Ed Reed…E.R.) were just saying the same stuff at Bible Study on Wednesday night.  These wins are starting to be a real pain in the ass.  We need to drop a game or two pretty soon or people might actually expect us to go places this year.”

Brian:  “It never fails.  I did my best today to try and keep the Rams in the game.  I was going to put Stover on the inactive list for today just to see if maybe that would do the trick.”

Lewis:  “Damn, dawg, that would have been a ballsy thing to do.  Maybe next Sunday in Buffalo, huh?”

Brian:  “Don’t remind me of that game, dude.  That’s another one we’re probably going to win.”

Lewis:  “You want me to fake a hamstring injury?”

Brian:  “No.  Not yet, anyway.  But if we keep winning like this, I might use that one as a last resort.”

Lewis:  “I’m here for you, man.”

Brian:  “I just wish you wouldn’t be such a great player.  You’re half of our problem, running around out there like a maniac, tackling people, chasing the quarterback and creating chaos.”

Lewis:  “If you want to lose a couple on purpose, hunt me down after practice and let’s talk it out.  Just let me know the game plan and I’ll help out however I can, God willing.  I’m getting a little tired of this winning too.”