Hair Boys Have To Go

October 22, 2010 | Tom Federline

Aren’t they pretty? Don’t you just love the dreadlocks, Samoan manes and long hippie hair flowing out from the backs of helmets on the NFL and College players? Nice grooming habits, huh? It must be some Samsonian fad – my hair makes me stronger – especially when I’m on steroids. Maybe it’s the “Old School” coming out in me ……again, but the girly hair has got to go.

 What is with the hair, boys? I do not want to hear, “It’s an expression of my culture, religion or national origin.” There is a time and a place for that and it is not on the football field. How about the Lions Mane sported by the Samoans in the NFL?Proudly paraded by the NFL’s #1 Samoan –  Baltimores favorite Hair Boy, Troy “Mr. Head and Shoulders – $1 million dollar insured  mane” Polamalu. Supposedly it is an expression of masculinity grown by the warriors in the region…………….of Samoa! Not Pittsburgh, Pa. or Cincinnati, OH.

Then there are the dreadlocks. Nice expression of culture and religion. Yeah, I heard Chris Johnson Marion Barber, Larry Fitzgerald,etc. are all born-again Caribbeanites. Then there are the boys trying to feel like a woman – Tom Brady, Clay Matthews, Alex Wujciak (Terp linebacker), etc. I don’t get it. I guess they think it looks good? Maybe they think it’s a chick magnet? Let me tell you something boys…..I have never heard a female say…….”Oh yeah, I want that one, he has pretty hair.”  It must be a fascination with Samson.

I’m not that old and I’m not that insensitive to peoples personal grooming habits. But, in my opinion, there should be a presentable dress code of professionalism. Especially when you are representing an organization, university or a city. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but the NBA at least has a dress code. Have you ever gone checked out some of these boys/men and how they arrive at the stadium on gameday? Ray-Ray is a class act, three piece suit the whole ten yards. Then you have the thugs rolling in with slippers on, shirt and pants they had on from the night before, all hanging down on the ground…”Pants on the Ground, Pants on the Ground, what kinda fool goes around with their pants on the ground?” I think we may be asking to much. Let’s just stick with the “Hair” – (The Cowsills) – yes, from the musical.

How about if we kill 2 birds (have-to-go’s) with one stone (simple change). No more “Lead with the helmet hits”. Replace those illegal hits with legal, “Pull the Hair” and fling “Pretty Hair Boy” as far as possible. Holding is permitted (By the Hair Only), wide receivers may use defensive backs hair to propel themselves past coverage. And…. if you end up with some of the disgusting locks in your hand – automatically add 1 point to the score.

The NFL and NCAA has many more major issues to deal with, other than players personal hygiene and grooming. Here comes the Old School again………Should they even have to? Don’t these boys/men have parents or at least someone in upper management to say, “make yourself presentable” or “if you’re going to get paid like a professional, then at least during the season – look professional.” I know, I know, all US citizens have “Freewill” – (RUSH). Is it that much to ask for 6 months of respectable grooming habits? And before you even go there, yes, I did have hair down to my shoulders… the 70’s.