‘Annoying, Vile, Needs to Slapped’ Sports Figure

August 29, 2008 |



For those of you who have been following this, I’ve come up with the 64 sports figures who will fight it out in our “Most, Annoying, Vile, Needs to be Slapped Sports Figure” Tournament.  We’ve decided to leave out sports broadcasters and will use them in another tournament in the future.  Also, we limited the field to people who are still alive and are NOT O.J Simpson. 

Based on our own criteria and the many phone calls, emails and comments we received about this, below you’ll find the list of 64 names.  I’m sure we missed some and if there’s an overwhelming push to add a name or leave one off we’ll still consider it.  Keep in mind these names represent a lot of common opinion and do not necessarily reflect the personal opinions of my brother or myself. 

Here is the list in no particular order.  I will seed it over the weekend and we hope to begin the voting next week as we crown THE MOST ANNOYING, VILE “NEEDS TO BE SLAPPED” SPORTS FIGURE OF ALL TIME.

Tiger Woods- The BEST golfer who ever needed a beating.

Steve Garvey- Mr. Chisel has needed punching for a long time. 

The Steinbrenners- By popular demand.

David Beckham- Plays SOCCER for crying out loud!

Jerry Jones- The more plastic surgery, the more he needs a good beating.

Bud Selig- Oily “corpse-like” baseball commish could be punched for so many reasons.

PacMan Jones- The poster child for bad behavior in the NFL… until he became “Mr. Goodelltwoshoes”.

Barry Bonds- Steroids, surly, obnoxious and hated by some teammates

Terrell Owens- There are NFL players who would line up to slap him.

Pete Rose- Best baseball player ever.  Just ask him.

Roger Clemens- Thinks he’s ABOVE getting slapped. 

Alex Rodriguez- Don’t hate him because he’s talented.  Hate him because he KNOWS he’s talented.

Jose Canseco-  Enough with the books already. 

Michael Vick- Woof. Woof.

Bill Belichick- Who doesn’t want to smack that “Hoodie” right off him?

Mike Tyson- Needs a good slap just for helping to ruin the heavyweight division.

Curt Schilling- Loves the sound of his own voice (and blog) WAAY too much.

Coach K- Those flared nostrils would be a perfect place to put two sticks of dynamite.

Mark Cuban- Sit down and SHUT UP!

Koby Bryant- Turns every press conference into a reason to smack him.

Isiah Thomas- A very smackable player and coach.

Danny Ainge-  The whiniest of whiny white guy basketball players.

Peyton Manning- Is there anything this guy won’t SELL?

Michael Irvin- Vain, arrogant… Was happy when he got hurt.

The Williams Sisters Father- Loves his daughters so much he needs to be slapped.

Tom Brady- Has gone from “aw shucks” guy to “aw please punch me” guy.

Michelle Wie- Stick to playing women, will ya please?

Bobby Knight- Or do we just throw a chair at him?

Manny Ramirez- Ask the Red Sox travelling secretary why HE should be punched?

All Male Pro Tennis Players- Ever see one who’s not cliche?

John Stockton- Bad hair, bad shorts and bad acting on the “flop”.

Reggie Miller- An overall pain in the ass.

Mark McGwire- Deceived us all. 

Lance Armstrong- Survived cancer only to annoy us.

Fighting Irish Mascot- All phony leprechauns should be punched.  A stand-in for all other annoying mascots.

Steve Spurrier- God’s gift to coaching. Just ask him.

Albert Belle- Mean and angry.

Ray Lewis- Between the dancing, prancing and Lord praising, how do you NOT slap him?

Deion Sanders- Never saw a tackle he didn’t want to make.

Bill Romanowski- A disgusting NFL player through and through.

Tonya Harding- Needed to be slapped right back into that trailer park she came from.

Jeff Gordon- If you love NASCAR, you probably hate Jeff Gordon.

Johnny Damon- Just the hair alone is enough.

Tony LaRussa- Thinks he invented baseball.

Chad Johnson- Ocho Cinco slaps in the face for this windbag.

Oscar De La Hoya- I can’t even explain it.  He just does. 

Rafael Palmiero- The mustache, the lies to Congress. 

Dirk Nowitzki-  Pretty much anyone named “Dirk” should be slapped.

Daniel Snyder- Jerry Jones Jr.

Brady Quinn- GQ boy is still a third string quarterback.

Erik Bedard- Now needs to be slapped in TWO different cities. 

Sidney Ponson- A slovenly wreck of an Aruban.

Usain Bolt- In Beijing, he ran his way into our slapping zone.

Derek Jeter- Captain Idiot.

Nick Saban- Too cool for school… then the NFl.  OVERRATED.

Pete Carroll- As Andrew said- “needs to slapped on his yacht”.  A walking poster for L.L. Bean.

Rasheed Wallace- So whiny he should be white.

Brett Favre- He retired one too many times for people’s liking.

Barry Melrose- Needed a hockey person and Melrose is coaching again.  Check out the hair.

Theo Epstein-  The Boy genius of Boston looks too happy in the skybox.

Mark Gastineau- Invented the sack dance and contributed to the birth of a very bad reality show.

Ron Artest- Slapped by popular demand. 

 John Rocker- His “slapability quotient” flamed out fast but still…

Tony Stewart- NASCAR’s biggest crybaby.