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Posted on 01 December 2009 by Glenn Clark

No Ravens-we save them for Tuesday and the “Tuesday Top 7.” Also, considering most human beings EVERYWHERE started their weekend on Thanksgiving; we’ll start there for our qualifications to make the list. And while I realize I’ve somehow managed to stretch a 4 day weekend into 5 days due to my tardiness-deal with it. It’s my list.

You deserve props…..

1-Aaron Rodgers, Brett Favre, Chris Redman and Alex Smith

Do you think it might chap Aaron Rodgers’ ass a bit that every time he does something awesome, ol’ Brett comes along and does something even a bit better?

It sorta reminds me of my childhood friend Scott Meredith…..


(Edit from GMC: This is NOT a picture of Scott Meredith. Well, apparently it’s a picture of SOMEONE whose name is Scott Meredith, but I only know that because I Google image searched “Scott Meredith”. I guess it is possible that the person pictured above IS my friend Scott Meredith, but I would think I would know Scott Meredith if I saw Scott Meredith. Hey! There’s a squirrel over there……)

Ol’ Scott Meredith loved to one up me growing up. He was a year older, but we were in the same grade.

I remember getting a double in the 6th inning to tie a Little League game; and Scott Meredith of course hit the walk-off homer to steal all of the attention.

I once got 3rd place in a science fair, only to find out that the winner was Scott Meredith-and he actually discovered something that our teachers thought was a new addition to the periodic table of elements. (Turned out later it was just lard.)

I thought I was the COOLEST person alive when I figured out how to play “Basket Case” by Green Day on my clarinet in 6th grade after months of practice……that is until Scott Meredith wandered into the band room, picked up a sax for the first time and NAILED “Peaches” by the Presidents of the United States of America.

And in 7th grade when I had my first REAL kiss from a gal named Rachael who I called my “girlfriend” but I’m pretty sure I never went on a single actual “date” with, I couldn’t wait to tell all of my friends. That is until Scott Meredith came in the next day and introduced us to his wife Molly and twin sons Dave and Donny.

Son of a bitch.

2-Colt McCoy, Tony Pike, Noel Devine, Tim Tebow, Ryan Broyles, Toby Gerhart and Ryan Williams

Look, Colt McCoy and Tim Tebow would be #1 and #2 on my list-and it probably wouldn’t be close-but I’m having to accept the fact that Stanford RB Toby Gerhart is a LEGITIMATE Heisman Trophy candidate-especially after his performance in the Cardinal’s big win over Notre Dame Saturday night. Why is this stunning? Mostly because Gerhart is WHITE-which finally gives us an answer to the question “Are there any good white Running Backs anymore?” Sadly, it doesn’t change the fact that we still can’t dance…..

3-Da’Sean Butler, Chris Singleton and Jon Scheyer

I actually break out in hives whenever I say something nice about anyone from Duke. Except of course when I say “Duke has very nice average looking women”……


4-Knowshon Moreno, Larry Johnson and Justin Forsett

I thought the NFL Network might actually give us a decent game by adding Giants/Broncos, I WAS WRONG. Thanksgiving football just SUCKED this year. In fact, Thanksgiving games were so bad this year they might as well have just let this team play……


5-Zac MacMath and Lori Bjork

Congratulations to the Maryland soccer team for reaching the Elite 8 of the NCAA Tournament, and to the Terrapins Womens’ Hoops team for beating Drexel. Is that done? Can I move on? Okay thanks. Who wants to see what former Tennessee women’s basketball star Brittany Jackson looks like these days????


Thank God, I really didn’t have any other material prepared.

6-Alex Lachman

Has a name that rhymes with Ray Bachman. Who apparently got to hang out with Jack Black recently…..


In all seriousness though-congratulations to Johns Hopkins. At least until lacrosse season. Then I hope you lose 40-0 to the Terps.

7-Miles Austin, Terrell Owens and Antonio Gates

With the Ravens having no wide receivers under contract after this season, I thought I would poke around to see what wide receivers might be available in the offseason-and wouldn’t you know it, both Austin (6’3″), and T.O. (6’3″) are available. Who else? Try Vincent Jackson, Brandon Marshall, Braylon Edwards, Antonio Bryant, Malcolm Floyd and this guy…….


I’m just kidding about the last one. Devard is actually under contract for 3 years. No, really.

8-Eric Fehr

The NHL is happening. And wouldn’t you know, Elisha Cuthbert dates Dion Phaneuf from the Calgary Flames. AND, she just celebrated her 27th birthday! And, this is WAY more interesting than me actually talking about the Capitals!


(Edit from GMC: Attention Sean Avery: there will be many more hockey players who fight for your “sloppy seconds.”)

9-Roy Williams and Tom Izzo

Both reached milestones over the weekend. Sadly for them, Izzo didn’t reach the milestone of “Beating Florida Saturday night” and Williams didn’t reach the milestone of “not looking like Huckleberry Hound.”

I was thinking about what would happen if Roy Williams were to consider running for governor of the state of North Carolina. For god’s sake, who would beat him? I mean, other than this guy…..

10-Clint Session and Darrelle Revis

Apparently Jets gameday host (Does she still have that job?) Jenn Sterger has decided to remove her boobs. I think I speak on behalf of God himself when I ask, “Why?”


That being said, I’d like to throw in another plug for our friend “ay52”, who did something recently. Something about a new purse, maybe?

11-Emmanuel Gbor, Epe Henriques and Zack Zwinak

My roommate (“The Luckiest Dang Roommate on the Face of the Planet”)’s nephew plays for Eastern Tech, so I’ll be rooting for them this weekend-despite their close proximity to my beloved Perry Hall Gators. I’ll also be rooting for the Joppatowne Mariners, mostly because Mariner Point Park in Joppatowne was….ahem….”where I became a man.”

(Editor’s note: By “where I became a man”, I actually mean “I TOTALLY shut out my dad in a game of bocce.” What did you think I meant?)

12-Chad Ochocinco and Grady Sizemore

The most awkward moment of my life happened when I was living in Phoenix. I was sitting at dinner with some friends, and wanted to show everyone an awesome picture I had taken from the sidelines of the Arizona State-Cal game that night with a friend who was seated in the wheelchair section and had awesomely painted his face to celebrate his love of the Sun Devils. A friend’s girlfriend (we’ll call her “Delilah”) was seated next to me, and was laughing at the picture. Suddenly, she took it upon herself to flip to the next picture in the phone. Not good.

“Is that your thumb?”

No, it wasn’t my thumb. And I wasn’t a hundred percent certain how the body parts could be confused-but maybe that was a bad sign for me.

Thankfully I’m not a famous athlete, or that cell phone picture may have been headed straight to Deadspin. Grady Sizemore found that out; and women worldwide are suddenly thinking about becoming Indians fans….


(Edit from GMC: That was BY FAR AND AWAY the most SFW photo in the bunch. Props to Sizemore for his use of a mug in another pic. Also, I hope the chick was worth it.)

And another thing, Chad Ochocinco in a Snuggie is awesome to me for some reason; even if I don’t know why……


13-Graham Gano and Damon Duval

Congratulations (I guess?) to the Las Vegas Locomotives (“Locos” for short, I believe) for winning the UFL Championship, and to the Montreal Alouettes for winning the CFL’s Grey Cup. A lot of people will think it’s ironic that Gano made the kick to win a title after he was cut in Baltimore in favor of Steve Hauschka; but I’m just happy for Gano; who’s a really good guy.

I also found it a bit strange to find out; but apparently THIS is the prize that goes to all of the players who are on the winning team in the Grey Cup…..


(Editor’s note: Yes that IS a maple syrup pie. No I DON’T want to know what it tastes like.)

14-“I Want You Back” by Jackson 5

I wandered into Federal Hill Saturday night to spend the night at Charm City’s finest music venue-the 8×10 Club. (Edit from GMC: No offense to Rams Head Live-which is the finest mainstream music venue in Charm City.) I took in my friends Jimmie’s Chicken Shack and an OUTSTANDING young band called Brian Stewart & The Tell-Tale Hearts. Both were really, REALLY good. But there was another guy who went on stage first (and I WISH I could tell you the guy’s name-because he was really good too); who dialed up a REALLY cool version of the song. It just made me think “Why isn’t this song celebrated the way it should be?”…..

I was also directed to this-KT Tunstall’s version of the tune. Not too bad either……

You know, maybe every band should just come up with a version of this song.

15-Thanksgiving Sandwiches


Yes, that IS leftover turkey and mashed potatoes with barbeque sauce on wheat bread. When you do it yourself tomorrow, thank me.

You got lucky…….

1-David Akers and Vince Young

Vince Young’s drive to beat the Cardinals was something to behold. But relax Arizona, you still have plenty going for you……


2-Tiger Woods

Look, did Eldrick sleep with this Rachel Uchitel chick? Who knows…


Did he crash his car because he was drunk? Who knows.
Did he suffer injuries to his face because he was beat up by his wife? Who knows.
Is “Kobe Special” the coolest new term to have entered the English vocabulary? Hell yes.

3-Mike London and Brian Billick

I couldn’t be happier for all of the awesome success Virginia and Notre Dame are currently having with their respective programs. Just two excellent programs who deserve ALL of the success they have found. May I make a suggestion for the next head coach?


4-Nikolay Davydenko

Nikolay Davydenko won the ATP Tour Finals in London. Nicolette Sheridan is like 46 and somehow still smoking hot….


5-1988-89 Miami Heat and 1999-2000 Los Angeles Clippers

I was trying to think of some words to describe just how terrible the New Jersey Nets have been this season; so I decided to reach out to Thesaurus.com. Here are some options…..


Any of those work for you? If not, there was one more word, but it read SO extreme I’m not sure even the Nets can qualify…..


6-Stephen A. Smith

Is DESPERATE for Allen Iverson to extend this whole “retirement” thing somehow. And I mean “DESPERATE.” Otherwise, his existence is basically built around this at this point…..


You know, that actually doesn’t seem that bad-other than having to live in Philadelphia…..

7-Those of you-like me-who did NOT have to attend a high school reunion this weekend

But when the Class of 2001 gets together in 24 months, I will ABSOLUTELY try to find Tina Montalvo and dance to THIS song…..

Most significant musical contribution of my generation.

You’re a zero…….

Anyone who doesn’t vote for Art Modell or Roberto Alomar to make the Hall of Fame this year

And if you don’t think either of these men belong IN, I will personally fight you.

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…..


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Posted on 23 November 2009 by Glenn Clark

Ravens Tuesday. It’s the Tuesday Top 7. You should probably be familiar with it by now.

You deserve props……

1-Matthew Stafford, Brett Favre, Tom Brady and Bruce Gradkowski

How the eff did the Bengals lose to the Raiders??? I mean, I know Glenn Clark from The Comcast Morning Show picked the Raiders to WIN the game and all-but what the hell does he know???

By the way, I have NO IDEA if Jessica Alba is actually a Raiders fan; but does it really matter?


2-Landon Milbourne and Jeremy Goode

It would be easy to think that Landon Milbourne was the star of the night Friday night in College Park as he put up 24 en route to Maryland’s blowout win over New Hampshire. But you clearly would be guilty of not doing enough research. The REAL star was ABSOLUTELY the 5-way Chili Mac at Hard Times on Route 1……


3-Forrest Griffin

Won a fight against Tito Ortiz at UFC 106. But then again, The Huntington Beach Bad Boy left the arena with this…..


So who’s the REAL winner, here?

4-Mike Bell, Tim Hightower and LaDainian Tomlinson

By helping the Saints rip apart the Buccaneers (nice call on that one, Drew Forrester); Mike Bell probably washed the taste out of his mouth from what happened to his Arizona Wildcats Saturday night in Tucson against the Oregon Ducks. You know, the game where the Arizona students started to rush the field at Arizona Stadium only to then watch the Pac-10 Championship completely slip out of their grasp.

That being said, Relax Arizona. You’ve got plenty of other things going for you……


5-Lucio Gonzaga and Jason Herrick

Congratulations to the Blast and the Terrapins for big wins. Maryland moves on to the Sweet 16 of the NCAA Tournament, where they’ll face Harvard up in Boston. Meanwhile, Real Salt Lake won the MLS title Sunday night in Seattle. This is pretty maddening considering the fact that RSL finished the season UNDER .500!

That would be sorta like these guys winning the Super Bowl…….

6-Evan Pittman, Vinnie DePaola, Zach Zwinak, Dominic Harper and Zach Burkhardt

Congratulations to Dunbar, Hereford, Linganore, Joppatowne and Eastern Tech for big playoff wins in High School Football. And since we’re talking about high school football, I was wondering which fictional high school football player I’d take first in a Fantasy Draft….

Charles Jefferson from Fast Times at Ridgemont High…..


Or this NEW fictional High School baller “Michael Oher” from the new flick “The Blind Side.” Have you seen the size of this guy???


Could you imagine if this monster was in the NFL?!?!?

7-Greg Jennings, Chris Chambers, De’Sean Jackson and Mario Manningham

Oh, the Steelers lost an embarrassing game to the Chiefs? And Ben Roethlisberger got hurt in the process? Well, let me channel Justin Timberlake to cheer you up a bit….

And another thing. F*ck the Steelers.

8-Andrew Kase and Domanick West

Congratulations to the Johns Hopkins Blue Jays, who went on the road and beat a previously undefeated Hampden-Sydney team in the first round of the NCAA Tournament. It’s the most exciting thing that’s happened to those nerds on the Homewood campus since that one time that a semi-attractive girl was on-campus….


I mean-she wasn’t HOT or anything. This is Hopkins we’re talking about after all…..

9-Craig Tatum and Matt Angle

A lot of people think that signing a former backup catcher from the Reds with a career .162 average will have minimal to no impact for the Orioles. But I think that’s remarkably short-sighted when it comes to the brilliance of Andy MacPhail. For example, let’s consider the conversation Andy MAY have had with free agent pitcher John Lackey on Thursday, PRIOR to the acquisition of Craig Tatum…..

AM: “John, Andy MacPhail here.”
JL: “Andy, to what do I owe the honor?”
AM: “Well John-we’re wondering if you might be interesting in joining us here in Baltimore.”
JL: “HA! Andy-no offense-but there are actually a few major league teams who want me.”
AM: “John-we ARE a major league team, and we’ve been making a lot of strides to improve.”
JL: “Oh. Well, who have you added this offseason to make yourself a contender?”
AM: “No one yet John…..”
JL: “Thanks but no thanks Andy.”

And NOW here’s how the conversation might have went Sunday, AFTER the Orioles acquired Craig Tatum….

AM: “John, Andy MacPhail-General Manager of the Baltimore Orioles.”
JL: “How did you get my number?”
AM: “That’s not important, John. What IS important is the idea that we think you should come join us here in Baltimore as we continue to turn around our franchise.”
JL: “Hmmm….well, what have you done this offseason to try to impove the franchise? You signed anyone?”
AM: “In fact, just this week we acquired Craig Tatum……”
JL: “Craig Tatum from Cincinnati? Can he be my personal catcher?”
AM: “Absolutely John.”
JL: “Mr. MacPhail, I look forward to joining the Orioles organization.”

10-Jack Del Rio

You HAVE to give Jack Del Rio credit. There is little to NO talent in Jacksonville (besides Maurice Jones-Drew and Mike Sims-Walker maybe), yet that team is 6-4. Wow.

That being said, I think this is an appropriate time to discuss “Favorite Dels”……

How about Del Harris?


Or maybe Del Taco???


Or even Del Amitri???

11-Doug Martin, Jacory Harris, Mark Ingram, Tim Tebow, Chase Keenum, Jacoby Ford, Jarrett Boykin, Daryll Clark, Jacquizz Rodgers, Shane Vereen, Colt McCoy and Jeremiah Masoli

And now it all sets up for Oregon to face Oregon State this week in the Civil War for the right to play in the Rose Bowl. Which is ABSOLUTELY the biggest thing to happen in the Beaver State since this man came to town to wreck havoc on the local chinese buffets…..


12-Jimmie Johnson

Double J won the NASCAR Race 500 in Miami yesterday-which apparently clinched the Season Championship for the 4th straight time. That’s allegedly some sort of record. You know what else was a record? Number of boyfriends/husbands who left the room the moment Adam Lambert appeared on their TV last night……

13-John Cena and Undertaker

Were the big winner’s at last night’s WWE Survivor Series Pay-Per-View at the Verizon Center. Well, I guess we were ALL winners since Michelle McCool was involved…..


14-Valley Mansion

Look, Albert Einstein invented some TREMENDOUS things. But NONE of them were as great as the invention I found Saturday night at Valley Mansion-the machine that puts plastic wrap over the toilet……..


In fact, If I had to name the greatest inventions of all time, they’d probably be…..

1-Sliced Bread
3-Machine that puts plastic wrap over toilet

And for the record, if you and I were Facebook friends, you would have been able to read my HILARIOUS status update from Valley Mansion Saturday night; where I pointed out that I was in a room where there were more million dollar chandeliers than people who weren’t white.

15-Bruce Springsteen and Dave Matthews Band

Apparently the Boss’s show Friday night at 1st Mariner Arena was the greatest show in the history of the Arena. I kinda find that hard to believe; considering “Star Wars in Concert” was JUST there, and I’m reasonably certain Miley Cyrus has played there before.

Also, if you didn’t watch Saturday Night Live this week, you missed a solid performance of “You And Me”…..

and this REALLY funny take on Ozzy Osbourne…..

You got lucky…….

1-Bobby Bowden and Houston Nutt

Either Les Miles is a liar, or he’s an a-hole. This clip makes it look like he’s both….

And when Mickey Andrews walked out to the field to see what Florida State was wearing for his final game, he should have turned around and said “I think I’ll pass…..”


2-Tony Romo

You mean to tell me you played the REDSKINS and the BEST you could do was 7-6?!?!?!

With Clinton Portis out and Ladell Betts hurt, I’m pretty sure I saw THIS guy playing RB for the Skins…..

3-Nate Robinson

You know what, in a game between the Knicks and Nets; does it really even matter???

4-Gilbert Arenas

Might actually be more insane than the guy who decided Ed Reed was a good choice to return the most important punt of a game.

At least everything’s going well for him at home! Oh wait……


5-Taylor Swift

ARTIST OF THE YEAR?!?!?! Christ, did Taylor Hicks not do anything this year?!?!

Seriously, not that the American Music Awards are a joke or anything, but Taylor Swift was about as deserving to win Artist of the Year as a dead artist who released no new music this year. Wait a second…..

And finally, Taylor Swift is NOT hot. If one more heterosexual man says that to me, I will punch them. Taylor Swift is NO hotter than “The Luckiest Dang Gal on the Face of the Planet.”

Carrie Underwood is HOT. Let’s compare. Swift….



I thought we could tell the difference.

6-You…..if you don’t root for Oklahoma

And if you don’t, you’re a good person. Seriously, what ended faster: Oklahoma’s football season or my chance at dating Miranda Kerr.


I have a friend who graduated from Oklahoma. After the loss to VCU, I sent her a text. I didn’t even realize the football team had lost to Texas Tech. I don’t care. I have no soul. HAHAHAHAHA!

(Editor’s note: She never did text me back, but I’m kinda used to that with girls….)

7-Sheila Dixon

Got to spend a weekend out and about while a jury deliberates her fate. Which is nice. That being said, she better be happy this guy missed a 30 yarder; or else he might have just been inaugurated as mayor at midfield……


(Thanks to The Sun for the pic.)

You’re a zero……

Rich Rodriguez and Charlie Weis

How funny is it that Lloyd Carr was run out of town for not being able to beat Ohio State; yet R-Rod came to Ann Arbor and he can’t beat ANYONE????

And If I were Charlie Weis, I might be a LITTLE concerned that at halftime of next Saturday’s game; the Notre Dame administation may just go ahead and try to hire Jim Harbaugh.

Somewhere right now, THIS GUY is smiling…..


Flexing my muscles since 1983…..


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Posted on 16 November 2009 by Glenn Clark

You get props……

1-Kurt Warner, Aaron Rodgers, and Brett Favre

I’d like to be any of these people. Or Tim Tebow. More Tim Tebow, but apparently the role is already filled.

Speaking of Tim Tebow (and any time a quarterback’s name is brought up, we ARE speaking about Tim Tebow); I’m not sure when they do the voting for TIME Magazine’s Man of the Year; but I’m reasonably certain there are only 3 viable candidates….

-Tim Tebow
-Sergio from the drive-thru at the Chick-Fil-A in Owings Mills

And while you’re thinking I’m leaning towards Sergio; I’m not. There’s only one answer to this riddle…..


2-Landon Milbourne, Reggie Holmes, Calvin Lee, Kareem Brown and Brett Harvey

After 2 solid road wins (Albany and UMBC), rumor has it Todd Bozeman has decided to up his wardrobe a bit. Here’s what he’s planning on wearing Thursday night against East Tennessee State…..


You know what, that WOULD be an upgrade!

(Editor’s note: How funny is it that I make fun of how Todd Bozeman dresses considering the fact that I went to church this week wearing a Blast jersey and warm-up pants!)

3-Manny Pacquiao and Randy Couture

After dismantling Miguel Cotto, rumor has it the Pac-Man will face Floyd Mayweather next, and the rumor is the fight could happen at Yankee Stadium. Which was previously only home to people who abuse steroids and have purple lips……


(Editor’s note: This is a good place for me to remind you this. F*ck the Yankees.)

4-Jonathan Stewart, Ricky Williams, Maurice Jones-Drew, Jamaal Charles, LaDainian Tomlinson and Chris Johnson

It was a great weekend for Running Backs. Except Running Backs who play for Maryland. For them it was a great weekend to say “AAAAAHHHH!!!!!!”

Meanwhile, what the hell was Bud Adams thinking when he starting flipping everyone off at the Titans-Bills game yesterday?

Maybe he was trying to do his best Stone Cold Steve Austin impression???


5-Jimmie Johnson

Won the NASCAR Race 500 Sunday in Phoenix. Although reportedly the fans in the Valley of the Sun would have preferred seeing Jeff Gordon win.

Relax Arizona, you still have plenty of things going for you…..


6-Tobias Harris

Even if Tobias Harris ends up committing to come to College Park; I still think I’m going to end up preferring Tobias Funke…..

7-Bernard Scott, Hunter Smith and Courtney Roby

So I’m confused…..do the Redskins NOT suck now? And as far as the Broncos are concerned-I know they started the season 6-0 and all; but if a team lines up for a 53 yard field goal, calls timeout, and THEN puts a pass-catching tight end on the field; do you REALLY not know that they are going to run a fake???

And while I am NOT happy to see the Bengals winning, anything that makes these people suffer is okay by me….


8-Jonathan Dwyer, Ryan Williams, Jim Harbaugh and Ricky Dobbs

As much as it bothers me that the Terps stink, I guess if I have to put up with thousands of opposing fans coming to Byrd Stadium, there could be worse groups than Virginia Tech…..

9-Tiger Woods, Michelle Wie and Stephen Ames

One of these names doesn’t belong…….

…..That’s right Michelle Wie, get out!

I’m kidding, this is golf! Michelle Wie should be MUCH more proud of her accomplishments than either of those other two. You’re men! Hit someone!

By the way-Michelle Wie IS old enough for me to stare at by now, right?


If not, please insert your own “JAILBAIT” sign underneath this picture and continue…..

10-Zach Waller, Jake Gibson and Nathan Ayers

I want to sit here and tell you about how Dunbar and company won their High School Football playoff games this weekend, but I’m just not able to follow anymore. And since the “Jailbait” bit is a “Top 10 Baseball Distractions” staple, I might have to dig deep here.

A quick note here, because I have NO IDEA where else to put this in. I have a friend who attended Oklahoma-and she was lamenting to me that she had to look ALL THE WAY to the 2nd page to find out what time the Sooners played Saturday because they’re no longer ranked in the AP poll. I asked her if she was able to find the Maryland-Virginia Tech internet listing somewhere on page 357.

Hmmm…..what else do I have to throw in here? Ashley Tisdale from High School Musical seems lovely…..


Okay, that’s about all I got. And again, Congratulations to all of the High School football winners. Rich from Westminster will want me to point out that Linganore won again. Now I have. Which means I can get on with something else. Like Jenga!

11-Semyon Varlamov

This is worth pointing out-what with Star Wars in Concert coming to 1st Mariner Arena this week and all. “Varl” is apparently the home world to the Hutts-according to “Wookiepedia.” Not kidding.

And this Star Wars note is also a PERFECT excuse for me to include a picture of a gal in a Princess Leia costume. Yay! This blog just keeps getting better!


12-Brandon Jennings and Carmelo Anthony

Carmelo Anthony said the Nuggets’ win over the Lakers was a very big deal. Similarly, Lakers forward Lamar Odom commented that his sister-in-law has a very big ass…..


13-Eddie Gamboa

The Orioles prospect got his first save in Arizona Fall League play. He was upset to hear that the save alone will not earn him free agency.

And when it comes to Eddies, I’ll always prefer this one……


14-Parks and Recreation

It airs Thursdays. I usually watch TV shows a day later thanks to Comcast DVR or Hulu. Therefore, it happened over the weekend. Bite me.

Anyway, I’ve totally come around. This show is hilarious. Almost as funny as 30 Rock, certainly funnier than The Office. Maybe not as captivating as “The Hills”, but what can be?

Great freaking show.

15-Orange Chicken


Chinese places that don’t serve it aren’t worth a lick. I sometimes don’t know whether to eat it or whether to bathe in it. Wow.

You got lucky…..

1-Peter Angelos

Cuba, huh? Where do I even begin?

-When reached for comment, Fidel Castro responded “Baltimore? BALTIMORE? Isn’t Kansas City available? Maybe Pawtucket?”

-In fairness, maybe Mr. A should be a little less concerned about getting people in Havana to watch the O’s, and a little more concerned about getting people who go to Little Havana to watch the O’s.

-When hearing that Angelos might be coming to their country, the fine people of Cuba decided unanimously that Fidel maybe wasn’t such a bad guy after all.


-The trip might not be the greatest idea of all time. We’ve heard rumors that Nick Markakis and Matt Wieters are considering a defection to the oppressed nation.

-Castro pointed out that he was confident in his country’s chances to beat the Birds, mostly because no one who pitches for Baltimore would be good enough to make his team.

Okay, I think I’ve made my point. Norm MacDonald is up next.

2-Matt Tyrie

And what is Loyola rewarded for their troubles of winning the MAAC and advancing to the NCAA Tournament? Only the defending NCAA Champions……


And with no offense to Mark Mettrick, Jimmy Patsos, Charley Toomey, Shane Koppens, or Chris Bonetti……

Suck it Greyhounds! Let’s go Maryland!

3-LeBron James

Literally the only good thing happening in Cleveland at all. Trust me, I’m there.

Seriously…..THIS was the representation of Cleveland that made it to ABC…..


4Peyton Manning

Bill Belichick made the WORST DECISION IN THE HISTORY OF FOOTBALL. I’m not kidding. And I would know a thing or two about bad decisions. For example, THIS was my date to junior prom……


I’m not really sure either…..

5-All swimmers not named Michael Phelps

Easy to beat a guy when he’s not really trying, huh? Phelps was basically playing THIS role in Stockholm and Berlin last week….


6-EJ Henderson

Nice little wedding you had there, EJ. I know you’ve become a star up in Minnesota and everything; but I’m a little surprised you didn’t give your old pal Glenn Clark an invite. Sure, you’ve become a playmaker on one of the best defenses in the NFL; but I’m not sure if you heard this-I’ve become “The Most Electrifying Man in Sports Radio Entertainment Today.” Which-I’m pretty sure-is just as awesome. Plus, I could’ve totally gotten you a Jack LaLanne juicer as a gift. If you already had one, you could just give it back to me!

7-Bruce Springsteen

In fairness-if I had to choose between being in Cleveland or being in Detroit; I might pick Indianapolis. Ugh.

You’re a zero……

The Towing Industry

I parked legally at Town Hall Lounge Friday night in College Park after the Terps throttled Charleston Southern. Somehow, it ended up costing me $150 to take my car home that night. I wasn’t drinking.

So to PME Towing…..get bent. You’re terrible people. I call back Bud Adams to pass along my feelings…..

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…..


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Posted on 09 November 2009 by Glenn Clark

Ravens Tuesday. Our Tuesday Top 7. But I’m not sure I’ll be able to find 7….

You deserve props…….

1-Kurt Warner, Josh Freeman, Drew Brees, Matt Hasselbeck and Phillip Rivers

Josh Freeman is the greatest rookie kicker since Mark Sanchez!

But seriously, how embarrassing is it to be a Packers fan today? A week after losing to Brett Favre, you lost to the freaking Tampa Bay Buccaneers!!!!

I guess it could be worse. You could be rooting for this team……


2-Fedor Emelianenko


…..is WAY better than anything I’ve seen on CBS in recent years. Well, other than this anyway……


I don’t care what Summer Bird, Mine That Bird or ANY other horse says. It is ALWAYS embarrassing to lose to a girl.

Unless of course you’re losing to Kelly Brook in a “Flattest Stomach” contest. She can win that. Actually, I’ll let her show me hers and then I’ll just forfeit. Sound good?


4-Michael Turner, Cedric Benson and Chris Johnson

I CANNOT BELIEVE there was a Washington Redskins fan on my Facebook page talking trash Sunday night. The Washington Redskins are an embarrassment to the NFL. It is LAUGHABLE. Even this guy isn’t proud…..


5-The Young Men Representing our Country Playing Football for the United States Naval Academy

It wasn’t Navy playing Notre Dame Saturday. It was the United States of America. That’s right, the good ole USA kicked the TAR out of the Fighting Irish Saturday, which is exactly the way it should be. Notre Dame sucks. South Bend sucks. Touchdown Jesus sucks.

I don’t care if you can even pronounce Niumatalolo. If you weren’t rooting like hell for our boys from Annapolis Sunday, you’re not a good American. This man is a hero…..


This man is not……


6-Kurt Busch

Kurt Busch won this weekend’s NASCAR race 500 at Texas Motor Speedway. I know because it says it right here on my computer screen.

I was really hoping to put together some good shtick here, but I just don’t know enough relevant talking points when it comes to NASCAR. I could make another joke about NASCAR fans being obnoxious drunks, but I choose not to make easy stereotypes. There’s probably just a small group of bad eggs giving the rest of the crew a bad name…..

7-Dallas Clark, Randy Moss and Mike Sims-Walker

How….in the HELL……are the Jacksonville Jaguars 4-4? The Jags are TERRIBLE. Makes you feel even worse about the Ravens, really.

And while we’re talking about receivers, was Chad Ochocinco really expecting a chance to “pay off” an official with a dollar yesterday?


Or was this totally spontaneous? Chad Ochocinco is either really stupid, or a total genius.

Sort of like Glenn Clark.

8-Mike Knuble

The Washington Capitals were big winners on Saturday night-so…..yay?

I LOVE making fun of Washington, DC. The people there are terrible, the sports teams are awful, and I’d rather spend the day with Rick From Reisterstown than find myself having to travel in their area. That being said, the Mayor of our city is now standing TRIAL.

But then again, that crap-hole down there would probably elect this fella mayor again if they could…..


9-Gabriel Ali-El

And once again, Poly is a big winner over City. Over 8,000 fans came to M&T Bank Stadium to watch the 121st edition of the rivalry; which represents all that’s good about high school football.

I wish I had moments like this in high school. Sadly, most of my memories at Perry Hall involved unfortunate nicknames and bad hair. Which is basically how the rest of my life has played out, too…….

10-Novak Djokovic and Andy Murray

Riddle me this, Batman. Swiss Indoors result not withstanding, Roger Federer has won FIFTEEN grand slam titles. Novak Djokovic and Andy Murray have COMBINED to win 1.

Yet…..this is Novak Djokovic’s on again/off again girlfriend Jelena Ristic….


And this is Andy Murray’s girlfriend Kim Sears……


And yet Roger Federer was CONVINCED he’d never do any better than Mirka Vavrinec???


11-Phil Mickelson

Was more popular in China than Tiger Woods. Although, I’d prefer being BETTER than Tiger Woods-but that’s just me.

Also, since the HSBC Champions event was played in Shanghai; I’m reminded that Lucy Liu was in the movie Shanghai Knights, and should probably be in every other movie in the world……


12-Jordan Shipley, Julio Jones, Zach Collaros, DeVier Posey and Graig Cooper

Holy crap TCU is ranked #4?!?!? God-I haven’t asked you for much recently. I asked you for the Redskins to lose to the Lions-and you sure delivered on that. Now, I PRAY that you PLEASE allow TCU or Boise State to find their way into the Top 2. Please deliver losses to Texas, Florida, Alabama and Cincinnati; and PLEASE force the BCS to have to stomach one of these teams getting to Pasadena.

OR…..please deliver Lea Michele from “Glee” to me for Christmas. Either one will work….


13-University of Arizona

You thought this might have something to do with the Wildcats’ big win over Washington State Saturday. It doesn’t. They might go to the Rose Bowl this season. Who cares?

You see, the U of A held their first ever “Undie Run”, and that is ABSOLUTELY the most important thing that could ever happen ….in the world.

Here are the pictures……


14-Chicken Parm


Let me suggest something to you. The next time you’re going to a wedding; purchase your gift a few weeks in advance. Then, when you get to the reception to enjoy dinner-instead of thinking to yourself “I better eat 50 dollars worth of food”…..you’ll say to yourself “Dude, the free food here is AWESOME!” You see, if you buy a gift weeks in advance, you’ll forget about it by the time you get there.

Of course, you’ll be suicidal again after you see the gift sitting on a table and say to yourself “WHY THE HELL DID I JUST SPEND 40 DOLLARS ON SHEETS?!?!?”, but at least you will have enjoyed some damn fine Chicken Parm.

15-Seth MacFarlane

Both episodes of Family Guy were awesome last night, and his comedy special with Alex Borstein wasn’t bad either. That being said, I’m pretty sure THIS GUY is still having a better month…..


You got lucky…….

1-John Harbaugh

Lucky that fewer people will take you to task for the comments you made last week. I’m going to make this comment quickly. The Baltimore Ravens do NOT want to be the Philadelphia Eagles. The Baltimore Ravens want to be the Baltimore Ravens. I don’t care what Andy Reid has done in Philadelphia (but for the reference-what Andy Reid has done in Philadelphia does NOT include a Super Bowl), and I don’t care what your philosophy was there. I want to win….in Baltimore. Having a nice group of guys is nice, having a winner is nicer. I don’t want to be the Dallas Cowboys, either. But to think that the Philadelphia Eagles have been a much greater organization that Jerry Jones’ bunch is laughable. The Cowboys are NOT what’s wrong with the NFL. Now get over yourself, and go win. Stop trying to be Andy Reid. We don’t want Andy Reid here. We want a damn good head coach who doesn’t want to be like anyone else.


2-Viewers of the Richmond/Villanova game Saturday night on Comcast SportsNet

Hey, I can see how this would happen. This is basically what it sounds like every morning when we turn the mics off on The Comcast Morning Show. Video NSFW. Unless of course you work for Comcast SportsNet…..where you can basically say whatever you want these days…..

3-David Baumann

George O’Leary’s Central Florida team lost 35-3 to Texas Saturday. Somehow, I still feel like Notre Dame would be better if they had hired him.

The significant thing about the game is that afterwards, O’Leary attempted to kick David Baumann-a TV and radio reporter in Florida-out of the postgame press conference because he correctly reported the night before the game (citing anonymous sources) that two players would not play.

Which lead to this classic GEM, as reported by the Orlando Sentinel….

“It is our preference, if not policy, that member of the media confirm any player injury status with the sports SID prior to release,” UCF associate athletics director Joe Hornstein said after the Texas game. “Regardless of anonymous sources, we ask our members of the media for that courtesy.”



No school…..ANYWHERE….can have a “policy” like this. A reporter can report WHATEVER HE WANTS when he gets the information. Citing an anonymous source is what must be done TO PROTECT THE SOURCES!

I get it, Joe Hornstein and George O’Leary work in a city where most of the news revolves around this man….


……but if a reporter gets a story and goes with it; they’re a GOOD REPORTER. THEY DON’T WORK FOR YOU. MEDIA MEMBERS DO NOT WORK FOR THE TEAM THEY COVER! A lot of media members in Charm City could use that reminder…..

4-Fans inside Sun Devil Stadium Saturday night

Holy. Crap. Sadly for Sun Devils fans, Arizona State still lost to USC. But relax, your state still has plenty of things going for you……


5-Darvin Moon

A logger from Garrett County is in the finals of the World Series of Poker. I’d prefer that a blogger from Baltimore County be in a strip poker final with Sienna Miller…..

(Edit from GMC: The blogger I was referring to was me. Nice work, brainiacs!)

6-Jahvid Best


I wish Jahvid Best NOTHING but the best in recovering. Kevin Barnes couldn’t even have enjoyed watching that. This cat has more lives than my own childhood feline….

7-Jason Sudeikis

Because Glenn Beck was the role he was BORN to play. Sometimes Saturday Night Live is still pretty good-even when they try to ruin it with Taylor freaking Swift…..

You’re a zero…….

The guy who got THIS tattoo…..


What the hell does that even mean?!?!?!?!

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…..


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Posted on 02 November 2009 by Glenn Clark

Ravens on Tuesday. Tuesday Top 7 we call it. In the meantime, here’s the rest of the world.

You deserve props……

1-Tony Romo, Donovan McNabb, and Brett Favre

I guess there was some sort of football game in Green Bay Sunday that everyone was freaking out about. Which is likely the first time anyone in Green Bay freaked out about anything besides this…….


Speaking of which, how freaking AWESOME is cheese?

2-Andy Pettitte and Alex Rodriguez

I’d like to take this time to offer some serious World Series analysis, as this is of course the final team I will be referencing Major League Baseball in the 15-7-0 until the Spring.


F**k the Yankees.

No seriousy, F**k the Yankees.

That is all.

3-Greivis Vasquez

After the Maryland basketball scrimmage Saturday, Greivis Vasquez was asked if he had seen anyone around campus dressed as him; which he laughed off. Sean Mosley was asked if he would be going around as Greivis for Halloween, to which he answered “no, but I AM going as my favorite Venezuelan….”


(Edit from GMC: You know, Sean IS from Baltimore. I guess it’s possible…….)

(Edit from GMC Part 2: Why is it that when I ran a Google image search for Nasty, the first picture I found was Jim Palmer in his underwear?)


4-Ryan Moats, Steven Jackson, and Chris Johnson

The Rams and Titans are winners! The Rams and Titans are winners!

Which I guess only leaves the Buccaneers to claim this honor…..


5-Gilbert Arenas and Andray Blatche

They helped the Wizards beat the Nets Saturday night at Verizon Center. I know because I looked it up on the internet. Certainly not because I give a crap.

That sounded much meaner than it should have. I’m interested in the ‘Zards. I mean, not really interested in the team; but I’m sure they have hot dancing girls, right?


They seem nice, too.

6-Clay Zavada

Clay Zavada won an award for his moustache…….


On the very same weekend that I dressed up as one of America’s favorite moustachioed characters, Lt. Jim Dangle…..


Hmmmm……guess that wasn’t really a great picture of the moustache, was it? And it might have been NSFW. Anyway, there’s a picture of my ass if you were wondering…….

7-Reggie Wayne, Ted Ginn Jr., and Vincent Jackson

It was a good weekend to be a wide receiver. Unless of course you’re THIS wide receiver…….


In which case, you’ve really got to be wondering if maybe the UFL would have been a better option…..

8-Jeremiah Masoli, Curtis Brown, and Tim Tebow

Since when are you not supposed to call Georgia-Florida “The World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party”? I guess maybe they preferred “World’s Largest Outdoor Stare at Hot Chicks Party”?


9-Ross Fisher, Ian Poulter, John Cook and Loren Roberts

Of course, Drew Forrester was the only person who even knew there was golf being played this weekend, but congratulations to all of the guys above; who I guess all won something.

That being said-with no offense to the sport of golf, how in the hell do I take you seriously when you cancel AN ENTIRE PGA TOUR EVENT?!?!?!? Could you do anything more to say your sport is irrelevant?

“Hey, we’ve got an event this weekend, but there’s rain in the forecast.”
“Eh, just cancel it.”
“Cancel it? A lot of people made a lot of plans based around the event….”
“Steve, it’s the Viking Classic. Who gives a crap?”
“Eh, true.”

10-Charles Tillman and Julius Peppers

As always, when it comes to the Arizona Cardinals-whatever you think they’re going to do, pick the EXACT OPPOSITE. Think they’re going to be exposed coming east to play the Giants? Pick them to win. Think they’re going to beat up on the Panthers in Phoenix? Pick against them.

And as always, relax Arizona-you have plenty of other things going for you….


11-Jamie McMurray and Sebastian Vettel

Congratulations to Jamie McMurray for winning this weekend’s NASCAR Race 500; and to Sebastian Vettel for winning this weekend’s Formula One Grand Prix of Formula One.

I could tell you more about racing, or we can watch one of my favorite scenes of Will Ferrell as Ricky Bobby in Talladega Nights. I thought you’d concur.

12-Jenn Brown

Am I the only person in America who didn’t know about our new sideline princess????


Who had a neat Halloween costume………………


13-Jamal Lewis

You mean to tell me that playing in Cleveland has ripped the passion right out of Jamal Lewis??? Stunning! I mean, Cleveland is such a nice place!


14-Michael Jackson

I’m not sure if you’ve heard of the guy, but he’s pretty accomplished. However, when it comes to Halloween songs, I actually prefer this…..

To this…..

And CERTAINLY to this, which WLIF played on the hour EVERY FREAKING HOUR Saturday…..

15-White Chicken Chili and Clipper City Marzhon


And my dinner was DELICIOUS Friday night, thanks for asking.

You got lucky…….

1-Tom Cable

I wasn’t sure it was a good thing when the Raiders coach got a vote of confidence from this man over the weekend………..


2-War Machine and Kimbo Slice

Look, I enjoy the Kimbo Slice phenomenon as much as anyone. I actually REALLY think he’s good for Mixed Martial Arts. However, Houston Alexander was the man that did THIS to Keith Jardine……

And from the “Most awesome MMA story I have ever heard” category, popular fighter Jon “War Machine” Koppenhaver has ventured into another business……the adult film business. He plans to both fight…..and screw. If he started reading the news, he’d be as good as Christina Applegate in “Anchorman.”

War Machine’s first co-star is a lovely gal named Riley Steele. Who I imagine is quite the conversationalist…..


3-New York Islanders and Columbus Blue Jackets

The Capitals played 2 games this weekend; and lost both in overtime. I don’t know this because I was watching, I know this because Ed Frankovic kept me updated via Twitter!

Apparently the the Caps played most of Sunday’s game without Alexander Ovechkin. Which is sorta like WNST broadcasting without “The Most Electrifying Man in Sports Radio Entertainment Today…..”


(Edit from GMC: Boy, a lot of me in the 15-7-0 this week. Which only means an immediate ratings spike……)

4-Serena Williams

Serena wasn’t lucky to beat Venus in whatever the weekend’s tennis tournament was; she’s lucky to be one of the sexiest women on the face of the planet.


(Edit from GMC: This is not a bit. I’m ALL IN.)

5-Bats who survived their weekend trip to San Antonio

Remarkable, considering Manu Ginobli was in pursuit…..

6-Anyone who has seen Layla Kiffin in a swimsuit

When the rumor leaked that Layla Kiffin was going to pose for SI’s swimsuit issue; it took me about 20 minutes to start breathing again. When the University of Tennessee denied it, it took me about 20 minutes to stop crying.

Mrs. Kiffin-may I PLEASE suggest you do this. I believe this would re-define the term “recruiting tool”…………


7-Anyone whose apartment WASN’T flooded this weekend, ruining their plans to decorate for Christmas

Not that I know anyone who had this exact scenario play out over the weekend or anything. Oh wait……I do.

Couldn’t have been more awesome to come home Saturday night to find all of my carpet ripped up and my furniture piled in the corner of each room…..


Ugh. This of course means that I’m staying with “The Luckiest Dang Gal on the Face of the Planet” for a few days. I’m kinda afraid she’s gonna get the wrong idea. Like that I put the toilet seat back down after going to the bathroom. Of course I don’t.

You’re a zero………

J.J. Redick

Rap album, huh? This is your guy, Duke fans.

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983……..


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Live From Owings Mills: Harbaugh Concedes He’s “Not Optimistic” Samari Rolle Will Play This Season

Posted on 19 October 2009 by Glenn Clark

4:18=Hear from John Harbaugh NOW in the Audio Vault at WNST.net.

3:45-Highlights from John Harbaugh:

-“There’s positives, there’s negatives” to take from loss to Vikings
-All of the team’s problems are very “solvable”
-Hauschka “wants to be in that situation again, and wants to make that kick.”
-“We have an idea” of what we need to do to improve defensively
-“We cannot continue to give up big plays……big plays are the problem.”
-Beching Fabian was “my call all the way. Fabian is going to be back out there playing again.”
-“We need to” play Lardarius Webb more at cornerback
-“If you want to play meaningful games in November”, you have to win games in October. If we want to play meaningful games in December we have to win games in November.
-“Fewer reps” makes Trevor Pryce more effective.
-Team will meet and practice tomorrow and Wednesday, then have Thursday-Sunday off.
-“I’m not very optimistic at all” Samari Rolle will be able to return based on medical information.
-“I wouldn’t be surprised” if we made trade or didn’t make trade before deadline.
-“I got a lot of respect for” Terrell Owens. “Is anything happening there? Not that I know of.”
-Gaither “was close” to being ready to play Sunday
-Tyree needed to get into “football shape”…..”he’s gonna be playing for us.”
-Thought #Oher “played well” in “tough environment.”
-Katula’s snap was “not perfect” on Hauschka’s field goal attempt
-Lardarius Webb “officially” kick returner.
-Greg Mattison “is a great coach.”

3:30-I saw this earlier today and COMPLETELY forgot to post it. From FoxSports.com (and thanks to e-mailer Phillip for reminding me)…..

…Not this week, as show regular Jared Allen tore into Baltimore Ravens tackle Michael Oher after the rookie criticized the Vikings DE following Sunday’s game in Minnesota.
After holding the sack-happy Allen to just one sack Sunday, Oher told the Baltimore Sun that “There is nothing really special about him … I think he found out I’m an OK player. Guy makes like $100 million. I think I did all right.”
On his Monday show, Allen shared his response with Glazer. “Well, that’s just some idiot trying to talk himself up,” Allen said. “I beat that dude like a red-headed step child, let’s be honest. If he was so good why did they have to chip me all day? Ask him that.
“That’s just a rookie trying to build his self-confidence up. Besides, you lost and your quarterback spent his whole day on the back of his head until the fourth quarter. That guy (Oher) will watch film today and realize. Everybody else in the world saw me abuse him.”

In fairness, Jared Allen would have to be declared the “winner” of that battle-but he CERTRAINLY did not beat Michael Oher “like a red-headed step child.” Allen is an absolute maniac, which is something else you must keep in perspective.

3:28-Hear from Joe Flacco NOW in the Audio Vault at WNST.net

3:15-Highlights from Joe Flacco:

-Mindset of team “as good as it could be” after 3rd straight tough loss
-“Obviously we could be better” but we still control our own destiny in the division
-“My ankle’s great……no big deal”
-Thought Oher, Offensive line “did a great job” against Vikes
-“It was definitely a cool experience” to play against Favre, “a lot of fun”
-“We always want to get off to a fast start, we always want to finish as strong as we did.”
-“I don’t know” if we can take anything from having responded after 2-3 start last year
-“The game’s never over ’til it’s over.”

2:25-Arguably the two most important men in the city will be addressing the media today following the Ravens’ 33-31 loss to the Vikings yesterday in Minneapolis. Joe Flacco is scheduled to talk to the media at 3:15, while John Harbaugh is scheduled to talk to the media at 3:45. Some of the relevant discussion points today include:

-How is Joe’s ankle holding up following the beating he took yesterday in the Metrodome? Will it cause him to be limited at all this week?
-Speaking of which, how much work will the team put in this week? Coming off 3 straight losses, you would imagine the team will probably have a slightly greater workload than if they were hitting the bye at 6-0.
-Any update on Samari Rolle as he becomes eligible to come off the PUP list?
-What personnel questions might the Ravens be addressing this week, especially as they face the trade deadline?

Do I expect all of these questions to be answered? Of course not. But they are certainly relevant talking points. Make sure you follow us on Twitter (@WNST) for the quickest updates.


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Monday Morning’s Purple Crabs and Beer

Posted on 19 October 2009 by Glenn Clark

Here’s a Ravens Report Card….says Harbaugh, staff must ‘regroup’ during bye week

Quarterback: A-

It wasn’t a perfect performance for the first 3 quarters, but it was just about perfect in the 4th. It is a shame they couldn’t have gotten anything going earlier.

Running Backs: A-

Ray Rice was amazing. Willis McGahee and Le’Ron McClain were again non-existent.

Wide Receivers/Tight Ends: B

Again, it’s just a shame they waited until the 4th quarter to get it going. Mason, Clayton and Heap all made big catches…..hell, even Demetrius Williams made a big catch.

Offensive Line: C+

Jared Allen is unreal. Michael Oher really didn’t play particularly poorly. Matt Birk should have done something to adjust the snap count earlier in the game.

Defensive Line: C+

They still didn’t get much pressure, and Adrian Peterson did not struggle to find holes. Though it was nice to see Brandon McKinney make a good play.

Linebackers: C

See above.

Secondary: D

They were put in some BAD spots, and unfortunately made them worse too much.

Special Teams: C-

You can’t miss that kick. You can’t have a bad snap there. Lardarius Webb WAS a bright spot for this unit, though.

Coaching: C-

The in-game corrections were much better than they had been in the past. But there were a LOT of problems….

Let’s see what everyone else has to say…..

From Sunday’s WNST Blogs:

Glenn Clark

Drew Forrester says Ravens defense played like Lions…..Detroit Lions

Nestor Aparicio says Hauschka, Frank Walker particularly ‘somber’ in locker room

Keith Melchior says Hauschka not only Raven to blame in loss

Glenn Clark says Hauschka not only kicker to miss must-make FG

And from the rest of the world:says Ravens forced to settle for ‘moral victory’ with comeback in Minnesota

The Official Site’s John Eisenberg

The Official Site’s Ryan Mink says Flacco did nice Favre impression in loss

The Official Site’s Mike Duffy says Ray Rice picked apart Vikings’ defense in loss

The Official Site’s Mike Duffy says Ray Rice doesn’t believe Hauschka reason why Ravens lost

The Official Site’s Sarah Ellison says win over Chargers only close game Ravens have won all season

The Official Site’s Sarah Ellison cleans up after me

The Official Site says Ray Lewis knows Ravens have things to correct

Vikings Official Site’s Mike Wobschall says Ryan Longwell’s FG with just under 2 minutes to play gave Vikes win over Ravens

Vikings Official Site’s Mike Wobschall says Longwell finished the game 4-4 on FG’s

Vikings Official Site’s Mike Wobschall says Sidney Rice got first career 100 yard game in win

The AP’s Jon Krawczynski says Mark Clayton, Derrick Mason hauled in TD catches in 4th quarter

The Sun’s Jamison Hensley says Hauschka failed in first big kick since replacing Matt Stover

The Sun’s Mike Preston says Ravens should never had let Stover go

The Sun’s Mike Preston gives high praise to Flacco, no praise to secondary

The Sun’s Kevin Van Valkenburg says Kelley Washington suffered ‘mild concussion’ in 4th quarter of loss

The Sun’s Kevin Van Valkenburg says Fabian Washington agreed with being benched

The Sun cleans up after me

The Sun’s Ken Murray says Dawan Landry also struggled in coverage

The Sun’s Peter Schmuck doesn’t necessarily think Ravens have to finish 11-5 to make playoffs in AFC

The Sun’s Peter Schmuck says Ravens must get ‘defensive issues figured out’ before playing Denver 11/1

Carroll County Times’ Aaron Wilson says Fabian Washington benched in loss

Carroll County Times’ Aaron Wilson says Brad Childress thought Hauschka would miss kick

Carroll County Times’ Aaron Wilson says Oher would like second chance against Jared Allen

Carroll County Times’ Aaron Wilson also offers high praise to running backs

Minneapolis Star-Tribune’s Sid Hartman says Matt Birk ‘disappointed’ in return to Twin Cities

St. Paul Pioneer Press’ Sean Jensen says Vikings join Saints, Colts, Broncos as only unbeaten teams left in NFL

USA Today’s Sean Leahy says Ravens had ‘worst luck’ on any team in NFL Week 6says Favre thought Vikes ‘dodged bullet’ in win

Sporting News’ Clifton Brown

SI’s Don Banks says Ray and Sidney Rice both had big games in Metrodome

SI’s Peter King says Adrian Peterson 2nd straight back to break 100 yards against Ravens

Yahoo! Sports’ Michael Silver says Hauschka failed to make big kick against team that previously cut him

Yahoo! Sports’ Charles Robinson says Vikings TE Shiancoe (2 TD’s) helped make Favre better

CBS Sports’ Clark Judge says Jared Allen ‘unblockable’ in win

CBS Sports’ Clark Judge says defense makes future ‘bleak’ for Ravens

NBC Sports’ Tom Curran says Ravens haven’t won a game since Mark Clayton’s drop in Foxborough

NBC Sports’ Mike Florio says Ravens may have found Baltimore’s next Unitas

Fox Sports’ Terry Bradshaw not impressed by Vikings’ pass defense

ESPN.com’s John Clayton says Ravens ‘not out’

ESPN.com’s James Walker says Hauschka will hopefully ‘learn from experience’ of missed kick

ESPN.com’s James Walker says with Broncos looming, schedule gets no easier for Ravens

Talk to you later today from Owings Mills….


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Friday Morning’s Crabs and Beer

Posted on 16 October 2009 by Glenn Clark

Much like on Monday, only Purple links today. My intern was out this morning, so my productivity was particularly limited. Super Jack might have the bubbling personality of Joe Flacco some days, but he’s definitely helpful to have around. If you’re Jones-ing for information from yesterday’s Maryland basketball Media Day, please check out Patrick Stevens’ “D1SCOURSE” blog at WashingtonTimes.com Also, all of the audio from Media Day (including Gary Williams) is in the Audio Vault at WNST.net.

Here are our picks for Sunday’s game….

Drew: Vikings 29, Ravens 26 (OT)

Drew says Minnesota will get the ball first in overtime and take it right downfield for the winning score.

Me: Ravens 24, Vikings 13

This team is ALWAYS better up against the wall and when they have a chip on their shoulder. They’re going to rally around the criticism of Greg Mattison this week, and this defense is going to show up in a big way.

I think. I hope.

Let’s see what everyone else has to say….

Best of Thursday’s WNST Blogs:

Glenn Clark says Mattison has ‘great confidence’ in secondary

Nestor Aparicio says Stover concerned about being considered ‘traitor’ for signing with Indianapolis but never wanted to leave Baltimore

Mark Suchy says “The Band That Wouldn’t Die” brought back painful memories as Baltimore NFL fan

Rex Snider thinks Jim Irsay hypocritical for thoughts on Limbaugh after family’s history with Baltimore football

And from the rest of the world…..

The Official Site’s Mike Duffy says Matt Birk will be ‘enemy’ in native Minnesota

The Official Site’s Mike Duffy says Jarret Johnson, Haloti Ngata returned to practice Thursday

The Official Site’s Patrick Gleason says Ray Rice 2nd in NFL with 114.4 yards from scrimmage per game this season (only Tennessee’s Chris Johnson has more)

The Official Site says Cam Cameron believes getting Derrick Mason football his ‘responsibility’

The Official Site says Oher knows he has to ‘work hard’ against Vikes’ Jared Allen

The Official Site says Heap, Clayton, Oher hosting Halloween event at Dave & Buster’s in Arundel Mills Mall

Vikings Official Site’s Mike Wobschall says Percy Harvin limited in practice Thursday

Vikings Official Site’s Mike Wobschall says Ed Reed ‘game changer’ for Ravens

Vikings Official Site’s Mike Wobschall says Harbaugh knows slowing Peterson will take ‘team effort’

Vikings Official Site’s Mike Wobschall says Leslie Frazier thinks Benny Sapp fitting in ‘nicely’ in Minnesota

The AP’s Jon Krawczynski says 52, Favre share ‘respect’ for each other

The AP’s Jon Krawczynski says Vikings offense more than just Peterson

The Sun’s Jamison Hensley says Ravens must defend run, slow down Jared Allen, succeed on 3rd down

The Sun’s Jamison Hensley says Ravens can’t struggle in red zone; let Harvin, Reynaud break long returns; allow Favre to catch fire

The Sun’s Jamison Hensley says Ravens just 2-5 under Harbs in games decided by 6 points or less

The Sun’s Jamison Hensley says fans can’t blame Billick for Flacco’s interceptions

The Sun’s Ken Murray says Favre has been ‘unpredictable’ historically against Ravens

The Sun’s Mike Preston says Ravens’ defense clearly misses Bart Scott

The Sun’s Edward Lee says Vikings TE Shiancoe ‘proud’ to represent Morgan State (who got a big win last night over Howard-Congratulations to Coach Hill-Eley)

The Sun’s Edward Lee says Vikes’ Loadholt, Tahi, Ray Edwards, Steve Hutchinson, Percy Harvin all limited in practice

The Sun’s Edward Lee says Edgar Jones (hamstring) practiced again Thursday

The Sun’s Edward Lee says Cam Cameron defended play-calling

The Sun’s Edward Lee says Cam Cameron ‘guaranteed’ Mason wouldn’t be shut out again

The Sun’s Jamison Hensley says Cameron thinks Demetrius Williams not getting playing time just because he’s “4th guy”

The Sun remembers Boller’s Christmas Day win over Vikings in ‘05

Carroll County Times’ Aaron Wilson says Ravens will be ‘tested’ by A.P. after being gauged by Cedric Benson last week

Carroll County Times’ Aaron Wilson says Jared Gaither didn’t practice again Thursday

Minneapolis Star-Tribune’s Sid Hartman says Leslie Frazier excited for Matt Birk-Pat Williams matchup

St. Paul Pioneer Press’ Sean Jensen says Pat Williams ‘doesn’t care’ about Birk, Baltimore

SI’s Peter King picks Vikings 30-23 (mea culpa for earlier mis-quote)

Fox Sports’ Adam Schein says Ravens will win Sunday, be tied with Bengals again atop AFC North come Monday

ESPN.com’s James Walker says Ravens trying to start new streak against “All Day”

ESPN.com’s James Walker says pass defense will be ‘difference’ for Ravens in AFC North success the rest of the season

Here are the rest of our Football picks for the weekend:


Drew 21-7 Delaware, Glenn 13-3 Delaware


Drew 33-30 Navy, Glenn 28-20 Navy


Drew 19-13 Virginia, Glenn 21-17 Virginia

Rest of our NFL picks:

Chiefs 19-17
Texans 24-20
Steelers 34-13
Jaguars 24-10
Giants 27-17
Buccaneers 17-16
Packers 36-20
Eagles 34-10
Cardinals 30-27
Jets 20-13
Patriots 30-17
Falcons 27-21
Chargers 23-17

Redskins 16-7
Texans 31-20
Steelers 24-6
Jaguars 17-7
Saints 38-28
Panthers 20-6
Packers 35-23
Eagles 23-10
Cardinals 30-20
Jets 26-10
Patriots 19-10
Falcons 24-16
Chargers 26-21

Talk to you from Owings Mills.


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Thursday Morning’s Crabs and Beer

Posted on 15 October 2009 by Glenn Clark

SI’s John Lopez throws out an intriguing trade possibility for the Ravens.

DT Brandon McKinney and a draft pick for Texans’ CB Dunta Robinson.

For the record, John Lopez is from Houston, and has covered the Texans. That doesn’t necessarily mean he has any inside sources in the organization; but it is possible.

It couldn’t POSSIBLY make more sense for the Ravens. Trade from strength (D-Line) to try to address a need (Secondary). Does it make sense for the Texans? Maybe.

It’s interesting if nothing else.

Let’s see what everyone else has to say….

Best of Wednesday’s WNST Blogs:

Glenn Clark says Derrick Mason accepted responsibility for no catches in loss to Bengals

Luke Jones says Cam Cameron’s offense needs to carry Ravens

Keith Melchior thinks Ravens fans should be ‘passionate’ but ‘grounded’

Lawson Lambert says defense must be ‘priority number 1’ for Friedgen in offseason

Thyrl Nelson doesn’t really think McGahee, Ray Rice great fantasy plays this week against Vikes

Nestor Aparicio says Blast will play rivals Milwaukee Wave four times this season


The Official Site’s Mike Duffy says addition of David Tyree will help Special Teams unit that recently lost Brendon Ayanbadejo

The Official Site’s Mike Duffy says Stover signing in Indianapolis brings reality to fact that his career in Baltimore is over

The Official Site’s Mike Duffy says players thinking about Minnesota, not avoiding 3 game losing streak going into bye

The Official Site’s Mike Duffy says Gaither, Ngata, Jarret Johnson all missed practice

The Official Site’s Sarah Ellison says Vikings haven’t exactly been beating NFL’s best teams this season

The Official Site says Childress doesn’t think Vikings fans will be ‘mean-spirited’ towards Birk in return to Metrodome

The Official Site says Birk doesn’t know what to expect in return to Minnesota

The Official Site’s Mallory Steinberg says Ray Rice, Mark Clayton, Kelley Washington were out in community this week

Vikings Official Site’s Mike Wobschall says St. Paul native Birk ‘doesn’t regret’ leaving Vikings

Vikings Official Site’s Mike Wobschall says Ray Edwards, Steve Hutchinson, Loadholt, Reynaud, Tahi all limited in practice for Vikes

Vikings Official Site’s Mike Wobschall says Childress thinks Birk benefitting from facing Ngata in practice

The AP says Percy Harvin missed practice for Minnesota with shoulder injury

The AP says Vikes added OL Oldenburg for depth with starting RT Loadholt battling ankle injury

The Sun’s Edward Lee says Harbaugh, Childress have friendship stemming from time in Philadelphia

The Sun’s Kevin Van Valkenburg says Tyree in Baltimore ‘primarily to fill the void on special teams left by Brendon Ayanbadejo’

The Sun’s Ken Murray says Stover went to Indianapolis for chance to kick for Super Bowl contender

4 of 7 Sun analysts pick Ravens

The Sun’s Dean Jones Jr. and Matt Bracken clean up after me

The Sun’s Kevin Cowherd says Flacco, Ravens facing tough challenge with trip to Metrodome

The Sun’s Mike Preston says Greg Mattison should think about going back to 3-4

The Sun’s Edward Lee says Childress, Harbs different types of coaches

The Sun’s Jamison Hensley says Edgar Jones (hamstring) limited in practice

The Sun’s Jamison Hensley says Minneapolis only NFL city Ravens haven’t visited in regular season

Carroll County Times’ Aaron Wilson says Jared Allen represents ‘daunting task’ for Ravens

Carroll County Times’ Aaron Wilson says 52 expects to be fined for hit on Ochocinco

Frederick News-Post’s Stan Goldberg says Birk’s favorite Metrodome memory was attending Twins game on 5th birthday

Frederick News-Post’s Nick Knowsitall picks Ravens 24-21

The AP’s Michael Marot says Stover filling in for Colts while Vinatieri injured

Minneapolis Star Tribune’s Judd Zulgad says future Hall of Famers Ray Lewis, Favre have great respect for one another

St. Paul Pioneer Press’ Rick Alonzo says Ravens’ pass defense hasn’t been same without Chris McAlister, Samari Rolle

SI’s John P. Lopez thinks Ravens should try to package Brandon McKinney to acquire Texans CB Dunta Robinson

SI’s Don Banks has Ravens 12th in power rankings

5 of 8 USA Today analysts pick Ravens

USA Today has Ravens 12th in power rankings

NFL Network says Sterling Sharpe, Joe Theismann think Ravens will win; Brian Baldinger thinks Vikes will win

Fox Sports’ Peter Schrager picks Vikes 24-20


Virginia Official Site previews Saturday’s trip to College Park

The Diamondback’s Michael Katz says Phil Costa, Terps know they’ll be playing in front of a number of alumni with Homecoming this weekend

Washington Post’s Eric Prisbell says Chris Turner averaging 3.5 yards per carry on plays where he isn’t sacked

Washington Post’s Eric Prisbell says Fridge would rather not play Pete White

Washington Times’ Patrick Stevens says UVa beat writer Jeff White thinks Cavs have basically scrapped spread offense

Washington Times’ Patrick Stevens says Don Brown knows Terps struggling on 3rd and long

Washington Times’ Patrick Stevens says John Donovan thinks Haroon Brown improving in recent weeks

Washington Times’ Patrick Stevens says Demetrius Hartsfield continues to practice in preparation for Hoos

Washington Times’ Patrick Stevens says Danny O’Brien closing in on Jamarr Robinson according to Ralph

Washington Times’ Patrick Stevens picks Cavs 27-21

Richmond Times Dispatch’s Michael Phillips says Cavaliers RB Mikell Simpson broke out against Maryland 2 years ago

ESPN.com’s Heather Dinich picks Wahoos 21-17

ESPN.com’s Heather Dinich says a return from Bruce Campbell would help Terps ‘tremendously’ in protecting Chris Turner

Terrapin Times’ Keith Cavanaugh says Friedgen thinks Jamarr Robinson could play Saturday (must subscribe)

Terrapin Times’ Mark Clem says Adrian Cannon got to end zone in loss to Wake Forest (must subscribe)

Terrapin Times’ Keith Cavanaugh says Maryland CB Chism lost cousin in car accident this week (must subscribe)

Turtle Sports Report’s Matt Alkire says Oscar F. Smith (VA) prospect Darius Jennings likes Maryland, Florida State

Turtle Sports Report’s Danny Miller says ’11 prospect Landon Turner considering Maryland, Virginia Tech, West Virginia, North Carolina, Georgia, Ohio State

Turtle Sports Report’s Matt Alkire says Maryland, Temple, Rutgers all interested in Dillon Romain

Turtle Sports Report’s Jeremy Schneider checks in with ’11 QB prospect C.J. Uzomah (must subscribe)


The Official Site says Frese knows Terps face challenge with Marissa Coleman, Toliver gone

The Diamondback’s Jonas Shaffer says Lori Bjork only senior on young Maryland team

The Diamondback’s Jonas Shaffer says Frese knows everyone besides Kizer facing steep learning curve

Washington Post’s Camille Powell says Bjork both veteran and rookie as transfer from Illinois


Washington Times’ Patrick Stevens says Chris Bosh won court battle to get web name rights back for players like Greivis Vasquez


Annapolis Capital’s Bill Wagner says Mids ‘unfazed’ by SMU’s high powered offense

Washington Post’s Camille Powell says Mike Walsh giving Mids depth at NG

Go Mids’ David Ausiello breaks down individual performances thus far for Midshipmen (must subscribe)


The Official Site
previews tonight’s ESPNU showdown with Howard

The Official Site offers complete Bears-Bison release (pdf)

Howard Official Site previews tonight’s trip to Hughes Stadium

Washington Post says Bison come into game struggling offensively


Examiner Matthew Schlissel
says Tigers-Blue Hens will give Unitas Stadium one of biggest crowds in history


The Official Site says Pat Kennedy’s Tigers begin practice Friday


Inside Lacrosse’s Terry Foy says Don Zimmerman working in 19 freshmen during Retrievers’ fall practice


Carroll County Times’ Josh Land says Green Terror want TE Woody Butler on field as much as possible


The Official Site’s Spencer Fordin says Terry Crowley coming back for 12th straight season-only Elrod Hendricks, Harry Breechen, Billy Hunter had longer tenures as coaches in Baltimore

The Sun’s Dean Jones Jr. says prospect Waring homered in Arizona Fall League debut


The Official Site says defending NISL Champions to open season against Rockford Rampage November 13


The Sun’s Mike Klingaman ‘catches up with’ former Colt Marchetti


The Sun’s Sandra McKee says Oudin, Isner to play in Pam Shriver’s event at 1st Mariner Arena December 9


The Sun’s Hanah Cho says bankruptcy judge approved Magna’s plan to auction Pimlico, Laurel early next year


-Has a great time on the Bus Trip to RFK Stadium last night for USA-Costa Rica. The match was awesome too, and the end ranks up amongst the greatest game ending moments I’ve seen live. WOW.

Talk to you tomorrow.


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Live From Owings Mills: Jared Gaither Not at Practice Again

Posted on 14 October 2009 by Glenn Clark

2:38-David Tyree will join Drew Forrester tomorrow morning on “The Comcast Morning Show” at 6:20am on AM1570 WNST and online at WNST.net

2:26-After leaving the locker room before the media could enter following the Ravens’ loss to Cincinnati Sunday, Ray Lewis addressed his hit on Chad Ochocinco on the final drive:

-Does he expect to get fined?: “probably”
-“Would I do it over? No.” (he said that in a “If you could do it differently, would you?” sense.)
-“I never play this game to hurt anybody”

Ray also addressed the news that Matt Stover had signed with the Colts; saying Stover is “a first class act” going to “a first class program.”

Chad Ochocinco had a unique description of the play last night when he was broadcasting live on UStream. See it here.

2:21-Derrick Mason addressed his zero catch performance against the Bengals by offering the following thoughts:

-“I gotta run better routes, I gotta find a way to get open” even when double or triple teamed.
-“I’ll put that on me, but that’ll never happen again. I’m gonna go my damndest to get open. I gotta do a little bit more.”
-When asked if he felt a bit of panic about the thought of going into the bye week on a 3 game losing streak, Mason said “leaders don’t panic.”

2:16-Matt Birk is making his first trip back to Minnesota since leaving the Vikings in the offseason to come to Baltimore. Birk was born in St. Paul and spent his entire life there until going to college at Harvard. Here are some of his thoughts on returning to the Twin Cities….

-“I don’t know what it’s going to be like” going back; also said he doesn’t know if it’s going to feel “weird”
-There is a “huge disadvantage” for opponents playing inside the Metrodome with the crowd noise trapped inside
-His favorite memory of the Dome is going there for a Twins game for his 5th birthday-the first year of the Dome.

2:01-Ravens players and coaches were not short on praise to heap towards the Minnesota Vikings and the Metrodome atmosphere today. Here is a smattering….

-on Jared Allen: there’s “no one with a higher motor”, he’s “relentless”, “unique in his way”
-on Kevin and Pat Williams: they’re “not just run stuffers”, they’re “good in pass rush too.” Combined with EJ Henderson they’re “as good of a front 4 and MIKE LB as you’re gonna see in the National Football League.”
-on Adrian Peterson: he’s “phenomenal”….you have to play “great team defense” against him
-on Percy Harvin: he’s “a playmaker.”
-on Brett Favre: he’s “just awesome.”

-“they’re a good defense.”
-on facing Favre: “definitely” a cool thing
-on Metrodome crowd: he thinks it will be “a little bit louder” than other road venues

Ray Lewis:
-on Adrian Peterson: “He plays the game the way the game should be played.”
-on Brett Favre: “True warrior, very unpredictable”; “patience” is key to defending him
-on the Metrodome “electricity is awesome.”

1:50-David Tyree told us he feels like he is just “another piece of the puzzle” here in Baltimore, but he is ready to contribute. He does not expect to see the field as a wide receiver (he doesn’t know much of anything about the playbook anyway), but certainly intends to make an impact on Special Teams. He told us that after meeting with the Ravens a few weeks ago, the organization told him he was “a Raven”, but he needed some time to get healthy and ready to play.

It appears as though the Tyree move can be most attributed to the loss of Brendon Ayanbadejo; as Tyree will both be expected to make an impact AND be a leader defensively.

John Harbaugh chose not to discuss what type of role Tyree might have, but did offer that the Ravens are “excited to have David Tyree” on the team and that Tyree is a “tough, hard-nosed guy.”

1:43-Jared Gaither disappeared from the locker room before I was finished with the guys at the podium, but I was given information from the reporters who DID talk to him regarding what he said. Gaither apparently was pretty adamant that he was “going to play” Sunday in Minnesota, but still didn’t appear to have much movement in his neck. Gaither was not out at practice again today during the portion open for media viewing; and the common thought amongst those of us who cover the team is that Gaither is “unlikely” to play. However, there is nothing scientific about that thought. TE Edgar Jones (hamstring) DID practice.

1:15-Hear from the following NOW in the Audio Vault at WNST.net:

Coach John Harbaugh
QB Joe Flacco
RB Ray Rice
WR Derrick Mason
C Matt Birk
DT Haloti Ngata
LB Ray Lewis
CB Domonique Foxworth
ST/WR David Tyree

12:56-Highlights from Brett Favre’s teleconference with Baltimore media:

-Ravens’ defense is “a lot like ours”, “they’re good.”
-“I’ve got a tremendous amount of respect for” Ray Lewis
-Ed Reed is “a little bit similar” to his current teammate Darren Sharper, Reed has more speed. “He takes gambles, he’s able to rebound.”
-Even when Adrian Peterson is “held in check”, he’s still “a threat.” Peterson “can take nothing and give you 70”
-He remembers his win over the Ravens in 2001 with the Packers “quite well.”
-“I’m trying to play within what I’m capable of doing.”
-He thinks Ravens know they could’ve won their last two games and doesn’t necessarily think Ravens will be “desperate.”

11:12-Greetings from 1 Winning Drive, where the media room has been abuzz regarding the news that Matt Stover will sign with the Indianapolis Colts today, as their kicker Adam Vinatieri is expected to miss 4-8 weeks due to knee surgery. With the Ravens playing the Colts November 22 at M&T Bank Stadium, this would almost certainly mean Stover would kick that day in blue and white.

Any emotions to share?

Other things we’re thinking about out here:
-What will Jared Gaither look like today? It is totally possible Jared will be out of the locker room before we’re finished at the podium, but we’re hoping to get an update on his neck at some point today.
-What will David Tyree’s role be? Not like John Harbaugh will tell us, but we’ll hope to find out.
-How are the Vikings preparing for the Ravens? Brad Childress and Brett Favre speak to the Baltimore media today.

I will personally miss Childress, as his teleconference is scheduled at the same time John Harbaugh hits the podium. Favre is scheduled for 12:40, so I will try to get that to you. Remember to follow us on Twitter (@WNST) for the quickest updates.


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