It’s not a pink slip – it’s only a memo…

May 09, 2008 | Drew Forrester

Memo to: Gary Williams

If Tyree Evans is academically eligible, go ahead and get him on board with your ’08-09 Terps squad.  After all, if he lights it up at one of the three D.C. area “George’s” (‘Town, Washington or Mason), all you’ll be hearing in College Park is this: “How come Gary can’t get any of those kids?”

Memo to: Don Koharski

In the event the Penguins/Flyers series goes the distance and you get the call for the 7th and final game, try not to make it so obvious this time around, OK?

Memo to: John Shelby

That first base coach gig isn’t such a walk in the park after all, huh?

Memo to: WJFK

Might want to double check those Monday morning promos.  This past Monday, it probably wasn’t a good thing to hear Anita Marks say, “On Monday’s show, we’ll talk about the Kentucky Derby…maybe the Filly won!”

Memo to: Ray Lewis

Don’t tarnish your legacy in Baltimore by fighting with the Ravens over money at this point in your career.  They’ve treated you very well since 1996 and the only thing that could spoil your time here is a contract squabble that culminates with you huffing and puffing your way to New England or Pittsburgh or Miami to chase the almighty dollar.  Finish it off in style and don’t put yourself above the team or the ’08 season.   

Memo to: Andy MacPhail

Get a shortstop.  And no, a combination of Bynum and Hernandez doesn’t count. 

Memo to: Kobe Bryant

Watch how quickly everyone in L.A. forgets about that MVP award if your Lakers don’t go to the NBA Finals. 

Memo to: Dan Snyder

How burned up are you going to be next February when a team from the NFC East (Dallas & New York) has won the Super Bowl two years in a row and your ‘Skins haven’t played in one since 1992?  Don’t worry, we won’t mention it much here in Baltimore.

Memo to: Brandon Webb

Where do you want to display the ’08 Cy Young Award?  In the den, above the flat screen TV? Or in the living room, beside the marble sculpture? 

Memo to: Cam Cameron

Please, no “Marty Ball” remnants, OK? We want high-powered and high-scoring – even if it means losing 33-30.  At least that’s what most people have been asking for over the years.

Memo to: 5-Walk Danny

You keep this stuff up and you’re going to force me to come up with a new nickname.  Where’s the wild, no-idea-where-it’s-going-guy we all grew to know and love?

Memo to: AFC North Fans

Based on the fact the AFC North teams play the AFC South and NFC East in ’08, you all should be prepared for the fact that only one AFC North team will make the post-season.  Let’s just hope it’s our team in Baltimore.

Memo to: Dale Earnhardt Jr.

What happened, lose your good luck charm or something?  All that money to hop over to Hendrick Motor Sports and now you’re just another guy in a car driving around the track.  Oh well, at least Carl Pavano has company.

Memo to: Rick Dutrow, Jr.

Now is not the time to start tinkering with your horse.  Tip #1 – Stay out of the way.  Tip #2 – Don’t try to train Big Brown next week.  Tip #3 – As long as all four of his legs are functioning at The Preakness, you’ll have two of the three races in the books.  In other words, just make sure the horse stays healthy next week and you’re a winner.

Memo to: Roger Clemens

If I didn’t know better, I’d say this whole thing is intentional on your part.  How else can you possibly explain the horrendous run of bad luck you’ve had over the last 6 months?