Tag Archive | "College Soccer"


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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 25 October 2010 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: College Soccer-Vermont @ UMBC (Wednesday 7pm UMBC Stadium); Siena @ Loyola (Friday 7pm Ridley Athletic Complex), Marist @ Loyola (Sunday 1pm Ridley Athletic Complex); Mixed Martial Arts: Bellator Fighting Championships 34 (Thursday 8pm from Hollywood, FL live on Fox Sports Net)

10. Yonder Mountain String Band and Mike Doughty (Saturday 8pm Rams Head Live), Rebelution (Saturday 8pm Recher Theatre), Pietasters (Saturday 8pm 8×10 Club), Parachute (Saturday 1pm Rams Head On Stage), Social Distortion (Tuesday 8pm 9:30 Club), Robert Randolph & The Family Band (Friday & Saturday 9pm 9:30 Club), Anberlin/Crash Kings (Sunday 6pm 9:30 Club) Andrew WK (Wednesday 8pm Bourbon Street), Styx (Friday 8pm Hippodrome, Wednesday 7pm Warner Theatre), Goo Goo Dolls (Friday 8pm Reitz Arena), Norm MacDonald (Thursday-Sunday DC Improv)

I missed Robert Randolph at Rams Head Live last week. No effing chance I’m missing him at 9:30 Club this week.

I’d actually like to go back for Anberlin/Crash Kings. They’re both really freaking

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 25 October 2010 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: College Soccer-Vermont @ UMBC (Wednesday 7pm UMBC Stadium); Siena @ Loyola (Friday 7pm Ridley Athletic Complex), Marist @ Loyola (Sunday 1pm Ridley Athletic Complex); Mixed Martial Arts: Bellator Fighting Championships 34 (Thursday 8pm from Hollywood, FL live on Fox Sports Net)

10. Yonder Mountain String Band and Mike Doughty (Saturday 8pm Rams Head Live), Rebelution (Saturday 8pm Recher Theatre), Pietasters (Saturday 8pm 8×10 Club), Parachute (Saturday 1pm Rams Head On Stage), Social Distortion (Tuesday 8pm 9:30 Club), Robert Randolph & The Family Band (Friday & Saturday 9pm 9:30 Club), Anberlin/Crash Kings (Sunday 6pm 9:30 Club) Andrew WK (Wednesday 8pm Bourbon Street), Styx (Friday 8pm Hippodrome, Wednesday 7pm Warner Theatre), Goo Goo Dolls (Friday 8pm Reitz Arena), Norm MacDonald (Thursday-Sunday DC Improv)

I missed Robert Randolph at Rams Head Live last week. No effing chance I’m missing him at 9:30 Club this week.

I’d actually like to go back for Anberlin/Crash Kings. They’re both really freaking underrated…

I like Styx way more than I should ever admit. I think at one point in my life I had their episode of Vh1 “Behind The Music” memorized. I’m pretty sure I know more about Chuck Panozzo than I know about most of my ex-girlfriends.

And here are the Goo Goo Dolls singing on Sesame Street. I can’t figure out if this is cool or lame. They’ve made a career out of me having that feeling.

9. Rally to Restore Sanity or Fear (Saturday 12pm National Mall)

You know why this is going to be great? Because Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert are both…you know…actually FUNNY.

If it weren’t for the fact that I’m going to be limiting my time in DC moving forward…I’d be there.

8. Back to the Future 25th Anniversary Edition available on DVD/Blu-Ray (Tuesday)

I went to White Marsh to see it Saturday. It was AWESOME. I was going to take Perry Hall Blvd. to get there, but then I remembered something…

7. Auto Racing: NASCAR Amp Energy Juice 500 (Sunday 1pm from Talladega, Alabama live on ESPN)

I love Talladega. Well…I don’t really love Talladega, but I loved Talladega Nights. Isn’t that close enough?

6. NHL: Washington Capitals @ Carolina Hurricanes (Wednesday 7pm from Raleigh live on Comcast SportsNet), Washington Capitals @ Minnesota Wild (Thursday 8pm from Minneapolis live on NHL Network & Comcast SportsNet), Washington Capitals @ Calgary Flames (Saturday 10pm from Calgary live on Comcast SportsNet)

Have you heard this story? Thanks to Yahoo! Sports’ Puck Daddy for the tip. Apparently a young man was playing a game of EA Sports NHL 11 when Dallas Stars winger Adam Burish interfered on a 2-0 breakaway. The young man wrote a letter to the Stars demanding an apology from Burish…


What’s great about this? He GOT the apology! Well, sort of.

You think there’s a chance I could write the Oakland Raiders and demand a similar apology from Kyle Boller for things that happened not in a video game but instead in REALITY.

5. High School Football: Perry Hall @ Milford Mill (Saturday 1pm), North County @ Glen Burnie (Saturday 6:30pm)

With PHHS coming off a 62-0 drubbing of Dulaney, Milford Mill better be on watch.

As far as Glen Burnie is concerned; well the Gophers are just hoping they can offer a performance SLIGHTLY more representative than Brock Lesnar against Cain Velasquez…

4. NFL: Miami Dolphins @ Cincinnati Bengals (Sunday 1pm from Cincinnati live on CBS), Washington Redskins @ Detroit Lions (Sunday 1pm from Detroit live on FOX), Minnesota Vikings @ New England Patriots (Sunday 4:15pm from Foxborough, MA live on FOX), Pittsburgh Steelers @ New Orleans Saints (Sunday 8:20pm from New Orleans live on NBC), Houston Texans @ Indianapolis Colts (Monday 8:30pm from Indianapolis live on ESPN)

There’s no question that Sundays aren’t quite the same when the Ravens don’t play. That being said, there’s nothing wrong in my mind with spending a Halloween night screaming obscenities at those a-holes in black and yellow, only to take a break every now and then and hand out some candy corn.

And by the way, EVERY kid in town is stopping by Glenn Clark’s house this year. Just look at how welcoming it is!


And we have pumpkins!


Yes, I did (with a lot of help) carve the Vince Lombardi Trophy in my pumpkin. I’m awesome like that. I did it for two reasons.

One-to honor the Ravens 10th Anniversary Super Bowl XXXV team.

Two-As an answer to the question “What sports trophy will the Dallas Cowboys not have to worry about winning this season?

3. NBA: Washington Wizards @ Orlando Magic (Thursday 8pm from Orlando live on TNT), Washington Wizards @ Atlanta Hawks (Saturday 7pm from Atlanta live on Comcast SportsNet)

The NBA IS BACK!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah, I tried generating excitement about it, but I couldn’t possibly care less.

You know who I’m picking to win the NBA title this year? The Tune Squad.


2. Exhibition College Basketball: Florida Southern @ Maryland (Monday 8pm Comcast Center)

Unlike the NBA, I actually AM excited to have college hoops back. I’ll be one of the handful of nerds that wanders down to College Park Monday night to check out Jordan Williams and the Terps.

How excited am I about the return of college hoops? Damn near as excited as I am about this picture of Diana Morales that I found over at Guyism…


1. College Football: Wake Forest @ Maryland (Saturday 3:30pm from Byrd Stadium live on ESPNU), Duke @ Navy (Saturday 3:30pm from Navy-Marine Corps Memorial Stadium live on CBS College Sports), Rhode Island @ Towson (Saturday 3:30pm Unitas Stadium), Juniata @ Johns Hopkins (Saturday 1pm Homewood Field)

You see, this is a good week for me. Not only do I despise the Terrapins’ opponent (up yours, Demon Deacons); but I once again despise the Midshipmen’s opponent as well.

In fact, I despise the Blue Devils MORE of course. I adopted a similar philosophy to the one that Fark.com apparently lives by…


Go Mids! Duck Fuke.

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…


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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 18 October 2010 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: FallBall College Lacrosse: Maryland @ Loyola (Friday 7pm Ridley Athletic Complex); “Paranormal Activity 2” opens in theaters (Friday)

10. Darius Rucker (Friday 7pm Pier Six Pavilion), 311 (Saturday 7pm Pier Six Pavilion); Robert Randolph & The Family Band, Martin Sexton (Friday 8pm Rams Head Live), Matt And Kim (Saturday 8pm Rams Head Live), Bad Religion (Sunday 7pm Rams Head Live); Jenny & Johnny (Monday 8pm Rams Head Live); All Time Low (Saturday 8pm Recher Theatre); Helmet (Friday 8pm Sonar); Yonder Mountain String Band (Saturday 10pm 9:30 Club); Buddy Guy (Tuesday & Wednesday 7:30pm Birchmere); Louis CK (Friday 7:30pm & 10pm Warner Theatre); Guster (Saturday 7pm D.A.R. Constitution Hall), Lifehouse (Sunday 7:30pm D.A.R. Constitution Hall); Kelly Bell Band (Saturday 8pm Field House); Tom Papa (Saturday 8pm Stevenson University); B.o.B. and Wale (Sunday 7pm Towson Center); Kings of Leon “Come Around Sundown” available in stores/on iTunes (Tuesday)

I don’t care how you feel about country music. I’m going to see Darius Rucker Friday night. And as I told Boomer Sooner already, I will NOT be held responsible for my actions if he channels Prince…

If anyone has some extra 311 tickets Saturday night, I know a certain doughy sports DJ that would be willing to take them off your hands…

Since I’m going to be at Darius Rucker Friday night I’m going to miss Robert Randolph. (It’s okay, I’m going to see him a week later in DC. I know you were worried.) For those of you who WILL be at Rams Head Friday night, you’ll be in for a treat…

So…I have some friends who go to Towson. Can they please explain to me why none of them have invited me to the B.O.B. show Sunday night?!?!?

And finally, my copy of “Come Around Sundown” better be ready on iTunes before sun UP on Tuesday. That is all…

9. Cirque Du Soleil “OVO” final week (Tuesday-Sunday National Harbor DC)

If I’m going, Paul Rudd better be bringing me some shrooms for the event. (You REALLY don’t get the reference? REALLY? Please check here…)

Seriously though, the whole thing just looks like an acid trip to me…

8. Soccer: MLS-Toronto FC @ DC United (Saturday 7:30pm from RFK Stadium live on MLS Direct Kick); College Soccer: Colgate @ Maryland (Tuesday 7:30pm Ludwig Field), Wake Forest @ Maryland (Saturday 7pm Ludwig Field); Hartford @ UMBC (Saturday 1pm UMBC Soccer Stadium)

Apparently this is Jaime Moreno’s final match with DC United-which is apparently meaningful somehow. I’d tell you how if I knew, trust me. I’m not just being a jerk and withholding information from you. I genuinely don’t know.

Now…if it was Jamie BRADFORD’s final match with DC United, I’m pretty sure I would understand the significance…


7. NHL: Boston Bruins @ Washington Capitals (Tuesday 7:30pm from Verizon Center live on VERSUS), Washington Capitals @ Boston Bruins (Thursday 7pm from Boston live on Comcast SportsNet & NHL Network), Atlanta Thrashers @ Washington Capitals (Saturday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet)

As you know, I’m not a Caps fan. They play in Washington-which I’m sure you’re aware is the same place where the Redskins play. I dislike both of them.

That being said…I probably hate Boston just as much if not more. Especially considering the fact that the Ravens just lost to the New England Patriots. Eff Boston. Eff New England. Eff Papa Gino’s. Eff Bill Simmons. Eff Fenway Park. Eff Sweet Caroline.

Unless it’s Dave Matthews playing Sweet Caroline. At Fenway Park. Then we’ll momentarily enjoy it and then pretend to be mad about it later.

6. High School Football: Perry Hall @ Dulaney (Saturday 1pm), Severna Park @ Glen Burnie (Friday 6:30pm)

You know…I was feeling a bit dejected about the fact that my Gators couldn’t hang on Friday night and beat Franklin. I really was. It was Homecoming, and a loss to the Indians really kinda hurt.

But…at least I don’t root for the Gophers like a certain other personality on “The Morning Reaction” that I know.

That’s right, ol’ Drew Forrester’s alma mater had a hell of a night Friday night. Final score? Old Mill 83, Glen Burnie….zero.


I think Old Mill would have gotten better competition from THIS team…


5. Auto Racing: NASCAR Tums Fast Relief 500 (Sunday 1pm from Martinsville, VA live on ESPN)

NASCAR races really aren’t my thing-even when they reach their “playoffs.”

But while I’ve never actually been to Martinsville, I get the feeling that this is probably more exciting than what folks USUALLY do in town…


4. Pro Wrestling: WWE Bragging Rights (Sunday 8pm from Minneapolis live on Pay-Per-View)

I usually offer you one good reason to watch WWE’s monthly PPV event. This time, I have two. Those reasons are named Brie Bella and Nikki Bella…


Ahh yes, the Bella Twins. They’re wrestlers. Or something. Apparently. Lord, I don’t know. They’re hot. Isn’t that enough for you people?

3. Mixed Martial Arts: UFC 121-Brock Lesnar vs. Cain Velasquez (Saturday 10pm from Anaheim live on Pay-Per-View), Strikeforce Challengers-Roger Bowling vs. Bobby Voelker (Friday 11pm from Fresno, CA live on Showtime); Bellator Fighting Championships 33: Roger Huerta vs. Eddie Alvarez (Thursday 8pm from Philadelphia live on Fox Sports Net)

The entire sport of MMA is much better for having Brock Lesnar part of it. Why’s that? Well…remember when he and Big Show did THIS???

2. College Football: Maryland @ Boston College (Saturday 1pm from Chestnut Hill, Mass. live on ESPN3.com), Navy vs. Notre Dame (Saturday 12pm from East Rutherford, NJ live on CBS), Delaware State @ Morgan State (Saturday 1pm Hughes Stadium)

This is great. I like the Midshipmen and I don’t like the Fighting Irish. In fact, I REALLY don’t like the Irish. GO MIDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1. NFL: Buffalo Bills @ Baltimore Ravens (Sunday 1pm from M&T Bank Stadium live on CBS)

You almost feel bad making fun of the Buffalo Bills. I mean, hasn’t that group of fans suffered enough? They might lose their team to Canada! CANADA! I sorta just feel bad for them.

Oh well.

I present to you the Top 3 most significant moments in Buffalo Bills history…

#3 was actually a decent play…

#2 was a minor miracle…

#1 was…I’m just sorry Bills fans….

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…


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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 08 October 2010 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: Preseason NBA-Atlanta Hawks @ Washington Wizards (Tuesday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Milwaukee Bucks @ Washington Wizards (Thursday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet and NBA TV); Auto Racing: NASCAR Bank of America 500 (Saturday 7:30pm from Charlotte live on ABC); Mixed Martial Arts: UFC 120-Michael Bisping vs. Yoshihiro Akiyama (Saturday 7pm from London on SpikeTV)

10. Chelsea Handler (Friday 8pm 1st Mariner Arena); Seth Meyers (Saturday 8pm Patriot Center); Kevin Hart (Saturday 8pm & 11pm Meyerhoff Symphony Hall); Halloween Hootenanny feat. Rob Zombie & Alice Cooper (Sunday 3pm Merriweather Post Pavilion); Aaron Lewis (Friday 7pm Rams Head Live); Stephen Kellogg & The Sixers (Wednesday 7:30pm Recher Theatre); Pharoahe Monch (Sunday 8pm Sonar); The Ataris (Monday 8pm Ottobar); Days of the New (Friday 7pm Bourbon Street); Victor Wooten (Tuesday 8pm Rams Head On Stage), Blood, Sweat & Tears (Wednesday 6:30pm & 9:30pm Rams Head On Stage), Jackie Greene (Thursday 8pm Rams Head On Stage); Bone Thugs-n-Harmony (Wednesday 10pm 9:30 Club), Pepper (Friday 8pm 9:30 Club), Sara Bareilles (Monday 7:30pm 9:30 Club); Craig Ferguson (Saturday 7pm Warner Theatre); Darius Rucker “Charleston, SC 1966” available in stores/on iTunes (Tuesday)

Alice Cooper still plays music? I thought he was just a golfer nowadays?!? I’ll probably miss his show, but it’s not because Rob Zombie doesn’t kick ass…

I was never the biggest Staind fan, but I’d be down to hear Aaron Lewis channel Eddie Vedder for sure…

It’s been a long time since Bone Thugs was relevant, but after doing some research, they’re still pretty freaking good…

Make fun of me all you want, but I’ve already pre-ordered Darius Rucker’s disc on iTunes. It is what it is…

9. Jackass 3D in theaters (Friday)

This is what a comedy is supposed to be all about. Forget about a plot, forget about a compelling storyline, and for god sakes don’t try to tie it up with some sort of feel good story. Just punch each other in the nuts and let me laugh, damnit…

8. Baltimore Beer Week: Blues & Brews Festival (Friday 7pm 8×10 Club), Chesapeake Real Ale Festival (Saturday 1pm Pratt Street Ale House), Baltimore Beer Festival (Sunday 12pm Canton Waterfront Park)

If I could, I would attend all of these events. Seriously. I knew this is going to sound crazy to most of you, but these are the two things I love the most. Charm City…and Beer.

For those of you who have asked (and I thank you for considering me an expert!), here are my Top 3 pumpkin-based brews in honor of the Fall.

5-Blue Moon Pumpkin Ale


4-Michelob Jack’s Pumpkin Spice Ale


3-Brooklyn Brewery Post Road Pumpkin Ale


2-Four Peaks Pumpkin Porter


1-Dogfish Head Punkin Ale


7. Boxing: Antonio Tarver vs. Nagy Aguilera (Friday 11pm from Miami, Oklahoma live on Showtime), WBC Heavyweight Championship-Shannon Briggs vs. Vitali Klitschko (Saturday 5pm from Hamburg, Germany live on ESPN3.com), Lucian Bute vs. Jesse Brinkley (Friday 9:30pm from Montreal live on ESPN3.com)

Shannon Briggs is fighting Vitali Klitschko for the WBC Heavyweight title. Yes, this is the same belt previously held by Lennox Lewis, Mike Tyson, Evander Holyfield, Riddick Bowe, Larry Holmes, Ken Norton and Muhammad Ali.

Of course, it was also held by Buster Douglas and Hasim Rahman, but even they had to beat a legitimate champion to become champion. I’m pretty sure at this point we’re not far from seeing Joey Buttafuoco get a title shot…

6. High School Football: Glen Burnie @ Old Mill (Friday 6:30pm), Franklin @ Perry Hall (Friday 7pm)

So I screwed up. Last Friday was NOT PHHS’s Homecoming game. I was given bad information by Barry Aparicio-who is now my roommate. A-hole.

It was particularly embarrassing when I called Gators Athletic Director Kathy Graybeal and asked her for passes to the game. (Umm…Glenn…the Homecoming game is NEXT week. MY BAD!)

There’s good news in all of this however. The good news is that I never got an answer from Daniela Pane about my Homecoming date proposal last week…


(Edit from GMC: Daniela is the person in the picture who WASN’T in the movie “Revenge of the Nerds.” Yes…the hot one.)

Here’s the deal. Daniela Pane (who is appearing in an upcoming episode of “1000 Ways to Die” on SpikeTV) is the second most talented, second most successful, second best-looking member of Perry Hall’s graduating class of 2001. I’d tell you who was first, but you already know it’s spelled “Glenn Clark.”

So Daniela, you have another week to consider my offer. I think we’d be a fantastic Homecoming couple. Boomer Sooner’s sister is in town, so she’s busy. Plus…she’d understand? Maybe not? You know, let’s worry about that some other time. The point is…the offer is on the table. I know you live in California, but it’s Friday night. You have until then to get home. No pressure.

5. NHL: New York Islanders @ Washington Capitals (Wednesday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet and VERSUS), Washington Capitals @ Nashville Predators (Saturday 8pm from Nashville live on Comcast SportsNet)

The Capitals played some games last weekend…blah blah blah here’s the deal. I want this Phoenix Coyotes jersey. Who wants to buy it for me???


It’s only $150. Just get it now.

4. Soccer: Team USA vs. Columbia (Tuesday 8pm from Chester, PA live on ESPN2); MLS-DC United @ Chicago Fire (Saturday 4pm from Chicago live on Comcast SportsNet); College Soccer: Clemson @ Maryland (Saturday 7pm Ludwig Field); Boston University @ UMBC (Friday 8pm from UMBC Stadium live on Fox Soccer Channel)

This one is going to be tough. I love America, we all know that. But Sofia Vergara (of “Modern Family” fame) is from Columbia…


3. College Basketball: Maryland Madness (Friday 7:45pm from Comcast Center live on Comcast SportsNet) Maryland Media Day (Thursday Comcast Center)

Should the Terrapins still be holding Midnight Madness at…you know…midnight…in order to honor the fact that the whole event STARTED with Lefty Driesell in College Park? I think so, but no one pays me to think. Thank God for that.

The problem is…we’ve got a lot of other very important things going on in College Park at midnight on Friday night…

Wasn’t what you were expecting, was it?

2. College Football: Maryland @ Clemson (Saturday 12pm from Clemson, SC live on ACC Network-WJZ 13 in Charm City), SMU @ Navy (Saturday 3:45pm from Navy-Marine Corps Stadium live on CBS College Sports)

My 12th grade journalism teacher went to Clemson. I didn’t like the Tigers then, and I certainly don’t like them now. Howard’s Rock? More like, take that stupid rock and hit someone upside the head with it, am I right?

Wait…what’s that you say???


Don’t try….

1. NFL: Baltimore Ravens @ New England Patriots (Sunday 1pm from Foxborough live on CBS)

Think it’s about time for another trip to Gillette Stadium, huh?

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…


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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 05 October 2010 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: Preseason NBA-Washington Wizards @ Dallas Mavericks (Tuesday 8:30pm from Dallas live on Comcast SportsNet); Auto Racing-NASCAR Pepsi 400 (Sunday 3pm from Fontana, CA live on ESPN)

10. Slayer/Anthrax/Megadeth (Wednesday 7pm 1st Mariner Arena), So You Think You Can Dance (Tuesday 7:30pm 1st Mariner Arena); Roger Waters (Sunday 8pm Verizon Center); Hank Williams Jr. (Saturday 7pm Patriot Center), Gorillaz & N.E.R.D. (Monday 7:30pm Patriot Center); Mary J. Blige (Thursday 7pm Jiffy Lube Live); Sister Hazel (Friday 8pm Power Plant Live); Skillet/Papa Roach/Trapt (Tuesday 7pm Rams Head Live), The Roots (Friday 9pm Rams Head Live); Fools & Horses (Saturday 8pm Recher Theatre); LA Guns (Friday 7:30pm Bourbon Street); K’Naan (Sunday 8pm 9:30 Club); Pete Yorn (Wednesday 8pm Black Cat); Bob Saget (Friday 8pm Warner Theatre)

I don’t think it’s quite worth a drive to Fairfax; but I sure as hell wouldn’t mind seeing Hank Jr. play “Family Tradition”…

I’m definitely making it down to PPL Friday Night. Sister Hazel was part of the soundtrack to my adolescence…

The Roots aren’t bringing John Legend with them to Rams Head Live, but I’m sure they’ll still figure out a way to kick some ass anyway…

I met Fools & Horses at Bill Bateman’s in Towson a few weeks ago. Turns out I once introduced them at the HFStival at Merriweather Post Pavilion. I felt bad. They’re good. Go see them…

9. High School Football: Woodlawn @ Perry Hall (Friday 6:30pm), Arundel @ Glen Burnie (Friday 6:30pm)

Friday night is Homecoming at PHHS, which means I’m once again in the awkward position of needing to find a date. “Boomer Sooner” is going to visit a friend in North Carolina this weekend (And before any of you amateur comedians asks-No, I don’t know what his name is); so I’m scrambling for a Homecoming date. This is 11th grade all over again.

The thing is, I think I know who I’m gonna ask…


Daniela Pane, will you be my Homecoming date?

(Edit from GMC: I’M SO NERVOUS!!!!)

8. Mixed Martial Arts: Strikeforce-Nick Diaz vs. KJ Noons II (Saturday 10pm from San Jose live on Showtime)

With no offense to the many talented MMA fighters who are participating in the event Saturday night, every time I see that Strikeforce is putting a card on, there’s only one thing I’m concerned about.



The answer is “no” this week. Because the answer is “no”, I’ll admit that I’m not quite as excited…

7. Pro Wrestling: TNA “Bound For Glory” (Sunday 8pm from Daytona Beach, FL live on Pay-Per-View)

Usually I post a picture of some hot wrestling gal here and say something like “Here’s a good reason to get the TNA PPV Sunday night.” Instead, I think Jeff Hardy is a hell of a reason to get the TNA PPV Sunday night…

6. Soccer: Team USA Women vs. China (Wednesday 7pm from Chester, PA live on ESPN2), Team USA vs. Poland (Saturday 8pm from Chicago live on Fox Soccer Channel); MLS-San Jose Earthquakes @ DC United (Saturday 7:30pm from RFK Stadium live on Comcast SportsNet PLUS & MLS Direct Kick); College Soccer: UConn @ Maryland (Tuesday 7:30pm Ludwig Field); Manhattan @ Loyola (Friday 7pm Ridley Athletic Complex), St. Peter’s @ Loyola (Sunday 1pm Ridley Athletic Complex)

This is tough for me. I’m CLEARLY going to pull for the American women during their showdown up in Philly, but I will admit that it is tough for me to root against a country that gave us Orange Chicken…


5. “Secretariat” in theaters (Friday)

Boomer Sooner and I went over to Arundel Mills the other night to check this flick out. It’s good-especially for a Disney movie. Not “Remember The Titans” good, but certainly “We Are Marshall” good.

A couple of things though. One-Is it just me, or does Diane Lane somehow just keep getting hotter as she gets older???


2-I’m very happy that Laurel rider Grant Whitacre got a role in the flick, he did a solid job in limited time on-camera. But the real question is-how did Glenn Clark NOT get a role in the movie??? I COMPLETELY look the part!!!!


4. Maryland Oktoberfest (Saturday 12pm Timonium Fairgrounds); Baltimore Beer Week Opening Tap Celebration (Thursday 6pm Baltimore Museum of Industry)



3. College Football: Navy @ Wake Forest (Saturday 6:30pm from Winston-Salem live on ESPN3.com), James Madison @ Towson (Saturday 7pm Unitas Stadium), Dickinson @ Johns Hopkins (Friday 7pm Homewood Field)

So if Towson can somehow beat JMU…who beat Virginia Tech…who beat NC State…who beat Cincinnati…who has a chance to beat West Virginia…who beat Maryland…who beat Duke…who beat Butler when Gordon Hayward missed that shot…does that mean that the Tigers would somehow be the transitive NCAA Basketball Champions?!?!?

Would look pretty impressive on Rob Ambrose’s resume…

2. NHL: Washington Capitals @ Atlanta Thrashers (Friday 7:30pm from Atlanta live on Comcast SportsNet), New Jersey Devils @ Washington Capitals (Saturday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Ottawa Senators @ Washington Capitals (Saturday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet)

The NHL is back for real Friday night. Make your plans accordingly. Mine will probably involve a significant amount of Moosehead and a Saturday afternoon of screaming at my TV while the Phoenix Coyotes face the Boston Bruins in Prague on VERSUS. Just don’t bother me during that stretch.

Would any of you weirdo Caps fans be interested in a trip to Arizona to for the game against the Desert Dogs on Valentine’s Day?

Trust me, it would beat your other Valentine’s Day plans…


1. NFL: Denver Broncos @ Baltimore Ravens (Sunday 1pm from M&T Bank Stadium live on CBS)

This is a bit of a tricky situation. I mean, we all know I’ll be FULLY behind the Ravens on Sunday; but if Kyle Orton gets hurt-it could pain me.

I mean, how in the hell do you root against THIS GUY?

I mean, Tim Tebow really does do God’s work. He helped Florida beat Oklahoma in the BCS Championship Game. What more can you ask for in the world???

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…


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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 27 September 2010 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: Mixed Martial Arts: WEC-Jose Aldo vs. Manny Gamburyan (Thursday 9pm from Broomfield, CO live on VERSUS), Bellator Fighting Championships 31 (Thursday 8pm from Lake Charles, LA live on Fox Sports Net); NBA: Washington Wizards Training Camp Midnight Tip-Off (Tuesday 12am Patriot Center), Washington Wizards Fan Fest (Sunday 11am Patriot Center); High School Football: Glen Burnie @ Broadneck (Friday 6:30pm), Perry Hall @ Kenwood (Friday 7pm); Auto Racing: NASCAR Price Chopper 400 (Sunday 1pm from Kansas City, Kansas live on ESPN), IndyCar Series Cafes do Brasil Indy 300 (Saturday 6pm from Homestead-Miami live on VERSUS); NHL: Boston Bruins @ Washington Capitals (Tuesday 7pm Verizon Center), Columbus Blue Jackets @ Washington Capitals (Friday 7pm Verizon Center), Nashville Predators @ Washington Capitals (Sunday 12:30pm Verizon Center); Capitals Convention 2010 (Saturday 12pm Washington Convention Center)

10. Godsmack (Sunday 6:30pm Merriweather Post Pavilion); Jason DeRulo (Friday 8pm Rams Head Live); Wale (Friday 9pm Sonar); Marc Cohn (Wednesday 6pm & 9pm Rams Head On Stage), Big Bad Voodoo Daddy (Sunday 8pm Rams Head On Stage); Sheryl Crow (Wednesday 8pm Strathmore); Leon Redbone (Friday 7pm Silver Spring Performing Arts Center); Drake (Saturday 8pm Sunday 7pm D.A.R. Constitution Hall); James Otto (Saturday 12pm Laurel Park); They Might Be Giants (Saturday 6pm Millennium Stage); One Night One Show One Cause feat. Derek Trucks & Susan Tedeschi Band (Sunday 7:30pm Bourbon Street); Jimmy Eat World “Invented” available in stores/on iTunes (Tuesday)

A few things I like here. First of all, Jason DeRulo will be dismissed by some as a “Flavor of the Day” type R&B/Pop Star. There’s some truth to that, but he’s a little bit better than that…

Wale and Drake are both amongst the brightest stars in hip-hop right now. Drake has certainly benefited from having Lil’ Wayne as a mentor…(Language NSFW, unless you work for Young Money. If you do, tell Nicki Minaj I said hello!)

I’m going to admit here that while I don’t think it would ever lead me to buy tickets to a Redbone show…there’s NOTHING I like more than “Come Get Your Love”…

Go see Derek Trucks. I repeat. Go see Derek Trucks.

9. “Iron Man 2” available on DVD/Blu-Ray (Tuesday), “Get Him To The Greek” available on DVD/Blu-Ray (Tuesday), “Family Guy: Partial Terms of Endearment” available on DVD/Blu-Ray (Tuesday); “The Social Network” opens in theaters (Friday)

I like all of these things.

1-I want to be Tony Stark. More than anything in the world…

2-“Get Him to the Greek” was not “Forgetting Sarah Marshall”, but it was pretty frickin’ good. (Language NSFW-ish. And by “ish” I mean, yeah, you probably shouldn’t watch this if language is an issue where you work. I should probably be more direct…)

I fully understand why FOX didn’t let the episode on TV, but “Partial Terms of Endearment” looks pretty funny…

Maybe it has a lot to do with “Power” by Kanye West being in the trailer (and the fact that the flick was filmed at JHU); but I’m REALLY looking forward to seeing the Facebook movie. It looks pretty good…

8. Chick-Fil-A Spicy Nuggets giveaway (Tuesday-Saturday at all area Chick-Fil-A locations including Chick-Fil-A Nottingham Square)

I’ve “broken” a few stories in my day, but I will admit that none have been particularly earth shattering. I mean, Mark Viviano broke the news that the Cleveland Browns were moving to Charm City. Until I do something like that, I know my competition.

But for once in my life, I feel like I finally have a major…MAJOR…news story I can break.

Chick-Fil-A is of course rolling out their new Spicy Nuggets this week, and at first they will be rolling them out with a ranch dipping sauce. BUT-sources have confirmed to WNST.net’s Glenn Clark that they will ALSO be rolling out a blue cheese dipping sauce within weeks to go along with them.

I’ll have more on this developing story as it becomes available. Make sure you stay tuned to Glenn Clark’s blog for ALL of your late-breaking Chick-Fil-A news!

You see, I knew I had a major breaking news story in me…

7. Soccer: MLS-DC United @ Colorado Rapids (Saturday 9pm from Commerce City, Colorado live on MLS Direct Kick); College Soccer: Duke @ Maryland (Friday 8pm from Ludwig Field live on Fox Soccer Channel); EA Sports FIFA 11 available for Playstation 3/XBox360/Wii (Tuesday)

It pleases me that Maryland is playing Duke in both soccer AND football this weekend. You see, I despise the Blue Devils-so this is right up my alley. Do you despise the Blue Devils? If not, you’re a bad person. (I’m looking at you, Chad Lamasa!)

As an aside, I LOVE FIFA. Seriously, my freshman year of college was half wasted playing FIFA with my roommate-the great Matt Saenz. That wasn’t all we did though. We also did more productive things…


6. Horse Racing: Jim McKay Maryland Million Day (Saturday 12:35pm Laurel Park)

It’s hard to get anyone excited about Horse Racing in the Old Line State during football season; but this really IS the 3rd best day of racing all year, and certainly the best day of the year to be at Laurel Park.

Now, if Laurel Park REALLY wants to attract a crowd on Maryland Million Day (and also honor the great Jim McKay in the process), I really think they should consider going with one of the sport’s great voices as track announcer Saturday…

5. Pro Wrestling: WWE “Hell in a Cell” (Sunday 8pm from Dallas live on Pay-Per-View)

Kane is scheduled to face The Undertaker Sunday night in a big Hell in a Cell matchup. Whatever happens, it probably won’t be as memorable for Kane as the whole Triple H/Katie Vick incident. WEIRD…

4. Lingerie Football League: Tampa Breeze @ Baltimore Charm (Friday 9pm 1st Mariner Arena)

Sure, the Baltimore Charm fell 60-6 to the Philadelphia Passion in the first game in franchise history-but-uh-does anyone REALLY care about the results in these games?

I mean, with no offense…

Also, in perusing the interwebs for more information about the LFL team, I found out that former Maxim model Rachel Kagay tried out for the team. So the question is…did she make it? This is very important…


3. Golf: Ryder Cup (Friday 2:30am live on ESPN, Saturday 8am Sunday 7am live on NBC. All golf from Newport, Wales); Champions Tour Ensure Classic at Rock Barn (Friday-Sunday 2pm from Conover, NC live on Golf Channel)

Apparently this is some sort of big deal. I’d tell you more about it but I just don’t know. Apparently there are players in the thing named Francesco Molinari and Edoardo Molinari.

Interestingly enough, I prefer the Edoardo Molinari when I’m at Amicci’s in Little Italy.

If they manage to win the thing, I hope the party looks like it did in 1999. That’s the only way I’d care…


2. College Football: Duke @ Maryland (Saturday 6pm from Byrd Stadium live on ESPN3.com), Navy @ Air Force (Saturday 2:30pm from Colorado Springs live on VERSUS), UMass @ Towson (Saturday 7pm Unitas Stadium), Bethune-Cookman @ Morgan State (Saturday 4pm Hughes Stadium), Muhlenberg @ Johns Hopkins (Saturday 2pm Homewood Field)

I have two simple words for you.

Duck Fuke.

1. NFL: Baltimore Ravens @ Pittsburgh Steelers (Sunday 1pm from Pittsburgh live on CBS)

In fairness, I get MORE excited for Steelers week when Ben Roethlisberger is playing.

I met a Steelers fan at Looney’s in Bel Air over the summer. When I was introduced to her, I said “so is it mom, or do you go ahead with ‘Aunt Mom'”???


Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…


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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 14 September 2010 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: Tennis-Davis Cup: Team USA vs. Columbia (Friday 11am Saturday 12pm Sunday 11am from Bogota, Columbia live on Tennis Channel); NHL-Philadelphia Flyers rookies @ Washington Capitals rookies (Thursday 3pm Kettler Capitals IcePlex)

10. HFStival feat. Third Eye Blind, Billy Idol, Everclear, Ed Kowalczyk from Live and more (Saturday 12pm Merriweather Post Pavilion); Crosby, Stills & Nash (Wednesday 7:30pm Pier Six Pavilion), Several Species (Saturday 7pm Pier Six Pavilion), Widespread Panic (Sunday 6:30pm Pier Six Pavilion); Rush (Saturday 7:30pm Jiffy Lube Live); Mr. Greengenes (Friday 8pm Power Plant Live); Chiddy Bang (Thursday 7:30pm University of Maryland Grand Ballroom); Good Charlotte (Tuesday 7:30pm Bourbon Street), Trainwreck featuring Kyle Gass from Tenacious D (Monday 8pm Bourbon Street)

What’s happening at Merriweather Saturday is by NO MEANS the “HFStival”, but it actually does look like something I would attend…for free. Especially after I think back on the memories of the HFStival at M&T Bank Stadium and Billy Idol kicking ASS in the rain. Does anyone have video of “Mony Mony” from that show? His Storytellers performance will have to do for now…

Oh right, Everclear will be there too. I enjoy Everclear…

You probably haven’t heard of Chiddy Bang, but I feel like you should have…

And hate on them all you want, but I DIG Good Charlotte. Not just because of Benji Madden’s Orioles tattoos-but also because “Festival Song” is a life anthem for me…

9. Halo: Reach available on XBox 360 (Tuesday), Linkin Park “A Thousand Suns” available in stores/on iTunes (Tuesday)

I would tell you something about Halo: Reach here, but I know absolutely NOTHING about Halo: Reach, Halo: Crest, Halo: Fallen, or anything else like that.

Instead, I figured I’d post a picture of a sexy video game nerd girl and just move on from there. When I Google Image Searched “sexy nerd”, Sarah Shahi came up for some reason…


I don’t know why she’s listed as a sexy nerd, but if this is ANY type of nerd…I’ll start playing EVERY VIDEO GAME IN THE WORLD tomorrow.

8. High School Football: Perry Hall @ Tuscarora (Thursday 7pm), Annapolis @ Glen Burnie (Thursday 6:30pm)

As I am officially “old” at 27 (yeah, it makes me OLD. Just the way it is. I’ve accepted it.), I no longer know what’s “cool” amongst high school kids. I thought it might be POGS, but apparently that was what was cool with MIDDLE school kids…when I was in middle school.

I thought maybe it was prune juice, but apparently that’s what’s popular with folks whose GRANDKIDS are in high school.

I finally decided to consult the internet. The internet knows everything. You know what they said was big amongst high school kids this year? You might remember it being popular during your own high school years…


Ridiculous. Smoking is gross. You could get lung cancer. You could die. Or WORSE-you could end up looking like Amy Winehouse!!!


7. Soccer: NASL-Carolina RailHawks @ Crystal Palace Baltimore (Saturday 5pm Paul Angelo Russo Stadium Calvert Hall), MLS-DC United @ LA Galaxy (Saturday 10pm from Los Angeles live on Fox Soccer Channel); College Soccer-Maryland @ Loyola (Tuesday 7pm Ridley Athletic Complex), Loyola @ Towson (Sunday 1pm Towson Center Field), La Salle @ UMBC (Wednesday 7pm UMBC Stadium)

I love Greyhounds coach Mark Mettrick. I would love him more if his name was “Terrapins coach Mark Mettrick.” Unfortunately the guy who has that job is pretty freaking good.

Anyway, DC United plays LA Galaxy this week. Sadly, I could not find the clip of Joe Lo Truglio screaming for the Galaxy from “I Love You Man.” Instead, you’ll have to settle for the clip of Joe Lo Truglio working as a weightlifting spotter…

6. Boxing: Shane Mosley vs. Sergio Mora (Saturday 9pm from Los Angeles live on HBO PPV)

With no offense to Shane Mosley…or boxing in general…I’m just not that interested in this. Or just about anything else the sport could offer anymore.

But the real question is how could Shane Mosley stand a CHANCE against a real boxer when he BARELY beat Shaquille O’Neal???

5. Auto Racing: NASCAR Sylvania 300 (Sunday 1pm from Loudon, NH live on ESPN), IndyCar Series Indy Japan 300 (Saturday 11pm from Motegi, Tochigi live on VERSUS)

Japan was the only place Danica Patrick has managed to pick up an IndyCar victory in her career. Oh hey look-here’s a picture of Danica Patrick in a bikini from the SI photo shoot she did who knows how long ago…


4. Mixed Martial Arts: UFC Fight Night-Nate Marquardt vs. Rousimar Palhares (Wednesday 8pm from Austin, TX live on SpikeTV)

I don’t know how many times I can explain that events like this are why MMA continues to grow at historic levels. These are QUALITY fighters on a free, over-the-air, well-promoted card.

However, what the hell else are they showing on SpikeTV these days? What is 1000 Ways to Die? I don’t understand it AT ALL…

3. Pro Wrestling: WWE Night of Champions (Sunday 8pm from Chicago live on Pay-Per-View)

There are rumors floating around that there is a contract dispute between Chris Jericho and WWE, and this could be Y2J’s final appearance. I cannot stress…AT ALL…what an incredible mistake that would be on the part of Vince McMahon and company.

Why? This is why.

2. College Football: Maryland @ West Virginia (Saturday 12pm from Morgantown, WV live on ESPNU), Navy @ Louisiana Tech (Saturday 7pm from Ruston, Louisiana live on ESPN3.com), Towson @ Villanova (Saturday 3:30pm from Philadelphia live on Comcast SportsNet)

Dear Lord. Please…oh PLEASE do not allow a grown man who dresses up like Davy Crockett to be happy on Saturday…


People make fun of the fact that we havea turtle as a mascot in College Park. The Mountaineers have Davy FREAKING Crockett.

1. NFL: Baltimore Ravens @ Cincinnati Bengals (Sunday 1pm from Cincinnati live on CBS-WJZ 13 locally)

Look, I DON’T like Chad Ochocinco. Trust me on that. I hope Ray Lewis pops him in the mouth twice as hard as he did at M&T Bank Stadium last year. But when the guy’s funny, the guy’s funny…

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…


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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 03 November 2009 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: U-17 World Cup-Team USA vs. Italy (Wednesday 10am from Nigeria live on ESPN360), College Soccer: Navy @ Maryland (Tuesday 7:30pm Ludwig Field); Boxing: Chad Dawson vs. Glen Johnson (Saturday 9:30pm from Hartford live on HBO), NASCAR Dickies 500 (Sunday 2:30pm from Texas Motor Speedway live on ABC), College Football: Johns Hopkins vs. Franklin & Marshall (Saturday 1pm Homewood Field)

10-Disney’s “A Christmas Carol” and “The Men Who Stare At Goats” Open in Theaters (Friday, wherever you choose to pay $50 bucks for 2 tickets and some popcorn)

Am I a weirdo for being excited about Jim Carrey’s go as Ebenezer Scrooge? Yeah, maybe. But I really don’t care, because this flick looks AWESOME…..

Plus, this flick looks pretty kick ass too…..

And if it isn’t as great as I had hoped, at least there’s some eye candy….


WAIT! I didn’t mean “eye candy”…….I meant, “really good acting”……………and eye candy.

9-High School Football: Hereford @ Perry Hall (Friday 7pm), Chesapeake (Anne Arundel) @ Glen Burnie (Friday 6:30pm), John Carroll @ Curley (Friday 2:30pm)

The good news for my Gators is that even if they lose Friday night, they might be declared winners after the officials check the Hereford team’s underpants!

And as always, if you’re headed out to a high school football game Friday night, PLEASE remember……


8-NBA: Wizards @ Cavaliers (Tuesday 7pm from Cleveland live on Comcast SportsNet), Heat @ Wizards (Wednesday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet Plus & ESPN), Wizards @ Pacers (Friday 7pm from Indianapolis live on Comcast SportsNet), Suns @ Wizards (Sunday 1pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet)

If you asked me to name more than 4 members of the Wiz, I’m not sure I could. Gilbert Arenas, Antawn Jamison, Caron Butler, Andray Blatche……….DeShawn Stevenson! HAHA! I know 5! Suck it, haters!

Anyway, we could set here and chat about hoops like schoolgirls, or we could watch the legendary “Gheorge Muresan Cologne” Snickers commercial. Okay then…..

7-Golf: World Golf Championship: HSBC Champions (Wednesday-Saturday 11pm from Shanghai live on Golf Channel)

This is really tough for me. You see, I have long sang the virtues of late-night sports TV viewing. There is nothing cooler than going out on a Saturday night; stumbling in around 1:30 or 2am, and seeing an actual live sporting event on TV. However, if that sporting event is golf-does it even count? Even IF Tiger Woods is involved?

The PGA Tour recently suspended a player for violating its drug policy. We were all surprised to find out that it was Phil Mickelson for taking estrogen…..


That was a terribly mean joke. But when you’re a perfect physical specimen like myself, you can be more judgmental than others.

6-NHL: Capitals @ Devils (Wednesday 7pm from Newark live on Comcast SportsNet), Capitals @ Panthers (Friday 7:30pm from Sunrise, FL live on Comcast SportsNet Plus), Panthers @ Capitals (Saturday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet)

The Alexander Ovechkin injury has caused a level of panic in the District of Columbia that hasn’t been seen since Bubba was informed the newest group of White House interns was entirely male.

And while we’re talking about Capital politics; Will Ferrell’s HBO DVD “You’re Welcome America” hits stores Tuesday; I think I might be purchasing it…..

5-Horse Racing: Breeders’ Cup Classic (Saturday 6:45pm from Santa Anita live on ESPN)

If the boys in this race (like Kentucky Derby champ Mine That Bird and would have been Triple Crown favorite Quality Road) lose to the girl horse (Zenyatta); they should be ashamed of themselves. I would NEVER be okay with losing a competition to a girl. Unless of course I was losing a costume contest to Kim Kardashian……


4-College Football: Maryland @ NC State (Saturday 1pm from Raleigh live on ESPN360); Navy @ Notre Dame (Saturday 2:30pm from South Bend live on NBC); Towson @ William & Mary (Saturday 1:30pm from Williamsburg, VA live on AM1570 WNST) Morgan State vs. Norfolk State (Saturday 4pm Hughes Stadium), LSU @ Alabama (Saturday 3:30pm from Tuscaloosa live on CBS); Ohio State @ Penn State (Saturday 3:30pm from State College live on ABC/ESPN2)

Does it really matter what the Terps do Saturday against the Wolfpack? No, not really at all. Will I be watching anyway? Actually, no. I am an usher in my cousin’s wedding. Will it be weird when from the back of the church you hear someone screaming “WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT, CHRIS?” just before the vows? Maybe, but I’m a fan, damnit.

And to all of you terrible human beings who call yourselves Fighting Irish fans, I can’t remember what happened the last time the Mids visited Notre Dame Stadium….

Go Midshipmen.

3-College Basketball: Maryland vs. Indiana University (Pennsylvania) (Tuesday 8pm Comcast Center); UMBC vs. Frostburg State (Sunday 4:30pm RAC Arena); Loyola vs. Adelphi (Friday 7pm Reitz Arena)-all games are exhibitions. “Without Bias” premiere (Tuesday 8pm ESPN)

Indiana University (Pennsylvania) is the worst name in the history of schools. Even worse than Duke University. Seriously.

It really doesn’t matter, because Daddy’s return is as excited as I’ve been for an event in College Park since my first “CEO’s and Corporate Hoes” Party at the Sigma Nu House…..


2-Strikeforce: Fedor Emelianenko vs. Brett Rogers (Saturday 8pm from Chicago live on CBS)

Umm….this guy……


against this guy?…..

Yes please.

1-Ravens @ Bengals (Sunday 1pm from Cincinnati live on CBS), Antonio Freeman 1st Annual Charm City Literacy Challenge Weekend (Saturday 6:30pm Reginald F. Lewis Museum)

I don’t know who “ay52” is, but if she’s rooting for the Ravens-I’m rooting for her…..

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…..


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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 26 October 2009 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: NASCAR Amp Energy 500 (Sunday 12pm from Talladega live on ABC), PGA Tour Viking Classic (Thursday-Sunday 2:30pm from Madison, MS live on Golf Channel), UFL: California Redwoods vs. New York Sentinels (Thursday 7pm from East Rutherford, NJ live on VERSUS)

10-Halloween in Fells Point (Saturday night….in Fells Point)

I still have NO FREAKING CLUE what I’m going to be for Halloween, but I couldn’t help but notice that all of these things were good ideas for the young ladies in the Top 10 Baseball Distractions audience. So, for both of you-may I recommend……

Any of the costumes in this picture…..


Or whatever these girls are…….


Or even any of these things for that matter…….


9-New York City Marathon (Sunday 9am live on Universal Sports, highlights on NBC 2pm)

I admittedly don’t know a whole hell of a lot about Running. But I think I’ve got a good feeling on this one. I’m picking Forrest Gump…..

8-FIFA Under-17 World Cup: Team USA vs. Malawi (Thursday 11am), Team USA vs. United Arab Emirates (Sunday 10am; both matches from Nigeria live on ESPNU); College Soccer: Maryland vs. Virginia (Saturday 7:30pm Ludwig Field)

Finally, a sport where I KNOW the Terps can’t lose to Virginia! (They can’t, right?)

In other soccer news, the MLS Quarterfinals are set. Who am I picking to win the title?


7-High School Football: Mt. St. Joseph @ Gilman (Friday 3pm), Glen Burnie @ North County (Friday 6:30pm), Milford Mill @ Perry Hall (Friday 7pm)

Am I getting predictable? Screw you guys, I don’t care! If you’re headed out to a High School Football game this weekend, please remember……


6-NHL: Flyers @ Capitals (Tuesday 7pm from Verizon Center live on VERSUS), Capitals @ Thrashers (Thursday 7pm from Atlanta live on Comcast SportsNet & NHL Network), Islanders @ Capitals (Friday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet Plus), Blue Jackets @ Capitals (Sunday 5pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet)

Sadly, not every player involved with these games will be forced to wear the Don Cherry jerseys recently worn by the Kingston Frontenacs……


….because if they were, I might actually start watching hockey.

5-College Basketball: Maryland Scrimmage (Saturday 1pm Comcast Center)


You mean to tell me Stacey Dales left ESPN for the NFL Network? Which sideline reporters will I be able to look forward to seeing in College Park now??? Doris Burke?


Breathe that in, sports fans.

4-College Football: Towson vs. Richmond (Saturday 1pm from Unitas Stadium-coverage at 11:30am on AM1570 WNST and WNST.net), Temple @ Navy (Saturday 3:30pm from Navy-Marine Corps Memorial Stadium live on CBS College Sports), Morgan State vs. Florida A&M (Saturday 4pm Hughes Stadium), North Carolina @ Virginia Tech (Thursday 7:30pm from Blacksburg live on ESPN)


When in crucial decision-making moments like this, it becomes important for me to rely on the most important factors to determine a winner in a College Football matchup. Here is what UNC has to offer……


VA Tech counters with cheerleader Alyssa Omlie…….


And I counter with the idea that maybe the rest of the ACC isn’t so bad after all……

3-NBA Season Tip-Off: Celtics @ Cavaliers (Tuesday 7:30pm from Cleveland live on TNT), Clippers @ Lakers (Tuesday 10pm from Los Angeles live on TNT), Wizards @ Mavericks (Tuesday 8:30pm from Dallas live on Comcast SportsNet); Wizards Home Opener vs. Nets (Saturday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet)

With the NBA season set to begin, I figured I should consider making some preseason predictions…..starting in the East….

1-Cleveland (I mean, how do you argue with a combination of LeBron James and Shaquille O’Neal?)
2-Boston (They still have a ton of good players, right? Kevin Garnett? Ray Allen? Kevin McHale?)
3-Miami (It would be tougher for Michael Beasley to stay clean if he were in a party atmosphere like Salt Lake City, but he should be fine in South Florida)
4-Orlando (Dwight Howard, Vince Carter, and Lil’ Penny!)
5-Washington (But only because Sam Cassell is there now and he’s from Baltimore. Otherwise, everyone in DC can go screw.)
6-New York (Don’t sleep on Mike D’Antoni in his 2nd year. His moustache alone should win 20 games)
7-Detroit (They have Chris Wilcox now. Just go ahead and start planning the parade.)
8-Atlanta (They would be higher, but the cut Juan Dixon. So eff them.)

Western Conference:

1-LA Lakers (But I’m kinda rooting for Ron Artest to totally lose his mind and pull a Stephon Marbury at some point during the year.)
2-Denver (Tommy Polley is cool with Carmelo Anthony. Therefore, so am I.)
3-San Antonio (Only because I enjoy seeing as many courtside shots of Eva Longoria Parker as humanly possible.)
4-Portland (Why the eff not? Greg Oden might actually be healthy, and Steve Blake is the greatest player of all time.)
5-Dallas (They’re still in the West, right?)
6-Phoenix (The weather there is nicer than it is here.)
7-New Orleans (Drew Brees will throw for 50 TD’s for them too)
8-Houston (They’d be better off if they didn’t get Yao Ming and Tracy McGrady back)

Eastern Conference Finals: Cleveland over Miami
Western Conference Finals: Denver over Los Angeles
NBA Finals: Cleveland over Denver
Rookie of the Year: Blake Griffin (I know a pretty gal from Oklahoma, deal with it)
Coach of the Year: Mike D’Antoni (Viva Italia!)
MVP: Carmelo Anthony (You really wanna argue?….)


2-Jay-Z (Tuesday 8pm 1st Mariner Arena), Snoop Dogg (Tuesday-Doors @ 7pm Rams Head Live), Bruce Springsteen (Monday 7:30pm Verizon Center), Cypress Hill (Saturday-Doors @ 8pm 9:30 Club), Van Morrison (Tuesday 7pm Meyerhoff Symphony Hall), Michael Jackson: This Is It opens in theaters (Wednesday)

With no offense to anyone who is going to see Snoop Dogg or Van Morrison tomorrow night, there is ONE place to be Tuesday night……

1-Broncos @ Ravens (Sunday 1pm M&T Bank Stadium live on CBS)

I don’t care what anyone says. There is NO WAY a Baltimore defense is losing to THIS GUY……


Flexing my mic muscles since 1983……


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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 13 October 2009 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: Super Six World Boxing Classic: Arthur Abraham vs. Jermain Taylor & Carl Froch vs. Andre Dirrell (Saturday 8pm live on Showtime from Berlin, Germany and Nottingham, England), PGA Justin Timberlake Shriners Hospital for Children Open (Thursday-Sunday 5pm from Las Vegas live on Golf Channel), Champions Tour Administaff Small Business Classic (Friday-Sunday 2:30pm from The Woodlands, TX live on Golf Channel)

10-TNA “Bound For Glory” (Sunday 8pm from Irvine, CA live on Pay-Per-View)

Why should you watch this event? 6 words, 2 syllables. Christy Hemme…….


9-AC/DC (Friday 8pm Verizon Center), KISS (Tuesday 6:30pm Verizon Center), Everclear (Saturday 8pm Recher Theatre)

If you don’t think this is amongst the greatest songs of all time, then you and I just can’t be friends…..

And if you don’t think this was one of the greatest songs of my lifetime, you’re clearly some form of communist…..

And if you don’t think this is a feat of wonder, you and I might as well just go ahead and part company now…..


8-Price Modern Lacrosse for Leukemia (Saturday 8:30am Cedar Lane Park in Bel Air) Fall Ball: Johns Hopkins vs. Team England (Tuesday 3:30pm Homewood Field)

I will freely admit that I rarely root for Hopkins. As a Maryland fan, the thought of Hopkins’ success makes me INSANE. But the British are the EXACT reason why I will suddenly find myself rooting for the Blue Jays.

Consider the things that the United Kingdom has offered us…….

Mr. Bean……..

Beans on Toast?



Britain sucks. Please destroy them accordingly. That is all.

7-NASCAR Banking 500 Only From Bank of America (Saturday 7pm from Charlotte live on ABC)

The Top 5 drivers in the Chase for the Cup are separated by no more than 105 points.

WOW. That was like the most in-depth NASCAR analysis I’ve ever given. My pick to win the race? Lightning McQueen


6-High School Football: Perry Hall @ Woodlawn, Bel Air @ Joppatowne (Friday 7pm)

It’s on the list for one reason, and one reason only. If you’re headed to ANY High School Football game this weekend, please remember…..


5-Sharks @ Capitals (Thursday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Predators @ Capitals (Saturday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet)

If you’re going to one of these games in our nation’s capital; please find someone with the letter “R” on their baseball Cap, and thank them for having a team so miserable that we can feel a bit better after losses.

And while we’re on the subject of the NHL, can ANYONE tell me why THIS man is trying to make a comeback?


Oh. I guess I should let you know that THIS MAN is Chris Chelios. And that he’s 47. I apologize. I mistakenly think people care about hockey sometimes.

4-Ravens @ Vikings (Sunday 1pm from Minneapolis live on CBS)

The Vikings are such an AWESOME combination of storylines…..

There’s the guy under center….

The maniac that will be coming after Joe Flacco all game….


And of course the guy who makes the rest of the guys in the locker room wear towels a bit longer…..


(A note: Former Morgan State Bear Visanthe Shiancoe will join Drew Forrester on The Comcast Morning Show Wednesday at 9:15)

3-College Basketball: Maryland Madness (Friday 5:30pm from Comcast Center live on Comcast SportsNet), UMBC Midnight Madness (Friday 10pm RAC Arena)

DADDY’S BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Editor’s note: I TOTALLY got to drive that car after Daddy and Boom Osby were done with it. You know why? Because I always tell everyone Daddy is doing a good job as head coach even when he’s……….just doing a good job as head coach.)

I’m also excited about the women’s team. Or at least Emery Wallace…..


2-World Cup Qualifying: Team USA vs. Costa Rica (Wednesday 8pm from RFK Stadium live on ESPN2), College Soccer: UMBC vs. Longwood (Saturday 1pm UMBC Soccer Stadium), MLS: DC United vs. Columbus Crew (Saturday 8pm from RFK Stadium live on Comcast SportsNet)

Sure, Team USA already qualified for the World Cup. But America KICKS ASS. How do I know this? Because we live in a world where a 300 year old Hugh Hefner can still date gals that look like this…..


1-College Football: Virginia @ Maryland (Saturday 4pm from Byrd Stadium live on ESPNU), Navy @ SMU (Saturday 8pm from Dallas live on MASN), Delaware @ Towson (Saturday 3:30pm from Unitas Stadium live on AM1570 WNST), Howard @ Morgan State (Thursday 7:30pm from Hughes Stadium live on ESPNU), Oklahoma vs. Texas (Saturday noon from Dallas live on ABC)

For the record, it is Homecoming in College Park. While “The Luckiest Dang Gal on the Face of the Planet” cannot make it; WHOEVER my date ends up being HAS to be better than my date freshman year….


At least she was really a sweet girl.

And also, I’ve never been to the Red River Rivalry or the Texas State Fair; but apparently THIS was the food named “Best Taste” in the Big Tex Choice Awards at last year’s fair….



Flexing my mic muscles since 1983……


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