Imagine my surprise this morning when I received a lengthy email purportedly from one of Michael Vick’s dogs. Initially I assumed this was a prank or some cheap ploy on the part of the Vick camp to placate my brother and myself. However, I’ve learned that, in fact, there is software available that allows a dog’s thoughts to be translated into words. Perhaps there is something to this letter. I’ll let the readers judge for themselves.
Dear Fighting Ungers,
This persecution has gone on long enough. It’s time for me to step up and defend my owner- Michael Vick. I have NEVER been mistreated or abused in any way. Michael is all about belly scratches and frisbee throwing and would never subject me to the horrors of dog fighting. The only training I’ve received is when I was taught to sit, fetch and clean my master’s Hookah pipe. He likes weird smelling tobacco ALOT. The only instance in which punishment was used was, on one occassion, when I was gently hit on the snout with a rolled up newspaper because I made "peepee" in Michael’s shoe closet.
All of Michael’s pets (I have 60 brothers and sisters) receive ample nourishment, plenty of water and Powerade and even the occasional milk bone. If we’re really good (no, not at ripping out each other’s throats but at the frisbee catching thing I mentioned above) we might receive a Snausage or a steak and lobster dinner from Ruth’s Chris.
I will admit that some of Michael’s relatives have been less than kind. When Michael is around he lets us watch whatever television program we want. However his "meanie" cousin Davon Boddie only watches what he wants to watch so that we’re forced to sit through Court TV, Cops ( he said he knows a lot of the people on those shows) and reruns of ESPN’s "Cold Pizza". Oh, and sometimes he forgets to brush out our fur.
I hope this clears up any misunderstanding. Michael Vick is a true lover of pets. Also, he is highly underrated as a quarterback and any problems he’s had with fumbles, interceptions or general inadequacy should be blamed on former coach Jim Mora and every other player besides Michael. He’s the best!
Ridley the Happy Dog
Hmmm… I’m not buying it.
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