Tag Archive | "favre"

15-7-0

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

15-7-0

Posted on 12 October 2009 by Glenn Clark

You deserve props……

1-Mark Teixeira and Vladimir Guerrero

BOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, we sure told him back in April, didn’t we???

texx

Look-I’m not rooting for the Yankees like ol’ Drew Forrester is (he might as well be a communist)……but I couldn’t help but giggle when Tex crushed that homer Friday night. Seriously, does it get worse for us? Why don’t they just have Jeffrey Maier hit a game winner??????

And since they were my favorite baseball team last week in beating the Red Sox, The Angels will CERTAINLY be my favorite team this week when they face the Yanks. My choice for ALCS MVP? Danny Hemmerling…..

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y0r6YLnPOY4&feature=related[/youtube]

2-Ahmad Bradshaw, Adrian Peterson and Michael Turner

Boy, they all looked pretty good. Remember when the Ravens used to look pretty good?

Anyhoo, apparently Brett Favre turned 40. This man declared it “The Most Important Day in American History”…..

madden

3-Ricky Dobbs, Peter Athens and Devan James

I’m not sure if you noticed; but all of the above players play for teams in the state of Maryland; yet NONE of them play for the team CALLED Maryland. That’s because Maryland DIDN’T PLAY this weekend.

Yep, nothing happened. Don’t try asking me about it, because there was no game.

I was excited about Towson’s big win over Rhode Island, and couldn’t wait to get home and read about it in their student newspaper, The Towerlight. But WAIT A SECOND WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!?!?!?

A STORY ABOUT SEX IN A STUDENT NEWSPAPER?!?!? UNACCEPTABLE!

Next thing you know, some blogger on a sports site will start posting gratuitous pictures of hot chicks in their underwear. What the hell is this country coming to? Oh wait……

underwear

4-Benson Henderson

Congrats to Benson Henderson for his big win at the WEC event Saturday night. I hope he gets to face Jamie Varner in Phoenix now. That’s a great MMA market.

Meanwhile, Tito Ortiz is apparently going to face Forrest Griffin at UFC 106; now that Forrest has moved past that whole “running out of Philadelphia like a bitch” thing. This is great news, as now I can post a picture of Jenna Jameson and it can KINDA have relevance to something; even if not at all. We’re all winners here.

jenna

5-Jeremy Maclin, Austin Collie and Miles Austin

Jesus, how can the Titans have gone from “Le Awesome” to “Le Suck” so quickly? They didn’t even look like a football team Sunday night.

There hasn’t been such a freefall in Nashville since Garth Brooks had an idea……

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I7fM_jAmpWw[/youtube]

6-Josh Nesbitt and Ryan Williams

From the world of “I guess somebody has to win the ACC”, Georgia Tech got a big win at Florida State while the whole world was waiting for Bobby Bowden to resign, and Virginia Tech treated Boston College like Boston University in a thrashing in Blacksburg.

A reminder to get your spot on our bus trip to College Park for Maryland-Virginia next week. Sure, “Mr. October” Al Groh has his team playing well and “Mr. Medifast” Ralph Friedgen didn’t have the best of weekends, but maybe we’ll see this on the trip…

uva

7-Tiger Woods

Look, I didn’t give HALF a crap about golf this weekend, but I can ALWAYS get behind America winning things. For example, if we don’t turn things around and start winning THIS particular championship in the future, there will be hell to pay….

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DwNy-q10rrY[/youtube]

8-Kurt Warner, Matt Hasselbeck, Ben Roethlisberger and Kyle Orton

You think Josh McDaniels was excited??? It probably had EVERYTHING to do with the fact that he realized he would NEVER have to see his Broncos wear these uniforms again….

broncos

9-Jimmie Johnson and Dario Franchitti

Congratulations to Dario Franchitti for winning this year’s IndyCar title. His prize? Ummmm…..winner gets to put extra vowels in their last name????

10-Alphonce Yatich and Iulia Arkhipova

I was actually going to run in this year’s Baltimore Running Festival. Unfortunately, I don’t believe I would have made it past Harborque……

harborq

11-Carmelo Anthony and Stephen Curry

Does anyone else actually think playing a game at Indian Wells is kinda cool?

indianwells

And I’m not sure how things are going to work at the NBA level, but I can only hope leaving Davidson doesn’t mean we’ll see less of Stephen Curry’s mom…….

steph

12-Gina Carano

If you never win another fight, trust me when I say that you’ve still accomplished plenty here on Earth…..

gina

13-Novak Djokkovic and Jo-Wilfried Tsonga

Eh, what the hell? Here’s Serena Williams’ ESPN The Body Issue cover since we’re talking about tennis*

(*We were KINDA talking about tennis….)

tennis

14-Saturday Night Live

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G3HEmUAKWjE[/youtube]

Borderline funny AGAIN. This is getting dangerous, NBC. Plus, I’m totally coming around on The Office. Can this network do anything better?

Oh, RIGHT!!!!!!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dEqW-aWr_f8[/youtube]

15-Bud Light Golden Wheat

bud

If I have to stomach through one of the worst football games of all time AND ESPN360, I’m going to drink in the process. In fact, I’m going to drink so heavily that I think Wake Forest is actually playing for both teams; and Tim Duncan is having a hell of a game. But why does Dave Odom keep insist on letting Josh Howard punt? Dude, I love you. I know this is a crappy night and the Terps look like snowmobiles, but I’m glad you’re here. Let’s order a pizza, the other one disappeared……I ate it? You’re FUNNY! 

You got lucky……

1-Tim Howard

Remember what I was saying about America kicking ass? It’s much easier to kick ass when your opponent is bailing you out as if you were a Detroit automaker. Tim Howard’s reaction after this ball sails over the goal is priceless…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Kr8_KfdybU[/youtube]

I know this look. This is the EXACT same look I had when I was 13, had my parents come into my room to yell at me for something else; and realized that hadn’t even noticed the Playboy I accidentally left at the end of my bed.

Whew…..

2-Golf and Rugby

You know what else should be an Olympic sport? That’s right…..

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VqdAK_XMRjg[/youtube]

3-Owen Schmitt

That West Virginia education is sure looking good, huh?

owen

“OH MAN, I’M EXCITED! LET ME BEAT MYSELF OVER THE HEAD WITH MY HELMET!”

I laugh, but the Mountaineers would kick the Terps’ ass right now, so I don’t really have anything else to say.

4-Anyone who got the chance to talk to Albert Pujols or Ray Lewis this weekend

Even with the superstars in town yesterday, no one could track down ol’ 52 after the game. That’s right, not my gal Rachel Nichols (who made trying to get work done REALLY difficult),

rachel

and not even Hall of Famer John Clayton…..

clayton

(Editor’s note: Say what you want about Sean Salisbury, but he was DEAD ON with that one….get it……DEAD on……you people suck.)

And since we’re talking about ESPN; what the hell was Christine Taylor doing on the “Mayne Event” with Kenny Mayne yesterday morning?

taylor

I mean, BESIDES making me drool…….Christine Taylor on the TV and Rachel Nichols a row down from me made me trying to do any work in the M&T Bank Stadium Press Box about as likely as Dave Trembley winning the 2009 Manager of the Year Award.

5-Randy Hanson

AND FINALLY WE HAVE A FIGHT WORTH WATCHING…..

In the red corner, Tom Cable……….

cable

And in the blue corner, Kimbo Slice………

kimbo

This is worth paying money for. Unlike everything else my man Kimbo has done since he got off YouTube….

6-Tomas Holmstrom

Did the Red Wings get lucky to score a Power Play goal Saturday night against the Capitals? How the eff would I know? There was college football on TV! NO CHANCE I would watch a NHL game.

Was Wings Center Henrik Zetterberg (or any other man) lucky to bag Emma Andersson? Umm, yes.

emma

7-The Prankster Friend of Mine who Got Me GOOD Friday Night

This was EPIC.

I’m not sure how closely you follow the WNST staff on Facebook; but we have a bit of a game we like to play with each other. If one of us leaves our Facebook page up on a computer and walks away, we like to change the status to say something really mature like “I love my boyfriend.”

Yeah, we’re a classy group.

Well, such mature games carry over to other groups of my friends, which leads me to what happened to me Friday night.

I was with a buddy of mine (who happens to be from New Jersey), and we were watching the Yankees-Twins game. I was also talking to a friend of mine (who happens to be a VERY attractive gal), who I was planning on meeting up with later at a house party.

I hung up the phone, set it down, and went to the bathroom before leaving my friend (we’ll call him “Anthony” from now on)’s company for the company of the very pretty gal (we’ll call her “Michelle” from now on) and other friends.

When I came back, I had a text from “Michelle” saying “Was that intentional?”

To which I responded “What the eff?” in my head, but then decided I should probably figure out what was going on.

OH. CRAP.

You see, “Anthony”-who has been the victim of a number of my incredibly mature Facebook and Twitter pranks-he had gotten me back.

He went through my phone, found a picture of a gal in a state of undress, and texted it to the most recent phone number I had dialed, thinking it was my girlfriend.

Problem is, the recipient was NOT my girlfriend. But the picture….was.

Therefore, “Michelle”-who is a FRIEND of mine and a beautiful girl; now had a picture of “The Luckiest Dang Gal on the Face of the Planet”‘s boobs.

Anthony’s explanation?

“I was hoping to send a picture of your junk; but you didn’t have any in your phone.”

Sorry to let you down?

And “Anthony”, I owe you one. Probably something like this…..

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PCGgg5lvdnI[/youtube]

You’re a zero……

Everyone in the country who was forced to watch the Browns play the Bills or the Panthers play the Redskins

I would have rather watched anything. Literally, anything. Christ, I would have rather watched this…..

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vbfhb-43UNQ[/youtube]

Which got about a 3% on RottenTomatoes.com by the way. And is still 3% more than “Semi-Pro.”

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983……

-G

Comments Off

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Live From Owings Mills: John Harbaugh’s Weekly Press Conference

Posted on 05 October 2009 by Glenn Clark

5:11-Prescott Burgess is here at 1 Winning Drive, and was seen unloading bags just a minute ago. Again, this move was imminent. I expect it to be made official tomorrow.

5:00-Bengals WR Chad Ochocinco said on his official Twitter page today (@OGOchocinco) the following….

-”Damn I just got cut!!! WTF!!!”
-”Oh well, damn I was looking forward to playing against Baltimore, they shut the front door on me!!!!”

I do not believe either of these statements to be accurate, personally.

4:57-According to Bengals.com, Marvin Lewis told the media in Cincy today that the Bengals should have all of their players available Sunday with the exception of rookie OT Andre Smith. LB Rashad Jeanty is battling a dislocated finger stemming from their win over the Browns Sunday, they will have more info on his injury Wednesday.

4:33-Hear from John Harbaugh and Matt Birk NOW in the Audio Vault at WNST.net!

4:30-Despite the fact that John Harbaugh denied it, expect the Prescott Burgess news to be official sometime tomorrow. Tuesdays are the day to make moves in the NFL, as there is still a game to be played tonight. I have heard from reliable sources that Burgess’ return is a done deal, and it is ABSOLUTELY the move that makes the most sense for this team.

4:08-Highlights from Matt Birk:

-”They won, we lost.” “We didn’t play well enough.”
-Flacco “as good as advertised if not better.”
-Having ball at end of game with chance is kind of “a positive”, but “a negative because we didn’t get it done.”
-Only good thing to come from losing is how you “scrutinize yourself”
-Injuries like Gaither’s “part of the game”
-Oher was dealing with a situation coming in at LT where “everything is backwards”
-On run/pass differential: “that’s just the way it played out.”
-On Baltimore fans: “They love the team.”
-”You can’t do anything BUT move on” after losses
-Doesn’t think at all about how life would be different if he were still in Minnesota playing with Brett Favre

3:46-Highlights from John Harbaugh:

-”I want to express our heartfelt condolences for (former Sun sports editor) Tim Wheatley” (Wheatley died in a car crash this morning)
-”We don’t have any apologies for the way we played” against Patriots
-”They write the rulebook to be fair”
-”It looks like Brendon (Ayanbadejo) will be out of the year”, “We have not re-signed anybody.”
-”If (losses aren’t) hard for you, you should probably find another line of work”
-He has not had any conversations with anyone from the NFL regarding officiating in yesterday’s game; but plans to send video of questionable plays to league
-He just wants officiating to be “fair and consistent”
-Referenced 5 times Joe Flacco was hit, said only 1 time Patriots had call go against them
-When he was hit with penalty: “I felt like I was defending my team”
-Mark Clayton “seems good” mentally following late drop yesterday
-”Every game is going to be different” as far as run/pass differential is concerned
-”How you respond to a loss to critically important.”
-”We fully expected the Bengals to be really good this year.”
-He thought Dannell Ellerbe “played well” in first game action; Paul Kruger got “good start” in limited action
-Thought secondary played “exceptionally well.”
-Clayton’s drop “wasn’t the play of the game”, there were other plays that players are beating themselves up about from loss
-”we’re not disappointed in Chris Carr.”
-Ravens “hopeful” Jared Gaither can play this week against Cincinnati
-He’s “very impressed” by what Ayanbadejo did this season

3:35-Via the Ravens’ Official Twitter account (@1WinningDrive); Adam Caplan of Scout.com is reporting that the team will place Brendon Ayanbadejo on IR and re-sign Prescott Burgess of the Pats’ practice squad. This is what I predicted immediately after the game and should be of no surprise to ANYONE.

3:10-Greetings from 1 Winning Drive, where we are going to hear from Matt Birk and John Harbaugh today. We will be looking back on the Ravens’ 27-21 loss to the Patriots yesterday in Foxborough, and looking ahead to Sunday’s game with the Bengals at M&T Bank Stadium. The most pressing questions today surround injuries to Brendon Ayanbadejo and Jared Gaither. As I was entering the complex today, I noticed Ayanbadejo pulling away. He believed he would miss the rest of the season with a torn quad. We’ll hopefully find out for sure.

-G

Comments Off

15-7-0

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

15-7-0

Posted on 28 September 2009 by Glenn Clark

A reminder, we save Ravens analysis for Tuesday morning. We call it the “Tuesday Top 7.”

You deserve props:

1-Jim Schwartz, Rex Ryan, Marvin Lewis, Jack Del Rio and Kirk Ferentz

Raise your hand if you are the only former Ravens assistant and current head coach who DIDN’T have a good weekend this weekend*

mangenius

(*Mike Singletary lost, but it wasn’t that they had a BAD weekend…..Mike Smith……well, you get the point.)

Also, if ANYONE can find a picture of what Rex Ryan was wearing when he arrived at Giants Stadium today; I will give you a worthy prize. Not kidding. It was so amazing, I’m not sure I can express it in words. Rex Ryan looked like……me!

2-Anyone who actually watched an Orioles-Indians game this weekend

Melewski?

I swear to God, I have NOTHING more to say about this team. Literally, NOTHING. Someone asked me who pitched today and I guessed Scott Kamieniecki. I haven’t bothered to go check to make sure I was wrong.

3-Jimmie Johnson

The NASCAR guys were in Dover this weekend. Rumor has it the event was SLIGHTLY more interesting than what people do in Dover every other Sunday during the year……

dover

Ehhh, I’m sure it was a good time. WNST took a bus up there. Which means there was a bus.

4-Ryan Williams, Ricky Dobbs, and LaMont Bryant

Elsewhere in College Football this weekend, at least Cal didn’t prove to be a fraud or anything, huh?

Taken from both Deadspin AND The Big Lead, there’s a funny sign in this photo. See if you can figure out which one it is…..

erin

5-Mark Teixeira

If you had told me 12 months ago that Mark Teixeira would be clinching the AL East with the team he grew up rooting for; I would IMMEDIATELY declare you a liar. But sometimes miracles do happen…..

tex

……oh……crap.

6-Jennie Finch

…..did something. It reportedly involved Jay Crawford from ESPN. As if any of us care. This is just an excuse to do this….

finch

7-Fred Taylor, Kevin Kolb, Maurice Jones-Drew and Pierre Thomas

Elsewhere in the NFL this weekend, the Cardinals went back to being…..you know…..the Cardinals. But like I said once before, relax Arizona. You still have PLENTY going for you….

az

8-Tim Kennedy

A former Green Beret who now kicks ass as a MMA fighter for Strikeforce. Or as I like to call him, “The Most Kickassingest Human Being on the Face of the Planet.”

In other MMA news, Chuck Liddell is on Dancing With The Stars. Which means his week will look like this……

anya

9-Mike Knuble

The Caps won a game Sunday and had some sort of major convention thingy on Saturday. Washington sports fans came out in droves, mostly because how the else would they spend their time?

skins
nats
wiz

Your awful city deserves everything it gets. Get bent Skins fans.

10-Gael Monfils

You ask me why I would include something about a tennis player that only I have heard of?

Here’s a picture of Andy Roddick…..

arod

I have to stop. This last one even made me feel uncomfortable.

11-Jimmy Lange, Mark “TNT” Tucker and Vitali Klitschko

Congratulations to Eldersburg native Mark “TNT” Tucker, who won his first USBO belt Friday night in Westminster by beating some guy known as “The Steel Chin.”

Congratulations to Vitali Klitschko for making sure no one in the world would suddenly become interested in heavyweight boxing again. We’re all counting on you.

12-Sumacha’hot

Won the Maryland Million. I’d have more to share about horse racing, but my Saturdays in the fall are dedicated to 3 things, and 3 things only.

1-College Football
2-Beer
3-The Endless Pursuit of Video of Megan Fox making out with Amanda Seyfried in Jennifer’s Body….

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i64TMpKOWCc[/youtube]

And yeah, my Saturday was perfect, thank you.

13-Peyton Manning and Justin Timberlake

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eE9-gnCViEM[/youtube]
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7cONRdBIFXA[/youtube]

Plus there was this one from a while back……

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Jzr1SkQG1g[/youtube]

By the way, I’m not sure why the “I’m Sorry Dick Butkus” commercials aren’t available on YouTube, but they probably should be. Thanks.

14-Maxwell

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eL4azQLfxoI[/youtube]

Attention all artists worldwide not named “Maxwell”: That place you were clearing on your mantle for a Grammy Award this year? Go ahead and look into some other uses. For example, maybe you can see if anyone has the ball from that time you got 4 hits in a Little League Game. Just an idea.

15-Chili and Cornbread

chili

Went to dinner with Luke Jones and Patrick Stevens (of Washington Times fame) following that disaster at Byrd Stadium Saturday night. My dinner looked like that combined with a few Samuel Adams Boston Oktoberfests. Suddenly I didn’t want to vomit quite as much……

You got lucky….

1-Brett Favre and Greg Lewis

That Favre guy should just retire. What an ass……

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=un3B7Og-FS0[/youtube]

And also, this kicks ass Sears…..

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b9enj55iSwk[/youtube]

2-The Guy(s) Who Hit Tim Tebow

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VFN90gkKHu4[/youtube]

Yeah, their names are Taylor Wyndham and Marcus Gilbert. I’m well aware. Who cares what their names are; this isn’t about them. Okay, technically it is. The point is that if Taylor Wyndham’s hit on America’s Quarterback (and his subsequent bounce off Marcus Gilbert’s leg) had caused anything more than a concussion; we would probably be forced to kick them out of college football, maybe America. Definitely America.

If I had been there, my reaction would have been similar to this husband/wife/mother/son/brother/sister combo…….

tebow

Also, from a friend…….I will pay someone $20 to photoshop Tim Tebow into a “National Treasure” movie poster.

3-Tiger Woods

He wins……EVEN WHEN HE LOSES?!?!?!?!?! WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Drew Forrester kept trying to get me to pat attention to whatever the hell the golf thing was that was going on Sunday. I told him I was about as interested in that as I was watching Ray Bachman run……

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z5bXbJitRZg[/youtube]

4-Anyone who managed to get tickets to see Bruce Springsteen at 1st Mariner Arena

No worry, you can always get tickets to one of the other amazing concerts coming up in Baltimore. You know, like this one….

starwars

5-Dom Natale

How…..in the hell…..can a guy who SHOULD have been flipping pizzas Saturday instead be spending his day beating Maryland despite completing all of FOUR passes. Hell, Chris Turner completed THREE passes to Scarlet Knights players himself!

How did I keep myself from heading DIRECTLY to the Bay Bridge? About a 5 minute walk around College Park….

CP

6-Anyone who hasn’t seen the baby “Single Ladies” video

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WB9gMc3yXZM[/youtube]

Crap. I guess I ruined that for you. Damn. Sorry. Well, while I’m here…..

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dbaE5OY_yVs[/youtube]

And……

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2FMdOLyRcA[/youtube]

And……

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nTegy6sBQVA[/youtube]

What the hell would we have done without the internet?

7-Jenny Slate

Apparently Saturday Night Live reverted back to being lame for the season opener, which seems borderline impossible give Megan Fox as a host and U2 as a musical guest……but at least Jenny Slate will be remembered……

(Video NSFW. Unless of course you work for SNL. In which case, that was an effing terrible show.)

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QgUi590NGvQ[/youtube]

You’re a zero…..

Seattle Seahawks Uniforms

green

I swear to God, I take back everything I said earlier about the Titans wearing Oilers uniforms and the Jets wearing Titans uniforms and all that nonsense. When it comes to uniforms, all new things are terrible.

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…..

-G

Comments Off

15-7-0

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

15-7-0

Posted on 24 August 2009 by Glenn Clark

You get props……

1-Brian Roberts, John Danks, and Nolan Reimold

In other Orioles news, I was sitting at the Maryland football scrimmage Sunday when I found out that Adam Jones had left the game against the White Sox early. WNST’s Luke Jones asked me “Why?” and I responded “Because he had something better to do?”

If you don’t think that’s funny; you take yourself way too seriously. I’m looking at you, Melewski. Looking forward to MASN’s coverage of Maryland football this season. Also, the Maryland Cornhole Cup was rescheduled…..so Team Gator Bites has another chance to dominate. September 19th pal. You and I can run through the competition in Annapolis.

2-Roger Federer and Elena Dementieva

Apparently this girl won a tennis tournament this weekend………

elena

……..like it matters.

3-Shaun Hill and Derek Anderson

Maybe former Terps QB Shaun Hill should actually be on the “Lucky” list seeing as how he didn’t even have to PLAY and he locked up the starting QB job with the 49ers.

Of course, starting QB for the 49ers at this point has about as much prestige as being the starting QB for Glen Burnie High School.

That’s right Forrester; the Gophers suck.

Also, Derek Anderson may well have taken a step to securing the Browns’ starting QB job…..by somehow being not quite as awful as this human being……

quinn

4-David Pauley, Ryohei Tanaka, Brandon Waring and Joel Palanco

Elsewhere in Orioles minor league action this weekend; the Aberdeen Ironbirds were no-hit Sunday by Brooklyn’s Brandon Moore.

Which goes to show you that this organization is REALLY committed to getting you prepared for what life is going to be like once you come to Baltimore…….

5-Michelle Wie, Ryan Moore and Mike Reid

I want to thank WNST.net blogger BJ Appel, former Harford Community College golf standout Chris Appel, and their lovely family for hosting our fantasy football draft Saturday night. They supplied Gatorade, crabs, cookie bars, and I added orange drink and Doritos to the party. It couldn’t have been lovelier.

But it was slightly awkward when we walked downstairs and Chris was watching something that is apparently called “The Solheim Cup.”

I’m not entirely certain of what “The Solheim Cup” is, but I do know that no matter how many participants in the event looked like this……

creamer

…..this was not event created with heterosexual men in mind.

6-Kyle Busch and Dario Franchitti

Kyle Busch swept the NASCAR races at Bristol this season; which made Rex Snider interested………and no one else.

Speaking of sports no one is watching, my friend Dave Carey (formerly of the Baltimore Examiner) passed along this WNBA video game commercial he saw recently…….

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3FGI7R0u3TQ[/youtube]

…..which is good because I DO like layups, defense, jump shots, and layups!

7-Scott Feldman, Jack Cust, Michael Cuddyer, Chris Carpenter, Ryan Garko, Carlos Pena, Kevin Youkilis, Charlie Haeger, Roy Oswalt, Clayton Richard, Ryan Raburn and Hideki Matsui

Elsewhere in the world of baseball, Jason Giambi will reportedly join the Colorado Rockies.

Remember when SI called Giambi “the new face of baseball?”

giambi

I legitimately believe Otis Nixon would have been a better nominee for the award…..

nixon

(Editor’s note: Alex Cole may have been the unluckiest man in baseball card history.)

8-Jozy Altidore and Wayne Rooney

If you think I knew that the Premier League had begun, you’d be wrong. But I do know that since losing the UEFA Champions League to Fox; ESPN has invested a great deal in all sorts of other soccer. I’m all for this of course; as there’s nothing better than waking up after an evening of 13-15 hundred Clipper City Ales and having live sports on TV.

Of course, I guess whenever you wake up at 2pm there’s normally live sports on TV; but Premier League soccer is about 1,000,000,000,000,000 times better than waking up to Tom Davis and Phil Wood taking about the Nationals on my TV.

“Tom, let’s talk about the 1952 World Series”

Christ. Melewski and these guys deserve each other. I’m not completely certain, but I think they should re-name MASN “OWGHNIWPRGACAN” (Old White Guys Have No Idea What People Really Give A Crap About Network.)

9-Allyson Felix, Sanya Richards, Debbie Dunn and Lashinda Demus; Angelo Taylor, Jeremy Wariner, Kerron Clement and LaShawn Merritt and Brittney Reese

In other Track and Field news……..Usain Bolt is really fast?

Did Usain Bolt REALLY get a piece of the Berlin Wall? I’ve officially found a gift more useless than the copy of David Cassidy’s greatest hits I gave Josiah Potter for his 16th birthday.

Also, did we ever figure out if that one track chick was a dude or not? This has been the most distressing problem I’ve faced since I ran out of clean underwear last week and didn’t have time to do laundry before having to go back to Training Camp.

You expect me to let you know how I solved this problem; but I’m pretty sure you already know.

10-Tim Tebow

I’m not REALLY impressed by the fact that Florida was selected preseason number 1 in the AP poll; I’m just contractually obligated to remind you of how great Tim Tebow is at least once a blog.

Look man, the first time you go to the Philippines and perform circumcisions; I’ll blog about you. In the meantime, have another sip of your Zima and remember that Lord Tebow is greater than you.

11-McDaniel College

Successfully hosted roughly 100,000 Ravens fans this year during Training Camp. Maybe the most remarkable statistic is that I only nearly fought with ONE member of the S.A.F.E. management team this year.

It’s not that I’m suggesting that Training Camp should move from Westminster. But if it were to, maybe THIS could be an acceptable alternative?

hooters

12-Luke Ramirez and Andy Rios, Nicholas Smisek and Steven Cardone

I kinda think the whole Little League World Series concept is weird. But I know that if I were to start a Little League team, Benny “The Jet” Rodriguez would be my first pick…..

the jet

And while we’re here; let’s just go ahead and get this out of the way…..

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr5lHZQz-Z4[/youtube]

How can baseball be so awful yet The Sandlot be the greatest movie of all time???

13-Caleb Porzel and Eric Franklin

I couldn’t help but notice how much better the running backs were than the quarterbacks at Sunday’s Maryland Football Scrimmage.

That may or may not be a good thing. But Porzel looks like he’s going to be special.

I do have one suggestion for the Terps’ freshman running back. No matter how great you get, stay away from this woman….

kardashian

Look man, I know. I’ve lost hours on that ass myself, and I’ve never even met her. But it has ruined greater men. Just trust me.

14-Third Eye Blind

I picked up a copy of their new CD “Ursa Major”, selected Track 4 and permanently selected “repeat”……

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3YDuvNnu1MM[/youtube]

I dare you to tell me about why you like Weezer. Christ.

15-The K-Series and Magic Hat Wacko

kseries
wacko
It is really difficult for me to explain what my Friday night was like. But I CAN tell you that it involved a few hundred Wackos and a house where they had an industrial sized oven on the back patio. I affectionately referred to it as “The K Series.”

Apparently I was at a house in Jarrettsville……which may or may not actually be in America. An ex of mine (The Artist Formerly Known as the Luckiest Dang Gal on the Face of the Planet?) had a party at a house that was so bizarre it isn’t even possible for me to really capture the awesomeness of the place.

It had a beach.
It had a strange greenhouse structure.
It had wires hanging everywhere.
It had a random man holding an umbrella.

If this was your house, please don’t be offended. I really found your place to be very awesome. And really freaking weird.

You got lucky…….

1-Eric Bruntlett

Yeah, cause sometimes THIS just happens…….

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=niz0VPpSxok[/youtube]

This would be like me accidentally wandering into Mother’s in Federal Hill and walking out with this…..

kunis

Speaking of which, have you heard that the guy who made “The Wrestler” is making a movie in which Mila Kunis has “aggressive sex” with Natalie Portman?

I’m not a Bill Simmons fan at all; but I’m pretty sure after seeing this movie, I will be able to write the sequel to “Now I Can Die In Peace.”

2-Anyone who can punt at the new Texas Stadium

LOLOLOLOLOL!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fjx6vsR71sg[/youtube]

I love the fact that Jerry Jones is now failing at everything he does. Sorta like his scheduling for the final game in the OTHER Texas Stadium……

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YX3gYiQ3tww[/youtube]

The Cowboys are just awful. They and the Redskins deserve each other. Is there any rivalry in the world that features such passion between two teams despite the fact that NO ONE outside the two cities gives a crap about either of them?

3-Loyola College Students

I have no idea who won the showdown between Michael Phelps and Shaquille O’Neal Sunday night; mostly because I chose to go to a real college (Maryland) instead of being a Greyhound. But Shaquille O’Neal is so awesome that even he can make Michael Phelps interesting enough to be worth watching. Plus, he did this…….

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OWw2PHQEWTg[/youtube]

4-Ricketts Family

I have a suggestion, Ricketts family. Want to make the Cubs kick ass again? Re-sign this man…..

henry

“ROWENGARTNER!”
“He knows my name!”

5-Juan Diaz and Andre Berto

Just when Chad Ochocinco was starting to seem cool again…….

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3eN0KwXcMU[/youtube]

……he had to go and turn into an ass again. I hope Andre Berto pounds him to within an inch of his life.

Meanwhile, Diaz won a questionable decision over Paulie Malignaggi in Houston. After the fight, he said some NSFW things like “boxing is full of sh*t” and “nobody watches boxing anymore because of sh*t like this.”

Which at least goes to show that he understands EXACTLY what’s going on currently in his sport.

6-Brett Favre

Who’s more popular in the North/Midwest? Favre……or Buscemi?

(Editor’s Note: Language NSFW. Unless you work at Perry Hall High School. Speaking of which, TLDGOTFOTP spends her first day as a teacher at Perry Hall Middle School tomorrow. I told her not to be worried because it’s safer to know that some of the kids are carrying guns.)

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NeNmSy2yr4c[/youtube]

7-Anyone who has insurance for their Fantasy Football team

Look man, I’m a little worried about the long-term health of my 3rd round pick (Kurt Warner) myself; especially seeing as how I also selected Larry Fitzgerald and Steve Breaston…….but INSURANCE?

(Editor’s note: Also, if you’re the guy who Skypes into a Fantasy Football Draft and is COMPLETELY unprepared, it might be time to find a new league. Drafting Joe Flacco will only salvage you so much in my mind.)

You’re a zero……..

Anyone (like me) who never had the privilege of eating an ice cream bar with Hulk Hogan on it

icecream

As I was stealing an internet stream of Summerslam Sunday night (Jeff Hardy leaping off a ladder to drive CM Punk through the announce table? Yes please.), it came to my attention that there was once an ice cream bar that featured the Hulkster right there on the cookie. I don’t know how this ever happened……but I am good and embarrassed.

As far as the greatest inventions of all time are concerned; I know electricity and the light bulb were cool, and sliced bread has its place, but there is no doubt that this is Number 1……with a bullet.

(Editor’s note: Here’s the video of Hardy pummeling Punk. I’m sure it’ll be up for at least 10 minutes or so…..)

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PnwycsLzMjI[/youtube]

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983……

-G

Comments Off

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Monday Morning’s Crabs and Beer

Posted on 03 August 2009 by Glenn Clark

My best (and completely uninformed) guess as to what the Orioles are doing with Chris Waters after calling him back up? I’ll say they’re going to shift Brian Bass to Jason Berken’s rotation spot and they need Waters to take Bass’s spot in the bullpen until Brad Bergesen is ready to come back.

But what do I know? I’m sure someone will tell MASN what’s going on, and they’ll “break” it soon.

The weekend was embarrassing…..kinda. It can only be so embarrassing when your team is terrible and you expect moments like these. But it’s still frustrating to talk to friends who root for other teams when you know they’re going to murder you over how bad your own team is.

But this is Birdland!

Let’s see what everyone else has to say…..

Best of Sunday’s WNST Blogs:

Drew Forrester thinks Birds should let Mora go

Nestor Aparicio defends Dave Trembley

Drew Forrester wonders if Birds would be interested in Dusty Baker

Nestor Aparicio says Bostonians out en masse again this weekend at OPACY

Bob Haynie still thinks Ravens need help at WR even with Mason back

Luke Jones doesn’t think Figurs will end up making roster

Rex Snider thinks Mora HAS been respected by Birds

Glenn Clark says Suggs lit up Westminster with t-shirt Friday

Lawson Lambert says Rachel Alexandra proved herself to be ‘best 3 year old in country’ with win at Monmouth

ORIOLES:

The Official Site’s Spencer Fordin says Berken, bullpen crushed as Red Sox finished sweep

The Official Site provides numerical evidence of loss

The Official Site’s Brian Eller says Orioles Wives held food drive over weekend at Camden Yards

The Official Site’s Spencer Fordin says Mora feels ‘disrespected’ by lack of playing time

Red Sox Official Site’s Ian Browne says Victor Martinez paced BoSox with 5 hits, 4 RBI in finishing sweep of O’s

The Sun’s Jeff Zrebiec says 43,000 at Camden Yards (maybe 3,000 Orioles fans?) saw Birds swept by Sox

The Sun’s Jeff Zrebiec says Mora would be okay with getting outright release

The Sun’s Jeff Zrebiec says Berken appears to be headed out of rotation

Carroll County Times’ Josh Land says Albers, Bass also crushed by Red Sox in loss

Carroll County Times’ Josh Land says Trembley didn’t believe he had ‘disrespected’ Mora

Boston Globe’s Adam Kilgore says Sox now 50-17 against Orioles over last 3 years

Boston Herald’s Michael Silverman says despite sweep, Sox still 2 and a half back of Yankees in AL East

Providence Journal’s Dan Barbarisi says blowout win hid shaky performance from Buchholz in no decision

USA Today’s Bob Nightengale says Mora could be traded before Aug. 31

Sporting News’ Ryan Fagan says Matusz to make major league debut same night Washburn to make Tigers debut

ORIOLES MINOR LEAGUES:

Norfolk Tides Official Site says Liz ‘effective’, but Tides couldn’t score in loss to Syracuse

Bowie Baysox Official Site says Steve Johnson struggled, lost to New Britain in first start with Orioles organization

Frederick Keys Official Site says Zagone loser as Keys fell to Lynchburg

Aberdeen Ironbirds Official Site says Kantakevich loser as Staten Island topped Ironbirds

Bluefield Orioles Official Site says Mike Flacco had 2 hits, RBI in loss to Johnson City

Virginian-Pilot’s Rainer Sabin says Norfolk pitcher Chris Waters recalled by Birds, not sure if he’ll be starter or go to bullpen

RAVENS:

The Official Site’s Mike Duffy says Mark Clayton, Marcus Smith, Lamar Divens all missed afternoon practice with various injuries

The Official Site’s Mike Duffy says Derrick Mason not worrying about anything beyond ’09 season

The Official Site’s Mike Duffy says Special Teams coach Rosburg has to figure out how to get around wedge ban

The Official Site says Mason claims retirement wasn’t ‘ploy’

The Sun’s Jamison Hensley says Mason was hoping for “Terrell Owens treatment” in return to team

The Sun’s Kevin Cowherd says Mason no ‘Favre’

The Sun says Hauschka perfect, Gano nearly perfect Sunday as kicking competition continued

The Sun’s Edward Lee says Jason Cook had no trouble pursuing two degrees at Ole Miss

The Sun’s Edward Lee says McKinney knows he has to ‘make impression’ to get playing time on crowded D-Line

Carroll County Times’ Aaron Wilson says Harbaugh knows Ravens ‘better football team’ with Mason

Carroll County Times’ Daniel Henderson says undrafted rookie Dannell Ellerbe ‘making impression’ with Ravens

Carroll County Times’ Aaron Wilson says Flacco has thrown multiple interceptions in practice, Harbaugh unconcerned

SI’s Ross Tucker says Bannan thinks Ngata will be Hall of Famer

SI’s Peter King walks autograph line with Ed Reed, has humorous tale to tell of it

Yahoo! Sports’ Charles Robinson says Mason’s return helps Ravens team trying to make one more run at Super Bowl

Yahoo! Sports’ Charles Robinson says Ozzie thinks Mason decided he just ‘wanted to play football’

ESPN.com’s James Walker says Foxworth ‘another smart’ defender for Ravens

TERRAPINS FOOTBALL:

Turtle Sports Report’s John Talty says Dunbar OL prospect Devin Clark doesn’t really want to stay in state

TERRAPINS BASKETBALL:

Turtle Sports Report’s John Talty catches up with target Tsafack (must subscribe)

NAVY FOOTBALL:

The Official Site says Slotback Cory Finnerty wishes Mids could play USC

Go Mids’ Adam Nettina says LB Haberer still ‘humble’

SWIMMING:

Swimnetwork.com says Phelps’ team broke another world record in 4×100 medley

Tribune Newspapers’ Lisa Dillman says Phelps managed to bring attention to swimming in Rome despite Olympics being 3 years away

Washington Post’s Amy Shipley says Phelps added 5th gold in 4×100 medley relay to close World Championships

The AP’s Paul Newberry says Bowman will give Phelps two weeks off before hitting pool again

The AP says Cavic wants 1-on-1 race with Phelps next year

USA Today’s Vicki Michaelis says Phelps took ‘motivation’ from loss to Biedermann

SI’s Brian Cazeneuve says Phelps’ win over Cavic ‘defining moment’ of World Championships

HORSE RACING:

Daily Racing Form’s David Grening says Preakness winner Rachel Alexandra blew away field at Haskell Invitational

Thoroughbred Times’ Mike Curry says Borel thought Rachel Alexandra ‘unbelievable’ in win

Thoroughbred Times’ Phil Janack says Derby winner Mine That Bird to race Travers Stakes next

The AP’s Richard Rosenblatt says Belmont winner Summer Bird finished 2nd, 6 lengths back

USA Today’s Tom Pedulla says owner Jess Jackson doesn’t think ‘horse in the world’ could beat Rachel Alexandra when she’s on her game

Sporting News’ Brad Telias says Rachel Alexandra favorite for Horse of the Year

GOLF:

The AP’s Cliff Brunt says former Maryland golf coach Fred Funk blew away field to claim U.S. Senior Open

SOME QUICK THOUGHTS:

-The Michael Phelps-Milorad Cavic showdown was COMPELLING theater on Saturday. I don’t know how much more we’ll see of that in swimming, but it was VERY good theater. This means I saw as much good theater in swimming as I did in baseball over the last 10 days.

Talk to you tomorrow.

-G

Comments Off

How Baltimore Buzzed: Week Ending 7/31

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

How Baltimore Buzzed: Week Ending 7/31

Posted on 01 August 2009 by Glenn Clark

My apologies that this didn’t get posted until a day later. The voting (I’m the only voter) ends at 2pm on Friday. It should be posted shortly thereafter. This is only Week 2; and I’m already screwing up. Anyone surprised by that?

This list is compiled by the Academy of Baltimore Sports Arts and Sciences. I am the only member. I scan news sites, blogs, radio phone calls, Facebook, Twitter, and sit out in your bushes to hear what you’re talking about.

(Editor’s Note: I only sit out in your bushes if you’re an attractive female. Which probably means none of you have to be concerned. However, if an attractive female IS reading, please contact me with your name, phone number, and home address. We need to document these things.)

15-New coach, still no respect

Towson football was picked to finish last in their division this week at CAA Media Day. When reached for comment, students at Towson University said “we have a football team?”

14-Are there any other Wide Receivers available that no one has heard of?

(Edit from GMC: Derrick Mason is coming back. This seems stupid now. I get it. I get it.)

The Ravens added Jayson Foster, Biren Ealy, and Thomas White to their receiving corps this week. Meanwhile, my man Fred-Ex was pictured on Deadspin Friday proving he still has good hands…..

freddie

Look, he converted a 4th & 26. Have you done that? If you want to keep downplaying him, do right ahead. But I say sign him. There’s NO CHANCE he’s not as good as Jayson Foster.

13-Best facilities? The football stadium doesn’t even have seats!

The Princeton Review named the University of Maryland as having the best athletic facilities in the country. While Byrd Stadium may look nicer after this expansion, it still seems like a bit of a stretch. Also, despite the amount of time Terrapin athletes spend there; Cornerstone and RJ Bentley’s were reportedly not considered during this report.

12-What, no one wanted Aubrey Huff?

Despite the Orioles likely being willing to deal just about anyone, the George Sherrill deal was the only one that appeared to be happening before Friday’s deadline.

(Edit from GMC: I was a day late posting. You know what happened. Make fun of me all you want.)

When asked why more teams weren’t interested in trading for Orioles players, the most common answer Andy MacPhail received was “The players you want to give away aren’t any good.”

11-Favre’s retired. Probably. Possibly anyway.

Remember when this guy was the most compelling player in the league who didn’t play for your favorite team?

Yeah, I don’t either.

10-Rasslers come to the arena…..and don’t like it

WWE announcer Joey Styles via Twitter: “OMG, The Baltimore Arena is a dump…” WWE star Chris Jericho via Twitter: “I completely agree. Time to pony up for a new arena city council…..”

I was going to write a punchline here, but I’m pretty sure just a picture of that crap-hole will do….

arena

9-Ralph’s trimmed pounds, but will his wins be trimmed too?

The good news? At ACC Media Days this week, Terps coach Ralph Friedgen announced he has dropped 95 pounds since he began dieting last fall. The bad news? His Terps were picked to finish 5th in their own division by the ACC media.

When asked about dropping the pounds, Coach said “Anyone seen Bachman? Come on people, where’s Tubby?”

8-Is it Arrieta’s turn?

With Brad Bergesen headed to the DL, the Orioles will need a starter for Tuesday. And no Forrester, Derek Lowe is not available.

Andy MacPhail said in interviews Friday he expected the Orioles to call up someone to make the start. While it seems likely that Andy Mitchell will be headed up from Norfolk, Jake Arrieta makes a lot of sense considering he was probably going to be major-league bound at some point this season; and Jason Berken may not be long for the rotation himself.

For what it’s worth, my vote is Jim Palmer to make the start. Hell, we’re not trying to win anyway.

7-Why don’t they just swim naked????

Rival Milorad Cavic called out Michael Phelps for choosing to stick with his slower Speedo swimsuit instead of upgrading to a high-tech Jaked or Arena swimsuit before their rematch in the 100 meter fly. In fact, the entire Swimming World Championships in Rome have basically been nothing more than everyone bitching about swimsuits.

Of course, I’ve done my fair share of bitching about swimsuits, myself. Mostly about how SI forced Beyonce to wear one when they put her in their magazine…..

beyonce

(Edit from GMC: Before this was posted, Phelps beat Cavic anyway. Up yours, Serbia or wherever Cavic is from!)

6-Soccer is stupid. Let’s get a team!

Despite the fact that the majority of people you know will tell you they think soccer is stupid; 71,000 people were at last Friday’s Chelsea-AC Milan match downtown.

Now, many fans in Baltimore are clamoring for more soccer (and likely have no idea there is actually a pro outdoor team of sorts already in the city); and think the city should consider a soccer-only stadium for a potential MLS team.

And in fairness, they’re right. It’s about time this city had a pro sports team worth watching during the summer months.

5-So…..do we want him or not?

A day after Ravens GM Ozzie Newsome shot down any interest in Michael Vick; Coach John Harbaugh wouldn’t do the same. Of course, Harbaugh’s words quickly turned into “The Ravens want Michael Vick”, which isn’t particularly true.

It’s sorta like when my girlfriend (“The Luckiest Dang Gal on the Face of the Planet” of course)Chrs asked me if I would go see the new Harry Potter movie. I said said “I don’t think that’s going to happen.” You see, I didn’t say no; but only because there’s a chance this person may ask if I want to see it with her…..

kardash

4-The Cavalry is Here!

Chris Tillman gave up 3 home runs and got a no decision in his Major League debut against the Royals. He did look pretty good for much of the game, though.

Of course, doesn’t it say more that this city can get excited about a pitcher who gave up 3 home runs against the Royals?

3-Big Money for the Big Man

Ozzie Newsome says he spent his summer reading “Blind Side: Evolution of a Game”, Michael Lewis’ book about Michael Oher.

Michael Oher likely spent his summer reading “How to Install a Hot Tub in Every Room in Your House.”

I know I would.

2-Farewell Flat Breezy

The Orioles shipped closer George Sherrill to the Dodgers in exchange for a AA 3rd baseman (Joshua Bell) and Dave Johnson’s kid (Steve Johnson).

Despite reports that Bell couldn’t handle 3rd base defensively, MacPhail was defiant in interviews, saying that the Orioles expect him to stay at 3rd for a long time.

MacPhail said he also expected this man to be the organization’s future at first……

pickering

1-Ravens Training Camp Opens

OH MY GOD I HAVE TO KNOW EXACTLY WHAT SAM KOCH IS DOING RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!

Is there anything funnier than how every radio station, TV station, newspaper, blog site, etc in town just falls all over themselves for the chance to be the first to report that….say…..Eron Riley had a slight limp in 7 on 7 drills?

That being said, make sure you sign up for the WNST text service and follow WNST on Twitter. That way you’ll be guaranteed to be the first to know exactly how Eron Riley looks in shorts.

Look, if you want to call be a corporate whore, go ahead. It isn’t the worst thing I’ve been called today.

-G

Comments Off

How Baltimore Buzzed: Week Ending 7/24

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

How Baltimore Buzzed: Week Ending 7/24

Posted on 24 July 2009 by Glenn Clark

Welcome to my new attempt to start spats weekly Friday blog; which I will call “How Baltimore Buzzed.” It is a very original, very clever name that I should probably take all of the credit for; as I singlehandedly came up with the term “Buzz” and figured out that alliteration is a key concept in a title.

This is a very simple concept. As someone who sidekicks a morning show, screens phone calls, compiles a “link dump” blog, listens to HOURS of sports talk radio, and is particularly active on Facebook (and somewhat active on Twitter); I have a unique perspective with which to capture what the city of Baltimore is talking about during a particular 5 day span.

This will be a compilation of local and national stories or storylines that have particularly touched off a nerve here in Baltimore amongst radio hosts, callers, bloggers, commenters, social networking participants, columnists, TV anchors, beat writers, and those of you who still stand around the “water cooler.” I do not have a statistical formula like ESPN’s “Blog Buzz”; this is just the statistical formula of my own brain. Insert your own joke here.

If you disagree, that just means you’re breathing.

15. That was it???

Buzz: The leaked video of Xavier’s Jordan Crawford dunking on LeBron James was particularly disappointing.

Wacky shtick: Sadly, my girlfriend thought the same thing the first time we made a video. (ZING!!!!!!!!! I’m so off to such a great start! You want great comedy? Stay right here, friend!)

14. Are we totally certainly Stewart Cink’s FAMILY was rooting for Stewart Cink?

Buzz: Tom Watson almost won the British Open, and EVERYONE in town called in Monday to say they were rooting for him.

Wacky shtick: I was actually able to track down a picture of Tom Watson’s Christmas tree last year…..

watson

13. Yeah, well we’d like you to be good ALL season

Buzz: Willis McGahee used an appearance at a Boost Mobile store downtown to say that he expects Ray Rice to be the starter going into Training Camp; but thinks the way he finishes the season is more important than the way he starts it.

Wacky Shtick: After the way his last season ended, maybe Willis should just be hopeful that he DOES finish it…..

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yGRFqOipcTg[/youtube]

12. Do we still have to talk about this guy?

Buzz: Brett Favre may or may not make a decision on whether or not he’ll return to the Vikings by a Friday deadline he may or may not have imposed.

Wacky shtick: Somewhere right now, a retired John Madden wants you to know that this is the most important decision in the history of humanity.

11. So, do you fly from Norfolk to Baltimore….or what?

Buzz: With the continued struggles of Rich Hill and Jason Berken, speculation (and hope) abounds that Chris Tillman will be called up from Norfolk next week to start against the Royals.

Wacky shtick: Attention new pitching messiah: please start performing quicker than our catching messiah. Thank you.

10. Soccer rocks…..or sucks

Buzz: Chelsea battles AC Milan tonight at M&T Bank Stadium in the stadium’s first ever major soccer event. Everyone in the city is either going to the match, or seems to think soccer is stupid.

Wacky shtick: Say what you want about soccer, but can we all agree that this event is worthless without streaking?

streaker

9. Back in Vick

Buzz: Michael Vick released from home confinement, expected to be reinstated after likely 4 game suspension to start season. He also may or may not have visited a strip club with Allen Iverson.

Wacky shtick: Do you think there’s any chance Iverson could get him a job with the Clippers? You know they’ve got nothing to lose….

8. What the hell do I do with the rest of my weekend?

Buzz: The NFL will move the first round of the Draft to Thusrday night next year, with Rounds 2 and 3 scheduled for Friday night, and Rounds 4-7 now Saturday.

Wacky Shtick: Thursday night? Don’t know if that’s going to work. I already have plans……

porn

7. Isn’t there supposed to be a “Y”?

Buzz: Andy MacPhail swapped outstanding pinch hitter Oscar Salazar for Padres reliever Cla Meredith. Meredith has been described by Orioles broadcasters as having a “unique delivery”, and MacPhail called him “a poor man’s Chad Bradford.”

Wacky shtick: “A Poor Man’s Chad Bradford?” Really? Was “a poor man’s Todd Frowirth” not available???

6. Flacc and His Arm Make a Video

Buzz: NFL.com posted a Reebok “Fantasy Files” video of Joe Flacco throwing footballs and skeet shooting targets. I’ve already posted the video, but I appreciate the fact that some times there are still those of us who live under rocks…..

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4q0LXFJpD30[/youtube]

Wacky Shtick: There is a legitimate argument that people in Baltimore are more aroused by this video than the other video everyone has been talking about. I know I am.

5. Sarasota Here We Come

Buzz: The Orioles have finally escaped from their Ft. Lauderdale Spring Training nightmare, signing a new deal to move to Sarasota.

Wacky shtick: Sadly, the team playing in Sarasota will still be the Orioles. Also, Ft. Lauderdale is hoping to replace the Birds with a team of similar caliber; but the Bengals apparently don’t play baseball.

4. The Saga of a Sideline Princess

andrews

Buzz: Last week’s leaked peep hole video of ESPN reporter Erin Andrews continued to cause quite a stir. The New York Post printed still pictures from the video, causing ESPN to ban Post reporters from being part of their programming.

Wacky shtick: I’ll be the first to admit that posting the Post’s frontpage was nothing more than an attempt at generating page views. It was either that or shirtless pictures of Ray Bachman.

Everything about this story is just terrible. Do you know how much it costs to get a camera that can film through a peep hole? And do you realize how difficult it is to stalk someone for so long to be able to pull this off? I mean, how the hell am I supposed to know where Anna Kournikova is tonight?

3. Bad Ben?

Buzz: Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger was accused in a civil suit of sexual assault in Nevada, stemming from an incident in 2008.

Wacky shtick: I don’t believe this. There is absolutely ZERO chance any young lady could say no to THIS handsome devil…..

ben

Also, I’m with you Ravens fans. If there’s any possible way this story can lead to Charlie Batch having to play for the Steelers; this is a great story. (Is that insensitive? Which way to the HR department?)

2. Are They Still Trying?

Buzz: Orioles looked downright lifeless as they were swept in New York. Adam Jones, Brian Roberts, Aubrey Huff all appeared at points during the series as though they might not have been giving the most spirited of efforts.

Wacky shtick: Trying? TRYING? There’s no trying in bad baseball! My father and I attended 20 games last year, and we didn’t witness a SINGLE strong effort from any player on the entire roster. There’s no trying in bad baseball!

1. The Derrick Mason Chronicles: Hunt For a 5th Receiver

Buzz: John Harbaugh met with Derrick Mason, says he’s ‘hopeful’ WR will return. In the meantime, Ravens brought in Drew Bennett, DJ Hackett, and maybe even Joe Horn to try to find some wideout help-signing Bennett after a tryout.

Wacky shtick: I knew a girl in middle school named Sarah. Growing up, Sarah was always the pretty girl we hung around; and we all stole some kisses with Sara. Unfortunately, Sara got a bit stuck up, and some new pretty girls came to town. Girls named Amelia, and Jennifer, and even Emily. We all kinda stopped paying attention to Sarah, and she was none too happy about it. But soon enough, Amelia, Jennifer, and Emily all found older, more interesting boys to hang around; and we suddenly couldn’t help but think about how pretty Sarah was looking those days.

Drew Bennett looked really pretty when he played in Tennessee. But after a year in St. Louis, Bennett didn’t quite look so pretty. However, with a WR possibly running away from Baltimore; you gotta admit, Drew Bennett is looking awfully good…….

bennett


-G

Comments Off

15-7-0

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

15-7-0

Posted on 08 June 2009 by Glenn Clark

You get props:

1. Roger Federer and Tiger Woods

There are so many things similar about Roger Federer. They’re both arguably the greatest athletes in the history of their sports. They both have won every major championship their sport has to offer. They’re both in position to break the record for most major championships in their sport. They both have super hot wives. Wait a second……

federer

…….they’re both married anyway.

2. Oakland Athletics Pitchers Dallas Braden, Trevor Cahill and Vin Mazzaro

Jesus Christ. We got our asses handed to us by guys named Dallas Braden, Trevor Cahill, and Vin Mazzaro? Vin Mazzaro has never heard of Vin Mazzaro.

I’d write a joke here, but I’m too busy looking for a bridge. Plus, the joke’s on me because you just KNOW I’ll by a ticket one day this week.

3. Brett Rogers and Jake Shields

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DiZATRikDQQ[/youtube]

Dear God, I hope that guy never finds out where I live.

4. Pavel Datsyuk, Alexandre Giroux and Michael Neuvirth

The Detroit Red Wings are a game away from winning the Stanley Cup. The Hershey Bears are a game away from winning the Calder Cup. I’m sure they’re both equally as excited, right? What do you do with the Stanley Cup if you have it for a day in Detroit? Take photos of them outside Ford Field and send them to Matt Millen along with threatening messages?

5. Brandon Snyder, Zach Britton, and Oliver Drake

My friends with the Bowie Baysox want you to know that they’re hosting a beer dinner on Thursday, June 18. At first I thought, “huh?”; but then I thought, “Beer for dinner? GENIUS!!!!” It turns out they WON’T be serving beer for dinner (although they should); but instead they will be serving copious amounts of German beer WITH dinner…….which is just as good, if not better. Amongst the beers they will be serving are Spaten Munich Lager and Franziskaner Dunkel Weiss. I don’t know how to pronounce any of those things; but I think I like them anyway. And hopefully they will be served by these ladies…..

girls

6. Carlos Bocanegra

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HFlqbaN2G70[/youtube]

Only a soccer player sees a ball on the ground near the goal and thinks “Quick, drop down and hit it with your forehead!” Bocanegra tallied the winner for Team USA in World Cup qualifying over Honduras; which would be more exciting if it weren’t for the fact that they had to rally just to beat Honduras-who has qualified for the World Cup like-you know-ONCE. EVER.

Just as a note, the 1994 World Cup was supposedly the moment when Soccer became America’s most popular sport with kids everywhere playing. 15 years later; shouldn’t at least SOME of those kids actually be good at soccer by now?

7. Kent Desormeaux

You want to feel good for Desormeaux considering he needed to complete the career Triple Crown; but damnit would it be nice for the Belmont to actually KEEP people excited about horse racing; not leave fans saying “did they run that one again this year?”

The segment with Chip Woolley and Kenny Mayne was brilliant……”Living American Male?” “No.” “Margaret Thatcher?” “DAG NABBIT!” Unfortunately, that bit isn’t available on Youtube; so let’s try this one, where Kenny Mayne and Marshawn Lynch make fun of Willis McGahee. It’s late, and I’m lazy. If you want to be in a relationship with me; you should probably get used to hearing that. TLDGOTFOTP heard some combination of that like 16 times this weekend.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pSO-kdWLFes[/youtube]

8. Dustin Ackley

Paying attention to Dustin Ackley might be smart in case he’s available when the Orioles pick 5th on Tuesday; but it looks more and more like he’ll go 2nd. Which is good; because he plays for North Carolina…..so he can get bent. Quickly. Unless of course he DOES end up with the Orioles; in which case GOD I PRAY HE’S GOOD.

9. Mark “TNT” Tucker

tnt

How freaking great is this guy? He’s 10-0 now; and Paul Williams was in attendance Friday night at a horse barn to watch him win. Outstanding! Plus, he looks like he might be borderline insane; and that can only make things better. And for what it’s worth; the best thing to happen to Sykesville before TNT was having Chris Rock film scenes from “Head of State” there. Any seeing as how I wasted $15 to buy “Head of State” on DVD only to pound my head a hundred times directly into a piece of concrete afterwards; I think they could use something better.

10. Marissa Coleman

Hell of a start to Coleman’s career with the Washington Mystics in the WNBA; which brings me to this Famliy Guy clip; which if you don’t think is funny I might not know what to say to you…..

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NAzXO5ciZgg[/youtube]

11. Carlos Zambrano, Carl Pavano, Yovani Gallardo, Carlos Lee, Prince Fielder, Jon Lester, Ian Stewart, Edwin Jackson, John Lannan, Clete Thomas, Roy Halladay, Chipper Jones, Ryan Braun, and Livan Hernandez

Look at all the baseball players who did something good this weekend. None of them play for the team in Baltimore. Sorry, I had to. By the way, how many drinks do you think Jamie Walker had this weekend while watching the Orioles between laughs? “You A-holes still have to pay me!!!”

12. Tony Stewart and Helio Castroneves

Tony Stewart changed to number 14??? What the hell do I do about my tattoos???

13. Hank Baskett

So, do I have to admit that I watched the debut of the show “Kendra” on DVR after watching WEC and the Finals. You could ask me why; but you’re not going to get an answer you like. You might get an answer like “I’m a glutton for punishment.” Anyway; as much as the Eagles suck, I have to admit that this guy deserves some credit……

kendra

Hank’s upcoming marriage will mean he will have exactly one more trophy than the football team he plays for.

14. Playing For Change

I don’t know much of anything about anything; but I know that I wanted this to last about 20-30 minutes longer…..

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Us-TVg40ExM[/youtube]

I believe my musician friend John Chambers of the band “The Waywords” said it best in the subject line of the email he sent this to me in…..

Subj: “Ho. Ly. Crap.”

I couldn’t have said it any better myself.

15. Mike Tyson and Las Vegas

Maybe it’s not the number 1 movie in America; but “The Hangover” was damn good. This video is NSFW again; which I wish meant it had Heather Graham naked in it. It doesn’t, but I’ll forgive you if you skip watching it and instead pop in your VHS copy of Boogie Nights. In fact, I’m gonna do the same thing.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bpOdCWaTsIk[/youtube]

You got lucky…..

1. Kobe Bryant

Were the Lakers REALLY an unthinkable Courtney Lee miss away from going to Orlando with the Magic having a chance to win the title at home?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZKshgJwb_ac[/youtube]

As soon as Hedo Turkoglu blocked Kobe’s shot, an audible “NOOOOO!!!!!!!!” was heard from the Commissioner’s box; which was weird because someone remembered it was the commissioner who was sitting in that box.

2. Mike Brown

A lot easier to beat a guy when he breaks his right hand; isn’t it? Dude, if Billy Wallace would’ve broken his right hand every time we fought in middle school; I would’ve never had to spend the rest of the day balled up in the fetal position in the kindergarten wing bathroom praying no one would find me and see my shame. I mean, my FRIEND would have never had to that. Nor would he have had to ask my little sister to put makeup on him to cover it up.

3. Chris Mortensen, Ed Werder, and every other NFL reporter who is just PRAYING the Brett Favre saga will continue and help them get work

favre

BRETT HAD SURGERY????? IS HE OKAY???? CHRIST, SOMEONE GET TO MISSISSIPPI NOW!!!!!

4. Andre Ethier, Alfonso Soriano, and Mark Reynolds

Can Mark Reynolds really be proud of himself? He hit a game winning home run off Padres infielder Josh Wilson! You might as well just not talk about it. It’s like when you go home drunk and wake up next to a young lady who most resembles Ray Bachman. When your buddies ask you if you got laid the night before, you just say “nope, passed out before I could.”

5. Gary Thorne and Buck Martinez

Despite the fact that Gary and Buck work for the Orioles MASN, I was actually able to track down their immediate statement after finding out they had won an Emmy.

“Thank you very much. You know; some people think it’s easy to just go out there and apply polish to a turd night after night; but we’ve really gotten comfortable with the job……”

Seriously though; congratulations to our friends Brent Harris and Mark Fogelsong from Comcast SportsNet; who also won an Emmy Saturday night in DC. I wanted to make a joke about Deuce wearing a penguin suit; but when I did a Google Image search for “penguin suit”, this is what I found……

penguin

……is that NSFW? Does anyone have an explanation as to what I’m looking at or why?????

6. Michael Phelps

Say what you want about the greatest Olympic athlete of all time, but have you ever had Lil’ Wayne write a song about you? I mean, I certainly have; but I’m better than you. Here’s the tune, with lyrics that I’m assuming are NSFW. Unless of course you work at Scores. I hear the 15-7-0 crowd is large at Scores.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UDmcPsPKkiU[/youtube]

7. Anyone who doesn’t get their ass kicked while eating crabs

crabs

Did anyone in Baltimore NOT have crabs this weekend? I feel like I read about 800 Facebook updates/blogs/tweets about how someone was enjoying crabs this weekend. But at the end of the night Saturday, the nurse’s office at my apartment was busier than it was in 5th grade before MSPAP testing. I believe my right arm was on the menu of at least 15 mosquitos; while claws themselves left marks on 6 of my digits. To make things more interesting, my cousin Jeff came to town from Las Vegas and might have a shellfish allergy; as he went scrambling into my apartment digging anywhere for Benadryl. I believe there was so much blood on the back porch that my Miller Lite can had an alcohol-blood level twice the legal limit.

You’re a zero…….

Neal Huntington

I actually feel bad for the guy. He might as well trade Nate McClouth; because the Pirates probably aren’t going to be any good with him. But you get the feeling he’d be the type of young talent you’d want to build around. For example, I doubt Orioles fans would be happy if Andy MacPhail had traded Nick Markakis instead of Miguel Tejada.

But the biggest reason Huntington is a zero? Like you even have to ask….

pitt

-G

Comments Off

15-7-0

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

15-7-0

Posted on 10 May 2009 by Glenn Clark

Let me start by offering a “Big Ups” to my mom…..who is absolutely awesome. And would be even more awesome if I could borrow like $250 for an iPod Touch. Mom??????

I also want to point out that the Family Guy “Stand By Me” spoof left me in stitches. Which is really odd because I didn’t go to the hospital, and I’m reasonably certain my roommate “Matty Boh” isn’t a surgeon. I hope I didn’t get an infection from these stitches.

You get props……

1-Kelley Washington

If you’re not rooting for this guy to make the team, PLEASE change your mind. Jamison wrote that Washington did a “shimmy” after catching a TD in mini-camp this weekend; which seems a bit odd given that this was nothing more than a practice. But if you know Kelley Washington at all, it might not have just been a shimmy…..

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZNZORYylNo[/youtube]

or

shimmy

And of course this classic, where Washington was out-dueled by Matt Cassel…..

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vaq3G4utKWE[/youtube]

I know you actually have to CATCH touchdowns to do touchdown dances, but Darnell Dinkins always found a way to sneak a few moves in; so couldn’t “The Squirrel” do it too?

2-C.C. Sabathia & Aubrey Huff

You know, I can be as mad as I want about how the Yankees came to town and took 2 of 3 from the Orioles in front of THOUSANDS of Yankees fans, but what’s the point? The Orioles are awful, so “Birdland” is more about what magic moments might happen when other teams come to town I guess. The Orioles were booed for issuing intentional walks this weekend. At home. What a disaster.

Apparently Alex Rodreguez did something this weekend, too. I’m not sure just what it was, but it was apparently enough to stop this lady from being able to breathe…..

arod

I have an idea for a fun new drinking game. Let’s drink every time Rick Dempsey says something absolutely ridiculous about how the Orioles are really good. This one got me started on Sunday…. “In my mind Adam Jones is the MVP of the league right now”……….

But with all of that said, I have to admit that I enjoyed THIS on Sunday…….

huff

I know people who have never heard of Baltimore and yet care more about Baltimore than Aubrey Huff does, but this still garnered a chuckle from me. Of course, that chuckle quickly turned into a whimper…..then sobbing….then about 6-8 shots of Jack until I slipped into a slumber/coma where my dreams included Halle Berry, Jessica Biel, and what AJ Burnett WOULD have looked like in Orange and Black. Ugh.

3-Mark Martin and Helio Castroneves

Is there still a Viagra car in NASCAR? Shouldn’t there be a rule that says when Mark Martin comes back to full-time racing he HAS to drive it??? And if Mark Martin ISN’T a full time driver right now but keeps winning all of the races, how bad are the guys who do this thing full-time???

Castroneves won the pole for the Indy 500. This girl worked the pole at a local establishment in Indianapolis. Neither surprises me.

strip

4-Aaron Brooks

A team that was playing WITHOUT Tracy McGrady AND Yao Ming Sunday BLEW OUT a team with Kobe Bryant, Derek Fisher, Lamar Odom, Pau Gasol, and Andrew Bynum. A guy that I am practically the same size as scored 34 points Sunday to win a NBA playoff game……and he did THIS……

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AtTmVxtTLsA[/youtube]

Has the whole world gone mad??

5-Rich Hill

I swear to God I do not understand what Andy MacPhail’s fascination with Rich Hill is. He’s a guy who looked like he might be “can’t miss”, but he missed. He might never get healthy, and he certainly won’t ever record a meaningful out. The Orioles traded NOTHING to the Cubs to get him, and yet the Cubs somehow got the better end of the deal. I don’t know how else to explain how worthless of an acquisition Rich Hill was.

He threw 6 scoreless innings for Norfolk Sunday? Do they offer flights from Norfolk to Baltimore?

6-Chad Dawson

If a 26 year old can’t beat a 40 year old in a fight; should they even be allowed to fight in the future? Tarver apparently looked good at times in this fight; which is more than can be said about him in like……..ever?

With that in mind; I think it’s time to play “King of the Dawsons.” It’ll be me first, and my buddy Matt on the other side. Let’s see how this goes…..

I think I’ll start of the first round with the one and only Andre Dawson….

andre

Matt responded in the least heterosexual way I could possibly imagine……

dawson

Being a real man, a went to the well to find Hall of Fame QB Len Dawson…..

len

Matt stepped up his game this time around, chiming back in with Richard Dawson……

rich

I was grasping at this point. It burned me just to hear the name; but I went with Browns kicker Phil Dawson, which I assumed had to be the clincher…..

phil

I couldn’t believe it, but Matt still had one in him; actress Rosario Dawson……

rosario

I thought about it for a second; but then I looked at the picture and gave in. Matt is the King of the Dawsons.

7-Rusty Kuntz

This one’s on me. It’s unforgivable that I didn’t know the Royals had a coach named Rusty Kuntz. No amount of “mea culpas” will ever make up for it. Thank you Deadspin for linking a story about Rusty Kuntz milking a cow. I would add jokes here; but how do you improve something that is already perfection?

kuntz

8-The trailer for “The Hangover” with Mike Tyson singing “In the Air Tonight”

Remember what I just said about Rusty Kuntz? Ditto here.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-JO_zk5O36A[/youtube]

9-Steven Strasburg, Adam Dunn and Ryan Zimmerman

If I have to write about the Washington Nationals on one more of these things; I might lose my mind. But Zimmerman has a 28 game hitting streak, Dunn hit 4 home runs, and the Nats took 2 of 3 from the Diamondbacks. Meanwhile, their future #1 pick threw a no-hitter in his final home game at San Diego State. Things are really looking up for the Nationals; who will certainly spend an embarrassing season of finishing in last place in front of crowds smaller than those at Camden Yards. Why in the hell did they put a team in DC again?

10-Henrik Stenson

Two weeks in a row Tiger Woods fooled sports fans into thinking the weekend’s golf tournament would be relevant by being in contention on Sunday. Shame on you Eldrick! Also, is it too early to panic with Tiger? If the PGA Tour is forced to sell the likes of Ben Crane and Kevin Na; they might have to start thinking about cheerleaders to drive public interest. In the end, this man was your winner at The Players’ Championship….

henrik

11-Justin Verlander, Brett Cecil, Eric Stults, Edwin Jackson, Scott Baker, Matt Harrison, Wandy Rodriguez

How many shutouts were there in baseball this weekend? I got to the point where I was actually starting to think an Orioles pitcher could throw a shutout (Cha-Ching!). Here’s a question for you….what’s worse; getting shut out by a guy named Eric Stults or Brett Cecil; OR being at the bar until close, having about 8-10 drinks in you, and getting shut out by someone who looks like this…..

ugly

12-Brian Phipps and Billy Bitter

I went the homer route and picked all four teams from the state of Maryland to win their NCAA Tournament openers, and I ended up going 2 for 4. But in fairness; how was I to know that Carolina’s Bitter would score EIGHT FREAKING GOALS on nine shots? In South Bend, Phipps made 9 saves to lift the Terps past the previously undefeated Irish in a 7-3 game that while I would have liked to have watched; may have also been the absolute least entertaining game of all time. Navy apparently didn’t get the message that they had a game at Duke Saturday night; and Hopkins held on for a win; but more on that later…..

13-Barack Obama and Frank Caliendo

If you don’t like the man; that’s fine with me. I don’t much care either way. But apparently on the same night I was watching Frank Caliendo and Bill Engvall just a few minutes down the road, our President was KILLING the White House Correspondents Dinner…..

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PrWZxW72frE&feature=channel_page[/youtube]

The funniest GWB joke Caliendo made Saturday night at the Patriot Center was about how Bush always looked like he had just heard a dirty joke when he came to the podium…..”Good evening America…especially those of you in Nantucket” He also killed during his Madden…..saying “I think not only should the Packers retire #4, not only should it be retired from the entire NFL, but it should be retired from the entire numerical system. Just replace it with “Favre”. One, two, three, Favre, five…..”

He was really funny when he decided to lay down. No really…..

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IA-3PVuXLPo[/youtube]

By the way, I thought Caliendo’s best impression was of Ray Bachman……

frank

14-The Heineken “Let a Stranger Drive You Home” commercial

If there’s anything I’ve bonded with friends over more than Biz Markie, I’m not sure what it is…..

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2jqZTJk30qg[/youtube]

15-Justin Timberlake

I doubt NBC will let this video stay up for long, and I can’t link Hulu; so check this out while you can…..

[vimeo]http://vimeo.com/4580719[/vimeo]

Is it “Dick in a Box”? No. But what could be? Justin Timberlake hosting Saturday Night Live is a good idea at ALL times. What makes Justin Timberlake so damn cool is that he’s a brilliant musician yet doesn’t feel the need to make a record every year. I wouldn’t be stunned if he was willing to spend a year as an SNL player. He’s just that damn cool. Oh, and he looks like this…..

jt

Oh, and he sings like this…….

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9QbaWv_yVc[/youtube]

Christ. You think he’s single?

You got lucky…..

1-Carmelo Anthony and Glen “Big Baby” Davis

Look, if you want to intentionally foul a guy; foul a guy. That being said, if Carmelo Anthony’s signature moment had to come after a questionable call; it’s still Carmelo Anthony’s signature moment. Which is like one more signature moment than that stupid Demon Deacon Josh Howard has.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wEwrQjM2yQo[/youtube]

*Apparently after the shot, Mark Cuban attacked a referee, Josh Howard attacked Kenyon Martin’s mom, Claude Lemieux attacked Steve Yzerman, and the Big Boss Man attacked the Undertaker. (*denotes that most of this did not actually happen, but some did.)

Meanwhile, the “Black Ray Bachman” (that’s two Bachman jokes in one episode. Thank me later.) had ice in his veins Sunday night when the ball ended up in his hands; and he managed to get the Celtics tied up with the Magic when he did this….

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jH5VMdKsgvo[/youtube]

2-Brian Christopher

Note to anyone playing Johns Hopkins in the future. If you get to overtime; play like FOUR guys on Brian Christopher. Whatever you do, do NOT let Brian Christopher take a shot. You’re better off letting Robert freaking Horry take the shot in OT.

And since I enjoy staying on topic about as much as I enjoy rooting for pro sports teams from Washington DC; does anyone remember when the WWF chaned Brian Christopher to “Grandmasta Sexay”?

hopkins

I have now officially included both members of Too Cool in episodes of 15-7-0. Does that get me some sort of award?

3-AJ Hinch

Why is it that teams think that any average terrible Major League catcher will just make a great manager? And if so, please tell me when this man is going to be hired……

tackett

4-Albert Montanes

Facing two match points is normally not good. Unless of course you’re playing James Blake. (Editor’s note: I love James Blake; but has he ever won everything? I mean, ever?)

In other tennis news this weekend, Richard Gasquet tested positive for cocaine. As if you needed another reason why tennis kicked more ass than baseball.

5-Joe Saunders

If you want to beat Zack Greinke, you better pitch a shutout. That’s what Saunders did, and Greinke’s one earned run gave him the defeat. After beating Greinke, Saunders apparently thought he had the courage to start running his mouth; saying A-Rod didn’t belong in the All-Star Game. And after saying that, Saunders then said “And another thing! I want Holyfield! You’ve seen what these guns can do in the Middle East, now let’s see what they can do in the ring! Atlantic City! I want Holyfield! It’s gonna be the War on the Shore!”

6-Evgeni Malkin

As I’ve said before….if you let a game go to OT; you’re lucky to win. And if you’re the Washington Capitals, you apparently haven’t gotten lucky since 2001……which is about the same length of time it’s been since my roommate got lucky (I wish I was kidding about that by the way).

More disturbing note: There are four teams left in the Eastern Conference playoffs. The Capitals (who I will NEVER root for because I HATE the Redskins and all things Washington); the Penguins (I mean, would YOU root for a team from Pittsburgh?); the Bruins (how could I ever root for a team that Red Sox fans root for?); and the Hurricanes (I guess I could pull for the Hurricanes, right? Nothing bad there. Or is there…..)

canes

NOOOO!!!!!!!!!

I officially hope there is NO champion in the Eastern Conference.

7-Trekkies

$76.5 million worth of Star Trek nerds went to the movies this weekend, and were reportedly treated to a movie that was actually…..well……good. The movie scored an unheard of 96% on RottenTomatoes.com; which is better than movies like Titanic (82%), Slumdog Millionaire (92%), American Beauty (89%), Saving Private Ryan (91%), and even Half Baked (26%). Unbelievable. And making Trekkies even luckier, Rachel Nichols is in the movie…..

rachel

Err….I meant THIS Rachel Nichols…….

nichols

You know, maybe it’s just me; but I kinda wish it was the OTHER Rachel Nichols…..

You’re a zero…..

Mark Allen

You’re AFRAID OF RUNNING AGAINST A GIRL????????????

MARK’S AFRAID OF A GIRL!!!!!
MARK’S AFRAID OF A GIRL!!!!!
MARK’S AFRAID OF A GIRL!!!!!

I say this humorously; but I guess I should be fair. My girlfriend “The Luckiest Girl in the World” has a roommate named Caitlin who is both a beautiful girl and very cool to be around. But when asked recently why she could have never been with me, she said “I’d crush him.” And she’s not fat. Like, not even a little. The bottom line is, she could probably kick my ass in just about anything. But with that noted…..

MARK’S AFRAID OF A GIRL!!!!!

Editor’s Note: In an email I received from the Maryland Jockey Club; Mark Allen says he will not run Indy Express at Preakness, which would open up a spot for Rachel Alexandra. However, he also says he dosen’t think fillies should run against colts. (Say it with me: Mark’s afraid of a girl!!!!)

And for what it’s worth, I don’t believe the Colts should be allowed to do much of anything.

-G

Comments Off

Tags: , , , , ,

Get Over Yourself Brett Favre

Posted on 05 May 2009 by Neal Bortmes

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FZxzeBxTz_Y&feature=related[/youtube]

 

 

 

I will probably be crucified for my stinging criticism of the “icon” but someone has to lay it on the line for the sake of every NFL fan.  I don’t know Brett Favre personally but I think he has to be a terrible person.  He held the Green Bay Packers hostage for several seasons with his yearly will he, won’t he, retirement soap opera.  It is even more sickening that he tried to throw the entire Green Bay Packers organization under the bus last year in forcing his trade to the Jets.  Favre was clearly in the wrong, he knew it, they knew it, and we knew it.  He had no business blaming the Packers for moving on without him when he clearly told them he was retired all the way up until a month before training camp. 

 

 

The guy is just plain bad news.  He is a malcontent who cries and whines when he doesn’t get his way.  If you don’t believe me just look at some of the comments from his former Jets teammates and see what they had to say about him after only having to deal with his act for a season.   Somehow the fact that Favre was a pill popping junkie during two of his best years ’95 and ’96 (years in which he won the MVP) escapes everyone’s memory.  He “voluntarily” entered himself into the NFL’s substance abuse program because he suffered a seizure from an overdose.  No wonder the guy never missed a game he was so hopped up on pain medicine he didn’t feel anything.  There is no telling what other illegal substances he was doing that he didn’t admit to using.

 

 

Brett Favre is among that certain breed of today’s athlete who don’t know how to handle not being the center of attention.  The problem is people like T.O. and Chad OchoCinco are vilified while he is held up on some sort of pedestal.  Favre is actually worse because he is a phony and a cheat.  I am not really sure how America has been duped into thinking he is the best quarterback ever.  The only guess I have is the fact that John Madden couldn’t stop kissing his you know what all the time and therefore people fell in love with him as much as Madden had. 

 

 

Favre was a good quarterback but he certainly wasn’t one of the greats.  Let’s take a look at Favre under a microscope for a minute.  I already covered two of his MVP awards and the scandal surrounding them so let’s address “his” only Super Bowl victory.  Favre was a pedestrian 14/27 with 246 yards and 2 touchdowns.  These numbers aren’t horrible but they don’t live up to his superhuman persona, the real heroes for that Packer squad were their defense and special teams.  Desmond Howard actually had more to do with the Packers winning their lone championship with Favre under center than Favre.  Favre was more like his gun slinging self during the next Super Bowl going 25/42 for 256 yards, 3 touchdowns and of course his forte one interception (28 career postseason interceptions), and coincidentally the Packers lost the game. 

 

 

I know by now many of you probably hate me for bringing this up but just look at his numbers and you will see he wasn’t all that great.  Sure he has the most passing yards, touchdowns, and completions, but he also has the most attempts, interceptions, and fumbles.  If you can think of a stat record Brett Favre owns it whether it is positive or negative because quite frankly he has played more games than anyone else at the position.  Is that really a sign of greatness or a sign of longevity?

 

 

Favre isn’t happy unless he is chucking the rock forty times a game.  The main problem with Favre as a player is that he is just as likely to lose a game for you by throwing horrible interceptions as he is likely to win a game for you.  At this stage of his career his quarterback mentality has to be in question because he can’t be Brett Favre anymore.  I don’t think he would admit to that certainty but if you were to ask Jets fans I am sure they would corroborate that story. 

 

 

The fact that Favre is still a daily news topic bothers me almost as much as the fact that he only wants to sign with the Vikings because he is vindictive and spiteful.  He only wants his opportunity to show the Packers that he is the greatest and that they made a mistake by not doing whatever he wanted of them.  Get over yourself Brett and try to salvage what is left of your dignity before you further tarnish your unrighteously earned pristine public image.

Comments Off