Nobody is ever going to read any of it in a high school English textbook, but I sometimes get the urge to string together vaguely topical rhyming couplets. In my introduction for this competition, I mentioned some of my more lighthearted offerings. This is just the sort of thing I was talking about. So, that said, I give you…
Ode to the Greatest Bullpen
by Mark Brown
For an amazing set of first-place relievers,
Whom all have helped to make us believers,
I offer forth these simple words,
To all the bullpen’s contributing Birds.
To the long reliever Dana Eveland,
Back in time to pitch against Cleveland,
Since recently his wife gave birth,
Now one more Eveland roams the Earth.
No longer sporting an injured finger,
Matt Lindstrom in the ‘pen can linger,
Emerging to pitch the appropriate inning,
And help the Orioles keep on winning.
I’ve got to mention Kevin Gregg,
Though when he pitches I tend to beg,
That he won’t walk another hitter,
And induce a ton of rage on Twitter.
Does Tommy Hunter count for this,
With an ERA as high as Matusz?
And in his single bullpen outing,
He helped the Angels in their routing.
Free agent signing Luis Ayala,
Like ice cold water for just a dolla,
Great price to pay, relatively speaking,
To shore up a bullpen that was leaking.
The oft-forgotten one, Troy Patton,
Stops the other team while they are batting,
And every time he stops a rally,
The Tejada trade gets a better tally.
Funky side-armer Darren O’Day,
Leaves everyone feeling quite okay,
Each time he gets a swinging strikeout,
A puzzled hitter walks to the dugout.
Fireballing set-up man Pedro Strop,
Almost allows a fan to dare to hope,
And if he walks one, doesn’t matter,
He’ll go and whiff the on-deck batter.
Last, Jim Johnson, top flight closer,
Plowing them under like a bulldozer,
So if the O’s are ever good again,
Perhaps it’ll be thanks to the bullpen.