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Bring Out Your Dead

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Bring Out Your Dead

Posted on 24 October 2012 by Thyrl Nelson

Inspired by the scene in “Monty Python and the Holy Grail” where the body cart is being pushed through the city during the plague as the mortician cries “Bring Out Your Dead”. As one man ambitiously tries to deliver a not quite dead elderly man to the cart hilarity ensues. Here’s a look at who’s being (or has been) written off for dead in the sports world, and what the final prognosis might be.

“I’m Not Dead Yet” – Despite reports to the contrary these guys are not dead yet, but may have one foot in the proverbial grave and another on a banana peel.

 

Cam Newton – Superman has become the Super-Sulker but he’s not dead yet, not by a long shot. Still there are plenty of reasons to be concerned. Newton’s post-loss body language has been unbearable. We can all appreciate that the kid wants to win, but he’ll have to do some growing up before he can become a leader of men. Cam took everyone (including himself) to task in the wake of the Panthers most recent defeat, but mostly seemed to point fingers at his offensive coordinator. Newton is looking for a game plan that authors blowouts but will sooner or later have to learn that life in the NFL doesn’t work that way. In 3 of his 5 losses this season, Cam has had the ball in his hands with a chance to win the game in the final 5 minutes. If he intends to be the star he’s being cast as, he’ll need to get comfortable in those situations. It’d also help if Newton stopped shaking off teammates’ efforts to celebrate TDs with him while clearing out space to do his ridiculous Superman dance.

 

 

Cam Cameron – Sticking with Cams, reports of the demise of Cam Cameron might be a byproduct of Ravens fans wishes more than anything else. In the wake of the Ravens most recent disappointment against the Houston Texans however, another long and introspective look at this offense might be long overdue. Cameron was “under fire” by owner Steve Bisciotti last season and managed to survive. There’s no reason to believe the Ravens will make a change before seasons end, but in the event that it doesn’t end in the Super Bowl, this season could very likely be Cameron’s last.

 

Maurice Jones-Drew – Remember MJD calling out Jay Cutler a couple of seasons ago for surrendering during the playoffs due to an MCL injury that didn’t look that serious on TV and didn’t require surgery. Last week in a game the Jaguars lost in overtime to a less than spectacular Oakland Raiders squad, MJD watched from the sidelines while nursing a foot injury that didn’t look that serious on TV and that apparently won’t require surgery. This on the heels of his extended and controversial holdout from training camp while trying to earn a new contract or force a trade won’t buy Jones-Drew much empathy as he watches from the sidelines for the next couple of weeks at least.

 

Lance Armstrong – Maybe the Lance Armstrong fiasco will give us a long overdue chance to examine ourselves. He lorded over a sport that was rampant with doping and drug use, and while he adamantly proclaimed being above it throughout his once storied and undeniably dominant career. Now having given up the fight and having been stripped of all of his career accolades Armstrong also finds that those who rode his coattails to success and fortune aren’t set to stand by him in the hard times. It’s still impossible to ignore all of the good that Armstrong has done in his career, and it seems only a matter of time before he’ll inevitably bounce back in the court of public opinion…but it doesn’t look like it’ll be terribly easy, or any time soon for that matter.

 

Dirk Nowitzki – Just as the world was ready to close the book on the legacy of Dirk Nowitzki he surprised everyone and cemented that legacy by winning an NBA championship. He backed it up however by showing up for a lockout shortened NBA season the following year out of shape, and now looks ready to miss at least the first few weeks of this season as he recovers from ankle surgery. It may now be safe to close the book on Nowitzki’s NBA legacy. It appears he got that title just in the nick of time.

 

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Like the rest of you, the 15-7-0 is both sick of and wants so much more Ryan Lochte

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Like the rest of you, the 15-7-0 is both sick of and wants so much more Ryan Lochte

Posted on 22 October 2012 by Glenn Clark

As always, this week’s 15-7-0 is brought to you by Roofing By Elite. Visit them at roofingbyelite.com. We make 15 observations about football ELITE, 7 about football “not so ELITE” and one “zero” who deserves to sleep on the roof from outside of football.

(As a reminder, we don’t do Baltimore Ravens game analysis here. We do PLENTY of that elsewhere. This is about the rest of the world of football.)

“The ELITE 15″…

1. And after Week 8, we have a new Heisman Trophy frontrunner.

Which is partly because after being crowned “King of Football”, Geno Smith has gone missing. But it is much more because Kansas State’s Collin Klein picked up the scepter and RAN IT IN FOR FOUR TOUCHDOWNS AGAINST WVU.

Of course, the one he threw to Tyler Lockett was just the prettiest…

The Wildcats take over the “on pace for the BCS title game” role and Klein goes to the top of the Heisman list. West Virginia goes…

“BACK! BACK! BACK INTO THE WOODS!”

2. Christian Ponder is both the quarterback of a 5-2 football team and has a lovely girlfriend.

(His girlfriend is ESPN’s Samantha Steele. I guess this would have been more effective if you knew that in advance.)

Ponder was helped greatly in topping the Cards by RB Adrian Peterson who is might be? good again.

Also, Cards RB LaRod Stephens-Howling had over 100 yards and a TD, so that sound you here is EVERYONE switching William Powell for him in their leagues. That was the only good news for Arizona Sunday…well other than the news that they had surpassed Felix Baumgartner’s record for the longest freefall.

3. I know the Colts won, I just care significantly more about the fact that Chuck Pagano came home from the hospital.

But the highlight of the affair in Indianapolis was a Greg Little touchdown catch. Wait, I couldn’t have possibly said that right. It was a Greg Little touchdown catch.

And since he did that, Josh Gordon figured he’d make up for the normal output the Browns get from Greg Little…

Wow. And good for Coach Pagano. Now…does he have any advice for the guys he used to coach?

4. Navy should never stop making motivational videos.

It worked AGAIN this week before Navy came back to shock Big Ten foe Indiana in Annapolis. I understand why it works. These are REALLY good…

The Hoosiers are known for hoops, but there was greater basketball royalty on the Navy side Saturday…

5. Apparently coaching a team that never stops kicking ass makes Will Muschamp really angry.

(In fairness, Wyoming coach Dave Christensen last week was less than impressed. Language NSFW.)

South Carolina was in this one for awhile, at least right up until the first play…

ESPN’s College Gameday was in Gainesville Saturday, which lead to Lee Corso doing this…

(Corso later…)

And they introduced us to Tarin Moses, Gators cheerleader and girlfriend of UF QB Jeff Driskel. We should learn more…

Speaking of Driskel, this.

THIS sign was relevant since South Carolina was in town…

Elsewhere in the SEC, this.

6. And then the Patriots remembered that Rob Gronkowski played for them!

If you didn’t know this was a close game, the gifs would make you think this was a typical pathetic Jets effort in a blowout loss. There was Mark Sanchez kicking the ball out of the back of the endzone…

And Stephen Hill’s “what I had meant to do was…..” late in the 4th…

And then the game ended with a near perfect “Sanchez-ing”…

But before that there was actually a heck of a football game that featured two Gronk TD’s, including this one-which was awfully pretty…

Also, noted Drew Forrester mancrush Jim Nantz struggled at the end of this one…

7. And then Chris Johnson remembered that he was Chris Johnson!

He’s….ALIVE….

So do you NOT trade him to whatever team is in need of RB help? Or do you HAVE to trade him now because his value is greater?

Also, a nod to Bills WR Donald Jones, who went “Carlton Banks” creative for a dance that was WAY better than Gangnam Style in defeat…

(8-15 on Page 2…)

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