Tag Archive | "denver"

The 15-7-0 thinks Calvin Johnson is probably worth screaming about

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The 15-7-0 thinks Calvin Johnson is probably worth screaming about

Posted on 28 October 2013 by Glenn Clark

15 positive observations from the weekend of football, seven not so positive observations and we acknowledge a “zero” from outside the world of football. A reminder, there’s never any Ravens game analysis here. We do plenty of that elsewhere. It’s a trip through the weekend of football via videos, GIFs, memes, pictures, links, Tweets and shtick.

Oh and candy corn. Actually this week…mostly candy corn.

15 Positive Observations…

1. I assume what Dez Bryant was yelling on the sidelines was something along the lines of “HEY COACH! YOU KNOW THOSE GUYS WHO SAY THAT WHEN YOU FACE THE LIONS YOU SHOULD LET CALVIN JOHNSON GET HIS BUT DON’T LET ANYONE ELSE BEAT YOU? THOSE GUYS ARE IDIOTS!”

Pretty much just simple lip-reading.

Dez would like to remind you why he’s yelling.

Megatron posted the second greatest receiving (yards) day in NFL history. No one even as much as blinked at any of it.

Matt Stafford’s fake spike is obviously the highlight of his entire life.

2. If there’s one person in the world you’re happy for right now it’s Navy kicker Nick Sloan. If there’s a second, it’s…umm….I don’t know, the guy who helped Naya Rivera pick out her sexy Carmen Sandiego Halloween costume?

You’ll remember Sloan missed an extra point in 2OT a week ago as the Midshipmen lost to Toledo. The result was different against Pitt Saturday.

If the Mids won, that means we get to enjoy something.

Oh and about that costume.

Yeah that works.

3. Ohio State would like you to go ahead and move on to your next question, please.

The Buckeyes demolished Penn State 63-14. They admitted after the game that they’re simply trying to keep up with their own Marching Band.

Elsewhere in the B1G, Michigan State really dug deep in their bag of tricks.

4. The Kansas City Chiefs are still undefeated. It’s probably about time that when we talk about them, we don’t use that same inflection on the term “undefeated” that we use when we describe Northern Illinois.

The more significant news from this game? JASON CAMPBELL DID SOMETHING!

5. No, Patriots fans were NOT booing their team at halftime. Of course not. Yeah, they were actually saying “YOOOUUUUUU…..guys are probably going to put together a dominant second half and easily beat the Dolphins.” Sometimes you just don’t hear all of that.

In fairness, Pats fans could have no idea their team had practiced the new sport of “synchronized intercepting”.

They should however have known their quarterback…

Despite the fact that the QB’s hand looked like this…

(Continued on Page 2…)

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Four things you can count on: Death, taxes, the 15-7-0 and Jay Cutler getting hurt

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Four things you can count on: Death, taxes, the 15-7-0 and Jay Cutler getting hurt

Posted on 21 October 2013 by Glenn Clark

15 positive observations from the weekend of football, seven not so positive observations and we acknowledge a “zero” from outside the world of football. A reminder, there’s never any Ravens game analysis here. We do plenty of that elsewhere. It’s a trip through the weekend of football via videos, GIFs, memes, pictures, links, Tweets and shtick.

You guys remember when the 15-7-0 was a fun time to gather ’round with family, tell tales and make fun of the Pittsburgh Steelers and Washington Redskins? Man…September was so great. Up yours, October!

15 Positive Observations…

1. I guess as it turns out, new Peyton > old Peyton. Oh and since we’re here, this is a reminder that the only Peyton to have ever been on the cover of Madden was Peyton Hillis. Hehe.

The Broncos WISH they had a better offense. Like…the Ravens’?

Also. The Colts’ punter is WAY tougher.

Also, Wes Welker’s catch didn’t suck.

2. As far as I’m concerned, the Towson Tigers are what’s happening in college football. Yes, the Towson Tigers. Nothing else. STOP FREAKING ASKING ALREADY.

Seriously. Don’t ask me about the other stuff. Just enjoy this.

3. Happy Monday. Florida State just scored. How was work today? Florida State just scored again. What are you thinking about for dinner tonight? Florida State scored again. Florida State scored again. Florida State scored again.

And also, Nick O’Leary put someone on THEIR ASS.

Your response, Tigers fans?

And here’s Kelvin Benjamin looking…EXACTLY LIKE A FLORIDA STATE RECEIVER.

College Gameday was at Clemson Saturday morning, happier times for Bill Murray.

4. The Bengals are in first place by two full games. If this particular 15-7-0 post were a meme, it would be the one with the guy with the hair saying “Aliens”.

And even with THIS?

And THIS?

But apparently AJ Green is ALSO good.

5. How was your Sunday? Mine was fine, you know, other than the watching Harry Douglas on my fantasy football bench and inventing knew curse words to scream aloud in response.

After the Falcons beat the Buccaneers, they sent a hazmat crew into the locker room because THIS IS WHAT IT’S COME TO IN TAMPA.

Perhaps the Falcons could have used a hazmat suit to cover Vincent Jackson.

(Continued on Page 2…)

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“The Reality Check” Week 7 NFL Power Rankings

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“The Reality Check” Week 7 NFL Power Rankings

Posted on 16 October 2013 by Glenn Clark

Glenn Clark’s Rankings…

32. Jacksonville Jaguars (Last Week 32)

When you watch the documentary about the 2013 Jags, the highlight will be halftime of last week’s game.

31. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (31)

Does the MRSA outbreak even end up in the Top 5 worst things to happen to them this season?

30. New York Giants (30)

They’re on Monday Night Football because ESPN is dying for you to find out what “The Blacklist” is all about.

29. Minnesota Vikings (27)

Oh-also they really wanted you to see an episode of The Voice, too.

28. Oakland Raiders (26)

They beat the Chargers?

27. Washington Redskins (23)

But their Special Teams Unit is number 6.798,544,213.

26. Pittsburgh Steelers (29)

Please tell me this wasn’t the start of them becoming the Steelers again.

25. Carolina Panthers (28)

There’s no in between with them, is there?

24. Atlanta Falcons (24)

Please Harry Douglas. Please Harry Douglas. Please Harry Douglas. Love, former Julio Jones fantasy owner.

23. Buffalo Bills (22)

Matt Flynn will definitely throw for 400 yards at some point this season, right?

22. Houston Texans (21)

They actually can’t get worse, can they?

21. St. Louis Rams (25)

So wait, is Zac Stacy a thing?

20. New York Jets (19)

It would be SOOO Jets for them to beat New England Sunday.

19. Tennessee Titans (18)

Jake Locker’s injury will be an undernoticed major storyline to the season when it’s over.

18. Philadelphia Eagles (20)

Nick Foles definitely starts every game the rest of the way, no?

17. Arizona Cardinals (15)

The good news is that Seattle doesn’t have a Vernon Davis.

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“The Reality Check” Week 6 NFL Power Rankings

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“The Reality Check” Week 6 NFL Power Rankings

Posted on 09 October 2013 by Glenn Clark

Glenn Clark’s Rankings…

32. Jacksonville Jaguars (Last Week 32)

Would they lose 63-0 to Florida State?

31. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (31)

The Miami (Ohio) job is open if Greg Schiano’s agent wants to get cracking.

30. New York Giants (29)

But only two games out of first place.

29. Pittsburgh Steelers (28)

They’ll probably be very competitive the rest of the season…in Conference USA.

28. Carolina Panthers (21)

I feel like such a fool for buying into them.

27. Minnesota Vikings (27)

I bet with Josh Freeman as quarterback, they end up as high as #20 on this list at some point.

26. Oakland Raiders (30)

Just when you think you’ve got them figured out.

25. St. Louis Rams (26)

You can only get so much credit for beating Jacksonville.

24. Atlanta Falcons (18)

Just cancel fantasy football season already.

23. Washington Redskins (23)

President Obama also thinks they should consider changing their defense.

22. Buffalo Bills (20)

Starting a quarterback from Duke cannot possibly lead to moving further up this list.

21. Houston Texans (16)

Since it will almost certainly be asked, it CAN get worse. It’s just hard to imagine it will.

20. Philadelphia Eagles (22)

Can only play the Giants twice a season unfortunately.

19. New York Jets (25)

I know they’re 3-2, I just can’t believe they’ll be 6-4 in five weeks.

18. Tennessee Titans (11)

You wouldn’t wish Ryan Fitzpatrick upon anyone.

17. Dallas Cowboys (17)

It’s enough to make you think they’ll be okay in that division.

(Continued on Page 2…)

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The 15-7-0 is unseasonably hotter than the Patriots’ offense

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The 15-7-0 is unseasonably hotter than the Patriots’ offense

Posted on 07 October 2013 by Glenn Clark

15 positive observations from the weekend of football, seven not so positive observations and we acknowledge a “zero” from outside the world of football. A reminder, there’s never any Ravens game analysis here. We do plenty of that elsewhere. It’s a trip through the weekend of football via videos, GIFs, memes, pictures, links, Tweets and shtick.

If there ever is a Fall in the great state of Maryland, don’t worry about having to pay to heat your home. Just read the 15-7-0 and your heart will be warmed for seven whole days*!

(*This is a fact proven by science**.)
(**Even if you don’t think this is a proven fact there’s nothing you can do about it because there is no government so no one can say otherwise. HAHA, jerks.)

15 Positive Observations…

1. Peyton Manning is better at real football than Tony Romo is at fantasy football. There is perhaps no more significant thing that can be said about someone.

Both quarterbacks were awesome Sunday; but one was victorious while the other was picked by Danny Trejo. You probably already know which is which.

I like to think that Peyton Manning threw an interception in this one because he desperately longed to know what the other side felt like.

There was also a moment where he did this.

In a related story, what the sh*t is this man doing?

2. Ohio State has been tested in each of the last two weeks and came up aces. Did anyone check to make sure they didn’t tattoo the answers on the inside of their eyelids?

Something weird happened at the end of the game. I’ll let Brent Musberger explain.

College Gameday was in Evanston before this one, and someone brought a giant Mr. Feeney head, so obviously Gameday should never be anywhere else.

3. At the end of the Navy/Air Force game I had a strong desire to give every Midshipman a hug. And also to punch every Congressman in the nads.

And if it’s a Navy win, that means it’s a Navy motivational video!

Also, I wasn’t able to get one of these at the game Saturday. I would REALLY like it if someone else got me one.

4. If you didn’t have Peyton Manning or Tony Romo on your fantasy team this weekend, I believe the next best bet was Mason Crosby.

And unfortunately if you own Brandon Pettigrew, no points for hurdles.

You DO however get points for James Jones making big plays.

Also Brad Jones did…something.

5. After all of the embarrassment and shame Paris brought upon their family, you have to feel good that young T.Y. has given the Hiltons something to be proud of again.

You think “TY” stands for “Time (to) YOLO”?

Little known fact: the Colts’ Mario Harvey HATES PUNTERS.

(Continued on Page 2…)

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“The Reality Check” Week 5 NFL Power Rankings

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“The Reality Check” Week 5 NFL Power Rankings

Posted on 02 October 2013 by Glenn Clark

Glenn Clark’s Rankings…

32. Jacksonville Jaguars (Last Week 32)

Hey! Thanks for your tackle! Any tight ends or receivers you’d like to send along too?

31. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (31)

You think Greg Schiano called Bobby Petrino for tips on how to sneak out in the middle of a season?

30. Oakland Raiders (30)

More wins than the two teams ahead of them, less good players.

29. New York Giants (22)

My buddy Gregg Rosenthal from NFL.com just keeps telling me that if you took the names of the back of the jerseys you’d think they were the Jags.

28. Pittsburgh Steelers (24)

They’ll still be winless next week.

27. Minnesota Vikings (29)

Their only win is over one of the worst teams.

26. St. Louis Rams (20)

Sam Bradford kinda makes you long for the days of…I dunno…Marc Bulger?

25. New York Jets (26)

Good news. They’ve left the door open for Matt Sims.

24. Arizona Cardinals (25)

Perhaps they could make a trade to get Brian Hoyer back?

23. Washington Redskins (23)

They beat the Raiders. That doesn’t move them up.

22. Philadelphia Eagles (19)

I’m so stupid I once had them in the Top 10.

21. Carolina Panthers (21)

1-2 doesn’t seem so bad all things considered, does it?

20. Buffalo Bills (27)

Still kinda in denial.

19. Cleveland Browns (28)

Finally NFL Network gets a good game Thursday night.

18. Atlanta Falcons (13)

They’re better than this. They are.

17. Dallas Cowboys (14)

About right.

(Continued on Page 2…)

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“The Reality Check” Week 4 NFL Power Rankings

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“The Reality Check” Week 4 NFL Power Rankings

Posted on 26 September 2013 by Glenn Clark

Glenn Clark’s Rankings…

32. Jacksonville Jaguars (Last Week 32)

More vile than the “Teen Mom” turning her private parts into a sex toy.

31. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (30)

Is it too late for Greg Schiano to throw his name in for the Texas job?

30. Oakland Raiders (28)

Matt Flynn might throw for 400 against the Redskins.

29. Minnesota Vikings (25)

I heard that next year they’re going to play a NFL game in London!

28. Cleveland Browns (31)

We live in a strange world.

27. Buffalo Bills (26)

Still likely a tough test Sunday.

26. New York Jets (29)

Not buying it.

25. Arizona Cardinals (24)

At least they have all of their finge…nevermind.

24. Pittsburgh Steelers (23)

This is really bad team.

23. Washington Redskins (22)

This is also a really bad team.

22. New York Giants (17)

This is a really bad team as well.

21. Carolina Panthers (27)

That’s a hell of a win over a really bad team.

20. St. Louis Rams (19)

But you don’t get the feeling they can’t beat San Fran.

19. Philadelphia Eagles (15)

They should be thankful there are a lot of bad teams in this league.

18. San Diego Chargers (18)

Given all of the bad around the league, I won’t drop them for a loss.

17. Detroit Lions (21)

Big test with Chicago coming to Ford Field.

(Continued on Page 2…)

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“The Reality Check” Week 3 NFL Power Rankings

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“The Reality Check” Week 3 NFL Power Rankings

Posted on 18 September 2013 by Glenn Clark

Glenn Clark’s Rankings…

32. Jacksonville Jaguars (Last Week 32)

I assume the Jacksonville CBS affiliate is going to have to start running apologies too.

31. Cleveland Browns (31)

Bigger issue: missing a wide open throw to Chris Ogbonnaya or counting on major offensive contributions from Chris Ogbonnaya?

30. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (28)

It’s certainly much more the whole “assh*le coach hates the quarterback” issue than the “lost on two last second field goals” issue.

29. New York Jets (27)

I scrambled to grab Bilal Powell in my fantasy league only to remember I had just grabbed Bilal Powell in my fantasy league.

28. Oakland Raiders (30)

Congratulations on your win*.

(*Obviously I don’t have to explain why a win over the Jags gets an asterisk.)

27. Carolina Panthers (24)

Gene Chizik is available and has prior experience with high paid athletes.

26. Buffalo Bills (29)

And we’re going to need a little more of you, CJ Spiller. (Signed, guys who have you in three different leagues.)

25. Minnesota Vikings (22)

Wins aren’t going to start getting easy any time soon.

24. Arizona Cardinals (26)

Should I bench Cam Newton for Carson Palmer in New Orleans?

23. Pittsburgh Steelers (20)

22. Washington Redskins (18)

Can Kirk Cousins play defense?

21. Detroit Lions (21)

The bad teams are so bad that a loss to the Cardinals doesn’t drop them.

20. Tennessee Titans (23)

Or for the Titans to lose but move up three spots anyway.

19. St. Louis Rams (19)

Or for the Rams to lose and stay put you get the picture.

18. San Diego Chargers (25)

For reals?

17. New York Giants (15)

Either Eli Manning or Cam Newton will get a win. Or they’ll both get ties. I could use a new tie.

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The 15-7-0 has a better defense than the Washington Redskins

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The 15-7-0 has a better defense than the Washington Redskins

Posted on 16 September 2013 by Glenn Clark

15 positive observations from the weekend of football, seven not so positive observations and we acknowledge a “zero” from outside the world of football. A reminder, there’s never any Ravens game analysis here. We do plenty of that elsewhere. It’s a trip through the weekend of football via videos, GIFs, memes, pictures, links, Tweets and shtick.

I heard that before settling on “Daniel”, Mr. and Mrs. Flacco were seriously considering “Fifteensevenoh” as their son’s name. I’m sorta surprised they didn’t stick with it.

15 Positive Observations…

1. Someone is going to end up beating the Denver Broncos, but right now it’s really hard to imagine someone beating the Denver Broncos.

My favorite Peyton Manning audible is the one where he finishes his bowl of soup.

Apparently Trindon Holliday thought he was playing the Ravens.

The Brothers Manning seemed a bit awkward postgame.

Which is weird because earlier they were…making out?

This was Phil Simms doing…Christ, I don’t know…during the game broadcast on CBS.

2. I should be excited about Maryland being 3-0 for the first time since 2001, but I’m actually a bit depressed that Maryland went 12 years without starting a season 3-0.

Things went really well for Randy Edsall in his return to Connecticut. Enjoy these highlights of the Terps’ win before we get to the crappy part.

The crappy part is that Dexter McDougle becomes the second Maryland CB to go down, and we know McDougle will miss the rest of the season. I’ll just assume Shawn Petty starts playing corner next week.

Again, we follow bad stuff with good stuff; so here’s the plane the Terrapins flew to Hartford on. It’s the most amazing thing you’ll ever see ever.

Elsewhere in the ACC, Virginia Tech is going to wear this next week because they know they’re awful this year anyway.

3. Johnny Football is good at football. Alabama football is better at football.

Oh my Bear Bryant. Manziel threw a 95 yard TD…

And then Oh my Saban this is how he celebrated.

Unfortunately for Manziel, he also threw a TD to Vinnie Sunseri-who plays for Alabama. His attempt at a tackle left a bit to be desired.

I know Manziel is an “effort” guy, but I’m not sure he needed to truck his own security.

Look, I know Alabama won the game. But they’re just really GOOD. Johnny Manziel is really INTERESTING.

Okay, TJ Yeldon was interesting too.

4. The Miami Dolphins would like to remind you of why it is that everyone was saying the Miami Dolphins were a sleeper to make the playoffs in the AFC.

But TY Hilton REALLY looks good.

5. The Kansas City Chiefs would like to echo those sentiments…you know, except about them.

Unfortunately for Sam Koch, the road to the Pro Bowl just keeps getting tougher.

Dez Bryant did awesome things.

It is probably worth pointing out that this guy attended the game.

(Continued on Page 2…)

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Ravens offense looking for instant improvement in friendly surroundings

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Ravens offense looking for instant improvement in friendly surroundings

Posted on 11 September 2013 by Luke Jones

(This blog brought to you by Atlantic Remodeling. Visit www.atlanticremodeling.com to learn about their Red Cent Guarantee!)

OWINGS MILLS, Md. — Every meeting with the Cleveland Browns draws the predictable kind words from the Ravens despite the fact that Baltimore hasn’t lost to the AFC North foe in their last 10 meetings.

The final outcomes haven’t always been convincing or overly impressive, but the Ravens have beaten Cleveland every time they’ve played since coach John Harbaugh and quarterback Joe Flacco arrived on the scene in 2008. The words of flattery aren’t exactly convincing when considering the opposite ends of the spectrum on which these teams have stood over the last five seasons.

“It’s a challenge. It always is in the division,” Harbaugh said. “We are very impressed with what we see on tape, and it’s a very important week for us.”

The Browns may not pose an overwhelming threat after a 23-10 home loss to the Miami Dolphins in Week 1, but the final part of Harbaugh’s statement rings true for the Ravens after a humbling 49-27 loss of their own in Denver. It was the first season-opening defeat of the Harbaugh era and a painful reminder that the euphoria of last year’s Super Bowl title is long gone.

Running back Ray Rice called it a reality check as the Ravens now shift their attention to the home opener and an opportunity to improve their record to 1-1. Much attention has been paid to the Baltimore defense allowing a franchise-record 49 points, but the Ravens offense has been under the microscope since the start of the offseason. The decision to send wide receiver Anquan Boldin to San Francisco in a move that provided $6 million of salary cap space created concern in the passing game that transformed into a full-blown crisis with the long-term hip injury suffered by tight end Dennis Pitta at the start of training camp.

There are still no clear answers to quell those concerns as the Ravens failed to significantly address the wide receiver position after Boldin’s departure, erroneously depending on a young group of holdover receivers that wasn’t up to the task.

Graybeards Brandon Stokley and Dallas Clark and rookie free agent Marlon Brown have emerged — out of attrition and because of the latter’s impressive skill set — as critical pieces in the passing game. And the Week 1 injury to speedy receiver Jacoby Jones puts a dent in the vertical passing game, the one area of the field in which the Ravens could really feel confident in throwing the football.

To make matters worse, the Ravens couldn’t run the football as they averaged just 2.8 yards per carry and were limited to just five carries in the second half after falling behind big in a disastrous third quarter. Many have pondered whether that running game will need to be leaned upon more heavily this season despite having a franchise quarterback to throw the football.

The pressure on the offense to show instant improvement falls on the shoulders of Flacco, who attempted a career-high 62 passes for 362 yards but was picked off twice against a Denver defense lacking Pro Bowl linebacker Von Miller and future Hall of Fame cornerback Champ Bailey. Without Boldin or Pitta on which to depend, life suddenly isn’t as easy for the franchise quarterback.

“That’s the name of the game when you’re a quarterback in this league,” said Flacco, who acknowledged that working with so much new personnel has caused the little things such as timing to take more time to perfect. “You want your organization to be able to [make changes], and you have to prove that you can adapt to whatever is necessary to win football games, and that’s what we’re trying to do.”

The challenge this week will be a talented Cleveland front seven that will only get stronger with the return of first-round linebacker Barkevious Mingo from a bruised lung. He, former Raven Paul Kruger, and Jabaal Sheard form an imposing pass rush on paper, but the Ravens will the expected return of right tackle Michael Oher, who missed the entire second half against Denver with a right ankle injury.

Browns cornerback Joe Haden will draw the assignment of covering No.1 receiver Torrey Smith, who dealt with bracketed coverage against Denver after Jones’ exit with a knee injury. Jones’ absence means Stokley and Brown will need to keep the rest of the secondary honest enough to give the speedy Smith some opportunities in one-on-one matchups against Haden.

Flacco certainly needs more help from Clark, who dropped a sure touchdown pass right before halftime in Week 1 and struggled to gain separation, and fellow tight end Ed Dickson, who couldn’t rein in a number of catchable passes. The quarterback took the high road when asked to address the high number of drops on Wednesday, but the sense of urgency is there to limit unforced errors with the overall talent level of the wide receivers and tight ends coming into question.

“If that’s all we have to worry about is a couple of guys that have very sure hands not coming up with a couple really tough catches, then I think we’re going to be OK,” Flacco said. “Over the long run, we’re going to make a lot of those catches, and it’s going to lend itself to a lot of good things.”

The Ravens hope those good things begin coming to fruition quickly against the Browns, who aren’t nearly the opponent that Denver was but have played them closer than expected at M&T Bank Stadium in each of the last three seasons. Baltimore needs its $120.6 million man to be on his game to elevate the play of a pedestrian group of pass catchers as much as he can — he can’t catch it, too, of course.

Flacco’s 99.0 quarterback rating at home last season only continued his career-long trend of thriving against defenses on his home turf, and it’s the kind of precision the Ravens will need this year to make the offense click. The Ravens have made it a point this week to emphasize that the running game must improve — it’s the truth with two talented running backs at their disposal — but the offense will only go as far as Flacco can take them.

His 92.5 quarterback rating in 10 career games against the Browns and the first contest of the year in Baltimore are the perfect combination for a bounce-back performance. A win is never a guarantee, but the setting doesn’t get much better than this, especially with the backdrop of 71,000 fans stoked to see a Super Bowl championship banner unveiled.

The bad taste from the second-half debacle in Denver will have lingered for 10 days by the time kickoff arrives on Sunday afternoon.

“We’re not going to overreact, but we are going to react and respond where we need to,” Harbaugh said. “The first game is always a good barometer. The old saying is true: It’s never as good or it’s never as bad as what you initially feel.”

And the Ravens hope they’ll be feeling much better about themselves on both sides of the ball by 4:15 p.m. on Sunday.

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