10 College Football Predictions You Should Know About…

August 30, 2007 |

Preseason, shmeeseason… college football STARTS TONIGHT!  It counts folks.  Granted there’s not much in the way of marquee matchups tonight but LSU-MIss St. could be interesting for the first half before the Tigers realize they’re in the hunt for a national championship and put a whooping on Mississippi State.  On Saturday, of course, you’ve got Notre Dame vs. Georgia Tech plus a game you won’t want to miss- California vs. Tennessee.  Finally, the wait is over! 

Here’s some predictions for the upcoming college football season:

10) Michigan quarterback Chad Henne will reveal that he was actually cloned in a laboratory using DNA from every other Wolverines quarterback since Elvis Grbac.

9)  Boise State and the phrase "last season’s Cinderella story" will be heard in the same sentence so many times it will actually cause a riff in the space-time continuum sucking Lee Corso into another dimension.

8) Watching the Wisconsin Badgers play will be FDA-approved as a way to combat sleeplessness.

7)  Don Imus will make the mistake of calling the Rutgers football team "a bunch of nappy-headed ‘hos" and be beaten to death.

6) In an exclusive interview, 80 year old Joe Paterno will admit that, even after 42 years, he’s never really liked football and is "…only in it for the dough."

5)  University of Texas’ coach Mack Brown’s hair will "kinda sorta move."

4) Ohio State will become so frustrated they’ll try to reinstate Maurice Clarett.

3) USC quarterback and Heisman trophy candidate, John David Booty, will have a mid-season meltdown when he realizes that no matter how many yards he throws for he’ll never get the quality "tail" that Matt Leinart gets.

2)  Notre Dame head coach Charlie Weis will become so aggravated by his team’s ineptitude he’ll convert to Judaism.

1) Terps coach Ralph Friedgen will lose his chance to do a Nutri-System commercial after he tries to eat Dan Marino.

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