Here we go.
Not only is the NFL football season in Baltimore about to commence, but those rat-fink, scumbag Steelers come buzzing into town on Sunday for the opener.
I assume God watches football. I mean, seriously, what else would He do on his day off, right?
And if that’s the case and the big fella really DOES tune in, I sure hope he has a heart and guides the home team to a victory on Sunday. We all know how miserable it will be in these parts if the Black and Gold comes in to Baltimore and leaves with a smile on their faces. I can’t even consider it…
So I won’t.
Ravens 24 – Steelers 13
And to borrow a line from my good buddy Glenn Clark, who operated with about 27% efficiency in the baseball season when he uttered these words: YOU CAN TAKE IT…TO THE BANK.
Ravens win 24-13. Proving to everyone that there is, indeed, a God. And his robe is purple.
Now it’s on to Friday Mud. Your weekly sermon at church can’t be any better than this.
> I like to playfully talk about logos and helmets and uniforms and stuff like that. Any of you who have listened to me over the last 9 years are well aware that I think the old Patriots helmet with the dude snapping the ball (Pat the Patriot) is the BEST helmet/logo in the history of sports. You’ve also heard me poke fun at the Browns (no logo) and the Steelers (one logo) for not having their helmets “complete”, if you will. Well, I’ve done the fans in Pittsburgh a favor. I’ve found a logo suitable for both sides of their beloved Steelers’ helmets. They can take that ugly thing off that they currently sport and just GO WITH THIS RIGHT HERE.
> Now that I’m actually allowed to make a comment on things that go on in Boston without the threat of being censored by the legal system (another story for another day…), I figured I’d share with all of you a terrific promotional idea that was developed and pulled off by the Red Sox. Give-away items at baseball games these days are so predictable — bobbleheads, $1.90 “floppy hats” that fall apart the first time you sweat in them, $4.00 t-shirts that shrink once they hit the dryer. Ugggghhhh. Anyway, the Red Sox did it the right way recently. Their marketing staff approached the issue with THIS question: “What’s the one thing we could give to everyone in Boston who comes to the game next Friday night that all of them actually need and could use right there at the ballpark?” And lo and behold, they gave THIS ITEM away right here. Solid choice.
> With football season upon us, WNST.net is in full promotional mode these days. We have a bunch of new swag and clothing for sale and each of us on the air recently met with one of Baltimore’s elite marketing/PR firms in order to have a new “theme” or concept created for our show. The marketing whiz who handled me said she thought it would be best to combine my personal life with my on air personality — so she put me in THIS T-SHIRT and said it was a natural slogan for me to use. Hey…who am I to argue with the marketing genius, right?
> Here’s my dedication to Glenn Clark – I watched in horror on Monday night as Maryland paraded around the football field in those ghastly uniforms. I’ve heard and read all the comments. Some folks liked ‘em, some didn’t. I’m not sure what else the Terps could have worn, but I’m a big believer in this: If those uniforms somehow make the Terps win games, they should keep wearing them. Then again, if Maryland wanted to wear uniforms that helped them win without looking so horrible, they should have just worn THESE DUDS on Monday night.
> OK, I’m man enough to admit when I’m wrong. A few weeks back in Friday Mud, I contested that no one has EVER looked good wearing those silly Yankee pinstripes. As you can see HERE, there is an exception to that statement.
> Maybe it’s just a coincidence, but ever since this dude put his hands on that thing, his popularity has gone spiraling out of control. What “thing”, you ask? Oh…THIS THING RIGHT HERE.
> Speaking of the Steelers, Mike Tomlin has instituted “casual day” on Mondays in Pittsburgh, where players are encouraged to wear jeans and t-shirts to the facility. Our staff photographer snuck into the team’s parking lot up in the Steel City and grabbed THIS PHOTO of Big Ben getting out of his car last Monday.
> The NFL “bubble gum cards” are out. Have you seen Peyton Manning’s card? It’s a little odd, but certainly depicts his 2011 season. HERE IT IS, you tell me.
> Just to be fair to the folks in Boston, I typed in the words “Sexy Red Sox Fan” in Google search and THIS PICTURE popped up. OK, yeah, she’s attractive. Just for kicks, I typed in “Sexy Steelers Fan” and SHE POPPED UP. Alright, as much as it pains me to say it, she’s pretty. For the coup de grace, I typed in “Sexy Flyers Fan” and THIS IS WHAT I GOT.
> The Shoot Section (where I tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth…)
A little boy takes his dog to 3rd grade class on a Monday and everyone seems to enjoy having the dog in their presence. The following Monday, the kid takes his dog again — and once again, the kids all have a great time with the dog. The next Monday, the same thing occurs. The 4th Monday, the teacher calls little Johnny over and whispers in his ear: “I’m sorry, but the school board has informed me your dog isn’t allowed in the classroom anymore.” So Johnny takes his dog outside the school and leashes him up around the bike rack. About 20 minutes later, God appears next to the dog and gently pets his head. “What’s wrong?” God asks. “They told me I’m not allowed in school anymore,” the dog says with a tear in his eye. “I don’t understand. I have been in there regularly and it was never a problem, then suddenly, they just said I wasn’t welcome anymore.” God bent down and got eye to eye with the dog. “I know how you feel,” God explained. “They did the same thing to me about 20 years ago.”