Sport of Politics/State of Orioles

February 11, 2008 |

I’m frustrated by my lack of interest in this election, arguably the most important ever.  The problem is that I just don’t dig any of the nominees. 

My brother’s fallen in love with Barack Obama.  But I ain’t buying it.  I’ve dealt with people who seem perfect, who say all the right things.  My ex girlfriend did that for a year.  Right up until she stopped. 

When the true “her” emerged, I ended up losing a young child I was raising, a home I loved and the family I’d been searching for my whole life.   If Barack does to the country what my ex did to me, America will end up in worse shape than French Guyana.

Besides, I’m tired of hearing about “young people”.   The fact that the New Millennials are taking to this guy like my generation took to Kurt Cobain doesn’t impress me and I’m sick of listening to these kids get all oogly when they talk about his “message”.  

Hell, I get scared when I even hear the word “message”.   For crying out loud, I don’t need a message!  Just tell me what the hell you plan to do and I’ll find the message myself.   The “Barack Babies” have been out in force along the streets of Baltimore all week with these “Children of the Corn” smiles and walking around like they’ve discovered the secret to the Universe.

Have you seen the smiles?  Can anyone say “Manson Family”?  I’m sure Obama’s a great guy and everything, but I don’t trust anyone who can motivate the young.  I don’t want the young motivated.  I like them better when they’re shut up in their rooms playing  XBox, watching reality programming and whining to their parents that their cell phone’s not cool enough. 

Unfortunately, as a staunch Democrat, my only other option is Hillary Clinton and I have about as much fondness for her as I do for Aubrey Huff.

She’s been in the public’s eye for 15 years and I still have no idea who she really is!  Heck, I’m not even sure where she’s from.  She’s got the Chicago accent, but she lived in Arkansas and now she’s a senator from New York.  Pick a home state lady, will you please?

I worry sometimes that her sole reason for wanting the presidency is just so she can torment Bill  (who by the way is looking more and more like W.C Fields everyday) by taking on every intern who walks into the Oval office.   Hell hath no fury like…

Seriously, there’s something too “entitled” about her candidacy.  She reminds me of the Reese Witherspoon character from the movie “Election”.  I keep waiting for her to get angry and rip down Obama’s posters.

As for crossing party lines…

Uh-uh, not going to happen.  Who?  Huckabee?  Not a chance.   If that guy gets in, I move to Denmark the next day.  Don’t buy the smile, folks.  He wins and he’ll make visiting the Creationist Museum a mandatory requirement for U.S citizenship, right after he outlaws dancing.

Granted, it’s hard not to like McCain.  Poor guy was tortured in Vietnam and all.   But, personally, I can’t vote for a guy just because he’s proven he can take a punch. 



This season’s going to be exciting.  I promise.   The O’s won’t win much, but they haven’t done that for ten years anyway so what’s another year or two?  What you’ll get this year is a chance to see young, talented prospects try to make their mark in MLB.   It should be an exciting spring training as guys battle it out for roster spots.

With the trades of Miguel Tejada, Eric Bedard and, perhaps, Brian Roberts, the Orioles are heading in a new direction.   Andy MacPhail is already showing that
he has the mandate to correct the trangressions of the past and reshape the Orioles into the winning team they once were…

Hmm, think Andy MacPhail wants to throw his hat in the ring?