It’s not easy being a fan of the Baltimore Orioles. The once-proud franchise has become the laughing stock of the AL East, suffering loss after bitter loss to the big money BoSox and the Evil Empire. But there is one thing we, fans of the lowly O’s, can hang our orange hats on. Each year when the “Battle of the Beltway” comes around, we can point and laugh at the lowly Nationals and their tiny, hapless fanbase. I mean that team is just awf—
What’s that? 21 wins? I see.
8 more wins than the Orioles? Uh huh.
5 games out of first? Ok.
Did I mention that the Orioles gave up 20 hits and 13 runs in a loss to Texas on Thursday? There’s that, too. As Glenn Clark likes to say, it really sucks being an Orioles fan.
Let’s see what matchups we have in store for a weekend series in the nation’s capital.
Friday, May 21 at 7:05pm: Hernandez (0-5, 5.84 ERA) vs. Olsen (2-1, 3.15 ERA)
Here’s a prediction. David Hernandez will give up as many or more runs than the Orioles earn. I mean, that’s what happened the first seven times Hernandez trotted out to the mound this year. Let’s just keep throwing him out there every five days and expect something different, ahhmiright? That’s the definition of insanity. The good news is that Alberto Castillo will likely be gone and Garrett Atkins will be collecting tookus splinters on the bench. That’s addition by subtraction.
Bold Prediction: Sadness
Bonus Prediction: Despair
Saturday, May 22 at 4:05pm: Bergesen (3-3, 5.45 ERA) vs. Stammen (1-2, 5.86 ERA)
This is a mid-day game, and it is supposed to be 75 degrees and sunny. Go outside. Get some fresh air. Take your grandmother for a walk. Have a picnic with your significant other. It’s going to be a beautiful day.
Sunday, May 23 at 1:35pm: Millwood (0-4, 3.65 ERA) vs. Lannan (1-2, 6.02 ERA)
Being Kevin Millwood is probably a lot like being an Orioles fan right now. It’s being stuck in a nightmare you can’t wake up from. This guy has an ERA under four, and he is winless. He hasn’t even watched many wins disappear. The O’s have been so punchless, he is usually tied up or at a minor deficit when he is through with seven or so strong innings. To make matters worse the poor guy just watched the team that traded him, the first place Rangers, run over the hapless Orioles two days in a row.
Bonus Prediction: The MASN studio analysts will come up with some ridiculous positive spin on one of the club’s abysmal disappointments, saying something like Adam Jones is showing signs of coming around because he is the doubles leader amongst right-handed twenty-four year old center fielders in the month of May. Way to go, Adam!