8. Auto Racing: NASCAR Coke Zero 400 (Saturday 7:30pm from Daytona, FL live on TNT)
Obviously no one cares. But importantly, why didn’t any of you jerks tell me that “Frankenfoods” was a thing? I’ll get back in on SpikeTV IMMEDIATELY. This is some sort of Chicago Hot Dog/Deep Dish Pizza combo that I’d rather die than go another day without consuming.
7. Mixed Martial Arts: UFC 175-Chris Weidman vs. Lyoto Machida (Saturday 10pm from Las Vegas live on Pay-Per-View)
Dear badasses competing in Saturday night’s event:
You’re still not as badass as Randy Orton and his 12 head staples.
6. NHL Free Agency begins (Tuesday)
As an Arizona Coyotes fan, this Sam Gagner tribute video (for his time with the Tampa Bay Lightning) is particularly emotional. All the feels.
5. NBA Free Agency begins (Tuesday)
It’s worth watching one more time.
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