The 15-7-0 is unseasonably hotter than the Patriots’ offense

October 07, 2013 | Glenn Clark

Seven “not so positive” observations…

1. Before he leaves San Francisco, Matt Schaub should probably try to find out where Vin Scully’s “Free Hugs” girls were.

This fella would like to find that group as well.

I bet you’ll never guess why things got so much worse for Matt Schaub Saturday night. Come on, guess!

It’s cool though. He gets it.

2. You guys, it’s not like Maryland broke the record for the most lopsided loss by a ranked team in the history of college football or anything. I mean, calm down. It’s not that bad. Yeah-they only TIED the record. No biggie.

Everything you need to know about this football game can be summed up by the following photo:

48 hours later (which is about how long it felt like the game lasted), this was still not flagged.

Another thing we learned? Jameis Winston > Johnny Manziel. No, really.

3. Speaking of which, the transitive property suggests that Florida State would beat West Virginia 100-0 if the two teams were to match up. The eye test theory makes you wonder if the game would even be that close.

Understandably, no one in Waco really knew how to react to their prosperity.

Elsewhere in the Big 12, you know what? Beats the f*ck out of me.

Further elsewhere, Charlie Weis signed off on this fake punt because he just wanted to make sure people are still watching.

4. I feel like perhaps I have my weekend news stories crossed up. A record or streak of sorts was broken when Sandra Bullock free fell through space only to land in the arms of Pacman Jones, correct?

Fortunately for Andy Dalton, the Bengals held on so the heat comes off him for at least a few seconds. There was however a neat moment early in the game when Dalton suddenly had a moment of clarity about why there’s so much heat on him.

Confirming beliefs we’ve held for some time, God did his damndest to ensure the Pats couldn’t come back late.

Postgame, Tom Brady wanted to know if John Waters was casting a new film.

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