8. Tennis: ATP Tour WTA Tour Western & Southern Open (Tuesday & Wednesday 11am live on Tennis Channel Thursday-Saturday 1pm & 7pm live on ESPN2 Sunday 12:30pm live on CBS 4pm live on ESPN2)
Novak Djokovic picked up a win last week in Canada after some struggles after the Australian Open through the Olympics. You clearly don’t give a sh*t, so I’ll move on.
Oh my, something you’d be interested in. Something you’d be interested in. Well…there’s THIS story about Chad William Forber being arrested while naked and covered in Crisco.
7. Mixed Martial Arts: Strikeforce-Ronda Rousey vs. Sarah Kaufman (Saturday 10pm from San Diego live on Showtime)
Ronda Roussey recently posed nude for ESPN The Magazine’s Body Issue. I mean, what the hell else are we supposed to do here???
That’s not a human body, right?
6. College Football: Maryland Fan Appreciation Day (Saturday 3pm Capital One Field at Byrd Stadium)
I was so excited about Fan Appreciation Day I wandered down to College Park to have Offensive Coordinator Mike Locksley sing the old Towson University fight song.
What? Do you think I wasn’t fully prepped to do a hard-hitting interview with the embattled former New Mexico coach because I was too busy Googling news stories about naked men and Crisco.
5. Action Sports: Dew Tour Pantech Beach Championships (Thursday-Sunday from Ocean City live on NBC & NBC Sports Network)
You know what my favorite part of the Dew Tour is? The strict “no marijuana” policy all athletes involved have to abide by. That stuff’s illegal, yo.
Wait….no….NO!!! I said it was ILLEGAL! AND SO NOT COOL!