It’s Monday – and it’s memo time

October 08, 2007 | Drew Forrester

Memo to Major League Baseball:

Baseball has done a lot of dumb things in its day but playing a 3-out-of-5 series in the first round of the playoffs is the most insane thing they’ve done.  Why put the players through a 162-game season if you’re going to let a 3-game losing streak end someone’s entire year?  If it’s a “get the season over before November” issue, here’s a novel idea for them.  Either player fewer games, or have each team play four (4) doubleheaders over their 6-month season and that will provide a few extra days in the post-season to play a best-of-7 in every series.

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Memo to the St. Louis Rams:

Sign a bunch of really tall guys this week and work on your field goal blocking. 

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Memo to Mike Nolan:

Didn’t you see the memo to Ken Whisenhunt a couple of weeks back here at WNST.net?  You can NOT run the ball on the Ravens, Mike.  As you learned yesterday, obviously. 

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Memo to Scott Linehan:

See the above note to Mike Nolan if you want to have any chance at winning this week in Baltimore. 

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Memo to Jim Duquette (and to the other O’s front office member who recently quit but it hasn’t yet “gone public”):

Welcome back to sanity.  It wasn’t you.  Plenty of other good people have tried to get it on track and failed too. 

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Memo to the refs in yesterday’s Cleveland/New England game:

Psst…hey guys…gather in…I don’t want to say this too loud.  “The next time, don’t make it so obvious.”  Here’s the scene:  New England is ahead, 27-17 with 2 minutes to play.  The spread is New England -16.5.  The Pats are on the Browns 10-yard line.  They run three plays, can’t get in the end zone and then for some weird reason, try to go for it on 4th down from the Cleveland 9 or so.  They don’t make it.  One minute to play now.  Browns have the ball, down 10, with 91 yards to go.  Game over, right?  Of course.  If you bet the Browns +16.5, you’re home free, right?  Chances are, they’ll throw a couple of hail mary’s, one of ‘em will get picked off and the Pats will sit on the ball for the final 23 seconds and win 27-17.  Right?  Wrong.  Derek Anderson throws one across the middle to Kellen Winslow, Jr….the ball is loose, some cat from the Pats picks it up and shakes and bakes his way into the end zone to put New England up 33-17.  Wait, the guys upstairs want to look at it again to see if Winslow caught the ball.  He didn’t, by the way.  Well, well, they say he did.  “The call on the field of a catch and fumble stands…New England, touchdown.”  An extra-point later and the Pats win 34-17, covering by a half-point.  And now you wonder why you have to be a complete idiot to bet on football?  That’s exhibit A.  Wow.  I have two words for you:  TOO OBVIOUS. 

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Memo to the Green Bay Packers:

Did the Cleat of Reality pay for a ticket to last night’s game or did you give him a seat in the press box?

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Memo to anyone betting the Ravens/Rams game next week:

Take the under.  What is the total, just out of curiousity?  23.5?  Still, take the under.

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Memo to the New Orleans Saints:

It’s never too early to start looking at next year’s draft.  You guys can go ahead and get started.

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Memo to Brian Billick:

Did you listen to talk radio today?  You must have been laughing your ass off.  Just think about the tone of the calls if your team would have actually LOST the game yesterday.  By the way, don’t say Drew didn’t warn you. 

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Memo to Joe Torre:

Who’s going to pitch for the Yankees in Game 1 of the ALCS against Boston now that Clemens is on the shelf?

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Memo to Brian Roberts:

As soon as the post-season ends, have your agent make the call the very next day.  Tell him to use words and phrases like:  “thanks for the opportunity” – and – “Brian just needs a change of scenery” – and – “Brian is at a point in his career now where we feel like he deserves to experience playoff baseball” – and – “nothing personal, it’s just business” – and – if the tactful manner doesn’t work, just have him say:  “Brian wants to get the hell out of Baltimore”. 

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Memo to Mike Shanahan:

That decision to change QB’s and go with Jay Cutler last year when your team was 7-4 and headed for the playoffs doesn’t look so smart right now.

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Memo to Brian Billick, Part 2:

If you’re thinking about making a QB change just for the sake of making a QB change, call Mike Shanahan first and see how he feels about that Jay Cutler decision I referenced above.

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Memo to Matt Stover:

Ask for a raise.  Tomorrow.

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Memo to fans attending Sunday’s home game with the Rams:

Bring a pillow. 

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Memo to the two guys who e-mailed me after last Sunday’s loss in Cleveland and wrote that Stover “is done”:

Why didn’t I hear from you two clowns this week?

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Memo to Springsteen fans everywhere:

If you haven’t bought or downloaded Bruce’s new CD, “Magic”, do it today. 

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Memo to Jim Thorpe and Ben Crenshaw:

Try being a little nicer next year if you both decide to grace us with your presence at the Champions Tour event in Baltimore.  At your age, being abrasive, evasive and prickly isn’t smart.

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Memo to Chip Beck and Loren Roberts:

Give Thorpe and Crenshaw some of those “nice pills” you guys take every day. 

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Memo to Andy MacPhail:

Trade Tejada.  Trade Bedard.  You’re starting from scratch, pal.  As if you didn’t know that already. 

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Memo to Dave Trembley:

Hang in there, you’re just a power-hitting left fielder, a hit-for-average-decent-with-the-glove centerfielder, a slugging first baseman, a shortstop, a catcher and seven pitchers away from being on the cusp of contending next year.

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Memo to the gang at ‘JFK:

Nice scoop on the Halo Tingati signing.  I think he’ll help the Ravens.

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