Huff no longer a loser, but these five guys are…for sure (I think)

November 02, 2010 | Drew Forrester

It took him a while, but Aubrey Huff finally proved me wrong.

I’ll say it here, now, for the first time publicly, to completely offer my concession:

Aubrey Huff is a winner.

I’m noting this today because for years, I labeled Huff a “career loser”. From Tampa Bay to Baltimore — with quick stops in Houston and Detroit as well — Huff always showed up at the park accompanied by the “losing van”.

Some players enter the stadium or ballpark with their kids or wearing an iPod or being trailed by a team staffer who’s given him instructions on what his pre-game duties are that day/night.

Huff showed up at the stadium with losing in tow. On team flights, losing sat next to him. In the hotel room — well, let’s not talk about that. Huff already gave us a clear picture of what happens to him in hotel rooms.

You get the picture, though. Huff, until last night, was a career loser.

That’s over.

And to his credit, in all fairness, Huff himself was a big reason why the Giants won the World Series. It’s one thing if he gets his ring without playing or being actively involved (see Frank Thomas), it’s another to be a main contributor.

Huff was a big reason why the Giants won.

He’s no longer a career loser.

Now, that brings me to my list of “career losers”. Needing to strike Huff off the list, I offer you my up-to-date Top 5. These five guys will NEVER win a championship in their playing career. They will lose forever. A couple of the list-makers might surprise you, but a couple of them won’t, for sure.

Here we go with the list.

CASTELLON DE LA PLANA, SPAIN - OCTOBER 22: Sergio Garcia of Spain reacts to his approach shot on the 13th hole during the second round of the Castello Masters Costa Azahar at the Club de Campo del Mediterraneo on October 22, 2010 in Castellon de la Plana, Spain. (Photo by Stuart Franklin/Getty Images)

This one is fairly easy. Sergio Garcia isn’t REALLY a loser. He’s rich beyond his means, he’s won 7 times on the PGA Tour, including the PLAYERS Championship, but he’s never won a major title in his pro career. And he’s not going to do it, either. EVER. Why? I don’t know. It’s just something about him. Too much of a crybaby (“Waaah, my tee-time had bad weather and Tiger got sunshine in the afternoon”), too shaky with the putter and, perhaps, too good looking. He gets all the hot girls he wants, he can’t possibly win The Masters too. That wouldn’t be fair to a guy like Kenny Perry.


Washington Wizards Gilbert Arenas calls out a play as the Wizards play the San Antonio Spurs at the Verizon Center in Washington on January 2, 2010. Arenas allegedly drew a gun on teammate Javaris Crittenton during a locker room dispute. UPI/Kevin Dietsch Photo via Newscom

Man, was this guy prophetic when he dubbed himself “Agent Zero”. He signed a $66 million dollar deal, so the joke is on the rest of us, but Gilbert is a career loser. He’ll never win. He just won’t. Too much “all about me” to be a winner.


PHILADELPHIA - OCTOBER 11: Danny Briere  of the Philadelphia Flyers looks to pass the puck against the Colorado Avalanche in a hockey game at the Wells Fargo Center on October 11, 2010 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. (Photo by Paul Bereswill/Getty Images)

This little turd came close to winning last spring, until Patrick Kane broke his heart with an overtime goal in Philly that gave the Blackhawks the title. And if there really IS a hockey God somewhere, that’s the closest Danny Briere ever comes to winning. This guy is a combination of Brian Propp-Ken Linseman-Dave Poulin…he might be the biggest prick in the league. The next time he scores a goal when he’s NOT standing on the doorstep will be his 2nd one scoring like that. This dude is a L-O-S-E-R.


May 17, 2010 - Atlanta, GEORGIA, United States - epa02161543 Atlanta Braves starting pitcher Derek Lowe pitches to a New York Mets batter in the first inning of their MLB baseball game in Atlanta, Georgia, USA, on 17 May 2010.

Wait, Derek Lowe is a champion. How’d he get on the list? He won the World Series for the Red Sox in 2004 when he single-handedly eliminated the Yankees in Game 7 in New York. He doesn’t belong on the list, he’s a W-I-N-N-E-R. My bad.

#2 (left) and #1 (right)

Cincinnati Bengals wide receivers Terrell Owens and Chad Ochocinco talk during warm-ups before taking on the New England Patriots in their NFL football game in Foxborough, Massachusetts September 12, 2010.    REUTERS/Adam Hunger   (UNITED STATES - Tags: SPORT FOOTBALL)

When you find the perfect picture, you go with it. #2 is Terrell Owens (left) and #1 is Chad Johnson (right). You can make book on this: Neither of those guys will EVER win a title. Worst of all? I don’t think it will matter to either one of them. Owens short-armed a few balls last weekend at home vs. Miami. Good news for him? He could just wear that alligator costume to trick or treating on Sunday night. As for Johnson, all you need to know about him is that he changed his name to match his uniform number. (*DORK ALERT*) The next time Chad Johnson is on a team that wins a big game means this: he’ll have ONE more big-game career win than you and I.