Top 10 Reasons to be Thankful (That We’re Not Pittsburgh Fans)

November 25, 2009 |


Heinz Mudcastle

Ketchup-Mush Field

Heinz Field is the biggest piece of Crap football playing surface left in the NFL. Maybe instead of producing all of those damn Terrible Towels they could spend some money on putting together a field that’s just slightly better than the pile of dirt I played in growing up. Or at least use those towels to sop up some of the mud.


Pittsburgh Logos

Same Color Unis.

It’s bad enough that everyone else has to see that stupid black and gold for the Squealer fans, but to be as unimaginative as to have all of your teams dress in the same color unis? Pssssshhhh…lame. At least the Penguins have those sweet powder blue jerseys.



Terry Badshaw (see what I did there /poke poke)

Career Numbers: 212 TDs, 210 Ints; 51.9 Completion %, 70.9 Passer Rating. What. The. Fudge?

Seriously… those numbers are terrible. Here are all the QBs this season who have a worse completion % than Terry’s career average: JaMarcus Russell, Derek Anderson. That’s it.

Not enough you say? Here are all the QBs this season who have a worse Passer Rating than Baldy McBlond put together: Marc Bulger, Brady Quinn, Matthew Stafford, Jake Delhomme, Kerry Collins, Mark Sanchez, JaMarcus Russell, Derek Anderson. Their teams have a combined 12 wins with them at the helm this season.

Bradshaw gets so much credit for being on those Super Bowl teams when it is clear that Trent Edwards or Shaun Hill could easily have outperformed him if playing for the Steelers. I’m glad my team history isn’t saturated with this backwater hillbilly.


Steely Mc-Insert Gay Slur Here

Steely McBeam

Do I need to rant on this one… here I’ll let you finish my thoughts…

“I haven’t seen anything this ______ since _________”

What the Fat?

No Cheerleaders

Come on really? Even Fox and CBS can find some Michael Tafoya to throw down to the sideline during game day. Is the “talent” in Pittsburgh that bad that they can’t put together a squad of 25 decent looking girls? (<-That question is rhetorical) I mean, I’d be willing to bet Philly has enough leftovers to throw your way Pittsburgh.


No Wardrobe

Am I the only one who ever notices this? Everywhere I go, no matter the month, day of week, time of day, venue of the moment… I find people wearing Steelers clothes. Holy Cow Turd. How is this possible? Are you seriously that pathetic you have nothing else to wear?

I feel like these people are everywhere. Walking their dogs, getting on planes, even church. Maybe their Xmas wish list should consist of normal clothing.



Troy/Ben Media Bromance

I am sooooo sick and tired of hearing how awesome these players are. Every pre-game, “so what do you think about the Steelers Game today?”

“Well if Troy and Ben play…” Give me an effin break, what does their whole team just explode without them? “Oh no Troy and Ben are out? Well gang, we knew this day would come, on the count of 3 everyone hit their Self-Destruct button… 3. KABLAMMO!!!!” Is the movie 2012 secretly about Pittsburgh and the Steelers when “Troy and Ben” leave? And have you noticed that unlike the other 1553 NFL players, these two only have first names? Really people? You would think that these were the only two players on the team. Enough already.


Bandwagon Fans.

This had potential #1 written all over it. If I were a TRUE Steelers fan – from the Pittsburgh area, my parents loved them, their parents liked them and their parents were bandwagon jumpers when they came into the league (of course average life span of Pittsburgh residents back then was probably about 30) – I’d be choking on my french fry sandwich in anger if all the sudden I turned around and every where I go there are 37,839,302,571 “Steelers fans” wearing Super Bowl Forty-Blahblah t-shirts on underneath their “Ben” jerseys.

That bandwagon is FULL people! Get off, and get off quickly, especially since, in case you didn’t hear, the movie 2012 is about the Steelers.


Steeler Fans

“Real” Steeler Fans



That’s how I would feel if I were a Steeler fan looking at our fan base. There is no better reason to be thankful… except!!!!


Jeff Reed

Jeff Reed

Wait? What’s wrong with Jeff Reed?

You’re just jealous cause your kicker was never a bride-to-be!

Your kicker can’t party like Jeff Reed!

He can’t rip paper towel dispensers off the wall like Jeff Reed!

Your kicker doesn’t have mirror self pics like Jeff Reed!

And your kicker can’t even come close to tackling like Jeff Reed (:29 seconds in)!

And with that, I’d like to wish a Happy Thanksgiving to everyone out there in WNST land! Sure, being a Ravens fan is tough sometimes…but it could be so much worse.