Welcome Chuck Pagano! Now, let me be the first to tell you…

January 19, 2011 | Drew Forrester

Welcome aboard Chuck.

I’m not sure if you know this or not, but Royal Farms has a sale on THICK-SKIN.  They’re selling two tubes for $9.99.  If I could make a suggestion to you…take advantage of the buy-2-get-1-free deal and get yourself six tubes.

You’re gonna need it, pal.

Let me be the first guy to give you a reality-check.  It goes like this:  If you can’t go to the Super Bowl, you’re going to be fired by the community-of-popular-opinion.

You’re the new God today, because you’re replacing Greg Mattison.

You’ll be the new Bum this time next year if you’re not the coordinator of the defense that’s heading to Indianapolis for the Super Bowl.


Probably not.

But that’s how we roll here in Baltimore.

You either win or you pack your bags.  We’re not known for our patience when it comes to the football team.  Three years ago, everyone in town wanted Brian Billick fired after a 4-year run of 33-31 and only one playoff appearance in that time.  The man who replaced him – John Harbaugh…your boss – has gone 32-16 with THREE playoff appearances in THREE years…and this week, idiots around town want HIM gone too.

I’d suggest to you another thing, Chuck: Rent, don’t buy.

Oh, and one other issue that you’re going to find a tad important as you start your gig here: You better beat the Steelers.  If you’re part of a coaching staff that lets those clowns beat the Ravens again next season, you’re walking the plank.

Another thing, Chuck: You need better players on your side of the ball.  I know you don’t exactly control that, but I’m here to remind you that the current group of defensive players you have isn’t good enough.  If I’m you, I’d be making my wish list now for some fast, strong chase-the-quarterback monsters who can make life miserable for that guy in Pittsburgh or the two champions in Indianapolis and New England.

I think there’s a chance you’ll enjoy this ride as the Ravens Defensive Coordinator.

As long as you win the Super Bowl.

Anything short of that and you’ll be fired by the community-of-popular-opinion.

Just like Matt Cavanaugh.  And Jim Fassel.  And Mike Nolan.  And Rick Neuheisel.  And Brian Billick.  All of those guys got the witch-hunt treatment in Baltimore.  Some of them, it should be noted, were chased out of town after having success and some where chased out of town after not having success.

John Harbaugh is getting witch-hunted right now by goofs around town because he said “I’m proud of my football team” after the game instead of saying, “F**king Anquan Boldin has to catch that f**king ball in the end zone.  That drop was un-f**king-acceptable!!”

And that gets back to my point I made earlier.

You have to beat the Steelers, Chuck, or you’ll be on I-95 heading north or south…to another team.

It’s just a matter of time with this fanbase, chief.

And that’s part of Baltimore’s charm, actually.  Maddening?  Sure.  But it’s one of the reasons why Baltimore is a unique place to live and work.  We love ourselves a winner here.  We, like most cities, don’t really know how to handle losing.  You’ll find that out firsthand if your defense ever gives up 28 points in a loss to the Bengals.

I wish you well, Chuck.

Bury your head in your work over at The Castle.  Don’t listen to talk radio.  Don’t read the newspaper.  Don’t surf the internet. If you can shield yourself from what the fans and the media think, you just might maintain your sanity.

Oh, and make sure you beat the Steelers.

If you can’t do that, we don’t have any use for you.