Top 10 Baseball Distractions

April 17, 2012 | Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: Boxing-Jermain Taylor vs. Caleb Truax (Friday 11pm from Biloxi, MS live on Showtime), Abner Mares vs. Eric Morel (Saturday 9pm from El Paso, TX live on Showtime); Tennis: ATP Tour Monte-Carlo Rolex Masters (Tuesday-Friday 4:30am Saturday 7am Sunday 7:30am from Monaco live on Tennis Channel/; Soccer: MLS-Montreal Impact @ DC United (Wednesday 7:30pm from RFK Stadium live on Comcast SportsNet PLUS), New York Red Bulls @ DC United (Sunday 6pm from RFK Stadium live on ESPN2); Women’s College Lacrosse: ACC Tournament-Maryland vs. Virginia Tech (Friday 2pm from Durham, NC live on, ACC Championship (Monday 7pm from Durham, NC live on ESPNU)

10. Augustana (Wednesday 7pm Rams Head Live), Portugal. The Man (Thursday 7pm Rams Head Live); Charm City Devils (Saturday 6:30pm Recher Theatre); Colin Hay (Thursday 7:30pm Baltimore Soundstage); The Bacon Brothers (Thursday & Friday 6:30pm & 9pm Rams Head on Stage), WAR (Sunday 5pm & 8pm Rams Head on Stage); Fountains of Wayne/James Iha (Thursday 7pm 9:30 Club), NEEDTOBREATHE (Saturday 8pm Sunday 7pm 9:30 Club); Glen Campbell (Tuesday & Wednesday 7:30pm Birchmere), Bela Fleck & The Flecktones (Monday 7:30pm Birchmere); Bad Brains (Friday 8pm Howard Theater); Daryl Hall/Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings (Friday 8pm Warner Theatre); Bowling For Soup (Saturday 8pm Stevenson University); Johns Hopkins Spring Fair feat. Passion Pit (Friday-Sunday, Passion Pit show Friday 7pm JHU Rec Center); UMBC Quadmania feat. Gym Class Heroes (Friday-Sunday, Gym Class Heroes show Saturday 7pm RAC Arena); Neon Trees “Picture Show” available in stores/on iTunes (Tuesday)

You know I’ll be at Recher Saturday night supporting the very awesome John Allan and CCD. My only issue with “Man of Constant Sorrow” is that I can’t fathom a human being leaving Kentucky…

I don’t particularly know anything about NEEDTOBREATHE but I DO know I dig this tune…

If Daryl Hall had Fitz & The Tantrums as his touring house band, I’d go to every show…

I probably shouldn’t admit how much I dig Neon Trees…

9. Ron White (Thursday 7:30pm Meyerhoff Symphony Hall); Eddie Griffin (Friday & Saturday Magooby’s Joke House); Norm MacDonald (Friday & Saturday Baltimore Comedy Factory); Wendy Liebman (Thursday-Sunday DC Improv); Mission: Impossible Ghost Protocol available on DVD/Blu-Ray (Tuesday); Tax Day (Tuesday)

I think I’m gonna go see Norm MacDonald. Because Norm MacDonald is funny. See below.

Also, it’s Tax Day Tuesday. I don’t think I’m getting any money back (do you have to make money for that?), but if I did I know exactly how I’d spend it…

There isn’t anything…in the world…I want more than a LoveSac.

8.  Golf: PGA Tour Valero Texas Open (Thursday & Friday 3pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday & Sunday 3pm live on CBS. All golf from San Antonio, TX); Champions Tour Liberty Mutual Insurance Legends of Golf (Friday 12:30pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday & Sunday 1pm live on CBS. All golf from Savannah, GA); LPGA Tour LOTTE Championship (Wednesday-Saturday 6:30pm from Kapolei, Oahu, HI live on Golf Channel)

Apparently they played another golf tournament the week after The Masters. I know, I’m just as surprised as you.

Anyway, here’s video of Brian Gay’s caddie fighting with an alligator at the RBC Heritage. It almost makes you wonder if you should start watching golf.


7. Auto Racing: NASCAR STP 400 (Sunday 12:30pm from Kansas City, KS live on FOX)

Look, there’s not a person who reads my blog that cares even a lick about NASCAR. There’s going to be a race Sunday. Someone will win. I’ll bet there’s a crash. How’s that for analysis?

I don’t know where else in here to do this, so I’ll drop it here. Is there anyone that still hasn’t seen the whole Tupac thing from Coachella Sunday night? A hologram version of ‘Pac rapping with Snoop Dogg?

I mean…this really happened. Why aren’t they covering this on CNN? Isn’t this the biggest story of our generation?

6. NBA: Milwaukee Bucks @ Washington Wizards (Wednesday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Washington Wizards @ Miami Heat (Saturday 7:30pm from Miami live on Comcast SportsNet), Charlotte Bobcats @ Washington Wizards (Monday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet)

With the Bobcats slated to make an appearance in DC Monday night, I’m reminded that we’ll have the unique opportunity to watch coach Paul Silas do a lot of this…

There’s more here. It’s pretty great. Not that the ‘Zards are much better than the Bobcats.

5. College Football: Maryland Red-White Spring Game (Saturday 1pm Byrd Stadium); Towson University Tiger Bowl II (Saturday 1pm Unitas Stadium)

Spring Games are always so great because of nothing.

Look, I’m all for having an extra day every year to tailgate and hang with your friends, but I’ve just never felt like it really translated at all in this area.

That being said, EVERY Saturday in the Spring is a good Saturday to be on campus over at Towson U. Just think about all of the eye candy over there…

(That’s Damon Yaffe. He’s new here. Somehow he managed to get away with not having to carry a Strawberry Shortcake backpack his first week. There is other eye candy at Towson, if you’re into that sort of thing.)

4. NHL Playoffs: Boston Bruins @ Washington Capitals Game 4 (Thursday 7:30pm from Verizon Center live on NBC Sports Network/Comcast SportsNet), Washington Capitals @ Boston Bruins Game 5 (Saturday 3pm from Boston live on NBC), Boston Bruins @ Washington Capitals Game 6 if necessary (Sunday TBD from Verizon Center)

Stanley Cup. Cake. Stop when there’s an issue.

3. College Lacrosse: Johns Hopkins @ Navy (Saturday 12pm from Navy-Marine Corps Memorial Stadium live on CBS Sports Network); Drexel @ Towson (Saturday 7:30pm from Unitas Stadium live on AM1570; Albany @ UMBC (Saturday 1pm from UMBC Stadium live on Live Well Network); Frostburg State @ Stevenson (Wednesday 7pm Mustang Stadium); ACC Tournament: Maryland vs. Duke (Friday 5pm from Charlottesville, VA live on ESPNU), ACC Championship Game (Sunday 3pm from Charlottesville, VA live on ESPNU)

The following statement is factual.

2. NFL Schedule Announcement (Tuesday 7pm ESPN/NFL Network); NFL Draft Preview with Brian Billick (Wednesday 7pm from Tilted Kilt White Marsh on AM1570

This is the biggest offseason happening since the Baltimore Ravens cheerleaders went to wherever the hell they went a few weeks ago…

They broadcast this event on radio…because no one in the world has figured anything out yet at all.

1. Mixed Martial Arts: UFC 145-Jon “Bones” Jones vs. Rashad Evans (Saturday 10pm from Atlanta live on Pay-Per-View); Bellator Fighting Championships 66-Eddie Alvarez vs. Shinya Aoki (Friday 8pm from Cleveland live on MTV2)

These guys kinda really have issues with each other…

Also, Arthur Jones recently told us his brother was once beat up by a girl. That rules.

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…