Honorable Mention: Tennis-ATP Tour & WTA Tour Sony Ericsson Open (Satuday-Monday 11am from Miami live on Tennis Channel); NBA: Washington Wizards @ Portland Trailblazers (Tuesday 10pm from Portland live on Comcast SportsNet), Washington Wizards @ Los Angeles Clippers (Wednesday 10:30pm from Los Angeles live on Comcast SportsNet), Washington Wizards @ Denver Nuggets (Wednesday 9pm from Denver live on Comcast SportsNet), Washington Wizards @ Golden State Warriors (Sunday 9pm from Oakland live on Comcast SportsNet); Auto Racing: NASCAR Auto Club 400 (Sunday 3pm from Fontana, CA live on FOX); Horse Racing: UAE Derby (Saturday 10am from Meydan City, Dubai live on HRTV), Louisiana Derby (Saturday 5pm from New Orleans live on HRTV); Arena Football: AFL Spokane Shock vs. Iowa Barnstormers (Friday 8pm from Des Moines, Iowa live on NFL Network)

10. Elton John (Saturday 8pm 1st Mariner Arena); Sick Puppies & Framing Hanley (Wednesday 7pm Rams Head Live); Kingston Trio (Sunday 4pm & 7pm Rams Head On Stage); Cold War Kids (Saturday 8pm 9:30 Club), All Time Low & Yellowcard (Monday 5:30pm 9:30 Club); Stryper (Tuesday 7pm Bourbon Street), CKY (Sunday 7pm Bourbon Street); Janet Jackson (Tuesday & Thursday 8pm D.A.R. Constitution Hall); Stanley Clarke & Victor Wooten (Wednesday 7pm State Theatre); The Strokes “Angles”, Green Day “Awesome as F**k”, Soundgarden “Live on I-5″ available in stores/on iTunes (Tuesday)

I could post songs from four different acts coming to town next week-but in all fairness, only one of them is Elton John.

Therefore, here are four Elton John songs. I’m sure you understand.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y2Ta0qCG8No[/youtube]
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RhJHL34DiBY[/youtube]
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UxE7y1gSNPE[/youtube]
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mBCVEcjScTQ[/youtube]

9. Roller Derby: Charm City Roller Girls (Saturday 5:30pm Du Burns Arena)

Does anyone remember the “Roller Jam” show that used to be on TNN a few years back???

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RJuryj90RpQ[/youtube]

Holy hell. How did that show not last? That’s Jerry Springer-quality awesome. “Awesome sauce” in fact.

(If you’re a “Parks & Recreation” fan and that last line meant something to you, you’re a hero to me.)

8. Golf: PGA Tour Arnold Palmer Invitational (Thursday & Friday 3pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday & Sunday 2:30pm live on NBC. All golf from Orlando); LPGA Tour Kia Classic (Thursday-Saturday 3:30pm, Sunday 4pm live on Golf Channel)

Phil Mickelson and Tiger Woods are going to play in Orlando…which means that if you so choose to, you can watch two bad golfers on television this weekend.

I enjoy the Arnold Palmer Invitational, but in my neighborhood we always called it the “Half & Half” Invitational.

Anyone?

Also-why can’t I post the Family Guy “Old People Agree With Arnold Palmer” clip here? It’s nowhere to be found on YouTube…or anywhere else. It’s pretty funny. And pretty honest. I think I’m starting to feel more and more like Arnold Palmer at age 27.

7. NHL: Washington Capitals @ Philadelphia Flyers (Tuesday 7:30pm from Philly live on VERSUS), Washington Capitals @ Ottawa Senators (Friday 7:30pm from Ottawa live on Comcast SportsNet PLUS), Washington Capitals @ Montreal Canadiens (Saturday 7pm from Montreal live on Comcast SportsNet & NHL Network)

With the Caps playing in the City of Brotherly Love this week, I get the chance to rag on Drew Forrester-sharing memories of Bobby Clarke, Ron Hextall, Ken Linseman and Joffrey Lupul.

In fact, here’s a small gift for my “Morning Reaction” cohort…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8KVx8vDlYw[/youtube]

6. Mixed Martial Arts: UFC Fight Night Live-Antonio Rogerio Nogueira vs. Phil Davis (Saturday 10pm from Seattle live on SpikeTV); Bellator Fighting Championships 38: Tim Carpenter vs. Daniel Gracie (Saturday 7pm from Tunica Resorts, MS live on MTV2); Titan Fighting Championships 17 (Friday 10pm from Kansas City live on HDNet)

Did you miss Jon “Bones” Jones’ complete DESTRUCTION of former UFC light heavyweight champ Mauricio “Shogun” Rua this past weekend? Here’s some highlights, courtesy of ESPN…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8FciP4UFe88[/youtube]

I haven’t seen such a one-sided fight since The Undertaker completely destroyed Triple H at Wrestlemania X-7…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ht3J06SVIg[/youtube]

Oh wait…I guess we’re supposed to be pretending like that fight never happened…

5. Women’s College Basketball: Georgetown @ Maryland (Tuesday 7pm from Comcast Center live on ESPN2 & ESPN3.com); other games Tuesday, Saturday-Monday on ESPN2 & ESPN3.com

Thus far we’ve seen a lot of YouTube videos, but absolutely no pictures of attractive women.

Does it make me sexist that I waited until the “Women’s College Basketball” section to consider attractive women? At least I said “attractive women” instead of “sexy broads”, right?

The below picture is of former Playboy model Tiffany Taylor, a University of Maryland graduate. So, you know, once again…Terrapins > Hoyas.

4. College Basketball: NCAA Tournament Sweet 16-San Diego State vs. UConn (Thursday 7:15pm from Anaheim live on CBS), Florida vs. BYU (Thursday 7:27pm from New Orleans live on TBS), Duke vs. Arizona (Thursday 9:45pm from Anaheim live on CBS), Wisconsin vs. Butler (Thursday 9:57pm from New Orleans live on TBS), North Carolina vs. Marquette (Friday 7:15pm from Newark live on CBS), Kansas vs. Richmond (Friday 7:27pm from San Antonio live on TBS), Ohio State vs. Kentucky (Friday 9:45pm from Newark live on CBS), Florida State vs. VCU (Friday 9:57pm from San Antonio live on TBS); Elite 8 games Saturday & Sunday live on CBS

The good news? With Jimmer Fridette and the Cougars still very much alive, CBS & Turner intelligently decided to send “Mr. March Madness” Gus Johnson to the Big Easy.

That leads us to the fantastic video of Johnson calling the Jacksonville Jaguars’ Hail Mary victory over the Houston Texans this season, courtesy of “imaU2fan” on Twitter. This is pretty good…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wap6gGcVDAA&feature=youtu.be[/youtube]

3. College Lacrosse: Loyola @ Mt. St. Mary’s (Saturday 1pm from Waldron Family Stadium live on AM1570 WNST); Virginia @ Johns Hopkins (Saturday 2pm from Homewood Field live on ESPNU); Quinnipiac @ UMBC (Saturday 3:30pm UMBC Stadium); Towson @ Delaware (Saturday 1pm from Newark, DE live on ABC2 & ESPN3.com); North Carolina @ Maryland (Saturday 12pm from Byrd Stadium live on ESPNU); Colgate @ Navy (Saturday 12pm Navy-Marine Corps Memorial Stadium); Tufts @ Stevenson (Wednesday 4pm Caves Athletic Complex), Scranton @ Stevenson (Saturday 12pm Caves Athletic Complex)

Both the Cavaliers and Tar Heels are coming to town this weekend. Conveniently, I can’t stand the Cavaliers or the Tar Heels.

Not all of the memories between the Terps and UNC are positive, but here’s one I like…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m0SnOgHx3eg[/youtube]

2. Soccer: MISL Championship-Milwaukee Wave @ Baltimore Blast (Friday 1st Mariner Arena); Argentina @ Team USA (Saturday 7pm from East Rutherford, NJ live on ESPN2); MLS-DC United @ New England Revolution (Saturday 4:30pm from Foxborough, MA live on Comcast SportsNet)

Attention people of Wisconsin: I appreciate what your Green Bay Packers did in the Super Bowl. In fact, I’ll always be grateful.

But on Friday night, I hope you lose. Terribly. Preferably something along the lines of 400,000 to zero.

But I’ll still be grateful that you beat the Steelers. And I’ll be grateful that “That 70′s Show” was set there. I always thought “Mila Kunis or Laura Prepon” should have been the “Ginger or Maryann” of my generation…

1. Boxing: Yuriorkis Gamboa vs. Jorge Solis (Saturday 9:45pm from Atlantic City live on HBO)

You’re thinking to yourself: “Who the hell are these guys?”

The response: “who cares?”

The reason why this fight is #1 on the list is that Ravens S Tom Zbikowski is scheduled to fight on the undercard.

As I told Tom two weeks ago, I’m a Notre Dame hater in general. But I pull for him…even if I pull for Georgia Tech when I’m watching “Rudy.”

Feel better Fighting Irish lovers. You know I still cry during this scene…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mZ7ZpLgkVxA[/youtube]

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

Honorable Mention: Golf-PGA Tour Transitions Championship (Thursday & Friday 3pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday & Sunday 3pm live on NBC. All golf from Tampa Bay, FL); Boxing: Friday Night Fights-Demetrius Hopkins vs. Brad Solomon (Friday 9pm from Hollywood, FL live on ESPN2), Lucian Bute vs. Brian Magee (Saturday 10pm from Montreal live on Showtime); Horse Racing: Rebel Stakes (Saturday 5pm from Hot Springs, Arkansas live on HRTV); Arena Football-AFL: Philadelphia Soul @ Chicago Rush (Friday 8pm from Chicago live on NFL Network); Soccer: MLS-Columbus Crew @ DC United (Saturday 7:30pm RFK Stadium)

10. Pete Yorn (Tuesday 7pm Rams Head Live), Cold (Thursday 7pm Rams Head Live), Halestorm & Charm City Devils (Saturday 7pm Rams Head Live); Mike Epps (Saturday 8pm 1st Mariner Arena), Lil’ Wayne (Sunday 7pm 1st Mariner Arena); Phil Lesh & Bob Weir (Thursday 8pm Patriot Center); Travie McCoy (Sunday 6pm Recher Theatre); America (Tuesday 8pm Rams Head On Stage); Loretta Lynn (Thursday 7pm 9:30 Club); 2nd Annual Hippodrome Foodie Experience with Alton Brown (Saturday 6pm Hippodrome); “The Fighter” and “WWE True Story of Wrestlemania” available on DVD/Blu-Ray (Tuesday)

Drew Forrester and I will be Rams Head Tuesday night, because Pete Yorn is outstanding…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zginCd6D0as[/youtube]

John Allen is a Charm City rock icon. That is all.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qmHauE5ODe4[/youtube]

If you’re not a Weezy fan, I don’t think we can be friends. Nicki Minaj is coming to town with him. I’d marry her.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RfYcOYMNuXM[/youtube]

Is it possible for me to enjoy a Phil Lesh/Bob Weir show even if I don’t smoke pot? I mean, I dig Scarlet Begonias…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kj_kK1j3CV0[/youtube]

9. St. Patrick’s Day (Thursday)

This year’s festivities will be a bit different, as basketball will be a bit of a priority Thursday. That being said, I need a couple of things to make my St. Patty’s Day better.

1-Bangers and Mash

2-Smithwick’s

3-Flogging Molly[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Trkx9xLb5X8[/youtube]

If your establishment has those three things and ample breathing room, please let me know. I will be in attendance.

8. Auto Racing: NASCAR Jeff Byrd 500 (Sunday 1pm from Bristol, TN live on FOX)

Bristol is a smaller track, which is supposed to make the race more exciting.
But really, how can it get any more exciting than THIS?!?!?!?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1V78QFZxooQ[/youtube]

7. Tennis: ATP Tour & WTA Tour BNP Paribas Open (Tuesday & Wednesday 2pm live on Tennis Channel, Thursday 2pm & 10pm live on Tennis Channel, Friday 2pm & 6pm live on Tennis Channel 4pm & 11pm live on ESPN2, Saturday 7:30pm live on Tennis Channel 2pm & 4pm live on ABC, Sunday 2pm & 4pm live on ABC. All tennis from Indian Wells, CA)

The Indian Wells stop is one of the few tour stops on the schedule that goes two weeks despite not being a grand slam event.

Of note from what’s already happened in the draw, Donald Young defeated Andy Murray.

NO, NO…please don’t leave. I promise that’s the only tennis analysis you’ll find here. Instead, here’s the picture of Ana Ivanovic everyone likes so bad…

6. NBA: Washington Wizards @ Chicago Bulls (Tuesday 8pm from Chicago live on Comcast SportsNet), Washington Wizards @ Toronto Raptors (Friday 7pm from Toronto live on Comcast SportsNet PLUS), New Jersey Nets @ Washington Wizards (Sunday 1pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet)

The ‘Zards haven’t done much of anything right this season…until this past weekend.

This past weekend they did a FANTASTIC job…of finding their way onto Blake Griffin posters!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CHB5rNtha-A[/youtube]

Talk about giving fans EXACTLY what they paid their money for!

5. NHL: Washington Capitals @ Montreal Canadiens (Tuesday 7pm from Montreal live on Comcast SportsNet PLUS), Washington Capitals @ Detroit Red Wings (Wednesday 7:30pm from Detroit live on VERSUS & Comcast SportsNet), Washington Capitals @ New Jersey Devils (Friday 7pm from Newark, NJ live on NHL Network & Comcast SportsNet)

So everything that’s happened in the world of hockey recently has been about Zedano Charo. I’m not interested.

The only thing I care about in the world of hockey is the fact that the Phoenix Coyotes got two big points Sunday night against the Anaheim Ducks. But I don’t think anyone else cares, so I won’t go any further with it.

You know what, there’s nothing hockey interesting to post here. So instead I’ll post Zach Galifianakis’ monologue from Saturday Night Live. He KILLED…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-QnulJMA2FQ[/youtube]

Yeah. That’s better than hockey.

4. Women’s College Basketball: NCAA Tournament-St. Francis vs. Maryland (Sunday 12pm from Comcast Center live on ESPN2/ESPN3.com), Georgetown vs. Princeton (Sunday 2:30pm from Comcast Center live on ESPN2/ESPN3.com). More games Saturday-

While the Terrapins are involved, I’ll be paying attention to Women’s March Madness. In fact, I’ll probably even head down to College Park Sunday.

But if for some reason the season were to come to an end for the Terps, my interest in Women’s College Basketball would go right back to what it was before…

“What’s former UTEP star Claudia Lampe doing these days?”

3. College Lacrosse: Denver @ Loyola (Wednesday 7pm from Ridley Athletic Complex live on AM1570 WNST), Loyola @ Air Force (Saturday 3pm from Colorado Springs, CO live on AM1570 WNST); UMBC @ Maryland (Friday 8pm from Byrd Stadium live on ABC 2 & ESPN3.com), St. Joseph’s @ Maryland (Sunday 1pm Byrd Stadium); Towson @ Navy (Tuesday 7pm Navy-Marine Corps Memorial Stadium); Stony Brook @ Towson (Saturday 1pm Unitas Stadium); Johns Hopkins @ Syracuse (Saturday 6pm from Syracuse, NY live on ESPNU); SUNY Cortland @ Stevenson (Saturday 1pm Caves Athletic Complex)

What do you think the chances are that Greyhounds nation will let me ride out to Colorado with them for the game with the Falcons? I just want to be there for the flyover…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8k5b7Pzmy74[/youtube]

By the way, I think the Hounds will beat Air Force Saturday. I don’t know if I would feel the same way if they were playing against Ivan Korshunov from Air Force One…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1P1xOBvAyg[/youtube]

2. Mixed Martial Arts: UFC 128-Mauricio “Shogun” Rua vs. Jon “Bones” Jones (Saturday 10pm from Newark, NJ live on Pay-Per-View); Bellator Fighting Championships 37 (Saturday 7pm from Concho, OK live on MTV2)

I would suggest Baltimore be rooting for Bones Jones Saturday night, as his brother is Ravens DT Arthur Jones.

With no offense to Tom Zbikowski-who I’m pulling for-I know for SURE Saturday night’s fight will be more fulfilling than watching Zibby laugh at the Tomato Can he was placed in the ring against…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7TQIf9cMS_Y[/youtube]

If you’ve never seen Bones fight, he’s pretty freaking entertaining…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IQqiilaj1rs[/youtube]

1. College Basketball: NCAA Tournament-Butler vs. Old Dominion (Thursday 12:40pm from Verizon Center live on TruTV), Pitt vs. UNC Asheville/Arkansas-Little Rock (Thursday 3:10pm from Verizon Center live on TruTV), UConn vs. Bucknell (Thursday 7:20pm from Verizon Center live on TNT), Cincinnati vs. Missouri (Thursday 9:50pm from Verizon Center live on TNT) Other games Thursday-Sunday live on CBS, TNT, TBS and TruTV

I don’t care how many networks show the NCAA Tournament as long as two things happen.

1-They ALL play this song…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4o_FZZ_Ccs[/youtube]

2-They somehow find a way to allow Gus Johnson to call every game…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GkiM3tBJVhk[/youtube]

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

Honorable Mention: Golf-PGA Tour Honda Classic (Thursday & Friday 3pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday & Sunday 3pm live on NBC. All golf from Palm Beach Gardens, FL); Harlem Globetrotters (Saturday 1pm Verizon Center; Friday & Saturday 7:30pm Patriot Center); Soccer: MISL-Chicago Riot @ Baltimore Blast (Friday 7:35pm 1st Mariner Arena); Boxing: Zab Judah vs. Kaizer Mabuza (Saturday 9pm from Newark, NJ live on Pay-Per-View)

10. Marc Broussard (Tuesday 7pm Rams Head Live), Ra Ra Riot (Thursday 7pm Rams Head Live), Rev Theory & Pop Evil (Friday 6:30pm Rams Head Live); Jah Works (Friday 7pm Bourbon Street), Ice Cube (Monday 8pm Bourbon Street); Tim Reynolds (Sunday 8pm Rams Head On Stage); Good Charlotte (Friday 6:30pm 9:30 Club), Scissor Sisters (Monday 7pm 9:30 Club); Get Up Kids (Tuesday 8pm Black Cat DC); Randy Newman (Wednesday 8pm Strathmore); Leon Redbone (Thursday 8pm Barns at Wolf Trap); Jeffrey Ross (Thursday-Sunday DC Improv); “127 Hours” and “Faster” available on DVD & Blu-Ray (Tuesday)

Marc Broussard makes me wish I wasn’t spending the week in Sarasota. Damnit!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FuWPseegaKw[/youtube]

If you listen to “The Morning Reaction” on AM1570 WNST (and why the hell wouldn’t you?), you know Drew Forrester and I are ALL IN when it comes to Ra Ra Riot. They’re strong.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mVun8pRhNQQ[/youtube]

Good Charlotte may be from Waldorf, but they’re huge Baltimore Orioles fans. Benji Madden and Joel Madden in fact BOTH have O’s tattoos if I remember right. Either way, Festival Song will ALWAYS hold a special place in my heart…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j4t54bPUvmg[/youtube]

I only know one song the Get Up Kids have ever done, and it was a cover of The Cure. But damn was it good…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ukcDTCRerIk[/youtube]

9. Tennis-Davis Cup: Team USA vs. Chile (Friday 9am & 12pm, Saturday 10am, Sunday 9am & 12pm from Santiago, Chile live on Tennis Channel)

I’d be much more excited about the Davis Cup if:

1-It were on a real TV channel. No offense Tennis Channel, but I’m the biggest tennis fan on the planet and even I don’t have the Tennis Channel.

2-The great American hope wasn’t Andy Roddick. I’ll enjoy the eye candy, but winning in Memphis two weeks ago doesn’t exactly make me suddenly hopeful he’s due for a career turnaround.

Of course, if A-Rod’s flu symptoms were to keep him out, we’d be left with John Isner.

ISN’T ANYONE IN THIS COUNTRY A GOOD TENNIS PLAYER?!?!?!?!?

8. Auto Racing: NASCAR Kobalt Tools 400 (Sunday 3pm from Las Vegas live on FOX)

I can think of a few things I’d rather do in Vegas than watch Jeff Gordon drive a car.

A-Piss away money on Freemont Street while watching bad cover bands.

B-Drink alcohol out of a football…

C-Almost anything involving Holly Madison…

7. Women’s College Basketball: ACC  Tournament-Maryland vs. Georgia Tech/Virginia Tech winner (Friday 11am from Greensboro, NC live on Fox Sports Net nationally, Comcast SportsNet locally)

Well Terps fans…if you want to be excited about March Madness…I’d suggest you learn the names of the players on Brenda Frese’s team.

First name to learn? Diana Tchatchouang.

What is Tchatchouang French for, you ask? Actually, Tchatchouang is French for “HUH?!?!”

6. NBA: Golden State Warriors @ Washington Wizards (Wednesday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Minnesota Timberwolves @ Washington Wizards (Saturday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Washington Wizards @ Detroit Pistons (Sunday 6pm from Auburn Hills, MI live on Comcast SportsNet PLUS)

Baltimore Terps fans-you don’t think things could be worse? You COULD root for the ‘Zards!

I don’t know how to polish this. The Wizards are unbelievably awful. It’s almost impossible. Making it worse this week, the teams playing the Wizards are awful too.

Why should you watch one of these games? Ummm….maybe their mascot G-Man will do something cool???

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KfBXFRSt4pE[/youtube]

5. High School Basketball: Baltimore Catholic League Championship Game-John Carroll vs. St. Frances (Tuesday 7pm Reitz Arena)

I LIKE the fact that the Patriots and the Panthers are getting together for their fourth showdown of the season.

I LOVE any sentence that includes the words “Catholic” and “school”…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uCgc-N7J2Mo[/youtube]

(Note-Stacy Keibler and Torrie Wilson unlikely to be at BCL title game Tuesday.)

4. NHL: New York Islanders @ Washington Capitals (Tuesday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), St. Louis Blues @ Washington Capitals (Thursday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Washington Capitals @ Florida Panthers (Sunday 5pm from Sunrise, FL live on Comcast SportsNet), Washington Capitals @ Tampa Bay Lightning (Monday 7pm from Tampa live on VERSUS)

The trade deadline in the National Hockey League was Monday, and I was as surprised as anyone to see that the Caps dealt Sidney Ponson to the San Francisco Cows for Darin Blood.

(I think I just combined the Ponson and Joe Carter deals into one. God it sucks being an Orioles fan.)

All of those trades and they didn’t come up with Kenny Wu? I’m reminded of why I don’t root for the damn team…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IxSY4vClA4U[/youtube]

3. College Lacrosse: Bellarmine @ Loyola (Saturday 1pm from Ridley Athletic Complex live on AM1570 WNST); Towson @ Mt. St. Mary’s (Saturday 1pm Waldron Family Stadium)http://wnst.net/wordpress/glennclark/wp-admin/post.php?action=edit&post=10574; Princeton @ Johns Hopkins (Saturday 1pm from Homewood Field live on ESPNU); Bellarmine @ Maryland (Monday 3pm Byrd Stadium); Hood @ Stevenson (Wednesday 3pm Caves Athletic Complex)

With the Tigers and Blue Jays on the same field Saturday, there’s probably someone who can discover the cure for the common cold.

It’s too highfalutin for me. I’d rather look at picture of Kayla Love from Busted Coverage. Oh look…

2. Mixed Martial Arts: UFC on VERSUS-Diego Sanchez vs. Martin Kampmann (Thursday 9pm from Louisville live on VERSUS), Strikeforce Columbus: Dan Henderson vs. Rafael “Feijao” Calvacante (Saturday 10pm from Columbus live on Showtime)

Boy, I miss the days when it was a big deal when “Hendo” faught. Probably won’t be the case on Saturday night.

Martin Kampmann will join Thyrl Nelson and John Rallo on “The MMA Report” Tuesday at 1:30pm on AM1570 WNST. Then he’ll fight a guy who craps in the woods…honestly…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KuHz0IEPxQ[/youtube]

1. College Basketball: Maryland @ Miami (Wednesday 7pm from Coral Gables, FL live on ESPNU), Virginia @ Maryland (Saturday 2pm from Comcast Center live on ACC Network-WNUV 54 in Charm City); Morgan State @ Coppin State (Thursday 7:30pm Coppin State Physical Education Complex); MAAC Tournament-Loyola vs. St. Peter’s (Saturday 2pm from Bridgeport, Conn. live on MSG Network); America East Tournament-UMBC vs. Binghamton (Thursday 8:15pm from Hartford, Conn. streamed live at AmericaEast.com); CAA Tournament-Towson vs. Drexel (Friday 2:30pm from Richmond, streamed live at CAASports.com)

It’s march and I’m mad!

That’s mostly because the Terrapins have absolutely no shot at going to the NCAA Tournament.

Oh well. UVa still sucks. Except for Dave Matthews Band…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cCBlvTfuoPQ[/youtube]

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

Honorable Mention: Women’s College Basketball-Virginia Tech @ Maryland (Thursday 7:30pm Comcast Center); Boxing: Miguel Acosta vs. Brandon Rios (Saturday 10pm from Las Vegas live on Showtime), Friday Night Fights: Juan Carlos Burgos vs. Cristobal Cruz (Friday 9pm from Tulsa, Oklahoma live on ESPN2); Tennis: ATP Tour Delray Beach International Tennis Championships (Saturday 2pm & 7pm, Sunday 1pm & 3pm from Delray Beach, FL live on Tennis Channel), Abierto Mexicano Telcel (Wednesday 4pm & 8pm, Thursday 2pm & 8pm, Friday 6pm & 10pm, Saturday 10am from Acapulco, Mexico live on ESPN3.com), Dubai Duty Free Tennis Championships (Monday-Friday 5am & 10am, Saturday 10am from Dubai, United Arab Emirates live on ESPN3.com)

10. Bon Jovi (Sunday 7:30pm Verizon Center), Lady Gaga (Thursday 8pm Verizon Center); Pat Green (Saturday 7pm Rams Head Live, Wednesday 7pm 9:30 Club); Robert Cray Band (Tuesday 8pm Rams Head On Stage); David Gray (Tuesday 7:30pm Strathmore); Charlie Murphy (Thursday-Sunday DC Improv); Pat McGee Band (Friday 7:30pm Birchmere); Ryan Cabrera (Monday 8pm Jammin’ Java); G. Love “Fixin To Die” available in stores/on iTunes (Tuesday)

I saw Bon Jovi a few years ago at Jobing.com Arena in Glendale, Arizona. I was disappointed. He played country pop songs. I didn’t pay to see that. I actually didn’t pay at all. But if I had, THIS is what I would have wanted to see…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=40UQDEtRxp8[/youtube]

I like Pat McGee AND Pat Green. I also like Pat Sajak, but I don’t like Pat Boone necessarily.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzTL2woRzrI[/youtube]
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJWnIFlYKjs[/youtube]

Even our buddy Rob Fahey (of Ravyns fame) says he’s most impressed by David Gray of current musicians. That’s high praise…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMxfKuft8x4[/youtube]

And even without the “Special Sauce”, I’d recommend picking up the new G. Love…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCPH3dPQkIc[/youtube]

9. NBA: Indiana Pacers @ Washington Wizards (Tuesday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Washington Wizards @ Philadelphia 76ers (Wednesday 7pm from Philadelphia live on Comcast SportsNet), Washington Wizards @ Miami Heat (Friday 7:30pm from Miami live on Comcast SportsNet), Dallas Mavericks @ Washington Wizards (Saturday 8pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet PLUS), Chicago Bulls @ Washington Wizards (Monday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet)

It used to be that when the Chicago Bulls would come to play the ‘Zards (or the Bullets, really), the games would actually mean something.

Now…they’re just the next team on the schedule…that will probably beat the Wizards.

That being said, they still have SOMETHING going for them…in fact, the best player in the history of NBA Jam…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DkM0BE-Iu6M[/youtube]

Benny the Bull was better than Michael Jordan.

Probably a better golfer, too.

8. Auto Racing: NASCAR Subway Fresh Fit 500 (Sunday 3pm from Phoenix live on FOX)

With the fellas on the Sprint Cup Series headed into Arizona, I’d take a second to remind everyone that Daytona 500 winner Trevor Bayne and company will have a few of their own “distractions” to deal with…

I’ve had the water out there. There IS something in it.

7. Golf: WGC Accenture Match Play Championship (Wednesday 12pm, Thursday & Friday 2pm, Saturday 12pm, Sunday 9am live on Golf Channel; Saturday & Sunday 2pm live on NBC. All golf from Marana, AZ); PGA Tour Mayakoba Golf Classic at Riviera Maya-Cancun (Thursday-Saturday 6:30pm, Sunday 7pm from Playa del Carmen, Mexico live on Golf Channel); LPGA Tour HSBC Women’s Champions (Thursday & Friday 11am, Saturday 10am, Sunday 2pm from Singapore live on Golf Channel)

This will be the only week all year that I give half a crap about Golf. Why? Because I get to fill out brackets! You could put together a Pokemon card tournament-if it had brackets, I’d fill them out.

I mean, I’m not going to WATCH the thing…holy hell does that sound terrible. But I’ll check at the end of the day to see how my brackets hold up. And I’ll of course pick  Chi Chi Rodriguez to win. He’s going to have to break through one of these weeks.

6. NHL: New York Rangers @ Washington Capitals (Friday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet PLUS & NHL Network), Washington Capitals @ New York Islanders (Saturday 7pm from New York live on Comcast SportsNet)

Meanwhile, Glenn Clark will be making the trip up I-95 to Philly to see the Philadelphia Flyers become JUST ANOTHER VICTIM for the Phoenix FREAKING Coyotes, who enter the game winners of seven in a row!

It’s just a shame the game isn’t in Arizona, cause I’d love to hear the Black Keys pump through the Wells Fargo Center…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UfYLr3IIVkQ[/youtube]

5. Monster Jam (Friday-Sunday 1st Mariner Arena)

Monster Jam is one of those events that comes around all the time that I have no REAL idea what it is and if it’s sorta white trash but really cool or REALLY white trash and only sorta cool.

Either way, I THINK Grave Digger is pretty cool….right???

4. Mixed Martial Arts: UFC 127-BJ Penn vs. Jon Fitch (Saturday 10pm from Sydney, AUS on Pay-Per-View)

After the last card (Anderson Silva vs. Vitor Belfort) and the next card (Jon “Bones” Jones vs. Mauricio “Shogun” Rua), I will admit that I’m not really all that upset that I’ll be missing this card while I’m in Indy.

But if I was a MMA writer/reporter headed Down Under, I know damn well I’d take a minute to seek out whoever Bliss N Eso are. Their Citizen Cope cover is pretty legit…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aCIfpZp7YcA[/youtube]

3. College Lacrosse: Loyola @ Towson (Saturday 12pm from Unitas Stadium live on ABC2/ESPN3.com/AM1570 WNST); Rutgers @ UMBC (Saturday 1pm UMBC Stadium); Siena @ Johns Hopkins (Saturday 1pm from Homewood Field live on ESPNU); Georgetown @ Maryland (Saturday 3pm from Byrd Stadium live on ESPNU); Mary Washington @ Stevenson (Wednesday 3pm Caves Athletic Complex), Kean @ Stevenson (Saturday 1pm Caves Athletic Complex)

I don’t know about the rest of you, but when I see “Georgetown” and “Maryland” next to each other, I can really only think about Keith Booth and Joe Smith. Hoyas fans probably won’t be happy for the reminder…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-WoPhVNffA[/youtube]

I guess I have one other memory. It involves Lonny Baxter and the NCAA Tournament if I remember correctly…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nda5RartfAw[/youtube]

2. College Basketball: Florida State @ Maryland (Wednesday 9pm from Comcast Center live on ACC Network-WNUV 54 locally), Maryland @ North Carolina (Sunday 7:45pm from Chapel Hill, NC live on Comcast SportsNet-Fox Sports Net nationally); Delaware State @ Morgan State (Wednesday 7pm Hill Field House), Morgan State @ North Carolina A&T (Monday 7pm from Greensboro, NC live on ESPNU); Drexel @ Towson (Saturday 4pm Towson Center)

I hope the Terps beat the snot out of the Seminoles Wednesday night. But I will admit that FSU will always have at least a small place in my (and Brett Favre’s) heart(s)…

Jenn Sterger wore a cowboy hat to a football game in Tallahassee five years ago and became a household name.

What a great country we live in.

1. College Football: NFL Scouting Combine (Thursday-Monday from Indianapolis live on NFL Network)

5.2 million people watched the Scouting Combine from LucasOil Stadium last year.

Of those 5.2 million, not a single one tuned in to see how Rich Eisen did in the 40 yard dash. But he did it anyway, and almost beat Ravens DT Terrence Cody!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ar5nlv6ZPX0[/youtube]

That might seem surprising, but consider this…if hundreds of college-aged GIRLS were to descend upon a football stadium and run around in the underwear, how many MORE people would be watching?

You know, especially if one of them was SI swimsuit model Kate Upton…

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

Honorable Mention: Boxing-Friday Night Fights: Sergio Mora vs. Bryan Vera (Friday 9pm from Fort Worth, TX live on ESPN2); College Lacrosse Scrimmage: Loyola @ UMBC (Saturday 1pm UMBC Stadium); NHL: Montreal Canadiens @ Washington Capitals (Tuesday 7:30pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet),Washington Capitals @ Tampa Bay Lightning (Friday 7:30pm from Tampa Bay live on Comcast SportsNet PLUS & NHL Network), Pittsburgh Penguins @ Washington Capitals (Sunday 12:30pm from Verizon Center live on NBC)

10. Royal Comedy Tour feat. D.L. Hughley & Bruce Bruce (Saturday 8pm 1st Mariner Arena); Citizen Cope (Tuesday 7pm Recher Theatre); Chromeo (Saturday 8pm Sunday 7pm 9:30 Club); Robert Plant & North Mississippi All-Stars (Tuesday 8pm D.A.R. Constitution Hall), Mike Epps (Friday 7:30pm D.A.R. Constitution Hall); Corey Harris (Thursday-Saturday 8pm & 10pm Blues Alley); “Tillman Story” available on DVD/Blu-Ray (Tuesday); Matisyahu “Live At Stubbs II” available in stores/on iTunes (Tuesday)

Nothing in the world bothers me more than the fact that I’m missing Clarence Greenwood Tuesday night. I LOVE Citizen Cope…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GFaVnSLKGBY[/youtube]

Robert Plant is Robert Plant. I believe you’ve heard of him…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVvgWHawlqY[/youtube]

I once was sitting in the front row of a Dave Matthews Band show in Atlanta where the North Mississippi All Stars opened. It was love at first sound…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjIt-IuLE5U[/youtube]

I don’t know how Matisyahu’s “Live at Stubbs II” will differ from the first one, but if it’s at all similar it will probably be pretty good…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsFpUW48Tnc[/youtube]

9. The Chocolate Affair (Thursday 6pm M&T Bank Stadium)

I’ll admit that I’m not really much of a chocolate fan. That’s more my girlfriend’s thing. It’s probably good that she won’t be in attendance Thursday night-or she might seriously never come back.

I don’t really need a whole event to celebrate the chocolate I enjoy. I can hold my own “Chocolate Affair” over at Royal Farms any day leading up to Easter.

I just need a Snickers bar, some Reece’s Peanut Butter Cups and about a thousand of THESE…

8. Golf: PGA Tour Waste Management Phoenix Open (Thursday-Sunday 4pm from Scottsdale, AZ live on Golf Channel)

Look-golf is terrible and impossible to watch on TV or in person. Everyone knows that. It’s completely inarguable. It’s an awful game that no one should ever play and there’s ABSOLUTELY no reason why any human being would EVER watch the thing on TV. There’s less of a reason to watch in person.

Except for when they’re golfing at TPC Scottdale.

You see, the scene at the Phoenix Open…it’s not too bad…

And it’s also the home of the 16th hole. It makes watching golf somehow seem LESS unbearable…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJHVTcnGzcI[/youtube]

7. Women’s College Basketball: NC State @ Maryland (Sunday 12pm from Comcast Center live on Comcast SportsNet)

Sunday is a neat day. While there will be an ACTUAL Super Bowl being played in North Texas; there will be another Super Bowl being played in College Park.

You see, this matchup between the Terps and the Wolfpack is ABSOLUTELY the Super Bowl for an old friend…

I know the Terrapins already devoured Debbie Yow’s ‘Pack in football; but TRUST ME when I tell you she cares much more about winning this.

No one loves Women’s Basketball (for good reason) more than Debbie Yow.

The rise of the Terps under Brenda Frese might be what she is most proud of from her tenure at Maryland. She’d be more proud to get a win AGAINST Brenda Frese.

This might not mean so much to the casual Maryland fan-but if you’re in the “Debbie is the enemy” group, this one means the most to her.

6. High School Basketball: Perry Hall @ Franklin (Wednesday 6:30pm), Perry Hall @ Towson (Friday 7pm); Glen Burnie @ Meade (Friday 7pm)

I’m torn on Towson High School. On one side, I’ve had a number of interns (including current intern Timmy Hendrix) from Towson and they’ve always always been good.

On the flip side, of all of the Baltimore County public schools-I’ve tended to find that Towson kids can be amongst the most insufferable.

“Oh, Perry Hall? We don’t care about Perry Hall here. Michael Phelps went to Towson. We’re better than you.”

Jerks.

Of course, Towson High School also claims one of the all-time biggest sex symbols in Charm City history…

5. NBA: Washington Wizards @ New Orleans Hornets (Tuesday 8pm from New Orleans live on Comcast SportsNet PLUS), Orlando Magic @ Washington Wizards (Friday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Atlanta Hawks @ Washington Wizards (Saturday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet)

At what point is it considered “cruel and unusual” to keep forcing the ‘Zards to go on the road? I mean, I enjoy the suffering of DC sports fans as much (probably more) than anyone-but this is crazy.

I’m not much of a NBA fan (unless of course we’re talking about the Phoenix Suns), but I do enjoy a good slam dunk. Rudy Gay authored one of those recently…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wtSg_OwSsF0[/youtube]

Yep. That’s a fine slam dunk.

4. College Football: National Signing Day (Wednesday-coverage throughout the day on CBS College Sports & ESPNU); NFLPA Game (Saturday 2pm from San Antonio live on CBS College Sports)

You may remember the NFLPA Game as the former “Texas vs. The Nation” game.

I mean, I’m well aware that you don’t; I’m just making conversation. Ease off already.

National Signing Day is weird because you get really excited about players who may or may not ever make ANY impact at the college level.

Remember Penn State (later Towson)’s Antonio Logan-El spurning Glorida Friedgen at the ESPNZone in the Inner Harbor live on ESPNews? Not so pissed off about that anymore, are we?

Attention Nittany Lions fans (including WNST’s own Ashley Bishoff and my cousin Jeff Clark-both of whom I still tolerate despite their poor school choice): YOU DESERVED THAT PIECE OF GARBAGE.

That is all.

3. Mixed Martial Arts: UFC 126-Anderson Silva vs. Vitor Belfort (Saturday 10pm from Las Vegas live on Pay-Per-View)

My new favorite fighter Jon “Bones” Jones (brother of Ravens DT Arthur Jones) is on the card Saturday night. That will about explain who I’ll be rooting for.

Since we’re all here talking MMA, it’s been awhile since I posted a picture of Gina Carano. Might as well change that now…

2. College Basketball: Duke @ Maryland (Wednesday 9pm from Comcast Center live on ESPN), Wake Forest @ Maryland (Saturday 1pm from Comcast Center live on ACC Network-WNUV 54 in Charm City); Georgia State @ Towson (Saturday 4pm Towson Center); Binghamton @ UMBC (Thursday 7:30pm RAC Arena)

This is going to come as a surprise to a lot of folks, but I don’t care for Coach K or the Blue Devils.

In fact, I think four particular future Mrs. Glenn Clark’s happen to explain it best…

1. NFL: Super Bowl XLV-Green Bay Packers vs. Pittsburgh Steelers (Sunday 6:30pm from Arlington, TX live on FOX), WNST Super Bowl XLV Coverage (Tuesday-Friday 6am & 2pm from Dallas live on AM1570 & WNST.net)

PACKERS PACKERS PACKERS PACKERS PACKERS PACKERS PACKERS PACKERS PACKERS PACKERS PACKERS PACKERS PACKERS PACKERS PACKERS PACKERS PACKERS PACKERS PACKERS PACKERS PACKERS PACKERS

Understood?

And if those A-holes from the Steel City win, we all gather together for tequila shots Monday morning.

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

Honorable Mention: Maryland State Cheer & Dance Championship (Saturday 1st Mariner Arena); Women’s College Basketball: Maryland @ Virginia (Friday 8:30pm from Charlottesville live on Comcast SportsNet), North Carolina @ Maryland (Sunday 5pm from Comcast Center live on ESPN2); NBA: Washington Wizards @ Milwaukee Bucks (Wednesday 8pm from Milwaukee live on Comcast SportsNet), Phoenix Suns @ Washington Wizards (Friday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Boston Celtics @ Washington Wizards (Saturday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Washington Wizards @ New York Knicks (Monday 7:30pm from New York live on Comcast SportsNet); Golf: PGA Tour Bob Hope Classic (Wednesday-Friday 3pm, Saturday & Sunday 4pm from La Quinta, CA live on Golf Channel), Champions Tour Mitsubishi Electric Championship at Hualalai (Friday 6:30pm, Saturday & Sunday 7:30pm from Kaupulehu-Kona, HI live on Golf Channel); High School Basketball: Kenwood @ Perry Hall (Wednesday 6:30pm), Basketball Academy-including Perry Hall vs. Archbishop Spalding & Perry Hall vs. Havre de Grace plus Poly, Woodlawn, Western, Milford Mill, Parkville, Patterson, City, Douglass, Aberdeen, Owings Mills, Lake Clifton (Thursday-Saturday Coppin State Physical Education Complex)

10. Avenged Sevenfold/Stone Sour (Sunday 6:30pm 1st Mariner Arena); Chrisette Michelle (Friday 7pm Rams Head Live); Gary Puckett & The Union Gap (Wednesday & Thursday 8pm Rams Head On Stage); B-52′s (Wednesday 7pm 9:30 Club); Lyle Lovett (Tuesday, Wednesday, Sunday 7:30pm Birchmere)

I’m not really that much of an A7X fan, but I will admit that I REALLY dig Corey Taylor and Stone Sour…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GIzDsGyxsQM[/youtube]

Make fun of me all you want. I dig Gary Puckett…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=98QH7LdPeO0[/youtube]

When I was a kid, I had no idea if the B-52′s were actually any good or if they were just sorta weird. As an adult, I’ve realized it’s both…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tDZy6-fMCw4[/youtube]

There isn’t much I would enjoy about a Lyle Lovett show. But “If I Had A Boat” would be something…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-_W18CWypE[/youtube]

9. Baltimore Restaurant Week (Friday-Monday throughout Charm City), Baltimore County Restaurant Week (Tuesday-Monday throughout Baltimore County)

Another fat guy holiday?

Who knew Thanksgiving would come twice for us this year?!?!?

My favorite spot on the list might be a little joint in Little Italy Robert McClintock immortalized (and apparently Lee Smith’s favorite joint in Charm City)…

8. Boxing: Evander Holyfield vs. Sherman Williams (Saturday 9pm from White Sulphur Springs, WV live on Pay-Per-View); Mixed Martial Arts-UFC Fight Night: Fight For The Troops 2 (Saturday 9pm from Fort Hood, TX live on SpikeTV)

Holy hell Evander Holyfield is still fighting?!?!? Jamie Moyer thinks Evander Holyfield is old!

If Evander Holyfield managers to beat “Ask” Sherman Williams, I think I know who he should fight next (Language NSFW)…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VIiPTTwEJJQ[/youtube]

7. NHL: Washington Capitals @ Philadelphia Flyers (Tuesday 7pm from Philadelphia live on Comcast SportsNet), Washington Capitals @ New York Islanders (Thursday 7pm from New York live on Comcast SportsNet), Washington Capitals @ Toronto Maple Leafs (Saturday 7pm from Toronto live on Comcast SportsNet PLUS and NHL Network), New York Rangers @ Washington Capitals (Monday 7:30pm from Verizon Center live on VERSUS)

I don’t care about Caps hockey, but I like funny videos. Here’s a funny video of a Pittsburgh Penguins fan from the Winter Classic this year…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VNXddsqLjq0[/youtube]

Yep. That was funny.

6. College Football: East West Shrine Game (Saturday 4pm from Orlando live on NFL Network)

Amongst the players in the East West Shrine Game is former Terrapins RB Da’Rel Scott. Or as he likes to call himself, a man whose spot was once blown up by Glenn Clark…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7mJNNAvNuw[/youtube]

I thought I needed to carry two phones at one point. Life can be pretty tough when Camille Rowe is always trying to blow up your spot…

(Thanks Busted Coverage!)

5. Soccer: Chile @ Team USA (Saturday 10pm from Carson, CA live on ESPN3.com); MISL: Milwaukee Wave @ Baltimore Blast (Friday 7:35pm 1st Mariner Arena)

I’m not sure about this. I’m as patriotic as they come, so I’d always pull for the Red, White & Blue.

BUT…Chile happens to share a name with the restaurant that gave us Chicken Crispers…

4. US Lacrosse National Convention (Friday-Sunday Baltimore Convention Center)

Or as local marijuana dealers are calling it, Christmas Season Part 2.

Seriously, how much visine is necessary at a lacrosse convention?!?!? And has there ever been a bigger gathering of folks who listen to Dave Matthews Band and Phish???

Wait a second…I love Dave Matthews Band and Phish…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMiyN3Gxwts[/youtube]

Okay, someone get me a ticket…

3. NFL Playoffs: NFC Championship Game-Green Bay Packers @ Chicago Bears (Sunday 3pm from Chicago live on FOX), AFC Championship Game-New York Jets @ Pittsburgh Steelers (Sunday 6:30pm from Pittsburgh live on CBS)

Well clearly this was GOING to be Number 1…right up until the 3rd quarter of the Ravens’ game at Heinz Field Saturday night. Then everything went to hell.

Like I need to remind you.

Now, I’d be open to other ideas for Saturday if you’ve got something better for me to do than watch football. Seriously. There’s no reason why I have to watch these games, especially if it involves having to watch those a-holes in the Steel City earn another Super Bowl berth.

My girlfriend wants me to go to the Horse World Expo with her at the Timonium Fairgrounds. I’ve never had even HALF an ounce of interest in it, but I think I’m going to go.

Or maybe I’ll just sit around at home in my underwear and play Wheel of Fortune on Facebook.

I just don’t want to think about it. It’s too painful.

2. Tennis: Australian Open (Tuesday 12am & 9pm, Wednesday & Thursday 11pm, Friday & Saturday 9pm, Sunday 7pm, Monday 9pm live on ESPN2; Tuesday-Friday 8am, Saturday 1pm, Sunday & Monday 8am live on Tennis Channel. All action from Melbourne, AUS)

In breaking news from Down Under, Maria Sharapova has a new line of tennis wear that she wants you to see…

(Thanks again Busted Coverage. Solid week for you.)

Look, I’m personally just as interested in what’s going on with Mardy Fish and  Juan Martin Del Potro’s comeback attempt as I am in Maria Sharapova.

But…ummm….look at that again. What the hell else could possibly matter in the world?

1. College Basketball: Virginia Tech @ Maryland (Thursday 9pm from Comcast Center live on ESPN2), Clemson @ Maryland (Saturday 2:30pm from Comcast Center live on Raycom Sports-WNUV 54 in Charm City); Morgan State @ UMES (Monday 7:30pm Hytche Athletic Center); Coppin State @ UMES (Saturday 4pm Hytche Athletic Center); William & Mary @ Towson (Wednesday 7pm Towson Center), Virginia Commonwealth @ Towson (Monday 7pm Towson Center); Manhattan @ Loyola (Thursday 8pm Reitz Arena)

Here are two schools for which my level of dislike is TOTALLY underrated.

For as much as I like Malcolm Delaney, I can’t freaking STAND the Hokies. So why is it that I like everything about this picture?!?!?!?!

And my dislike towards Clemson dates at LEAST as far back as my 12th grade journalism teacher Ms. Matasofsky…who LOVED the Tigers. It was a constant source of contention between us. I couldn’t ever understand why she didn’t like the Hangman t-shirt I wore at least once a week…

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

Honorable Mention-Women’s College Basketball: Boston College @ Maryland (Thursday 7pm Comcast Center)

10. Little Feat (Tuesday 7pm Rams Head Live); Big Bad Voodoo Daddy (Thursday 8pm Rams Head On Stage); Virginia Coalition (Saturday 6pm 9:30 Club); Cake “Showroom of Compassion” available in stores/on iTunes (Tuesday), Cage The Elephant “Thank You Happy Birthday” available in stores/on iTunes (Tuesday)

Say what you want…Little Feat is AWESOME…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SkZsSydzQjM[/youtube]

Does it make me a nerd if I admit that I kinda dig Big Bad Voodoo Daddy?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFP4Hwrl244[/youtube]

If you’re not listening to VACO, start soon. Just a recommendation.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q96A4eWFN_A[/youtube]

I haven’t heard anything from the new Cake CD, but if it sounds anything like…Cake…I’ll probably enjoy it. Especially if it sounds like “Shadow Stabbing”…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oa52P9fCUP0[/youtube]

9. “The Social Network” available on DVD/Blu-Ray (Tuesday); “The Green Hornet” & “The Dilemma” out in theaters (Friday)

I didn’t get to see The Social Network. I don’t know why, either. It was filmed at Johns Hopkins, it starred Justin Timberlake and it was nominated for like every single Golden Globe Award. The only way I could have enjoyed it more is if I could have watched it at Chick-Fil-A.

I’m sure it was really good. But I’m not sure it was QUITE as good as what Saturday Night Live did recently with Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=urDvpX-CfTw[/youtube]

I don’t know what I think about The Dilemma. Vince Vaughn is funny. Kevin James is…well…Kevin James. It looks like it might be a disaster. It certainly doesn’t look as good as Wedding Crashers…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6fLskrvsRA[/youtube]

And The Green Hornet? I want to be excited, but good movies don’t usually come out in January…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9btZIK3Obpg[/youtube]

8. High School Basketball: Perry Hall @ Hereford (Wednesday 6:30pm), Dulaney @ Perry Hall (Friday 7pm)

I remember I was in Drivers Ed with a girl who went to Dulaney. She was really attractive. She sat in the back of the room, I sat in the front (I believe I sat next to fellow PHHS alum Josh Seidel). I spent most of the classroom time staring at her. She caught me.

One night she held up a sign that said…

“Don’t Stare Too Long. You’ll Have Nightmares.”

We ended up making out during break that night.

So why am I telling you this story? I dunno. It was either that or post another one of those “Jailbait” pictures. But that would be inappropriate.

I’m above that, folks.

7. Golf: PGA Tour Sony Open in Hawaii (Thursday-Sunday 7pm Honolulu live on Golf Channel)

I don’t have anything to say about the golf tournament. It’s January. Why the hell are they even playing?

BUT…I strangely find the promos for the new season of The Haney Project with Rush Limbaugh.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6v88lKNV3yg[/youtube]

If Hank Haney can fix Limbaugh, maybe I should be his next project. I’m TERRIBLE.

6. NBA: Sacramento Kings @ Washington Wizards (Tuesday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Washington Wizards @ Minnesota Timberwolves (Thursday 8pm from Minneapolis live on Comcast SportsNet), Toronto Raptors @ Washington Wizards (Saturday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Utah Jazz @ Washington Wizards (Monday 1pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet)

I don’t know what the Wizards are going to do this week (what do they usually do, folks?), but I KNOW it won’t be nearly as entertaining as what Austin Groff did for for Twin Valley South…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_46GuYkDDD4[/youtube]

Here are some other cool things. Sue Bird once did this…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6JEX6uw6f8k[/youtube]

And Baron Davis hooked Blake Griffin up with this…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cN_bEK-0Ptg[/youtube]

Those things were all significantly cooler than anything the ‘Zards are going to do this season.

5. NHL: Washington Capitals @ Florida Panthers (Tuesday 7:30pm from Sunrise, FL live on Comcast SportsNet PLUS),Washington Capitals @ Tampa Bay Lightning (Wednesday 7:30pm from Tampa Bay live on Comcast SportsNet & NHL Network), Vancouver Canucks @ Washington Capitals (Friday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet & NHL Network), Ottawa Senators @ Washington Capitals (Sunday 3pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet)

I don’t like the Caps, but I DO like Puck Daddy-and of course I like Charm City. So thank you Puck Daddy for unearthing these pictures of former Caps players Peter Bondra and Al Iafrate hanging out in Baltimore and INEXPLICABLY wearing short shorts…

Leave it to effing Capitals players for bringing short shorts to Baltimore. Creeps.

4. Nuclear Cowboyz (Friday-Saturday 7:30pm 1st Mariner Arena)

Is this cool?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9WVgmqdMAY[/youtube]

Freestyle motocross isn’t really my thing (technically, I’m not sure WHOSE thing it is…or if it even IS a real thing); but I THINK it looks cool.

I KNOW it isn’t as cool as Jackass 3D…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zRYjvQX8368[/youtube]

3. Tennis: Australian Open Opening Round (Sunday 6:30pm, Monday 9pm from Melbourne, AUS live on ESPN2)

My pick to win this year is going to be Caroline Wozniacki.

And hell, if she doesn’t win-she could just marry me instead. That’s just as good, right?

2. College Basketball: Maryland @ Wake Forest (Wednesday 8pm from Winston-Salem, NC live on Raycom Sports-WNUV 54 in Charm City), Maryland @ Villanova (Saturday 1pm from Philadelphia live on CBS); South Carolina State @ Morgan State (Saturday 5pm from Hill Field House live on ESPN2); North Carolina Central @ Coppin St. (Saturday 4pm Coppin State Physical Education Complex), South Carolina State @ Coppin St. (Monday 7:30pm Coppin State Physical Education Complex); Hofstra @ Towson (Wednesday 7pm Towson Center), Delaware @ Towson (Saturday 4pm Towson Center); Boston University @ UMBC (Monday 7pm RAC Arena); Fairfield @ Loyola (Friday 7pm from Reitz Arena live on ESPNU)

For the record, I (Glenn Clark) don’t really give a crap about Philly. It’s ol’ Drew Forrester who has a problem with the folks from The City of Brotherly Love.

Until now. Now Maryland has to invade the Wells Fargo Center. With that in mind…

Eff Villanova.

Eff Tastykake.

Eff Geno’s Steaks.

Eff Bill Cosby.

Eff Philadelphia.

Classy, I know. Before you ask, mom is (mostly) still proud.

1. NFL Playoffs: AFC Divisional Round-Baltimore Ravens @ Pittsburgh Steelers (Saturday 4:30pm from Pittsburgh live on CBS), New York Jets @ New England Patriots (Sunday 4:30pm from Foxborough, MA live on CBS); NFC Divisional Round-Green Bay Packers @ Atlanta Falcons (Saturday 8pm from Atlanta live on FOX), Seattle Seahawks @ Chicago Bears (Sunday 1pm from Chicago live on FOX)

Before we get to the Ravens, I offer this AWESOME Tecmo Super Bowl clip of Marshawn Lynch’s TD run against the New Orleans Saints…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ieMlSNXMR2M[/youtube]

And for Ken Brinkman, Matt Vensel and all of my other friends from Western Pennsylvania, I think this will do…

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

Honorable Mention: National Field Hockey Coaches’ Association Convention (Thursday-Sunday, Baltimore Convention Center); Soccer: MISL-Milwaukee Wave @ Baltimore Blast (Saturday 7:35pm 1st Mariner Arena); High School Basketball: Perry Hall @ Patapsco (Wednesday 6:30pm), Woodlawn @ Perry Hall (Friday 7pm)

10. Lovin’ Spoonful (Tuesday 8pm Rams Head On Stage), Gregg Allman (Wednesday 8pm Rams Head On Stage); Pietasters (Saturday 8pm 9:30 Club); Sarah MacLachlan (Monday 8pm D.A.R. Constitution Hall); “Dinner For Schmucks” and “Machete” available on DVD/Blu-Ray (Tuesday)

Yeah, that’s about it this week. Wish I could give you something better. Either way, this song is GREAT…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zWXcjYNZais[/youtube]

As is this song…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0WGVW7byRCA[/youtube]

And this song…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxa0Kpgsgv8[/youtube]

And when she’s not forcing me to look at pictures of injured animals, Sarah MacLachlan can even be bearable…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3VrggQW7tk[/youtube]

But yeah, it’s disappointing…

9. Bull Riding-PBR Touring Pro Division (Friday-Saturday Patriot Center)

Apparently this event isn’t the event they show on TV, so it’s not that big of a deal.

But if Johnny Knoxville were to show up, it WOULD be a big deal…because it would be awesome…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5jovQQOOMes[/youtube]

8. Mixed Martial Arts: Strikeforce Challengers (Friday 11pm from Nashville live on Showtime)

So I sat down and watched some MMA for the first time in MONTHS Saturday, checking out UFC 125 after the Winter Classic.

I was reminded of how awesome the sport can sometimes be…

Brandon Vera’s face was completely rearranged by Thiago Alves. His nose is now hanging out somewhere near his right ear.

Yet he was smiling.

Awesome.

7. NBA: Washington Wizards @ Philadelphia 76ers (Wednesday 7pm from Philadelphia live on Comcast SportsNet), New Jersey Nets @ Washington Wizards (Friday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Washington Wizards @ Charlotte Bobcats (Saturday 7pm from Charlotte live on Comcast SportsNet PLUS)

Did the ‘Zards know Gilbert Arenas could do THIS before they traded him to the Orlando Magic???

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZheMh7QS5QQ[/youtube]

6. Pro Wrestling: TNA Genesis (Sunday 8pm from Orlando live on Pay-Per-View)

As always, I like to try to provide compelling reasons to view PPV events when I include them on the list. This week’s compelling reason is named Taylor Wilde…

She’s reportedly a wrestler. Like you care.

5. Golf: PGA Tour Hyundai Tournament of Champions (Thursday-Saturday 5:30pm, Sunday 6pm from Kapalua, HI live on Golf Channel)

Oh thank God golf is back. Absolutely no one* had missed it.

(*No one not named Drew Forrester that is.)

My pick to win the golf tour this year? Chi Chi Rodriguez.

Hey, why change now?

In other golf news, former Tiger Woods mistress Loredana Jolie did something recently. Unless it’s taking another picture with her clothes off, you wouldn’t care.

4. NHL: Tampa Bay Lightning @ Washington Capitals (Tuesday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Florida Panthers @ Washington Capitals (Saturday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet)

Look, I’m not a fan of the Pittsburgh Penguins OR the Washington Capitals, so I don’t have a dog in the hunt. The Pens may have lost on the ice at Heinz Field Saturday; but there was one area where they DIDN’T lose…

Bruce Boudreau won the game…but Dan Bylsma looked AMAZING.

Can’t win ‘em all, Caps fans.

3. College Basketball: Colgate @ Maryland (Tuesday 8pm from Comcast Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Maryland @ Duke (Sunday 8pm from Durham, NC live on Fox Sports Net nationally, CSN locally); Howard @ Morgan State (Saturday 4pm Hill Field House); Maine @ UMBC (Saturday 2pm RAC Arena); Hampton @ Coppin State (Saturday 4pm Coppin State Physical Education Complex), Howard @ Coppin State (Monday 7:30pm Coppin State Physical Education Complex); Women’s College Basketball: Maryland @ Duke (Thursday 7pm from Durham, NC live on Comcast SportsNet)

Eff Duke.

Does this picture ever get old?

And while we’re at it, how ’bout we throw this Greivis Vasquez classic in there too?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XrajaO74m94[/youtube]

And since the women are playing this week too, here’s Kristi Toliver…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DNpNRtFN1K0[/youtube]

Look, I don’t think the Terrapins are going to beat the Blue Devils Sunday at Cameron Indoor Stadium-but it doesn’t change how I feel. Just let me have this.

2. College Football: BCS Championship Game-Auburn vs. Oregon (Monday 8:30pm from Glendale, AZ live on ESPN), Sugar Bowl-Ohio State vs. Arkansas (Tuesday 8:30pm from New Orleans live on ESPN), Cotton Bowl-LSU vs. Texas A&M (Friday 8pm from Arlington, TX live on FOX), GoDaddy.com Bowl-Miami (Ohio) vs. Middle Tennessee (Thursday 8pm from Mobile, AL live on ESPN), BBVA Compass Bowl-Pitt vs. Kentucky (Saturday 12pm from Birmingham, AL live on ESPN), Fight Hunger Bowl-Boston College vs. Nevada (Sunday 9pm from San Francisco live on ESPN); NCAA FCS Championship Game: Delaware vs. Eastern Washington (Friday 7pm from Frisco, TX live on ESPN2)

Which Cam Newton joke do you want to go with?

I’ll admit this much. I’m going to be rooting AGAINST the Tigers on Monday night.

I think it’s just probably better for everyone if Newton DOESN’T win the National Championship. Of course, we said the same thing about the Heisman Trophy but that was already decided.

As far as the FCS title is concerned, I’m assuming Delaware wins-right? I mean, there’s NO WAY a team that plays on a field that looks like this can win……can they???

1. NFL Playoffs: AFC Wild Card Round-Baltimore Ravens @ Kansas City Chiefs (Sunday 1pm from Kansas City live on CBS), New York Jets @ Indianapolis Colts (Saturday 8pm from Indianapolis live on NBC); NFC Wild Card Round-New Orleans Saints @ Seattle Seahawks (Saturday 4:30pm from Seattle live on NBC), Green Bay Packers @ Philadelphia Eagles (Sunday 4:30pm from Philadelphia live on FOX)

The only issue I have here is that I don’t have quite the hate built up for KC that I did for Indy.

If we had been headed out to LucasOil Stadium this weekend, I would have had PLENTY of hate stored up. I don’t know how much hate I can have stored up in a trip to Arrowhead Stadium.

Of course, there IS good news about a trip to Kansas City…

Yeah…if I were you, I’d think about getting on the bus.

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

Honorable Mention: Women’s College Basketball-UMBC @ Navy (Tuesday 7pm Alumni Hall), Richmond @ Towson (Wednesday 7pm Towson Center)

10. Wale (Wednesday 7pm Rams Head Live, Tuesday 7pm 9:30 Club), Wiz Khalifa (Monday 7pm Rams Head Live); O’Malley’s March (Wednesday 6:30pm & 9:30pm Rams Head On Stage); The Roots (Monday 7pm 9:30 Club)

You’re going to see a recurring theme here. Not a whole lot going on this week. Not to take anything away from what’s happening here.

Wale is awesome, even if he roots for the effing Washington Redskins. At least he rocks Orioles hats and puts Ray Rice in his videos…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8YxSzXnZ40[/youtube]

The Roots are the greatest hip hop band in the history of ever.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nIVzt_vGyr8[/youtube]

I don’t care for Wiz Khalifa. He’s from Pittsburgh. He roots for the Steelers. Eff him. Instead, I enjoy THIS…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6NDogvBJA8[/youtube]

9. “Little Fockers“, “True Grit” & “Casino Jack” open in theaters (Friday); “Family Guy: It’s A Trap” available on DVD/Blu-Ray (Tuesday)

I don’t know if Little Fockers will be as funny as “Meet the Parents” or as “Ehhh” as “Meet the Fockers.” Either way, I’ll probably go see it. I mean, I can hope, right…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_rTLZujmHXY[/youtube]

I saw True Grit last week. Well, I saw MOST of True Grit last week. Late in the movie, the projector in the theater over in White Marsh blew up. But I could tell that the movie really kicked ass. Especially because Jeff Bridges was in the flick. Jeff Bridges is awesome.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ED4VL7W6VdQ[/youtube]

And Family Guy got around to spoofing Return of the Jedi. If I gave a crap about Star Wars, I’d be more into this. Instead, I’ve spent a better part of my life having or trying to have sex with women.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yLldVtS-G04[/youtube]

8. “24 Hours of A Christmas Story” (Friday-Saturday, TBS), “It’s A Wonderful Life” (Friday 8pm NBC)

Blah blah blah here are clips from A Christmas Story…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8XlPwsmkPHI[/youtube]
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=46WcFObgYhI[/youtube]
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HW4IZ0Flh3M[/youtube]
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z2l6RnWM2tU[/youtube]
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJSmmbmJCLw[/youtube]

Like we need anything else here.

7. High School Basketball: Perry Hall @ Kenwood (Wednesday 6:30pm)

I don’t know what’s going to happen when my Gators visit the Bluebirds. What I DO know if that it won’t be anywhere near as awesome as what happened earlier this morning when Annapolis Area Christian School played McDonogh and Archbishop Curley. It had to be the most exciting week in AACS history…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T7IbJPTHhyw[/youtube]

6. NBA: Chicago Bulls @ Washington Wizards (Wednesday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Washington Wizards @ San Antonio Spurs (Sunday 7pm from San Antonio live on Comcast SportsNet), Washington Wizards @ Houston Rockets (Monday 8:30pm from Houston live on Comcast SportsNet)

It’s a shame Yao Ming got hurt, or else the ‘Zards-Rockets contest would have been Yao Ming vs. Yi Jianlian. That would be exciting, just not for anyone in America.

I’m gonna skip the part here where I make a joke that someone later tells me is racially insensitive. Instead I’m JUST going to post a picture of General Tso’s Chicken and we’ll move on from there.

5. NHL: New Jersey Devils @ Washington Capitals (Tuesday 7:30pm from Verizon Center live on VERSUS), Pittsburgh Penguins @ Washington Capitals (Thursday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet & NHL Network), Washington Capitals @ Carolina Hurricanes (Sunday 7pm from Raleigh live on Comcast SportsNet PLUS)

Apparently the Caps have been mired in a significant losing streak recently. I say “apparently” because I simply don’t give a crap. But I don’t understand why everyone in DC is so pissed off about the Capitals losing a lot of games. They’re just doing what all of the other favorite teams in the District (Wizards, Redskins, Orioles) already do…LOSE ALL OF THEIR GAMES!

Oh, it never gets old.

4. Glenn Clark’s Christmas plans (December 23-25, throughout Charm City)

Blah blah blah…I’m going to Chiapparelli’s Thursday night…

And then my mom is making Stuffed Shells on Saturday…

Any further questions?

3. College Basketball: NJIT @ Maryland (Wednesday 8pm Comcast Center); Princeton @ Towson (Wednesday 4pm Towson Center); Loyola @ Howard (Wednesday 7pm Burr Gymnasium)

Thank God the Terrapins are playing a basketball game Wednesday. Things have been so damn quiet in College Park during finals week. ‘Bout time there’s something to talk about.

Eh, let’s talk about Mike Leach instead. Here’s video of Mike Leach doing the weather once. It’s freaking awesome. This guy’s a maniac, but he’s about to be the Terps’ maniac. We’ll take it.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qSPcMXWJjUg[/youtube]

2. College Football: Poinsetia Bowl-Navy vs. San Diego State (Thursday 8pm from San Diego live on ESPN), Beef ‘O’ Brady’s St. Petersburg Bowl (Tuesday 8pm from St. Petersburg, FL live on ESPN), MAACO Bowl-Utah vs. Boise State (Wednesday 8pm from Las Vegas live on ESPN), Hawaii Bowl-Hawaii vs. Tulsa (Friday 8pm from Honolulu live on ESPN), Little Caesars Bowl-Florida International vs. Toledo (Sunday 8:30pm from Detroit live on ESPN), Independence Bowl-Georgia Tech vs. Air Force (Monday 5pm from Shreveport, LA live on ESPN2)

The Midshipmen are headed to San Diego this week. Must be a tough life. Having to serve our country and having to travel during Christmas week? I sorta feel for the Mids.

Oh wait, where are they going?

A-holes.

1. NFL: Baltimore Ravens @ Cleveland Browns (Sunday 1pm from Cleveland live on CBS)

Eff Cleveland.

Eff Bernie Kosar. Eff Drew Carey. Eff Kid Cudi. Eff Trent Reznor. Eff Marquis Grissom. Eff LeBron James. (Oh wait.)

You know, I should feel bad for Cleveland because the city is awful, all of their sports teams suck and they lost the only thing about the city that made them remotely worthwhile; but they always treat everyone who comes from Baltimore like crap. (I understand why, don’t get me wrong.)

So eff them. I ENJOY their suffering. In fact, enjoy this a-holes.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RTeCc8jy7FI[/youtube]

(Edit from GMC: A side note, Cleveland. After the Ravens kick your asses Sunday, it would be REALLY nice if you could go ahead and beat the Pittsburgh Steelers the following week. We still kinda want to win the AFC North here in Baltimore. So all of those mean things I said about you? They expire in a week.)

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

Honorable Mention: Women’s College Basketball: Maryland @ Delaware State (Sunday 4pm from Dover); High School Basketball: Perry Hall @ Parkville (Wednesday 6:30pm), Meade @ Glen Burnie (Friday 7pm); Soccer: MISL-Omaha Vipers @ Baltimore Blast (Saturday 7:35pm 1st Mariner Arena)

10. Usher (Friday 8pm Verizon Center); Sean Kingston (Tuesday 6pm Rams Head Live), Alter Bridge (Thursday 7pm Rams Head Live), KIX (Saturday 8pm Rams Head Live); Wu-Tang Clan (Sunday 8pm Sonar); Aaron Neville (Thursday 8pm Rams Head On Stage); Joe Satriani (Wednesday 8pm Strathmore), O.A.R. (Saturday 8pm Strathmore), Kenny Rogers (Sunday 5pm Strathmore); John Waters Christmas (Thursday 7:30pm Birchmere); Michael Jackson “MICHAEL” available in stores/on iTunes (Tuesday)

There’s a ZERO percent chance I won’t be in Bethesda Saturday night. OF A REVOLUTION…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Typ01AiVz4[/youtube]

I would never go see Sean Kingston live, but I’ll admit that I kinda dig a few of his tunes…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6giXgG6qQzo[/youtube]

I prefer my Creed to be not so Scott Stapp-y. That’s why I don’t mind Alter Bridge so much…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZYG3BPvFOgs[/youtube]

And while I might dig listening to the ol’ graybeard croon “The Gambler”…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kn481KcjvMo[/youtube]

I feel like I might actually prefer another Kenny Rogers show…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=phIUwHXwSes[/youtube]

9. Glenn Clark’s annual Christmas party (Friday, time and location withheld)

It’s not that I won’t tell you where the party is because I don’t want you to be there. It’s that I can’t tell you for legal reasons. It’s somewhere on the Eastern Side of Baltimore County…sometime this week. Here are some pictures from past parties. You might understand more…

These are simply the ones I’m allowed to show you. It’s going to be epic…and it WILL involve me reading everyone “The Polar Express” at 2am like we were in 4th grade. That’s the way it is.

8. College Football: New Mexico Bowl-BYU vs. UTEP (Saturday 2pm from Albuquerque live on ESPN), uDrove Humanitarian Bowl-Northern Illinois vs. Fresno State (Saturday 5:30pm from Boise live on ESPN), R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl: Ohio University vs. Troy (Saturday 9pm from New Orleans live on ESPN)

You know it’s a bad week when THESE games somehow make the list.

I’m not really sure how I can make any of these sound appealing, so I won’t bother.

The FCS semifinals are also next weekend, and I know who I’m rooting for. Georgia Southern is at Delaware Friday night. Since Joe Flacco played for the Blue Hens, I’m with them. Villanova visits Eastern Washington Friday night, and there’s no doubt I’ll be pulling for the Wildcats. What do I have against EWU? Well, it’s the alma mater of a certain clown on ESPN Radio…

There’s simply no chance I’m pulling for the school that gave us Colin Cowherd.

7. College Basketball: UMBC @ Morgan State (Saturday 7pm Hill Field House); American @ UMBC (Tuesday 7:30pm RAC Arena); Loyola @ Georgetown (Saturday 12pm from Verizon Center live on MASN)

I’m not legally allowed to type the word Georgetown without immediately following it up with this…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=voa9p1zyRy4[/youtube]

I prefer “elated” Gary Williams to “angry” Gary Williams myself.

6. Boxing: Bernard Hopkins vs. Jean Pascal (Saturday 10pm from Quebec City, Canada live on Showtime), “The Fighter” opens in theaters (Friday)

I found my way onto a screening list for “The Fighter” Tuesday night in White Marsh, and I’m sorta excited. It looks like a really good flick…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=71l-kIhJ5j8[/youtube]

Of course, if we’re talking boxing movies, I guess I need to make sure I give a nod to the Hall of Famer…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iN8T2S9Z_yU[/youtube]

5. NBA: Los Angeles Lakers @ Washington Wizards (Tuesday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Washington Wizards @ New Jersey Nets (Thursday 7pm from East Rutherford, NJ live on Comcast SportsNet), Miami Heat @ Washington Wizards (Saturday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Charlotte Bobcats @ Washington Wizards (Monday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet)

The circus comes to DC Saturday night, as LeBron James and the preseason NBA champion Heat pay a visit. I wonder what my buddy Mike Polk thinks about it…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VIe23C1NvU4[/youtube]

4. NHL: Anaheim Ducks @ Washington Capitals (Wednesday 7pm from Washington live on Comcast SportsNet), Washington Capitals @ Boston Bruins (Saturday 7pm from Boston live on Comcast SportsNet PLUS), Washington Capitals @ Ottawa Senators (Sunday 7:30pm from Ottawa live on Comcast SportsNet)

The DUCKS play the Caps this week? The DUCKS? I know where my support will be…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZyVF1glhAfk[/youtube]

Gordon Bombay is a hero.

3. Mixed Martial Arts: WEC-Benson Henderson vs. Anthony Pettis (Thursday 9pm from Phoenix live on VERSUS)

There are a group of MMA fighters who are probably going to be a BIT distracted before their big event this week. I mean, they’re headed to Arizona of all places. There’s a little bit going on in the Valley of the Sun…

(Edit from GMC: I’m well aware that Arizona is in Tucson, not Phoenix. I’m also well aware that Arizona State girls are hotter. But I always post pictures of ASU girls. It was time for me to give a nod to gals from the U of A.)

2. Pro Wrestling: WWE Tribute to the Troops (Saturday 9pm from Fort Hood, Texas on NBC), WWE TLC (Sunday 8pm from Houston live on Pay-Per-View)

A couple of things here. One-the WWE may not be headed to Iraq of Afghanistan like usual, but the military special is ALWAYS the coolest thing they do every year. Just an awesome concept and event. I really dig it.

Speaking of cool concepts-it’s ALWAYS a good thing when the company hosts an event that incorporates Tables, Ladders and Chairs…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mm0E8pliM4Y[/youtube]

1. NFL: New Orleans Saints @ Baltimore Ravens (Sunday 1pm from M&T Bank Stadium live on FOX)

I was really hoping this wasn’t going to be a showdown of 2nd place teams when I looked at the schedule before the season.

In honor of Reggie Bush coming to Charm City, I think there’s only one photo that can finish up this list this week. NO-it’s not a picture of the Heisman Trophy, but I appreciate your humor. I think losing this HAD to be more painful than losing the Heisman for the former USC star…

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G