more Huff and puff…

November 12, 2007 | Nestor Aparicio

Below is another series of excerpts from the audio and videotape we’ve obtained via the internet of Aubrey Huff’s appearance on Bubba The Love Sponge’s radio and videocast from last Thursday.

AGAIN…this is racy stuff that isn’t a standard we wish to encourage for WNST.net…

These are the uncensored excerpts from the audio and video we’ve obtained.

ONCE MORE: THIS IS GRAPHIC STUFF!!!!!!!!

CHILDREN AND SQUEAMISH PEOPLE BE FOREWARNED!!!!!!!!

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Melissa Midwest: “How many women have you slept with?”

Producer: “…Who in here knows exactly how many women they’ve slept with?

Bubba: “Aubrey!”

Aubrey: “I couldn’t even begin to tell ya. I couldn’t even give ya a ballpark. I know I’m over…”

Bubba: “Five hundred?”

Aubrey: “No, no! I’d say between 2 and 300.

Huff then mistakenly calls one of the producers’ shirts by the wrong color.

Aubrey: “I’m colorblind, man! No shit, I’m colorblind!

************
The conversation with Melissa Midwest again turned racy. Bubba wanted her to rate the four men on the air in the order she’d have sex with them if “they were all single.”

She was tittering and avoiding answering the question:

Melissa: “You’re putting me on the spot.”

Bubba:  You wouldn’t believe the spots I’ve put Aubrey in today. We’ve got more from a professional baseball player! The players union is probably writing his papers up right now. He jacks off, he fucking charges it to the Baltimore Orioles and he thinks Hank Aaron is an asshole!”

Later, when Melissa refuses to “grade” Aubrey because of his marital status (and he is shown sporting his ring and making many references to his wife):

Huff: “That’s so fucking unfair! I want to do this for my own manhood!”

Later…

Bubba: “God, she is so beautiful!  Look at that! Natural tits, Aubrey!”

Huff: “WOW! You don’t even see this at the Dollhouse! Not even close!”

Huff finally enters the equation and finishes second in the running for Melissa’s wish list.

 The staff cries “bullshit” and Melissa turns to Huff and says:

“I just thought you can get pussy whenever you wanted, so…”
 
 Huff: “No, no, no! I’m married, so I don’t…”
 
Bubba: “You’re a horrible liar, Aubrey!”

**************
 Apparently Huff cut a country music record as part of a Major League Baseball album. I think Jack McDowell, Barry Zito, Bernie Williams and some other musicians put out some music for charity. Maybe Huff was on that record, I dunno!

But Bubba spun the song, and Huff’s eyes closed, his neck dropped back and he went into song, singing note for note.

Bubba questions whether it’s really him singing on the CD.

Huff: “That’s all me, bitch!

Bubba: “It’s got some processing on you.”

Huff: “No! That’s good shit! That’s Britney Spears’ kinda shit!”

The album, we learn, is called “Oh, Say Can You See” done by MLB players. “Letters From Home” by John Michael Montgomery is the song he’s crooning.

Bubba says he should go into singing. It’s honestly not bad by country music standards. One of the producers also chimes in that “singing country isn’t hard.”

Huff seems sincere when he talks about a lot of mothers and kids of parents in the military writing him about the song.

Bubba concedes: “Aubrey, you know I like to bust your balls, but that’s pretty good!”

****************
 Bubba: “Aubrey Huff has a shallow ice cube. He needs a refill.”

Huff (to a group of men): “Hey waitress, which one of you bitches is gonna bring me my drink?”

Bubba: “Tell ‘em what you want, Aubrey!”

Huff: “Vodka and  red bull. Vodka and cranberry. No, no. Make it vodka and red bull! Make it happen! Half and half!”

Bubba: “Looks like I’m driving Aubrey home!

Huff: “I’ll get the wife to pick me up. The wife will pick me up!”

Bubba: “The wife will pick you up? ‘Honey, I’m down here at a bar/studio and I’m fucked off and there’s a porn star down here. Come the hell down here and get me!’”

Huff: “Orrr..I can take the cab down to the Dollhouse. It’s all good!”

Bubba: (as Huff’s wife) “’Wait I’ll come get you. It’s only five minutes away you fucking drunken bastard.’ Holy shit, what’s going on here?”

Bubba: “Aubrey Huff of the Baltimore Orioles in here with us. He’s from Tampa. Well, he lives in Tampa part time and he’s a good friend of the show. And he’s drunk. And he’s taking off his shirt and he’s already tried to flex.

Huff: “First of all, I’m not drunk. This is just my personality, motherfucker!”

Bubba (without breaking stride): “And this is Melissa Midwest…”

************
After a commercial break:

Bubba: “No Aubrey, here’s the deal: you’re outside drunk, smoking a cigarette and you’re telling the guys out there that you love this, that this is awesome and you could do this (a radio show) with EASE every day.”

Bubba then turns off all microphones in the studio and attempts to make Huff eat his words by interviewing Melissa Midwest with no professional DJ help.

Bubba: “The host, which is now, you, has to creatively get her on that canvas to do boob, ass or snatch art for us. (There is an easel and paint in the foreground). So, ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, your new host, Baltimore Orioles designated hitter Aubrey Huff!”

Huff is immediately flustered and says: “This is very intimidating. This is worse than being up in the bottom of the ninth with the bases loaded trying to drive in a run to win the game. This is pressure packed!”

He then starts to feebly attempt to convince Melissa Midwest to do body art. He crashes down within 30 seconds with dead air and Bubba starts making fun of him for his poor radio interviewing skills.

Huff begs Bubba to “help me out, please help me out!”

Bubba: “You know that fat fuck up in row 900, that says: “(country voice) I’d get up there and knock that motherfucker outta the park and I used to do that in tee ball!” That guy!

Huff: “I’m that guy now?”

Bubba: “You’re that guy!”

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