My Dear Misguided Friend Rex Snider Who Must Hate Troy Smith

July 04, 2007 |

Let’s begin by noting that my name is spelled M-A-R-C. Marc.  As for me being the uglier brother, thankfully Andrew and I come from solid genes and are very comfortable with our physical appearance.  I question a man who finds it necessary to judge another man’s looks.  Insecurity?  Perhaps. But I’ll leave that for you and your therapist to discuss.  I did notice that you’re sponsored by a day salon and spa.  Where I come from that’s considered ladies territory.  However, I’m sure you have wonderful pores. Now onto your dreck of a blog…

Let’s begin with Tank Johnson.  If a team releases a player for getting arrested for a crime he CLEARLY didn’t commit, is that wrong? I mean I realize, as a retired police officer, you might be used to assuming everyone is guilty (especially during QUOTA time) but we do have a couple of laws in this country.  There’s this little thing called THE CONSTITUTION.  If you like, I’ll bring it with me to the next WNST staff meeting and go over some of its key points with you.  One of them is INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY.  At least I think that’s in the Constitution.  It might be from an episode of "Law and Order". Either way, I think we have it in this country and Tank Johnson was declared innocent by, ready for this.. THE FREAKIN’ COP WHO ARRESTED HIM!

Oh and you used this quote from the Chicago Bears GM:

"He compromised the credibility of our organization. We made it clear to him that he had no room for error. Our goal was to help someone through a difficult period in his life, but the effort needs to come from both sides. It didn’t, and we have decided to move on.”

Good job Rex (or is it Wrecks?… I spell as badly as you do) except for one thing… he said it BEFORE it was announced that Johnson was below the legal limit.  Now…

Let’s move onto Chris, um, PERRY?  You meant Chris Henry, right? (Noticed that you have since changed it back to Henry, and I’m sure it was an honest mistake, but still as a comic I can leave no stone unturned) 

Unfortunately, we both know you said Chris Perry.  Chris Perry is a running back.  Chris Henry, the guy in question, is a wide receiver. Again, if you’d like, at the next WNST staff meeting you and I can sit down and I’ll explain to you the difference between a running back and a wide receiver.  The point of that reference was to show that we, as members of the media, are VERY quick to indict.  You did it with Troy Smith and you’re being called on it now.

Let’s continue with today’s lesson…

Ricky Williams smokes POT! Get it? POT!  It’s POT! I realize children might be reading this but too bad. EVERYONE SMOKES POT.  Well, almost everyone.  Apparently you don’t.  At least not now.  How about in high school? Oh, and the penalty for smoking this evil drug is what exactly?  Well it varies from state to state.  In Florida, you know that state down at the bottom of the country where Miami is located (oh and by the way, Ricky Williams is a RUNNING BACK not a WIDE RECEIVER) the drug laws are pretty tough. So tough that you have to have more than 20 grams for the charge to be a felony.  I know Williams smokes a lot but 19 grams should do him nicely. 

Next…

You asked me to chew on something.  You asked me to chew on the fact that if a BGE worker, police officer or potato chip delivery guy is tested at work and fails more than once he’ll lose his job permanently. Well, fine.  Perhaps that’s true with cops and BGE workers.  Are we SURE about potato chips delivery guys?  And, yes, I agree that driving stoned is stupid and if you’re the UTZ guy and you’re stoned on the Beltway you should be, at the very least, suspended.  But if you make millions of dollars to play a game that many people watch drunk out of their skulls (I’ll take you to a tailgating party once) and there’s no proof you were high AND driving, maybe you should get a break.

Okay… and now for my grand finale.

"As for professional athletes getting arrested more than other people …. I didn’t write that. I stated “if the players in the NFL were only arrested at a rate consistent with other occupations”. You also wrongly attributed my argument to the arrest statistics of “all males between 21 and 35”. I never suggested this, either. In fact, I think you would find that an overwhelming number of males arrested between the ages of 21 and 35 don’t even have occupations. And, my argument was based on respective occupations and arrest statistics."

The above is a quote from your last, highly inaccurate blog.  Point by point I’m about to rip you apart.

1. Yes, you stated that "if the players in the NFL were only arrested at a rate consistent with other occupations…" Now I realize that you’ve learned the fine art of double talk but I, as a comic, have also learned the fine art of seeing through BS.  Your statement clearly implies that players in the NFL are arrested at a higher rate than other occupations and my response was to point out that, at around 3 percent, my postulate is that other occupations have a competitive rate of arrests. Also, to suggest that an "overwhelming number of males arrested between the ages of 21 and 35 don’t even have occupations" is patently absurd and doesn’t address your premise.  You spent your time discussing players in the NFL and then compared it to other occupations. Fine.  GET FACTS.

I respect you as a person and as a friend but when you start to bring numbers into the debate you better be sure that those numbers reinforce your argument and don’t, in fact, cut against it.

As for those pics of you… hey I’ll leave the pics out of it.  Just don’t call me ugly… or wrong.

By the way, if you’re not busy dreaming up fallacious arguments, you’re welcome on our show as a WNST brother any time you want.

Thoughts? Comments? email us at fightingungers@wnst.net

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