…You Might Be A Redskin

March 02, 2009 | Thyrl Nelson

With little good happening for the Ravens this off-season, and current negotiations apparently at a lull, there seems to be little so far for Ravens fans to be encouraged about. The acquisition of Domonique Foxworth is a solid one potentially, and bringing back a former Terp is somewhat newsworthy. Still, even though he’s someone that local fans should be familiar with, there doesn’t appear to be a whole lot of excitement surrounding his arrival. In fact, I’ve heard him referred to as Foxworthy at least 10 times already.

 

What’s the over under on the Foxworthy count for this season? And what kind of season will the Ravens’ new corner need to have before people stop confusing him with the guy who tells the redneck jokes?

 

Anyway, the whole Foxworth, Foxworthy thing is kind of funny, and since there’s little else to talk about on this Sunday night; in honor of our newest Raven:

 

- If you have to pay for parking in the players’ lot, then you might be a Redskin.

 

- If you go to company board meetings, and the man seated at the end of the table has his feet dangling several inches above the floor, then you could be a Redskin.

 

- If your team gets bagged meals from Johnny Rockets instead of per diem, you just may be a Redskin.

 

- If you never pick until day 2 of the draft, then you’re probably a Redskin.

 

- If the lockers in your locker room have coin slots and orange keys like a bus station, you could possibly be a Redskin.

 

- If your fantasy team has more roster stability than your real team, then I’d venture to say that you’re a Redskin.

 

- If pigmen in dresses are the only remaining holdover from the good old days, there’s a good chance that you’re a Redskin.

 

- If your coach has to wait his turn before giving his post game speech, then you’re probably a Redskin.

 

- If you negotiated your contract with the owner while the GM fetched coffee, then it’s a safe bet that you’re a Redskin.

 

- If there are pay toilets in your locker room, then it’s likely that you’re a Redskin.

 

- If your company is named after a racial slur, then you are almost assuredly a Redskin.

 

- If you have to introduce yourself to 75% of your team every year, then you are probably a Redskin.

 

- If your post game prayer is to L Ron Hubbard, then you might be a Redskin.

 

- If playing Batman at the local amusement park is part of rookie hazing, you could be a Redskin.

 

- If there are phone books on the chairs in the owner’s box, then all indications are that you’re a Redskin.

 

- If you seem to land the top free agent every season, yet still never win, then you’re probably a Redskin.

 

- If your locker room is nicknamed “The Place Where Hall of Famers Come to Relax”, then you could be a Redskin.

 

- And finally, if George Steinbrenner and Jerry Jones routinely refer to your owner as “that lunatic”, then you are absolutely a Redskin.

 

Peace,

T

(thyrl@wnst.net)

 

 

 

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