Scrap the “Plan”, give MacPhail a taser

May 04, 2010 |

A teenager was tasered in Philly on Monday night after running onto the field during a Phillies/Cardinals game.  Plain and simple, the kid didn’t belong on the field so he was tasered.  I think Andy MacPhail’s much talked about “Plan” would be a helluva lot more interesting if Andy followed the same principle, if you don’t belong on the field you’ll be tasered.

It’s May 4th, the Orioles are a ridiculous 7-20, and there are an abundance of “players” on the team who clearly do not belong on a Major League field.  If a 17 year old kid can be tasered for running onto the field just imagine the just punishment handed down for Nolan Reimold and his .179 batting average.  Do you think Adam Jones would keep swinging at the same slider 2 feet off the outside corner if he knew Mr. MacPhail was sitting behind the dugout with a taser and an itchy trigger finger?  Dave Trembley insists that hitting Adam in the leadoff spot will force him to become a more patient hitter.  I think tasering him for poor at bats and mental lapses may produce better results.

In all honesty, Andy may need two tasers for this crew.  Luke Scott, Lou Montanez, Garrett Atkins, Julio Lugo, the list goes on and on.  So many people to taser and so little time.  In fact, the Orioles and MASN really promote the heck out of these T-shirt Tuesdays (and who wouldn’t want a Ryhne Hughes t-shirt), just imagine the crowd they’d get for Taser Tuesday.  I know if there were a chance I’d get to taser Jeremy Guthrie after another gopher ball, or Julio Lugo after another ridiculous at bat I might actually pay for a ticket and maybe even the $2 game day surcharge.