Move Over Danika Patrick, here comes MILKA plus Say ‘YES’ to Davey Johnson and My Painful Admission

May 28, 2007 |

After 10 long months, my libido’s slumber has been awakened by the images I just saw of Milka Duno, auto racing’s newest babe. If you haven’t yet heard of her, or haven’t seen her photos, drop everything you’re doing RIGHT NOW. 
 
No, seriously.
 
Put down the beer, step away from the grill and RUN to your computer.
 
 
"Because you’re every woman in the world to me…"
 
Whoa! I have Air Supply songs in my head now. I’m practically swooning. Danika who?
 
Milka is a Venezuelan dynamo. She’s auto racing’s Sophia Loren. Not to mention I hear she’s pretty good at driving a car around a track. She’s racing today in the Indy "500". Ask me if I’m watching it. Go ahead. Guess. Um, how about EVERY FREAKIN’ LAP! In fact, when I see her face on the screen, driving in her hot, little sports car, it’ll be almost like a LAP dance. Sorry, that COULD be the worst joke I’ve ever made as a professional writer and comedian. 
 
All I have left to say is- "Screw NASCAR!" To me, there’s only Milka and whatever racing circuit she chooses to race.
 
Milka, it does a body good.
 
(Wow, that’s two bad jokes. Chick’s got me off my game already.)
 
DAVEY JOHNSON IS THE MAN…
 
Check out today’s Baltimore Sun. Seems the Orioles are taking a serious look at bringing back Davey Johnson to manage.
 
 
If Peter Angelos has any sense at all, and I’m not saying he does, then he’ll run out and grab Davey Johnson right now. 
 
That’s a move that will reignite the passion of the fans and give the Orioles EXACTLY what they need right now- a manager who will refuse to lose. 
 
But he has to have some autonomy. His input MUST be valued. Let a guy like Johnson watch the current Orioles team, see who he likes, who he dislikes and then rebuild the team the way he sees fit. Can Angelos do this? If he wants one last chance to bring baseball back to Baltimore, he better.
 
Don’t even consider any other candidates, if Johnson wants it, it’s his. He was a 4-time all star second baseman with the Orioles during the glory years of 1965-72 where he played in 4 World Series, 2 of which the Orioles won.   He managed the Orioles to two American League Championship series (1996-97) and he’s a World Series winner (Mets 1986). No debate. No discussion. He’s the man. Grab Davey Johnson, pay him whatever the hell he wants and I promise you’ll see a difference in the locker room and on the field. 
 
Some guys on the roster may not be comfortable with a guy like Johnson around. I’d be curious to see what happens with Melvin Mora, Jay Gibbons and, of course, Tejada is going to be leaving anyway.
 
However, for guys like Roberts, Markakis, Patterson and the young, potentially dangerous pitching staff, Davey Johnson will teach them something no other manager has been able to do. He’ll teach them how to win ball games. 
 
"I DON’T LIKE YOU MARC UNGER BECAUSE YOU DON’T LIKE LACROSSE!"
 
For those of you who are regular listeners to the show, you know that I’ve been getting harrassed by this drunken idiot bar owner who hates me because I refuse to acknowledge that lacrosse is a great sport. Well, yesterday afternoon I, inadvertently, looked up at the television screen at CJ’s crabhouse and saw some guys wearing helmets and carrying long sticks with nets on the end. I asked the guy next to me what the hell it was and, according to him, this was lacrosse. Cornell was playing Duke. I couldn’t help but watch. It was the only thing on. 
 
And, um, well… I sorta liked it. WAY, WAY better than soccer. A lot of action, great passing, incredible shots on goal. I mean these guys are tough, I have to admit.  I don’t think I’d enjoy getting bonked in the head with a stick for two hours but that’s basically what happens.
 
So drunken bar owner guy, this is my apology. Lacrosse ain’t as good as football or baseball. It never will be. But if I had a choice between soccer or lacrosse- I’ll take lacrosse every time.
 
That’s a start, right?  
 
MU
 
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