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Top 25 Sports Moments of 2009

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Top 25 Sports Moments of 2009

Posted on 16 December 2009 by Glenn Clark

This is my companion piece to yesterday’s local version. Please feel free to chime in about either. Tomorrow will be my “Top 10 Games of 2009.”

Honorable Mention:
Bemidji State Makes a Run For the Little Guys, Rod Woodson and Bruce Smith Enter Pro Football Hall of Fame, Ms. Patrick Goes to NASCAR, Dwight Howard takes Magic to Finals, Michelle Wie Wins First LPGA Event, Syracuse Gets Another Lax Title, Kimbo Slice Goes to UFC, Thierry Henry Cheats France into World Cup, Serena Williams Loses her Mind, Del Potro Stuns Federer, Utah Gets Another Non-BCS BCS Win, Usain Bolt Does it Again, Rachel Alexandra and Zenyatta Get Big Wins for Girls, Philadelphia Loses a Voice, Alabama Ends Tebow’s Run, Michael Jordan goes to Springfield

25-Jimmie Johnson Makes it 4 Straight

jimmie

24-Rickey Gets to the Hall

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tcd0fdt4JyU[/youtube]

23-Bobby Bowden Hangs ‘Em Up

bowden

22-Favre is Back. Again.

favre

21-Manny Being A Cheater

manny

20-Phelps Outduels Cavic Despite Scientific Disadvantage

phelps

19-Texas Survives to Play For Title

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m6Drr0-3I6k[/youtube]

18-Plaxico Burress Goes to Jail

plax

17-Syracuse/UConn Play College Hoops Classic

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Em–HcJDVjo[/youtube]

16-Nick Adenhart Dies in Car Crash

adenhart

15-Sid The Kid Wins First Cup

cup

14-US Soccer Pulls Absolute Stunner

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqHWFT_6-sY[/youtube]

13-Erin Andrews Video Shuts Down Internet

andrews

12-Mine That Bird Wins One for the Little Guys

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AjY-rrAoTl8[/youtube]

11-Michael Vick Comes to Philly

vick

10-Tom Watson NEARLY Does It

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_X3uGXCL28[/youtube]

Do you even REMEMBER that Stewart Cink won the British Open? Neither do I. In a sport that is completely irrelevant without its biggest star, it took a man on the verge of turning 60 to somehow find relevance. It was a fun weekend, even for those of us who don’t necessarily enjoy golf.

9-A-Rod Comes Clean

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kwLszCGc8Vg[/youtube]

My how quickly a year goes by. If the Yanks don’t win the AL East (or World Series)-this might be the #2 story of the year, as it would have been one more time where one of the greatest players of all time let his team down. BUT-the Yanks won, and we all sorta forgot about this awkward moment in Spring Training. Could it cost Alex Rodriguez a place in Cooperstown one day? Maybe.

8-Brock Lesnar Gives UFC Biggest Moment in History

brock

The biggest fight moment of the year was also the biggest moment in Mixed Martial Arts history. (Of course, if they could somehow figure out a way to get Brock, Fedor and Kimbo into the same ring at one time-the world might explode.) Dana White hit a home run with Brock Lesnar. He brought in someone with major appeal due to his background as an amateur wrestler, WWE champion and a failed NFL attempt. Lesnar rose quickly in a watered-down heavyweight division; and with one win over Randy Couture-he went from “The Next Big Thing” to “The Thing” at UFC 100 in July. Everyone watched, everyone talked about it; and the UFC finally had their crowning mainstream moment.

7-Michigan State Lifts Detroit….Until Falling to Carolina

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ncqwc_XKtSs[/youtube]

The “moment” belonged to the Spartans. The city of Detroit was DESPERATE for something to rally around given the dire state of their economy, and the run to the Final Four by Michigan State game them exactly that. None of this takes anything away from what North Carolina accomplished, either. Tyler Hansbrough will go down as one of the all-time great college basketball players in history, and what happened in Detroit was his moment even more than it was Michigan State’s.

6-Tim Tebow Gets His

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cuUUGxrDR1M[/youtube]

Hate Tim Tebow all you want, but he’s been nothing short of amazing in his college football career. Plus, he’s been amazing off the field as well. His halftime rally was arguably greater than his on-field performance…..

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-qodBTlMtA[/youtube]

And hell-as far as moments go, his return to Gainesville may have been just as good….

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJ981abswsI[/youtube]

How did Sports Illustrated manage to screw this up??? This was a NO-BRAINER for Sportsman of the Year.

5-Federer Moves Past Sampras with Wimbledon Classic over Roddick

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7IwBJ41_jIk[/youtube]

Was it as good as Federer-Nadal in ’08? I don’t know. It’s easy to say know; but watching the highlights again-wow. These two put on an epic match without the #1 vs. #2 billing or the rivalry status that Roger and Rafa had in ’08. It seemed like a fitting way for Pete Sampras’ career major title record to be broken, as Federer had to withstand the greatest career performance by the top American tennis player.

4-Kobe Gets Redemption

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUE73GqyPuU[/youtube]

Some people said he couldn’t win without Shaq. Others said he wasn’t the same after what happened in Colorado. They were all wrong. Kobe Bryant was just fine. The group of players around him (Andrew Bynum, Pau Gasol, Derek Fisher, Trevor Ariza, Lamar Odom, etc.) certainly lacked the “sex appeal” of previous Lakers teams, but it didn’t limit their effectiveness. And even more remarkably; Phil Jackson broke the record for most NBA Championships by a head coach (10, surpassing Red Auerbach’s 9)-arguably the most significant record of the year and yet mostly unnoticed.

3-Yankees Do It Again

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JsxZp6p8xqo[/youtube]

The excitement surrounding the New York Yankees winning their 27th World Series title had about as much to do with the anger most MLB fans felt towards the idea that the Yanks “bought” their title as it did with any actual celebration. Sure, the Yanks rolled out the equivalent of an All-Star lineup just about every night; but they still had to win the thing. Meanwhile, there were reports that baseball was played over the summer in Baltimore. We have not been able to confirm them just yet.

2-Steelers Win Super Bowl Classic

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BOfouSAAkZY[/youtube]

God I hate admitting that anything they do is good. But this one certainly ranks amongst the greatest Super Bowl games of all time, thanks to the remarkable individual efforts of Ben Roethlisberger, Santonio Holmes, James Harrison, Kurt Warner, etc. Now let’s all hope that nothing good ever happens to those a-holes in Pittsburgh again.

1-Tiger Shows He’s Human

crash

Was the moment Tiger Woods hit a tree in Florida the biggest moment of the year? Maybe not. But the collective “moment” that has extended from Thanksgiving to the end of the year has certainly been; mostly because it has obviously transcended sport. He’s the biggest athlete in the world-and he has peaked everyone’s interest; even if you don’t really care who he slept with. If Tiger eventually comes back and wins the Masters, this will be a story of redemption. If Tiger never wins another major, this will go down as one of the all-time great career declines in the history of sports. Probably the greatest. Enough to move Tim Finchem to alcohol…..

[myspace]http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=101355061[/myspace]

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…..

-G

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15-7-0

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15-7-0

Posted on 09 November 2009 by Glenn Clark

Ravens Tuesday. Our Tuesday Top 7. But I’m not sure I’ll be able to find 7….

You deserve props…….

1-Kurt Warner, Josh Freeman, Drew Brees, Matt Hasselbeck and Phillip Rivers

Josh Freeman is the greatest rookie kicker since Mark Sanchez!

But seriously, how embarrassing is it to be a Packers fan today? A week after losing to Brett Favre, you lost to the freaking Tampa Bay Buccaneers!!!!

I guess it could be worse. You could be rooting for this team……

os

2-Fedor Emelianenko

This……

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y8zMVAv1XOM[/youtube]

…..is WAY better than anything I’ve seen on CBS in recent years. Well, other than this anyway……

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R2Mzp_1ndR8[/youtube]

3-Zenyatta

I don’t care what Summer Bird, Mine That Bird or ANY other horse says. It is ALWAYS embarrassing to lose to a girl.

Unless of course you’re losing to Kelly Brook in a “Flattest Stomach” contest. She can win that. Actually, I’ll let her show me hers and then I’ll just forfeit. Sound good?

brook

4-Michael Turner, Cedric Benson and Chris Johnson

I CANNOT BELIEVE there was a Washington Redskins fan on my Facebook page talking trash Sunday night. The Washington Redskins are an embarrassment to the NFL. It is LAUGHABLE. Even this guy isn’t proud…..

skins

5-The Young Men Representing our Country Playing Football for the United States Naval Academy

It wasn’t Navy playing Notre Dame Saturday. It was the United States of America. That’s right, the good ole USA kicked the TAR out of the Fighting Irish Saturday, which is exactly the way it should be. Notre Dame sucks. South Bend sucks. Touchdown Jesus sucks.

I don’t care if you can even pronounce Niumatalolo. If you weren’t rooting like hell for our boys from Annapolis Sunday, you’re not a good American. This man is a hero…..

vela

This man is not……

weis

6-Kurt Busch

Kurt Busch won this weekend’s NASCAR race 500 at Texas Motor Speedway. I know because it says it right here on my computer screen.

I was really hoping to put together some good shtick here, but I just don’t know enough relevant talking points when it comes to NASCAR. I could make another joke about NASCAR fans being obnoxious drunks, but I choose not to make easy stereotypes. There’s probably just a small group of bad eggs giving the rest of the crew a bad name…..

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q2otGXwmlAU[/youtube]

7-Dallas Clark, Randy Moss and Mike Sims-Walker

How….in the HELL……are the Jacksonville Jaguars 4-4? The Jags are TERRIBLE. Makes you feel even worse about the Ravens, really.

And while we’re talking about receivers, was Chad Ochocinco really expecting a chance to “pay off” an official with a dollar yesterday?

ocho

Or was this totally spontaneous? Chad Ochocinco is either really stupid, or a total genius.

Sort of like Glenn Clark.

8-Mike Knuble

The Washington Capitals were big winners on Saturday night-so…..yay?

I LOVE making fun of Washington, DC. The people there are terrible, the sports teams are awful, and I’d rather spend the day with Rick From Reisterstown than find myself having to travel in their area. That being said, the Mayor of our city is now standing TRIAL.

But then again, that crap-hole down there would probably elect this fella mayor again if they could…..

barry

9-Gabriel Ali-El

And once again, Poly is a big winner over City. Over 8,000 fans came to M&T Bank Stadium to watch the 121st edition of the rivalry; which represents all that’s good about high school football.

I wish I had moments like this in high school. Sadly, most of my memories at Perry Hall involved unfortunate nicknames and bad hair. Which is basically how the rest of my life has played out, too…….

10-Novak Djokovic and Andy Murray

Riddle me this, Batman. Swiss Indoors result not withstanding, Roger Federer has won FIFTEEN grand slam titles. Novak Djokovic and Andy Murray have COMBINED to win 1.

Yet…..this is Novak Djokovic’s on again/off again girlfriend Jelena Ristic….

ristic

And this is Andy Murray’s girlfriend Kim Sears……

sears

And yet Roger Federer was CONVINCED he’d never do any better than Mirka Vavrinec???

mirka

11-Phil Mickelson

Was more popular in China than Tiger Woods. Although, I’d prefer being BETTER than Tiger Woods-but that’s just me.

Also, since the HSBC Champions event was played in Shanghai; I’m reminded that Lucy Liu was in the movie Shanghai Knights, and should probably be in every other movie in the world……

liu

12-Jordan Shipley, Julio Jones, Zach Collaros, DeVier Posey and Graig Cooper

Holy crap TCU is ranked #4?!?!? God-I haven’t asked you for much recently. I asked you for the Redskins to lose to the Lions-and you sure delivered on that. Now, I PRAY that you PLEASE allow TCU or Boise State to find their way into the Top 2. Please deliver losses to Texas, Florida, Alabama and Cincinnati; and PLEASE force the BCS to have to stomach one of these teams getting to Pasadena.

OR…..please deliver Lea Michele from “Glee” to me for Christmas. Either one will work….

lea

13-University of Arizona

You thought this might have something to do with the Wildcats’ big win over Washington State Saturday. It doesn’t. They might go to the Rose Bowl this season. Who cares?

You see, the U of A held their first ever “Undie Run”, and that is ABSOLUTELY the most important thing that could ever happen ….in the world.

Here are the pictures……

undie

14-Chicken Parm

parm

Let me suggest something to you. The next time you’re going to a wedding; purchase your gift a few weeks in advance. Then, when you get to the reception to enjoy dinner-instead of thinking to yourself “I better eat 50 dollars worth of food”…..you’ll say to yourself “Dude, the free food here is AWESOME!” You see, if you buy a gift weeks in advance, you’ll forget about it by the time you get there.

Of course, you’ll be suicidal again after you see the gift sitting on a table and say to yourself “WHY THE HELL DID I JUST SPEND 40 DOLLARS ON SHEETS?!?!?”, but at least you will have enjoyed some damn fine Chicken Parm.

15-Seth MacFarlane

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jtM7Gqxet8Q[/youtube]

Both episodes of Family Guy were awesome last night, and his comedy special with Alex Borstein wasn’t bad either. That being said, I’m pretty sure THIS GUY is still having a better month…..

agassi

You got lucky…….

1-John Harbaugh

Lucky that fewer people will take you to task for the comments you made last week. I’m going to make this comment quickly. The Baltimore Ravens do NOT want to be the Philadelphia Eagles. The Baltimore Ravens want to be the Baltimore Ravens. I don’t care what Andy Reid has done in Philadelphia (but for the reference-what Andy Reid has done in Philadelphia does NOT include a Super Bowl), and I don’t care what your philosophy was there. I want to win….in Baltimore. Having a nice group of guys is nice, having a winner is nicer. I don’t want to be the Dallas Cowboys, either. But to think that the Philadelphia Eagles have been a much greater organization that Jerry Jones’ bunch is laughable. The Cowboys are NOT what’s wrong with the NFL. Now get over yourself, and go win. Stop trying to be Andy Reid. We don’t want Andy Reid here. We want a damn good head coach who doesn’t want to be like anyone else.

Thanks.

2-Viewers of the Richmond/Villanova game Saturday night on Comcast SportsNet

Hey, I can see how this would happen. This is basically what it sounds like every morning when we turn the mics off on The Comcast Morning Show. Video NSFW. Unless of course you work for Comcast SportsNet…..where you can basically say whatever you want these days…..

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FFfL0RIQ-qI[/youtube]

3-David Baumann

George O’Leary’s Central Florida team lost 35-3 to Texas Saturday. Somehow, I still feel like Notre Dame would be better if they had hired him.

The significant thing about the game is that afterwards, O’Leary attempted to kick David Baumann-a TV and radio reporter in Florida-out of the postgame press conference because he correctly reported the night before the game (citing anonymous sources) that two players would not play.

Which lead to this classic GEM, as reported by the Orlando Sentinel….

“It is our preference, if not policy, that member of the media confirm any player injury status with the sports SID prior to release,” UCF associate athletics director Joe Hornstein said after the Texas game. “Regardless of anonymous sources, we ask our members of the media for that courtesy.”

WRONG.

WRONG.

No school…..ANYWHERE….can have a “policy” like this. A reporter can report WHATEVER HE WANTS when he gets the information. Citing an anonymous source is what must be done TO PROTECT THE SOURCES!

I get it, Joe Hornstein and George O’Leary work in a city where most of the news revolves around this man….

mouse

……but if a reporter gets a story and goes with it; they’re a GOOD REPORTER. THEY DON’T WORK FOR YOU. MEDIA MEMBERS DO NOT WORK FOR THE TEAM THEY COVER! A lot of media members in Charm City could use that reminder…..

4-Fans inside Sun Devil Stadium Saturday night

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oxzEjSIzF18[/youtube]

Holy. Crap. Sadly for Sun Devils fans, Arizona State still lost to USC. But relax, your state still has plenty of things going for you……

asu

5-Darvin Moon

A logger from Garrett County is in the finals of the World Series of Poker. I’d prefer that a blogger from Baltimore County be in a strip poker final with Sienna Miller…..

(Edit from GMC: The blogger I was referring to was me. Nice work, brainiacs!)

6-Jahvid Best

As in-LUCKY TO BE ALIVE!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ik1_1c729z0[/youtube]

I wish Jahvid Best NOTHING but the best in recovering. Kevin Barnes couldn’t even have enjoyed watching that. This cat has more lives than my own childhood feline….

7-Jason Sudeikis

Because Glenn Beck was the role he was BORN to play. Sometimes Saturday Night Live is still pretty good-even when they try to ruin it with Taylor freaking Swift…..

[youtube]http://www.mediaite.com/tv/snl-skewers-fox-news-and-glenn-beck/[/youtube]

You’re a zero…….

The guy who got THIS tattoo…..

johnnyu

What the hell does that even mean?!?!?!?!

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…..

-G

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15-7-0

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15-7-0

Posted on 14 September 2009 by Glenn Clark

A reminder to those of you who weren’t around for football season last year. We don’t include Ravens accomplishments in the 15-7-0 during the regular season. Drew Forrester and I put together a “Tuesday Top 7″ every Tuesday morning at 7am to count down the players we believed to be the 7 best from each week. Therefore, this is everything else. Here goes…..

You deserve props……

1-Drew Brees, Adrian Peterson, Tony Romo, Victor Abiamiri, Thomas Jones, Eli Manning, Shaun Hill and Julius Jones

Was it weird that every time I saw Shaun Hill throwing the ball Vernon Davis’ way I kept thinking to myself, LET’S GO MARYLAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????

By the way, didn’t someone I know pick San Francisco to win at Arizona?

Relax Arizona, you still have PLENTY going for you besides the Cards…..

asu

2-Tiger Woods

Tiger Woods apparently won a golf tournament this weekend, and absolutely NO ONE IN THE WORLD HAD ANY IDEA THERE WAS A GOLF TOURNAMENT GOING ON THIS WEEKEND.

However, because I am friends with her on Facebook, I found out that Blair O’Neal has a new online TV show at the Golf Channel’s web site. I don’t know that I’d ever watch the thing, but here’s a picture of Blair O’Neal because I care about you……
blair

3-Chris Tillman, Brian Matusz, and Derek Jeter

Again, apparently Derek Jeter did something this weekend. I’d tell you more about it, but I was absolutely NOT watching the Yankees and Orioles Friday night. You’ll find out more about this soon. I’m not 100 percent sure what all the Jeter hullaballoo was about Friday night, but I can only assume that his teammates swarmed him on the field to congratulate him for this……
minka

4-Juan Martin Del Potro and Roger Federer

I hate to be the guy who gives away the ending to the movie, but I saw a sneak preview of the U.S. Open men’s final; and it goes like this…..
fed

Ugh. Can’t this great athlete of our generation just go away?

5-Denny Hamlin

Apparently the NASCAR race was in Richmond this weekend. Which means it might have been SLIGHTLY more entertaining than the other thing that was going on in Richmond this weekend……umm….
field

6-Michael Jordan, David Robinson, John Stockton, Jerry Sloan and C. Vivian Stringer

I had kinda worried if Michael Jordan would get in this year, personally. You know, with all the steroid allegations and everything.

Funny how when everyone was talking about all of Michael’s incredible accomplishments during his Hall of Fame career they somehow managed to forget about this one……

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O5qLMuXylgU[/youtube]

7-Tim Tebow, Case Keenum, Evan Royster, Tate Forcier, Marcus Curry and Jarrett Brown

God I love College Football. I mean, unless an ACC team is playing. Then I might…..for a second at least…..think about watching baseball. But we all know I won’t do that.

Anyway, I have no idea how this has happened, but my opinion of Tim Tebow has gone full circle from “God I hate this guy” to “God this guy is amazing.” I promised I’d give you this, here’s his speech from halftime of the BCS National Championship Game last year…..

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-qodBTlMtA[/youtube]

This guy could even inspire the Orioles. Okay, maybe not.

8-Jon Lester, Brian Duensing, Kyle Davies, David Wright, and Justin Maxwell

Trust me, I was just as surprised as you to find out that they were still playing baseball in America. I don’t have an answer as to why; but apparently they’re still playing.

Ichiro made it 9 straight seasons with 200+ hits Sunday, and that’s a record. Frankly, it’s a hell of a record.

You know what else was a hell of a record? What a Fool Believes…..

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9oh3_q89tDw[/youtube]

9-Andre Ward

There was a boxing match this weekend. Didn’t know? It’s okay, neither did anyone else. Is anyone watching Mayweather/Marquez 24/7 on HBO? No? It’s okay, neither is anyone else.

Where the hell do I go from here?

Did you guys hear that Gina Carano is going to star in some new Steven Soderbergh movie? True story. I believe the title is going to be “Do You Even Give a Crap About What This Movie Is Called, Look at Gina Carano”…….

gina

10-Deonta Winston and Davonta Farrell

Thank God Perry Hall beat Overlea. If we had lost to the alma mater of one Tom Clark, I might have had to jump.

As a reminder to those of you who missed last week (and if you did, please consider yourself suspended), if you intend to go to an upcoming high school football game…..

jailbait

11-Cris Collinsworth

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D-AyoGQGLxA[/youtube]

Look, say what you want about him; but he’s absolutely right. However, maybe he should have read number 10……

12-John Cena

Dude, say what you want; but John Cena kicks ass. I mean, he did this…..

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OCs8uP9f_Aw[/youtube]

13-Leinenkugel’s Oktoberfest

leinenkugel

Look, I enjoy Sam Adams’ selection as much (if not more) than any Harvest brew; but Leinenkugel’s NEVER fails to come through for me. Please go pick up 1-28 of these as soon as you possible can.

14-Jay-Z

I wasn’t there, so I can’t claim that my Friday night was better than yours like I did last week. But I swear to God, if you didn’t see “Answer The Call” from Madison Square Garden live on FUSE Friday night, I don’t know what else to say to you. And if you don’t have “The Blueprint 3″……Christ. Jay just KILLS it. When we talk about the greatest performers of our generation, you’re going to be hard pressed to tell me there’s something better than this……

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4tRqf0sMDM[/youtube]

15-Nantucket Nectars Premium Orange Juice and Sticky Buns

With a special shout-out to the food services staff at M&T Bank Stadium. After a night of drinking, you make a DAMN fine hangover breakfast……

nantucketbuns

You got lucky……

1-The ACC

Maryland NEARLY lost to James Madison. Florida State BARELY got past Jacksonville State. North Carolina BARELY came back to beat UConn. Wake Forest BARELY came back to beat Stanford. Duke BARELY came back to beat Army.

And then there was Virginia……..

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uTjAppTguMY[/youtube]

……..please don’t Fire Al Groh.

(Thanks to Rich in Westminster for the tip.)

2-Brandon Stokley

So, where does THIS go on your “HOLY FREAKING CRAP WHO BETTER THAN GUS JOHNSON” scale????

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K56C-roYUOA[/youtube]

3-Kim Clijsters

Not that she wouldn’t have won anyway, but…..this probably helped……

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tYz7hltnzF4[/youtube]

But in honor of having a mom win a major tennis championship; I think it’s about time we honor some of the other great moms in history…….

June Cleaver

june

Marge Simpson

marge

And of course Stacy’s Mom……

stacy

4-Urijah Faber

Why was former WEC Champ Urijah Faber invited to the Playboy Mansion? I don’t know, and I doubt I will EVER care. What I do know is that (according to The Big Lead, because Christ I would never care enough to follow these things myself) while he was there, he apparently found this…….

urijah

5-Matt Barkley

You know what a freshman quarterback who just won at Ohio State calls the USC Song Girls?

usc

“Friday night.”

6-Shawne Merriman

Now he can get back to the important things…………like getting his ass kicked by the Ravens in 6 days.

7-Taylor Swift

Well, SOMEBODY just became the biggest sympathetic figure on the face of the planet. Think maybe she might sell a few more records this week?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vi0qBotHkfk[/youtube]

You’re a zero……

Bob Arum

Anything funnier than watching someone completely out of touch with the real world defend something that no one on the face of the planet gives a crap about at this point?

Well, someone besides Melewski anyway.

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…..

-G

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 07 September 2009 by Glenn Clark

We’re flipping things around a bit today. With Labor Day weekend extending into Monday (a day that includes some major sporting events), we’ll hold off on a 15-7-0 until tonight. In the meantime, we’ll give you this week’s baseball distractions. For those of you wondering what I’m going to do once baseball season ends; I haven’t figured that out yet. If I include the playoffs; I still have nearly two months before I have to worry about it. Don’t force me to do anything before I’m ready.

This is for the week starting Tuesday, September 8:


Honorable mention
-MLS: DC United vs. Kansas City Wizards, Seattle Sounders (Wednesday, Saturday 7:30pm from RFK Stadium live on Comcast SportsNet), WNBA: Washington Mystics vs. Atlanta Dream (Saturday 7pm Verizon Center), NASCAR Chevy Rock & Roll 400 (Saturday 7pm from Richmond International Raceway live on ABC)

10-Kings of Leon (Tuesday 6pm doors Merriweather Post Pavilion), HF-Twestival with Jimmie’s Chicken Shack (Thursday 10pm Rams Head Live), Journey & Night Ranger (Wednesday 8pm First Mariner Arena), Ravens Kickoff Concert featuring Shinedown & Halestorm (Thursday 5pm from Power Plant Live), ZZ Top (Sunday & Monday 7pm 9:30 Club) Jay-Z “The Blueprint 3″ hits stores (Friday)

You know why I’ll be in Columbia Tuesday night? Because THIS might be the best song I’ve heard all year…..

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2YknLJaGLnQ[/youtube]

You know why I’ll be at Rams Head Thursday night? Because THIS song seriously helped to shape my childhood….

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzlrDjQan3o[/youtube]

And you know why I’ll be racing to the retailer of my choice after The Comcast Morning Show Friday? Because THIS man is the greatest emcee the genre has ever seen……

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ubfS18IPGw[/youtube]

9-WWE Breaking Point (Sunday 8pm from Montreal live on Pay-Per-View)

This is the WWE’s first ever event where all matches must end in a submission. Enough about that, the following night the WWE will be back in Toronto, and Trish Stratus will be guest hosting. Why should you be excited about that? Ummm…..

trish

8-ShoBox: Andre Ward vs. Shelby Pudwill, Mikkel Kessler vs. Gusmyl Perdomo (Saturday 10pm from Temecula, CA and Herning, Denmark live on Showtime), Boxing: Ivan Calderon vs. Rodel Mayol (Saturday 6:30pm from San Juan, Puerto Rico live on Pay-Per-View)

I could sit here and tell you about these fights, but I know you don’t care; and I’m not big on wasting your time. I will instead let you enjoy this video of an attractive gal in her underpants boxing on Wii. I’m a giver, folks.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jLALIu7x8G8[/youtube]

7-PGA Tour FedEx Cup Playoffs: BMW Championship (Thursday & Friday 3pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday 3pm and Sunday 2pm live on NBC. All playoff golf from LeMont, Ill.), LPGA P&G Beauty NW Arkansas Championship Presented by John Q. Hammons (Friday 12:30pm, Saturday & Sunday 1pm live on Golf Channel from Rogers, AK)

And we officially have a winner in the “Worst Tournament Name Ever” contest.

The P&G Beauty Northwest Arkansas Championship Presented by John Q. Hammons?

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

And also, how much does it cost to get your name on a LPGA Tournament? Could I drop a 20 spot and have “The Glenn Clark Open?”

One more thing……the person pictured below is apparently a pro golfer named Sophie Sandolo. So now you know that.

sophie

6-Capitals Rookie Camp (Tuesday-Thursday, Kettler Capitals IcePlex. Scrimmage Thursday 11:45am, Scrimmage vs. Flyers rookies Friday 3pm @ Virtua Center Flyers Skate Zone in Voorhees, NJ)

I feel really bad. The Caps asked me to participate in their Media Fantasy Camp last week; but I……well……can’t skate.

Of course, I also don’t have any god-awful tattoos…..

tat

Which means there’s one thing about my life that is better than Alexander Ovechkin’s……..

5-High School Football: Glen Burnie vs. Southern (Friday 6:30pm), Overlea vs. Perry Hall (Friday 7pm)

The Clark Family Cup. On one side we have Overlea…..alma mater of the crafty veteran himself, The Great Tom Clark…..

dad

On the other side, Perry Hall……the alma mater of the up and coming young punk Glenn Clark………

me

This is much more than just a game of pigskin. This is personal.

You’re going down, dad.

dad

4-World Cup Qualifying: Team USA @ Trinidad & Tobago (Wednesday 7pm from Port of Spain live on ESPN Classic)

I get the feeling that if we weren’t about to be playing them in soccer, I might actually like Trinidad & Tobago. They’re too island nations in the Caribbean where English is spoken; and might be a cool place to hang out.

But, much like Dad and Overlea; they’re going down. You know why? Because America KICKS ASS. Take it, John S. Hall……

(Editor’s Note: Language NSFW. Unless of course you work at a Hallmark store. Those old ladies curse like sailors…..)

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKLzClpc12A[/youtube]

3-College Football: James Madison @ Maryland (Saturday 6pm from Byrd Stadium live on ESPN360), Navy vs. Louisiana Tech (Saturday 3:30pm from Navy-Marine Corps Memorial Stadium live on CBS College Sports)

Hide your beers, Glenn’s coming back home to College Park!!!!!! And this season; Luke Jones is your Terps reporter, so I don’t even have to stay sober until halftime! (And if this week’s game is ANYTHING like last week’s game, I won’t be able to stay sober until halftime!)

Also, did I just hear you ask if I had a video of a charming, handsome football analyst chatting with Maryland WR and Poly alum LaQuan Williams? Whaddya know?????

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wcC0_Q1hsXs[/youtube]

2-U.S. Open (Tuesday-Thursday 11am ESPN2/Tennis Channel, 7pm ESPN2; Friday 12:30pm CBS; Saturday 12pm & 8pm-women’s final-CBS; Sunday 1pm ESPN2, 4pm-Men’s Final-CBS. All action from Flushing Meadows.)

Well, America kicks ass in a lot of things; but apparently not men’s tennis. Oh well.

I guess this week I’ll be rooting for…….Jo-Wilfried Tsonga???

tsonga

Hey…..ABF man…….Anyone But Federer

1-Chiefs @ Ravens (Sunday 1pm from M&T Bank Stadium live on CBS), Titans @ Steelers (Thursday 8:30pm from Pittsburgh live on NBC)

OH.MY.GOD. You know what this means???

Jovan is coming to town!!!!!!

jovan

He had better call in……..

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…..

-G

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Live From My Couch: Cuts, College Football & Cup Qualifying

Posted on 05 September 2009 by Glenn Clark

This is going to be a bit of a social experiment today. After a long night last night in Timonium at the State Fair, I woke up this morning suffering from a a bit of a case of what I would call “Dragginass.” SO, I have decided to settle down for the day. I will be monitoring cuts from all NFL teams-waiting for word from the Baltimore Ravens-which must come by 6pm tonight. I will ALSO be watching a LOT of college football (including Navy-Ohio State, Towson-Northwestern, Alabama-Virginia Tech and Maryland-Cal); as well as US Open Tennis, and the World Cup qualifier tonight between Team USA and El Salvador. It’s Labor Day weekend, I know. The weather is nice outside, I know. But today is going to be spent on my couch. And I’m going to share my thoughts with you as I go.

8:01-I’m gonna sign off this pretty soon to make way for Luke Jones’ Maryland/Cal live blog. I’m going to flip over to ESPN Classic for the World Cup qualifier and continue to watch Roddick and Isner (now in the 4th) on USOpen.org. I’ll check in on Luke Jones’ blog as I get the chance.

7:05-The Chiefs have cut WR Ashley Lelie. Drew used to think he’d be a good fit with the Ravens. He does share an agent with Derrick Mason.

7:01-The music that is serving as the soundtrack for college football coverage on ESPN/ESPN2/ABC/ESPNU/ESPN Classic/ESPN360/ESPN Deportes/ESPN.com/ESPN8 “The Ocho” is a theme song from Kenny Chesney and then multiple songs from Dave Matthews Band. Not too bad.

6:53-Ralph Friedgen knows the test Dabo Swinney is facing right now. Clemson leads Middle Tennessee State just 10-7 in the 2nd quarter today. The Terps get their chance for revenge against MTSU in 2 weeks in College Park.

6:52-I found this neat video of a smart, funny, good-looking sports talk analyst chatting with Maryland safety Antwine Perez. I think it’s worth looking at…..

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CmwOHx-0sFo[/youtube]

6:50-Isner has taken the first TWO sets against Andy Roddick. This is starting to be a bit of a disaster. I’m not in panic mode yet, but if he gets a break I’ll be officially freaking out.

6:41-John Isner is up a break in the 2nd set; now leading 5-2. Andy is in trouble.

Baylor wins their first road game since 2007, hanging on to beat WFU 24-21. Bad loss for everyone in the ACC.

6:27-Of course, Andrew Parker catches a TD, and the Deacs are still alive, now trailing by 3 with under 4 minutes left.

Also, the Eagles have held on to all 7 receivers, meaning no one from the group of Brandon Gibson, Jason Avant, Hank Baskett or Reggie Brown would be available for the Ravens unless Ozzie Newsome were willing to swing a deal with John Harbaugh’s former team.

6:16-Andy Roddick ends the first set with an EMBARRASSING whiff on Isner’s serve. Isner goes up a set, which isn’t good news for American tennis fans. Love John Isner and all, but he has no chance of winning the tournament. At least A-Rod has a chance.

Melvin Mora is having a nice day as the O’s are up 5-4 in the 7th. Brian Matusz is in line for a win, which would REALLY help this team in trying to avoid losing 100 games, as Josh Lewin and Mark Grace note.

I guess I cursed the Deacs when talking about them rallying. A Riley Skinner INT later, and they’re in serious trouble with 5:02 to play.

6:14-Former Terps OL Andrew Crummey was cut by the Bengals today. As Bob Haynie mentioned earlier today, he joins former Terps C Melvin Fowler (Cardinals) amongst Terps looking for new NFL homes.

6:11-The video quality on USOpen.org is OUTSTANDING. Isner and Roddick in a 1st set tiebreak. Don’t know who is calling the match, but they’re underwhelming.

Couple of notes: Wake has fought back against Baylor; they trail 24-14 with 9:32 to play, but they’re driving. They need to keep the pace moving. This would be a bad loss for the conference.

Illinois is getting hammered by Missouri; and I don’t mind. I think Ron Zook relied on Mike Locksley’s recruiting early, but will be exposed moving forward. Locksley deserves a big time job in a BCS conference.

5:53-Apparently I can watch the matches from Arthur Ashe Stadium on USOpen.org. Thank God. Bad news for American tennis fans; as Sam Querrey joins Jesse Witten amongst American men going home today. Querrey was probably the next best hope for an American to survive to Week 2 beyond Andy Roddick. James Blake will have a tough test tonight with Robredo, and there’s almost no chance Taylor Dent beats Andy Murray.

5:49-US Open coverage switches to Tennis Channel at 6pm? Boo. I can’t believe I forgot to mention that Oudin ousted Sharapova earlier in 3 sets. Nice to have an American playing well besides Venus & Serena Williams.

5:40-Isner-Roddick on now. Everything is okay. I was kinda freaking out there for a minute!

Wake Forest trails Baylor 24-7 in the 2nd half in Winston-Salem. This is not good news for ANYONE in the ACC.

5:37-Why is Fernando Verdasco-Tommy Haas the match that I am seeing right now on CBS? Isn’t Sam Querrey playing Robin Soderling right now?

5:25-Bad afternoon for local college football teams. Johns Hopkins opened their season with a 23-7 loss to Delaware Valley.

5:09-Sorry for the time away from the blog. Check HERE for analysis on the Ravens’ roster.

4:46-Mike Duffy (of BaltimoreRavens.com fame) says Ravens’ roster will be released at 5pm. We will post it for you ASAP at WNST.net and I will text out the important notes.

4:42-RAVENS: Add Will Johnson and Evan Oglesby to the list of cuts. Neither are surprises.

Meanwhile, Melvin Mora has just homered to pull the Orioles within 3-2 of the Rangers. The Orioles are wearing the uniforms of the Baltimore Elite Giants, an old Negro League team. They actually look pretty sharp.

4:04-Derrick has confirmed to WNST that he was traded to the Packers. We do not know anything yet about what the Ravens received, but AW reports it is likely a conditional pick in 2010.

3:58-I am working on the Derrick Martin to the Packers story. Derrick couldn’t comment on it yet when I asked him, but we will assume it is true. Aaron Wilson has confirmed it, so we’ll go with it. This is a place where the Ravens had depth, as Martin would have been 6th corner or 5th safety.

3:34-The afternoon slows down for me at least College Football-wise at this point. Nevada-Notre Dame is on NBC, Melanie Oudin and Maria Sharapova are headed to a 3rd set on CBS (James Blake-Tommy Robredo amongst later action), Orioles-Rangers on FOX (I declined Nestor Aparicio’s invitation to join him at Camden Yards), Baylor-Wake Forest on ABC (was there no Raycom game this week?), San Jose State-USC on Fox Sports Net (locally on CSN), Missouri-Illinois on ESPN, Georgia-Oklahoma State on ESPN2 (after Minnesota-Syracuse finishes), and if you’re into Golf (why the hell would you be?) there’s the 2nd round of the Deutsche Bank Championship on Golf Channel. Apparently that’s part of the FedEx Cup playoffs, which doesn’t make me any more interested. Northeastern-Boston College and Western Michigan-Michigan are on ESPN360 as well.

3:23-One of my favorite things about college football is watching former college football players freak out thinking about their alma maters. I mentioned Tommy Knight earlier, as he probably JUST started breathing again after Iowa blocked the NIU FG attempt to win; and the Hawkeyes escaped 17-16. Now, my pal Qadry Ismail on Facebook says he’s ‘uneasy’ watching Syracuse down the stretch against Minnesota. Fabian Washington Tweeted today that he’s in Lincoln for Nebraska-Florida Atlantic tonight, and Derrick Martin told me he’s just gearing up for Wyoming’s showdown with Texas next week.

3:03-I forgot to mention that Northwestern finished off Towson 47-14 earlier. Rob Ambrose will have two weeks to prepare for Coastal Carolina at Unitas Stadium and will have to convince his team that this one didn’t matter.

RAVENS: Hearing from a few sources (including AW) that David Hale will make the Ravens roster. I actually didn’t even have him on the bubble.

3:00-This one is over. Ohio State will win 31-27. Navy made a statement today, but that statement will not be fulfilling at ALL after getting so close. Great group of young men playing ball in Annapolis.

2:57-What a disaster for Navy. After getting the TD run from Ricky Dobbs; he was intercepted and returned for two points the other way. Ohio State takes over up 31-27 with 2:23 to play. The Buckeyes get the ball in GREAT field position after a failed onside kick. Just one timeout for Navy to try to get the ball back needing a TD to win.

2:42-Dobbs to Marcus Curry for a LONG TD, RIGHT AFTER Ohio State went for it on 4th and 2 instead of trying a Field Goal that would have given them a 3 possession lead. If Navy comes back, Jim Tressel will have to answer questions about that decision. It’s 29-21; a one possession game now with 6:15 to play.

2:41-Novak Djokovic finished off Jesse Witten in the 4th set, 6-4. Witten’s serving doomed him all day. Andy Roddick-John Isner still to come at Arthur Ashe Stadium today.

2:38-RAVENS: Aaron Wilson confirms what I thought would happen all week. WR Justin Harper has been cut by the Ravens. This certainly leads to the opinion that the team is probably looking for WR help this weekend.

2:35-If it wasn’t over before, it is now. Kurt Coleman picks Ricky Dobbs and Ohio State takes over leading by 15 with under 10 minutes to play.

2:35-Scott Concannon adds another rushing TD, and Northwestern extends their lead over Towson to 47-14. Brutal day for the Tigers; but (I can’t believe I’m saying this) it could have been worse.

2:29-And just like that, the dream may be over for the Mids. Dan Herron plunged in for a TD, extending Ohio State’s lead to 29-14. Aaron Pettrey inexplicably missed the extra point.

2:28-That will probably be a CRUSHING turnover for Navy. Mario Washington made the catch, but Kurt Coleman stripped the ball, and Dexter Larimore recovered for the Buckeyes. 2 plays later, Ohio State is now inside the 10 yard line looking to extend this to a 16 point lead.

2:24-The Steelers have cut CB Anthony Madison. No Ravens ties there, expect for the fact that I hate the Steelers.

2:22-Can the Ravens add Aaron Pettrey to kick? He just booted a 52 yard FG to put Ohio State ahead by 9 at 23-14. And it would have been good from WELL past 52. What a kick. Navy has to respond here in the 4th quarter.

2:18-Northwestern has extended their lead over Towson to 40-14. Wildcats are well on their way. Meanwhile, my good buddy and former Ravens CB Tommy Knight is FREAKING OUT, as his Iowa Hawkeyes (the number 22 team in the country) are trailing Northern Iowa 13-10 in the 2nd half. Former Ravens assistant Kirk Ferentz needs to get things turned around there quickly to avoid the loss to Kurt Warner’s alma mater.

2:16-RAVENS: WNST confirms Yamon Figurs has been cut. Also not a surprise. The writing was on the wall for him when Carr and Webb were named the returners.

2:13-16 yard TD grab for Marcus Curry and it’s a 1 possession game in Columbus. What a MASTERFUL 99 YARD DRIVE by Ricky Dobbs. 20-14 Ohio State now as the 3rd quarter is winding down. HUGE drive for the Mids.

2:09-RAVENS: Now hearing that Kelly Talavou has made the team. He was the safest of my “bubble” guys. Graham Gano has been cut. That basically had to happen after Steve Hauschka won the job. Gano is in positive spirits today, this much I know.

Ricky Dobbs has Navy driving again on their first possession of the 2nd half. Peter Athens found David Newsom for a TD, Towson trails Northwestern 37-14 now.

2:04-RAVENS:Not all players are aware of their fate yet. One player told me he is on a “2 hour countdown” to hear the news. AW also added that Robby Felix has been cut. That’s not a surprise either.

Roger Federer DID eliminate Lleyton Hewitt by the way. Maria Sharapova vs. Melanie Oudin next.

1:56-RAVENS: Here are two names that we might be a bit surprising. Aaron Wilson now says Edgar Jones and Dannell Ellerbe have MADE the Ravens’ 53 man roster. This would be POTENTIALLY bad news for guys like Davon Drew, Jason Phillips, Prescott Burgess, and Antwan Barnes.

Meanwhile, Novak Djokovic beat Jesse Witten in a 3rd set tiebreak. This one appears to be over as well. Today was SETTING UP to be special, but has turned a bit.

1:50-I’ll go ahead and give this a confirmation; even though we all knew it was coming. Steve Hauschka HAS made the team.

1:41-Maybe my speculation about David Tyree earlier wasn’t so unfounded. Aaron Wilson of the Carroll County Times says via Twitter that the Ravens have “serious interest” in the former New York Giant. This isn’t insane, considering the Ravens need to replace Marcus Smith, who was expected to be more of a special teams

1:38-Just stepped away for a few minutes to talk to some of the guys on the Ravens bubble via text. No news to pass along there; but I will say that the collective attitude seems to have remained positive.

Jesse Witten has broken Novak Djokovic in the 3rd and has a chance to serve for a 2 sets to one lead. Federer was serving for the match against Hewitt, but Hewitt broke him. Federer still leads by a break in the 4th, and will look to finish off Lleyton Hewitt.

1:27-It is halftime at Ryan Field, and Northwestern has extended their lead back to 30 thanks to a 21 yard TD run by Scott Concannon.

It’s halftime at The Horseshoe as well, and Ohio State extended their lead to 20-7 with a 25 yard field goal by Aaron Pettrey.

1:22-WNST has confirmed 2 cuts from the Baltimore Ravens, and they’re the two that were my final TWO in on my mock roster. FB Jason Cook and WR Jayson Foster have been cut.

1:17-Roger Federer picked up a break to open the 4th set. I’ll say this one ends at 6-2 in the 4th.

DJ Shockley’s play against the Ravens Thursday night will likely be his last in a Atlanta Falcons uniform, as he has been cut by the team. The Falcons will go with Matt Ryan, former Raven Chris Redman, and John Parker Wilson under center.

1:15-Jesse Witten dropped the 2nd set to Novak Djokovic. Witten has struggled with his serve against the former Australian Open champion.

Drew Forrester just sent me his final score pick for Towson-Northwestern. It isn’t favorable for the Tigers.

1:11-Tremayne Dameron scores the first points of the Rob Ambrose era; a 1 yard TD to cut Northwestern’s lead to 30-7.

Joe Bauserman is in the game for Ohio State, the Buckeyes usually play their backup QB in the first half of their first game to get him some work.

Roger Federer wins the 3rd set 7-5. He’ll finish off Hewitt in 4 for sure.

1:06-Don’t look now, but Peter Athens has driven Towson into Northwestern territory. Also, Navy was forced to punt again.

Roger Federer just came up with a break of Lleyton Hewitt’s serve; so he’ll have a chance to serve for the 3rd set now ahead 6-5.

1:03-Facebook comment of the day comes from former Maryland Terrapin Tahj Holden:

“Paulus throws his first collegiate TD and afterwards he go hugs the ref. How appropriate.”

12:59-Greg Paulus has thrown for his first career TD already, but the former Duke point guard is trailing 14-10 in his first game as Syracuse QB.

Bad news elsewhere. Terrelle Pryor rushes for a TD, and Ohio State now leads Navy 17-7 in the 2nd quarter. In Chicago, a safety has extended Northwestern’s lead to 30-0 over Towson. A correction, as the passing TD earlier was NOT thrown by Mike Kafka, but instead Dan Persa.

12:55-Paul Johnson’s Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets kick off at 1pm today against Jacksonville State; that game is on ESPN360 as well if for some unknown reason you’d want to watch.

Terrelle Pryor with some very athletic plays as the Buckeyes are driving again. Cris Carter’s kid had a really nice catch on the drive; and the Bucks are now inside the 10 yard line.

12:50-Mike Kafka has just found Andrew Brewer for a 72 yard TD in the 2nd quarter, and Northwestern leads Towson 28-0. Just brutal. Josh Hall is producing today’s game in the studios of AM1570 WNST on Hart Rd., and he just checked in via text to tell me that calling Towson “terrible” might not quite fit the bill. It’s not going to be an easy turnaround for Rob Ambrose replacing Gordy Combs.

A Ricky Dobbs fumble gives Ohio State good field position with a 10-7 lead in the 2nd quarter in Columbus.

12:45-Navy lined up to go for it on 4th and 2 from their own territory early in the 2nd quarter; but called timeout when they couldn’t draw the Buckeyes offsides. Bob Davie thought going for it would have been a terrible idea for Navy, but trailing 10-7 with Buddy Green’s defense likely to continue to struggle; I might have agreed with the Mids trying to continue a drive.

Did Perry Hall REALLY lose 33-7 at Joppatowne last night? Christ, I’m never picking any more PH games again. Come on, Gators!

12:39-Nightmarish start to the Rob Ambrose era in Chicago; as Arby Fields has gone in AGAIN-this time from 22 yards-to extend Northwestern’s 1st quarter lead to 21-0.

Also, as a note. I credited Mike Florio for the work over at PFT today earlier; but it looks like it’s a staff effort over there. Gregg Rosenthal is also chiming in. He says there is a question mark as to whether or not former Maryland RB LaMont Jordan will make the roster with the Broncos. Denver will not keep RB Darius Walker.

12:34-If you have DirecTV, Dish Network, or whatever other satellite service carries Big Ten Network, there are actually four other live games on right now. Penn State leads Akron 14-0, Iowa and Northern Iowa are tied at 3, Purdue leads Toledo 14-0, and Michigan State leads Montana State 7-0. If you’re from the midwest (or you’re a Nittany Lion alum living in Baltimore), I will admit that BTN kicks ass.

Aaron Pettrey has connected from 23 yards to give Ohio State a 10-7 lead over Navy late in the first quarter.

12:32-OSU is driving again up at The Horseshoe, Buddy Green’s defense could be in for a long day.

Another note from TU-N’western; apparently both Tiger QB’s have played early on; with neither of them having any success. Tommy Chroniger came in late in the first quarter.

12:26-I don’t see the Ravens being interested in him, but the Rams have cut WR Ronald Curry. Curry has had minimal success during his career with the Raiders and Lions; but has had flashes since his North Carolina days ended. I think it’s a lock he would already be better than Justin Harper or Jayson Foster though.
The Browns have cut former Ravens CB Corey Ivy. Given the team’s depth in the secondary, I would say a return to Baltimore would be “unlikely” at best. (I really mean “not happening.”)

More bad news from Ryan Field, as Northwestern has extended their lead to 14-0 over Towson thanks to a TD run by Arby Fields.

12:24-Lleyton Hewitt had a break point to get back in the 2nd set; but he sent a shot JUST long, and Federer took the set 6-3. Doubt he’ll lose another set today.

A reminder that I will be shutting this blog down before tonight’s Maryland-Cal game. Our new Terps reporter Luke Jones will host a live blog during Terps-Bears.

12:21-Really impressive drive from Dobbs, who finished it off with a 16 yard TD run. Joe Buckley is Navy’s kicker (apparently beating Jon Teague), and he connected on the extra point to make things 7-7. 80 yards methodically for the Mids on that drive.

12:16-Peter Athens is under center for the Tigers today, answering the question Rob Ambrose couldn’t answer on The Comcast Morning Show Wednesday morning. It might not matter, as Jacob Schmidt plunged in for a 2 yard TD to give the Wildcats a 7-0 lead early. Ricky Dobbs has put together 3 first downs to get Navy driving at Ohio Stadium.

12:11-Anything surprising here? Federer is up 4-1 in the 2nd set on Australia’s Lleyton Hewitt.

The Buckeyes drew first blood in Columbus, with Terrelle Pryor connecting with Dane Sanzenbacher for a 38 yard TD. 7-0 Bucks. Ken Niumatalolo’s offense came out throwing to start their first possession, and QB Ricky Dobbs will certainly be a better throwing option than any of their recent QB’s.

12:09-Back to cut day. Our friends to the south (The Washington Redskins-who are ABSOLUTELY AWFUL) have had a QB controversy on their hands this preseason, with a debate between popular 2nd year QB Colt Brennan (Hawaii) and popular rookie UFA Chase Daniel (Missouri). Turns out neither will be on the team. Brennan will head to IR, Daniel will be let go. Your team stinks. Enjoy Jason Campbell. Thanks PFT.

12:05-An update to the games you can watch. West Virginia-Liberty is available on ESPN360, which if you have Comcast (and you should!), you can enjoy on your computer.

Arizona Cardinals Play by Play voice Dave Pasch on the call for Ohio State-Navy. He’s very good at everything he does. The Buckeyes used a reverse to get into Mids territory on the opening kickoff. Ohio State is going to be more talented than the Midshipmen. The boys from Annapolis must be smarter and CANNOT miss assignments.

Jesse Witten did NOT serve out the set, but has a 5-2 lead in the tiebreak. Let’s put the first set into Witten’s column with a 7-2 tiebreak. AWESOME stuff.

11:58-Couple other games you can watch early today:

Appalachian State @ East Carolina (MASN)
Minnesota @ Syracuse-the debut of Greg Paulus for the Orange (ESPN2)
Western Kentucky @ Tennessee-Lane Kiffin’s debut for the Vols (Comcast SportsNet)

Lee Corso picked the Crimson Tide to top the Hokies tonight for the record. So did Braves 3B Chipper Jones.

11:52-Two teams in action locally early on today; here’s how you can enjoy the games. Navy-Ohio State will be on ESPN, so that’s easy. Towson-Northwestern will be on the Big Ten Network (which is AWESOME if you have satellite, but not so great if you have basic Comcast like me). My friend Matt Rosen (the son of the GREAT Sam Rosen) is on the call. Therefore, do what I’m doing. Go right up to the top of WNST.net and enjoy the call from Chicago with Spiro Morekas and Tom Judd. I have no ties to the school; but Go Tigers!

Notes from tennis: Lleyton Hewitt took the first set from Federer 6-4. And Jesse Witten (a qualifier from Kentucky) is tied at 5 games apiece in the first set with Novak Djokovic. While still unlikely, the day appears to be special early in New York. Witten just broke Djokovic, he’ll have a chance to serve for the first set.

11:42-I not only WANT to hate Roger Federer, I absolutely find myself rooting against him. He’s great, there’s no doubt about that. But he’s not a compelling figure like many great tennis players were. He’s somewhat boring to watch because he’s just so calculating. He’s tied at 4 apiece in the first set with Lleyton Hewitt today (match on CBS), and I will be pulling for Hewitt to oust him and end his reign at Flushing Meadows.

Yesterday at the Open, Taylor Dent advanced to the 3rd round in a 5 set thriller. I root for all of the American players, but Dent’s injury history has kept him out of action for a few years in New York, and I will be particularly pulling for him in the 3rd round against Andy Murray.

Hewitt has just broken Fed. He’s up 5-4 and has a chance to serve for the first set. I already know how this match will end, but it’s exciting to think someone could top Fed.

11:27-I’m totally the type of guy who would LOVE to hate Tim Tebow. But Jesus that guy is great. We all remember his words after Florida lost to Ole Miss last year…..

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4sGv2Zw-WQw[/youtube]

But Gameday just showed his speech at halftime of the BCS National Championship Game, and it was as good if not better. It isn’t available yet on YouTube, but it is GOOD.

Tim Tebow-as much as I want to not like him-is why I love college football.

11:16-Checking in with our pal Mike Florio from NBC Sports/ProFootballTalk.com (who will join Drew Forrester at 8:30am every Friday during football season), a few notes from cuts to pass around early.

-The Titans have cut Baltimore native Jason Murphy (Edmondson), an offensive lineman. Murphy is still very active in the Baltimore community (and lives here), but I don’t know if he would be a good addition to the Ravens team. Murphy has struggled to get on the field during his NFL career, but maybe playing at home could help him focus. I have David Hale currently as the last interior lineman on the Ravens’ roster, but couldn’t guarantee that Murphy would be better than Hale.
-The Giants have cut former Super Bowl hero David Tyree. Tyree has not played during the preseason, and probably has more hope of being a special teams player than a contributor at WR this year. But the Ravens do love a good special teams player. There’s no reason to speculate the Ravens being interested in Tyree, but any team could use a player that can do this…..

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-aKfTK2LiM[/youtube]

11:12-Thus far I’ve spent my morning watching “College Gameday” on ESPN, and was reminded of why I love College Football. The piece they did on Colt McCoy and Sam Bradford that was QUITE good. This really is the absolute best thing ESPN does. What a thorough program, entertaining, involving, informative. They don’t do everything right at the Worldwide Leader anymore, but they certainly still do this the right way.

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 01 September 2009 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: WNBA Washington Mystics vs. Seattle Storm (Thursday 7pm Verizon Center), College Football: Johns Hopkins @ Delaware Valley (Saturday 2pm), Chick-Fil-A Kickoff Game: Virginia Tech vs. Alabama (Saturday 8pm from Atlanta live on ABC), MMA-XFC 9: Evolution (Saturday 9pm from St. Petersburg live on HDNet), NASCAR Pep Boys Auto 500 (Sunday 7pm from Atlanta live on ESPN)

10-Glenn’s 26th Birthday (Sunday, you can celebrate from home or add me on Facebook to find out where I’ll be celebrating)

As I mentioned Sunday night; a Joe Flacco bobblehead doll would certainly be an appropriate birthday gift. However, there are other things that would make appropriate birthday gifts. For example…..

The WWE “Rise and Fall of WCW” DVD would be nice….

wcw

Maybe tickets to see Sister Hazel at Rams Head Live……

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6MMcLEdkY68[/youtube]

Or a nice authentic Ed Reed jersey (available in the WNST.net STORE!)….

reed

Look, this sounds funny and all; but I REALLY expect you guys to get me gifts. Hell, if you get me one of these things, you get an IMMEDIATE “front of the line” pass when you call in, and/or you get to sit in for an hour of the show.

Not kidding.

9-Counting Crows (with Augustana, Michael Franti & Spearhead-Saturday 6pm doors Merriweather Post Pavilion), Jimmy Buffett (Thursday & Saturday 8pm Nissan Pavilion), Wallflowers (Thursday 7pm doors 9:30 Club), Gavin Degraw (Friday 7:30pm Maryland State Fairgrounds in Timonium); also new Chevelle CD “Sci-Fi Crimes” in stores (Tuesday)

So here’s why I like all of these things……

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2GemKI_v6Ag[/youtube]
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tNrM7DnYz4Y[/youtube]
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sm9Pz_GKZ6s[/youtube]
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BUyDZa3uSYc[/youtube]

oh, and this is ABSOLUTELY in the running for my Rock Jam of the summer, mostly because “Know Your Enemy” by Green Day is really my only other option…….

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1R9Z8QhlahE[/youtube]

8-Chick-Fil-A Labor Day Giveaway (Monday)

Is Chick-Fil-A a sponsor? No. Do I care? No. Why? Because they’re freaking AWESOME. There’s NOTHING in the world better. Ever. You know why? Because after YOU (I’m looking at you, Steve) give me that Ed Reed jersey for my birthday Sunday, I just have to wear it over to the 10 different Chick-Fil-A locations in Baltimore and Harford County and collect about 40-50 sandwiches. If you think I’m kidding, apparently you forgot what happened the LAST time CFA did a giveaway…..

cfa

7-Bob Barker guest hosts WWE Monday Night RAW (Monday 9pm from Chicago live on USA Network)

bob

If they don’t figure out a way to replicate The Price Is Right’s PLINKO on Monday night, I might lose my freaking mind.

I’ve never seen this clip before. It’s worth the setup. Please trust me…..

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BMCFRElyaCc[/youtube]

6-Golf-FedEx Cup Playoffs: Deutsche Bank Championship (Friday & Saturday 3pm live on Golf Channel, Sunday & Monday 3pm live on NBC. All gripping action from Boston.), Champions Tour Walmart First Tee Open at Pebble Beach (Friday & Saturday 6:30pm, Sunday 7pm live on Golf Channel)

In this week’s “Whatguywhoyou’veneverheardofwillbeatTigeronthefinalhole Open Classic”, I’ll go with James Nitties, who apparently has a tattoo on his arm. WHAT THE EFF?!?!?!?!?

nitties

Really? REALLY? I swear to God, Steve-O was wrong. He NO LONGER has the worst tattoo of all time….

steveo

Also, apparently that guy Nitties used to be on “The Big Break” on The Golf Channel; which reminds me that Blair O’Neal did something recently. I don’t know what it was, and I don’t really care either. Maybe she bought a sandwich? Does it matter?

blair

5-Ravens @ Falcons (Thursday 7:30pm from Atlanta live on WBAL11/MASN)

I’m not saying that most of the players in Thursday night’s game will be zilches; but I actually believe THIS MAN is going to get playing time…….

dee

(Editor’s Note: I’m kidding. Captain Dee is MUCH better than some of the scrubs you’ll see Thursday night)

Also, while in “Hotlanta”, I recommend hitting “The Varsity”. Why? Maybe the “double chili and cheese” might help convince you…..

varsity

4-U.S. Open (Tuesday-Friday 11am Tennis Channel, 1pm & 7pm ESPN2; Saturday & Sunday 11am CBS, 7pm Tennis Channel; Monday 11am CBS, 7pm ESPN2. All action from Flushing Meadows.)

Three suggestions for ESPN2′s coverage of the Open. First, with Andy Murray and Roger Federer likely to last until the end of this thing; you might need to spice things up a bit. I suggest trying to get more Agassi in the booth to keep things interesting.

Second, Tighten up your camera angles. USA Network made it so that I wasn’t just watching Andy, I felt like we were practically spooning (and I wish!)…….

andy

Third, whatever you do-whenever she gets eliminated (has she already been eliminated?)-please, PLEASE, more Wozniacki….

caroline

3-World Cup Qualifying: Team USA vs. El Salvador (Saturday 8pm from Sandy, UT live on ESPN Classic), U.S. Open Cup Final: DC United vs. Seattle Sounders (Wednesday 7:30pm from RFK Stadium live on Fox Soccer Channel), College Soccer: Maryland vs. UCLA (Friday 8pm Ludwig Field)

Nothing screams patriotic soccer showdown like a trip to SANDY, UTAH?

utah

In a word to EVERYONE who has to travel to watch this match; I’m sorry. Now go kick some Salvadorian ass.

2-High School Football: Perry Hall vs. Joppatowne (Friday 7pm), South River vs. Glen Burnie (Friday 6:30pm)

Sure, Loch Raven-Loyola Blakefield and Urbana-Eastern Tech might have more importance locally; but not in the studios of The Comcast Morning Show.

In fact, I think I’m going to go ahead and pick some scores here……

Perry Hall 63, Joppatowne 6
South River 179, Glen Burnie -14

Sorry Forrester, the Gophers suck.

LET’S GO GATORS!

PH

1-Maryland @ Cal (Saturday 10pm from Berkeley live on ESPN2), Towson @ Northwestern (Saturday noon from Chicago live on Big Ten Network), Navy @ Ohio State (Saturday noon from Columbus live on ESPN)

NOTHING ELSE MATTERS.

It’s BACK.

And if you want to tell me about how the Golden Bears are going to win by 30+ points, please remember the last time Jahvid Best faced the Terps……

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4GIP5TpN858[/youtube]

-G

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15-7-0

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15-7-0

Posted on 24 August 2009 by Glenn Clark

You get props……

1-Brian Roberts, John Danks, and Nolan Reimold

In other Orioles news, I was sitting at the Maryland football scrimmage Sunday when I found out that Adam Jones had left the game against the White Sox early. WNST’s Luke Jones asked me “Why?” and I responded “Because he had something better to do?”

If you don’t think that’s funny; you take yourself way too seriously. I’m looking at you, Melewski. Looking forward to MASN’s coverage of Maryland football this season. Also, the Maryland Cornhole Cup was rescheduled…..so Team Gator Bites has another chance to dominate. September 19th pal. You and I can run through the competition in Annapolis.

2-Roger Federer and Elena Dementieva

Apparently this girl won a tennis tournament this weekend………

elena

……..like it matters.

3-Shaun Hill and Derek Anderson

Maybe former Terps QB Shaun Hill should actually be on the “Lucky” list seeing as how he didn’t even have to PLAY and he locked up the starting QB job with the 49ers.

Of course, starting QB for the 49ers at this point has about as much prestige as being the starting QB for Glen Burnie High School.

That’s right Forrester; the Gophers suck.

Also, Derek Anderson may well have taken a step to securing the Browns’ starting QB job…..by somehow being not quite as awful as this human being……

quinn

4-David Pauley, Ryohei Tanaka, Brandon Waring and Joel Palanco

Elsewhere in Orioles minor league action this weekend; the Aberdeen Ironbirds were no-hit Sunday by Brooklyn’s Brandon Moore.

Which goes to show you that this organization is REALLY committed to getting you prepared for what life is going to be like once you come to Baltimore…….

5-Michelle Wie, Ryan Moore and Mike Reid

I want to thank WNST.net blogger BJ Appel, former Harford Community College golf standout Chris Appel, and their lovely family for hosting our fantasy football draft Saturday night. They supplied Gatorade, crabs, cookie bars, and I added orange drink and Doritos to the party. It couldn’t have been lovelier.

But it was slightly awkward when we walked downstairs and Chris was watching something that is apparently called “The Solheim Cup.”

I’m not entirely certain of what “The Solheim Cup” is, but I do know that no matter how many participants in the event looked like this……

creamer

…..this was not event created with heterosexual men in mind.

6-Kyle Busch and Dario Franchitti

Kyle Busch swept the NASCAR races at Bristol this season; which made Rex Snider interested………and no one else.

Speaking of sports no one is watching, my friend Dave Carey (formerly of the Baltimore Examiner) passed along this WNBA video game commercial he saw recently…….

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3FGI7R0u3TQ[/youtube]

…..which is good because I DO like layups, defense, jump shots, and layups!

7-Scott Feldman, Jack Cust, Michael Cuddyer, Chris Carpenter, Ryan Garko, Carlos Pena, Kevin Youkilis, Charlie Haeger, Roy Oswalt, Clayton Richard, Ryan Raburn and Hideki Matsui

Elsewhere in the world of baseball, Jason Giambi will reportedly join the Colorado Rockies.

Remember when SI called Giambi “the new face of baseball?”

giambi

I legitimately believe Otis Nixon would have been a better nominee for the award…..

nixon

(Editor’s note: Alex Cole may have been the unluckiest man in baseball card history.)

8-Jozy Altidore and Wayne Rooney

If you think I knew that the Premier League had begun, you’d be wrong. But I do know that since losing the UEFA Champions League to Fox; ESPN has invested a great deal in all sorts of other soccer. I’m all for this of course; as there’s nothing better than waking up after an evening of 13-15 hundred Clipper City Ales and having live sports on TV.

Of course, I guess whenever you wake up at 2pm there’s normally live sports on TV; but Premier League soccer is about 1,000,000,000,000,000 times better than waking up to Tom Davis and Phil Wood taking about the Nationals on my TV.

“Tom, let’s talk about the 1952 World Series”

Christ. Melewski and these guys deserve each other. I’m not completely certain, but I think they should re-name MASN “OWGHNIWPRGACAN” (Old White Guys Have No Idea What People Really Give A Crap About Network.)

9-Allyson Felix, Sanya Richards, Debbie Dunn and Lashinda Demus; Angelo Taylor, Jeremy Wariner, Kerron Clement and LaShawn Merritt and Brittney Reese

In other Track and Field news……..Usain Bolt is really fast?

Did Usain Bolt REALLY get a piece of the Berlin Wall? I’ve officially found a gift more useless than the copy of David Cassidy’s greatest hits I gave Josiah Potter for his 16th birthday.

Also, did we ever figure out if that one track chick was a dude or not? This has been the most distressing problem I’ve faced since I ran out of clean underwear last week and didn’t have time to do laundry before having to go back to Training Camp.

You expect me to let you know how I solved this problem; but I’m pretty sure you already know.

10-Tim Tebow

I’m not REALLY impressed by the fact that Florida was selected preseason number 1 in the AP poll; I’m just contractually obligated to remind you of how great Tim Tebow is at least once a blog.

Look man, the first time you go to the Philippines and perform circumcisions; I’ll blog about you. In the meantime, have another sip of your Zima and remember that Lord Tebow is greater than you.

11-McDaniel College

Successfully hosted roughly 100,000 Ravens fans this year during Training Camp. Maybe the most remarkable statistic is that I only nearly fought with ONE member of the S.A.F.E. management team this year.

It’s not that I’m suggesting that Training Camp should move from Westminster. But if it were to, maybe THIS could be an acceptable alternative?

hooters

12-Luke Ramirez and Andy Rios, Nicholas Smisek and Steven Cardone

I kinda think the whole Little League World Series concept is weird. But I know that if I were to start a Little League team, Benny “The Jet” Rodriguez would be my first pick…..

the jet

And while we’re here; let’s just go ahead and get this out of the way…..

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr5lHZQz-Z4[/youtube]

How can baseball be so awful yet The Sandlot be the greatest movie of all time???

13-Caleb Porzel and Eric Franklin

I couldn’t help but notice how much better the running backs were than the quarterbacks at Sunday’s Maryland Football Scrimmage.

That may or may not be a good thing. But Porzel looks like he’s going to be special.

I do have one suggestion for the Terps’ freshman running back. No matter how great you get, stay away from this woman….

kardashian

Look man, I know. I’ve lost hours on that ass myself, and I’ve never even met her. But it has ruined greater men. Just trust me.

14-Third Eye Blind

I picked up a copy of their new CD “Ursa Major”, selected Track 4 and permanently selected “repeat”……

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3YDuvNnu1MM[/youtube]

I dare you to tell me about why you like Weezer. Christ.

15-The K-Series and Magic Hat Wacko

kseries
wacko
It is really difficult for me to explain what my Friday night was like. But I CAN tell you that it involved a few hundred Wackos and a house where they had an industrial sized oven on the back patio. I affectionately referred to it as “The K Series.”

Apparently I was at a house in Jarrettsville……which may or may not actually be in America. An ex of mine (The Artist Formerly Known as the Luckiest Dang Gal on the Face of the Planet?) had a party at a house that was so bizarre it isn’t even possible for me to really capture the awesomeness of the place.

It had a beach.
It had a strange greenhouse structure.
It had wires hanging everywhere.
It had a random man holding an umbrella.

If this was your house, please don’t be offended. I really found your place to be very awesome. And really freaking weird.

You got lucky…….

1-Eric Bruntlett

Yeah, cause sometimes THIS just happens…….

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=niz0VPpSxok[/youtube]

This would be like me accidentally wandering into Mother’s in Federal Hill and walking out with this…..

kunis

Speaking of which, have you heard that the guy who made “The Wrestler” is making a movie in which Mila Kunis has “aggressive sex” with Natalie Portman?

I’m not a Bill Simmons fan at all; but I’m pretty sure after seeing this movie, I will be able to write the sequel to “Now I Can Die In Peace.”

2-Anyone who can punt at the new Texas Stadium

LOLOLOLOLOL!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fjx6vsR71sg[/youtube]

I love the fact that Jerry Jones is now failing at everything he does. Sorta like his scheduling for the final game in the OTHER Texas Stadium……

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YX3gYiQ3tww[/youtube]

The Cowboys are just awful. They and the Redskins deserve each other. Is there any rivalry in the world that features such passion between two teams despite the fact that NO ONE outside the two cities gives a crap about either of them?

3-Loyola College Students

I have no idea who won the showdown between Michael Phelps and Shaquille O’Neal Sunday night; mostly because I chose to go to a real college (Maryland) instead of being a Greyhound. But Shaquille O’Neal is so awesome that even he can make Michael Phelps interesting enough to be worth watching. Plus, he did this…….

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OWw2PHQEWTg[/youtube]

4-Ricketts Family

I have a suggestion, Ricketts family. Want to make the Cubs kick ass again? Re-sign this man…..

henry

“ROWENGARTNER!”
“He knows my name!”

5-Juan Diaz and Andre Berto

Just when Chad Ochocinco was starting to seem cool again…….

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3eN0KwXcMU[/youtube]

……he had to go and turn into an ass again. I hope Andre Berto pounds him to within an inch of his life.

Meanwhile, Diaz won a questionable decision over Paulie Malignaggi in Houston. After the fight, he said some NSFW things like “boxing is full of sh*t” and “nobody watches boxing anymore because of sh*t like this.”

Which at least goes to show that he understands EXACTLY what’s going on currently in his sport.

6-Brett Favre

Who’s more popular in the North/Midwest? Favre……or Buscemi?

(Editor’s Note: Language NSFW. Unless you work at Perry Hall High School. Speaking of which, TLDGOTFOTP spends her first day as a teacher at Perry Hall Middle School tomorrow. I told her not to be worried because it’s safer to know that some of the kids are carrying guns.)

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NeNmSy2yr4c[/youtube]

7-Anyone who has insurance for their Fantasy Football team

Look man, I’m a little worried about the long-term health of my 3rd round pick (Kurt Warner) myself; especially seeing as how I also selected Larry Fitzgerald and Steve Breaston…….but INSURANCE?

(Editor’s note: Also, if you’re the guy who Skypes into a Fantasy Football Draft and is COMPLETELY unprepared, it might be time to find a new league. Drafting Joe Flacco will only salvage you so much in my mind.)

You’re a zero……..

Anyone (like me) who never had the privilege of eating an ice cream bar with Hulk Hogan on it

icecream

As I was stealing an internet stream of Summerslam Sunday night (Jeff Hardy leaping off a ladder to drive CM Punk through the announce table? Yes please.), it came to my attention that there was once an ice cream bar that featured the Hulkster right there on the cookie. I don’t know how this ever happened……but I am good and embarrassed.

As far as the greatest inventions of all time are concerned; I know electricity and the light bulb were cool, and sliced bread has its place, but there is no doubt that this is Number 1……with a bullet.

(Editor’s note: Here’s the video of Hardy pummeling Punk. I’m sure it’ll be up for at least 10 minutes or so…..)

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PnwycsLzMjI[/youtube]

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983……

-G

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15-7-0

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15-7-0

Posted on 17 August 2009 by Glenn Clark

You get props……..

1-Felix Pie and Chris Tillman, John Lackey, Juan Rivera

Holy crap he DOES have 5 tools!!!!

Unfortunately, they are tools that are only available 2 months a year.

Of course, that’s 2 months a year more than Darnell McDonald ever had his tools available; so……..

In other news, the Orioles signed their 11th round pick Sunday. Unfortunately, their 11th round pick was not named Albert Pujols OR CC Sabathia.

2-Y.E. Yang

I get the excitement about the first Asian player winning a Major Championship; but….ummm…..has anyone noticed what’s been happening on the LPGA Tour recently? Exactly…..

Of course, if this gal was winning on the LPGA Tour, they might be in better shape……

Liu

(Editor’s note: After reading this, I was worried it might be considered borderline racist. Am I saying that I’m into Asian girls? Yes. But that’s only because they’re girls. You see, I’m into ALL of them. And they are ALL into me. ALL of them.)

(Editor’s note 2: Anybody know what Tiger Woods did this weekend?)

3-Cris Cyborg

This is a little unfair, because I’m not exactly certain of what happened between Cris Cyborg and Gina Carano this weekend after the weigh-in……

gina

(Editor’s note: I did watch the fight. OF COURSE I watched the fight. I’m reasonably certain it may have been the most important fight of all time, actually.)

4-Alberto Castillo, Ryohei Tanaka, Brandon Waring, Oliver Drake, Nate Haughian, and Vito Frabizio

In other Orioles organizational news, prospect John “Rhyne” Hughes was announced as the player to be named later from the Gregg Zaun deal. He’ll head to Norfolk.

When reached for comment, Hughes was rumored to have said “Baltimore? I was effing traded to Baltimore? You guys think retirement might be a better option?”

When reminded that his comment would be played for everyone in Baltimore to hear, Hughes may or may not have said “Who friggin cares? I’ve watched the Rays play in Baltimore! They have like 73 fans!”

Also, with no offense to this John Hughes, I would’ve much rather had the OTHER John Hughes. And with that in mind, I didn’t get the chance to do this when he died; so I want to offer this “You freaking rule” to John Hughes. Your movies are certainly amongst the greatest of my generation. Many of them changed my life. So sorry to see you go. Here’s one of Hughes’ finest moments…..

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VNPp6x7j9I8[/youtube]

5-Usain Bolt

I don’t often say HOLY CRAP twice in the same blog…..but…..HOLY FREAKING CRAP. 100 meters in 9.5 seconds?

Usually when I run, it takes me roughly 9.5 days to be able to breathe again……

6-Andy Murray and Jelena Jankovic

jelena

The picture above may well be the most confusing picture I have ever viewed in my entire life. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON THERE?!?!?!?

(Editor’s note: Who am I kidding? We all know I would.)

Also, attention Andy Roddick: when Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal are losing, it is a good time for you to step up and WIN. With no offense to Juan Martin Del Potro (who I can only guess might be a very nice guy?), losing to the same guy twice in 6 days (and blowing a 1 set lead in both) is completely unacceptable. I need you to be a little bit more than eye candy around here….

roddick

(Editor’s note: Don’t ask me why Andy Roddick isn’t wearing shoes. He’s Andy Roddick. He’ll do whatever he wants and I’ll like it. If you have a pulse, you will too.)

7-Kenny Britt

You know what though; I bet no matter HOW successful Kenny Britt might be, no one will EVER compare him to the Ravens’ current crop of receivers. I bet that even if Kelley Washington has just 350 yards receiving this season and Britt has 1,200; no one will ever say “You see, Ozzie Newsome should have NEVER picked Michael Oher over Britt!”

(Editor’s note: Save the “dude, it’s just preseason” comments. It’s football. It’s important. There’s actually something going on in this town from now until the end of lacrosse season.)

8-Roy Jones Jr.

Roy Jones Jr. beat some guy named Jeff Lacy this weekend. I’m not sure who Jeff Lacy is; but that’s probably just because he’s a boxer. It’s not like any of the rest of you have heard of him, either.

I think Roy Jones Jr. is doing a hell of a job though. Especially for someone who is 157 years old.

(Editor’s note: And can still kick my ass. But then again, there are probably other 100+ year-olds who could kick my ass too.)

9-Gregg Zaun, Randy Wolf, Gavin Floyd, Tom Gorzelanny, Derrek Lee, Garrett Mock, Bobby Parnell, Scott Baker, Ryan Braun, Adam Wainwright, Ryan Howard and Dan Haren

Adam Wainwright and Randy Wolf each pitched their teams to victory AND hit home runs.

That means the Dodgers and Cardinals have players who can both pitch AND hit.

And makes me wonder why the O’s don’t have any players who can do either……..

10-Don Brown

Maryland’s defense is apparently either really good really quickly; or their offense is just not there yet.

I’m a “glass half full” type of guy, so I’ll just say it’s Don Brown’s new defense. And I’ll say it’s because they have ass-kicker Alex Wujciak on their side.

What’s that you ask? Do I have any videos that feature said asskicker being interviewed about how he spent his summer by a good-looking guy whose interview skills would most closely be compared to David Frost or Martin Bashir?

I HAVE SOMETHING LIKE THAT!!!!!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Js13EB70DD4[/youtube]

And while we’re here; I was perusing through Alex’s Facebook pictures, and I happened to notice this……..

ray

And while I’m not stupid enough to think that this was ACTUALLY a picture of Wujciak; I did think to myself “Did Bachman lose weight?”

11-Bridget Sloan

I was watching the gymnastics competition the other night was talking to my friend who told me he had been watching the gymnastics competition the other night, and I thought to myself, “why do I always feel the need to take a shower after gymnastics are on TV?”

Also, here’s a picture of Shawn Johnson……

johnson

She didn’t win the VISA Championships this weekend like Sloan did; but I’m a man who knows a thing or two about “page views.” And needing another shower.

12-Chris Mortensen

Somewhere in this strange rambling that Rex Snider probably thinks was a well-written column; he MAY have had a point. Maybe. America IS fascinated with celebrity. So much so that we actually have no idea who is or isn’t a celebrity anymore.

For example, T-Pain is a celebrity. He’s a musician who has offered us PLENTY of incredible music, including an appearance on “All The Above” by Maino-which I have a funny feeling I am going to name as my “official Summer jam” pretty soon…..

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jcXi_lJCygg[/youtube]

T-Pain also showed us his extensive ability to entertain when he got “On A Boat” earlier this year with The Lonely Island (Language NSFW. Unless you work as T-Pain. And if you do, what’s up buddy???)

[dailymotion]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x8hj71_the-lonely-island-im-on-a-boat_music[/dailymotion]

You see, T-Pain is a celebrity. But Chris Mortensen is not.

mort

Chris Mortensen is a reporter. He’s a journalist. He’s a working man. In fact, he’s quite good at what he does. Why, just last week he broke the Vick story. He’s a damn good journalist.

So why was it that I saw Ravens fans chanting “We Want Mort” in Westminster Sunday? Why was PR guy Chad Steele handing Mort a “key to Training Camp?” Why is he traveling around in something that looks like it was most recently used by the Jonas Brothers?

Mort

Probably because this country can’t tell celebrities apart from those people who actually AREN’T celebrities.

But I’m not jealous of ESPN’s NFL Insider AT ALL. No sir. I just want to let you know in advance that I want my bus to look similar to Bret Michaels’……

bret

13-Girls Who Play With Their Hair

hair

Ladies-I’m going to let you in on a secret. Of course, it’s not really a secret; because I’m reasonably certain you already know. And of course, there’s probably about two of you reading. But bear with me.

Playing with your hair is what we like to call a “tell.” It means you’re into the guy you’re talking to. You do it because you’re nervous (or “flustered” as I like to say).

Please don’t stop. I find it particularly attractive. And in my mind, everything you do revolves around me.

That is all.

14-Kenny Chesney & Dave Matthews

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lpXNGtS2dBs[/youtube]

You guys were really not going to mention that this had happened? Okay. No problem. Just remember that the next time I hear that this girl wants to come over your house and play Madden 10 in her underwear, I’m not telling you.

underwear

It’s just how it works around here. Sorry you had to find out this way.

15-Duck Sauce

duck

Are barbecue sauce and hot sauce superior condiments? Quite possibly. But is duck sauce pretty damn good too. Yeah, yeah it is. If you’re not familiar; stop by your local PF Chang’s and pick up 8-10 packets. You don’t even necessarily need anything to put it on. Just squeeze directly into your mouth.

Trust me on this one.

You got lucky……

1-Michael Vick

This one pretty much goes without saying, right?

By the way, does anyone even remember the whole “Ron Mexico” thing anymore? That was like the greatest story of all time!

Once again, innocence lost.

2-Brian Vickers

Apparently another dude ran out of gas late in today’s “NASCAR Race 400″, allowing Vickers to take the checkered flag. I’d tell you more about Vickers’ win; but you’d just start reading something else.

Seriously, is there anything worse than NASCAR? I mean, other than a night out with Steve Melewski?

“Let’s go back and watch some Matt Albers highlight tapes!”

Speaking of which, unfortunately Melewski (who got a little antsy this weekend on Facebook) declined my invitation to play in Sunday’s Maryland Cornhole Cup.

Which only means he’s gonna have to come out for the next WNST Horseshoes Night at the Angle Inn. Man up Steve. We need to make Perry Hall High proud.

3-Cleo Lemon and John Beck

Does anyone in the world have more pull than Cam Cameron???

“Harbs-I know the Dolphins went 1-15 when I was the coach, but I’ve got a feeling that we should sign EVERY QUARTERBACK THAT WAS ON OUR ROSTER.”

Jesus, if the Ravens sign any more former Dolphins, I’m pretty sure the winner of the Graham Gano-Steve Hauschka kicking battle will end up being this “man”…….

ace

(Edit from GMC: That’s right. A Ray Finkel joke. “LACES OUT, DAN!”)

4-Dave Trembley

You gotta love Andy MacPhail’s vote of confidence: “Congratulations Dave, your job is safe. For about 6 weeks anyway.”

You have to love the Birds’ effort against the Angels Sunday even more. In fact, I’m pretty sure it might be a future MASN commercial…..

“My defining moment? Orioles-Angels! Guts is struggling, and the Birds are down 4-0. But B-Rob gets it going, and the Birds come back not once, not twice, but THREE TIMES after the Adam Jones show sent the game to extra innings. Sure the Birds ended up losing 17-8, but a team that can come back 3 times in one game is a team I’m gonna stick behind!”

5-Brandon Marshall

Do I have to be the one to point out that Marcus Smith IS going to be out for the season?

6-Hiroki Kuroda, Ian Kinsler, and David Wright

And by “lucky”, I mean “lucky to be alive.” If any of these things…….

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dM1cRDEuRmM[/youtube]
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mXqkd3BaJGM[/youtube]
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NDiUmanSlEM[/youtube]

…..happened to me, I’m pretty sure I’d say “you know what guys, it’s been a nice run; I think I’ll switch to doing ANYTHING ELSE instead.”

7-Washington, DC drinkers

My friend Joseph Bryant Diaz (of the world famous “Drip & Diaz” show) made a visit to Washington, DC this weekend. Despite the city having one major, MAJOR problem (their football team is the worst thing that has ever happened to professional sports); I decided to go visit him. He was staying in the “DuPont Circle” area. I put “DuPont Circle” in quotes because DC is so awful that I have never actually heard of the area until this weekend. We were wandering around area establishments all evening, running up ridiculous bar tabs, dodging DC’s finest, and wondering if Diaz (who just so happens to be a paraplegic) was in danger of getting a RUI (which of course stands for “rolling” under the influence”).

The evening appeared to be coming to a close when a friend of mine said “hey, let’s go in here.”

kramerbooks

I said to her “I know it’s late; but I don’t think the 87 Summer Ales I’ve had will necessarily make me want to read.”

But she knew something I didn’t. As nestled inside “Kramerbooks” was this…..

books

You see, there’s a bar inside Kramerbooks, and despite the fact that it was 2:30; they still had brews available; as DC doesn’t stop serving until 3am!

You know what? Your football team STILL SUCKS…….but I give respect when it’s due.

Well played, nation’s capital.

You’re a zero……

Playboy

Look. Heidi Montag is hot, there’s no debating that. But this marks 2 straight issues of Playboy where the cover girl has inexplicably NOT BEEN NAKED…….

montag

Disclaimer: She shows her ass. And it’s LOVELY. But isn’t that the exact same thing you can see in “Better Homes and Gardens”?

(Editor’s note: My roommate subscribes to Playboy. I would never do such a thing.)

(Editor’s note Part 2: I’m more of a Hustler man myself.)

(Editor’s note Part 3: The AVP Tour’s “Team Gorgeous” DOES get naked in this issue of Playboy……

gorgeous

…….it isn’t disappointing.)

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983……..

-G

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Tuesday Morning’s Crabs and Beer

Posted on 14 July 2009 by Glenn Clark

Did Derrick Mason retire yesterday? Yes. Will Derrick Mason remain retired? I’d lean to no. Not because I know anything, that’s just an emotion I have.

But I know this much. The Ravens needed to address the WR position BEFORE Derrick Mason announced his retirement. They have nothing under contract beyond this season, and I didn’t think the group was a Super Bowl-caliber group BEFORE Mason’s retirement.

I’ve tossed Plaxico Burress’ name around a lot recently because I have talked to a NUMBER of people who have played and worked with Plaxico in the past; and they’ve all basically told me the same thing….

“He’s not the smartest guy in the world, but he’s not an a**hole.”

The basic vibe I get from those in the NFL world is that Burress is a guy who people like having on their team. He’s not a cancer, he’s not divisive, and he’s not going to tear your locker room apart.

But Burress is clearly a question mark based around the fact that his ability to actually see the field is up in the air. Should Plaxico be suspended for the first 8 games of the NFL season (that’s just a number, no fact to it whatsoever), would the Ravens benefit from hoping the guy can just slide in and put up numbers in the 2nd half of the season?

I think there’s an argument that the Ravens truly believe Joe Flacco has improved to the point where he can make the players around him better. That’s not insane. Miles Austin wasn’t a guy you’d pencil in as a reliable WR, but the Cowboys trusted Tony Romo could make him better. That move certainly appears to be working. Can we just assume that Flacco will make Demetrius Williams or Marcus Smith better?

I’m not going to go out on that limb just yet.

Let’s see what everyone else has to say…..

Best of Monday’s WNST Blogs:

Drew Forrester wonders how much Ravens fans ‘trust’ Newsome

Nestor Aparicio says retirement may be ‘negotiating ploy’

Glenn Clark wouldn’t be surprised if Raven announces retirement via Facebook in future

Drew Forrester ‘not buying’ Mason’s retirement

Luke Jones says Marty Booker, DJ Hackett, Jerry Porter could also be options for Ravens

Jerry Reinhardt thinks Mason ‘hurt and grieving’

Tom Clayton says O’s ‘where he expected them’ to be at All-Star break

Glenn Clark says Phelps will be on TV plenty this week

Glenn Clark excited for Baysox ‘pillow fight’

Rex Snider says ‘Thank You’ for supporting Curing Cancer One Call at a Time

Ed Frankovic says Boyd Gordon returning to Caps

RAVENS:

JOCKLife.com says Mason retiring because he’s no longer ‘enthused’ to play football

The Official Site’s Mike Duffy says Mason reportedly set to retire, but hasn’t filed paperwork

The Official Site’s Mike Duffy says 52 ‘only’ Raven to take podium at McNair’s funeral

The Official Site’s Mike Duffy says deadline to extend Suggs tomorrow

The Official Site’s Geoff Peckham says Flacco not over the top about expectations for season

The Sun’s Jamison Hensley says Mason won’t change his mind based on anything to do with Ravens

The Sun says Mason 9th amongst active players in receiving yards, receptions

The Sun’s Jamison Hensley says ‘no signs’ exist that Ravens, Suggs will reach agreement before deadline

The Sun’s Peter Schmuck says Mason seemed ‘less sure’ about decision in ESPN News interview

Carroll County Times’ Aaron Wilson says Newsome on vacation this week while Suggs contemplates signing deal

Carroll County Times’ Aaron Wilson says teammate Le’Ron McClain wondered if Mason just ‘emotional’

The AP says Mason’s agent C. Lamont Smith reports WR won’t field media requests for next 2 weeks

Tennessean’s Jim Wyatt says many analysts think coming up ‘yard short’ in Super Bowl could keep McNair out of Hall of Fame

NFL.com’s Pat Kirwan says Marvin Harrison, Amani Toomer, Matt Jones could be options for Ravens

USA Today’s Sean Leahy says Mason’s agent previously listed as ‘creator’ of JOCKLife.com

NBC Sports’ Mike Florio (it looks weird to me) says Fabian Washington took to Twitter to voice unhappiness about Mason’s retirement

ESPN.com’s James Walker says starting Clayton, Williams ‘won’t cut it’

ESPN.com’s James Walker says WR depth was ‘weakness’ for Ravens before Mason retirement

ESPN.com’s James Walker says Suggs can choose to sit out part of Training Camp again

ORIOLES:

The Official Site’s Spencer Fordin and Jonathan Mayo say Jones ‘thrilled’ to represent Baltimore at All-Star Game

The Sun’s Dan Connolly says Jones will be first Bird since ’72 to wear ‘Baltimore’ on chest at ASG

Carroll County Times’ Josh Land says Jones not getting ‘worked up’ about St. Louis trip

ORIOLES MINOR LEAGUES:

Bowie Baysox Official Site says Pinckney homered for Baysox in win over Altoona

Frederick Keys Official Site says Billy Rowell’s RBI single not enough in loss to Indians

Delmarva Shorebirds Official Site says Joseph Mahoney homered for Shorebirds in 19-0 win over Lexington

Bluefield Orioles Official Site says Justin Moore loser as Orioles fell to Princeton

The Sun’s Dean Jones Jr. says David Hernandez allowed just 1 run over 4 innings but got no decision as Baysox topped Curve

The Sun’s Peter Schmuck says David Hernandez won’t stay in Bowie

The Sun’s Peter Schmuck says Matusz may receive every honor from organization

Frederick News-Post’s Greg Swatek says Ryan Adams’ blunder in 10th helped Kinston past Frederick

Frederick News-Post’s Stan Goldberg says Sarfate to make rehab appearance with Keys tonight

TERRAPINS FOOTBALL:

Washington Times’ Patrick Stevens says return game should be set with Torrey Smith, etc.

ESPN.com’s Heather Dinich says Terps, Duke getting no love from preseason publications

Terrapin Times’ Mark Clem says QB prospect Connor Eck camped with Terps (must subscribe)

Terrapin Times’ Mark Clem says Terps interested in Northwestern WR prospect Daniel Adams (must subscribe)

Terrapin Times’ Mark Clem says incoming kicker Ferrara participated in New York All-Star Game (must subscribe)

Turtle Sports Report’s John Talty says Terps interested in 2010 safety prospect Phillip George

TERRAPINS BASKETBALL:

The Sun’s Matt Bracken says target Cezar Guerrero getting comparisons to Vasquez

Washington Post’s Steve Yanda says Jin Soo Kim changed name to Jin Soo Choi

TERRAPINS WOMEN’S BASKETBALL:

The Diamondback’s Aaron Kraut says Toliver finally had ‘breakthrough’ game for Chicago Sky in young WNBA career

HOPKINS FOOTBALL:

The Official Site says OT Stoffel recognized by preseason publication

NAVY FOOTBALL:

The Sun says Sept. 19 game at Pitt to kick off at 6pm, Oct. 10 game at Rice to kick off at 2:30pm

Washington Times’ Patrick Stevens says TV details not announced yet for game at Heinz Field

SALISBURY FOOTBALL:

The Official Site says Gulls set to join Empire 8 Conference in 2011

BLAST:

The Official Site says Bascome to host players in Bermuda

The Official Site says players to participate in ESPNZone event

HORSE RACING:

Daily Racing Form’s Jay Privman says Preakness winner Rachel Alexandra worked out at Saratoga Monday

Daily Racing Form’s Marcus Hersh says Acoma won’t run in Delaware Handicap if Rachel Alexandra does

Daily Racing Form’s Marty McGee says Derby winner Mine That Bird breezed Monday at Churchill Downs

Thoroughbred Times’ Jeff Lowe says Mine That Bird getting ready for West Virginia Derby next

SWIMMING:

Washington Post’s John Feinstein says Phelps, Woods, Federer, Armstrong all-time greats all competing this July

TENNIS:

Tribune Newspapers’ Chuck Culpepper says Wimbledon was ‘learning experience’ for Ellicott City’s Capra

SOME QUICK THOUGHTS:

-Adam Jones is participating in the All-Star Game tonight. I hope I’ll be able to stick around long enough to see him get into the game.

Talk to you tomorrow.

-G

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15-7-0

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15-7-0

Posted on 06 July 2009 by Glenn Clark

Let me start by saying this…..

The last time I spoke to Steve McNair was in January, right before the event he did with us down in Nashville. The call came in WELL after midnight on Thursday night; and Steve was the subject of controversy in Tennessee because he was going to be involved with a “Ravens rally” before a playoff game against the Titans organization whose existence he was so synonamous with. Steve’s manager had called me the day before to say he couldn’t be involved with the event. But Steve himself called me very late/very early Friday to say “I gotta do it man. I gotta do it for the kids.” I asked Steve if he knew what time it was, and he said “Yeah, but I had to let you know man.”

The event stood to benefit the Ronald McDonald House, which was particularly important to Steve. I was really happy to know that Steve was willing to stand up in the face of the people who challenged him.

I couldn’t tell you much more about Steve personally. I met him immediately when he was first traded to Baltimore, and I unfortunately left for Phoenix right before his two year run here began. I just never really got the chance to get to know him much more than that. As the news has unfolded this weekend, I’ve been a mess of emotions, and have thought so much about how much I admired the guy. I am not ashamed to admit that I respect Jeff Fisher in a way that might be borderline “man crush”, and I will admit that during the rivalry with the Titans early this century I always felt that the Titans franchise was remarkably similar to the Ravens, and I couldn’t help but respect their team (as long as the Ravens beat them on the field).

I thought about skipping this weekend’s 15-7-0; but it was important to me to laugh. I remember the day of Sean Taylor’s unthinkable murder, I was asked to do my daily 15 minute comedy bit for a radio show I worked for at the time. It seemed strange, but I felt it comfortable to mention the tragedy, and then ask for permission to try to have fun. It was KINDA like the time Lorne Michaels asked Rudy Giuliani if SNL was allowed to be “funny” when they came back after 9/11. “America’s Mayor” responded with the simple quip “Why start now?”

So I’m asking your permission to have fun. I’d ask for permission to be funny, but I know you’d have a smart one-liner for me. There won’t be anything more about Steve in here. I’ll let that play out on its own.

As a note, since this weekend started on Thursday night. Read accordingly.

You get props….

1-Joey Chestnut

hero

So, many of you know that at some point in my life I’m finally going to get around to writing my book. My book will of course be about the great Juan Dixon, and it will be called “We Needed A Hero.” The book will get that title because sports fans from this region who are about my age really never had a true “hero” until Juan Dixon came around. I’ll spare you the details of the book other than to ask that you buy it (if I actually finally get around to actually writing the damn thing). But anyway, buy my book.

Oh right, Joey Chestnut. You see, the moral of the story is that years later; we finally have our next great hero. I’ve seen a number of great accomplishments in my day; but standing on a street corner in Brooklyn to watch our greatest American champion successfully defend his crown and smash his own world record; I’d be lying to you if I said it didn’t bring a tear to my eye. Or that I didn’t rush up on stage the very second the contest was over to give the man a hug.

The best thing “Jaws” said to me all day?

“Plus, you know, I think the hot dogs are really good.”

This man is a hero America. Get on board now.

2-Adam Jones

Upon hearing the news that he had made the American League’s All-Star team as the lone representative from the Baltimore Orioles, Adam Jones released this statement……

“This is a big day for me. I feel like I have been named the prettiest girl at fat camp.”

(Editor’s note: No, no, he really said it. Just trust me. I mean, why would I lie to you if financial gain wasn’t an option?)

3-Tiger Woods

Do you think the invitations to Tiger’s event read like this…..

“Please come to my party, where you can enjoy watching me kick your ass. Cake and punch will be available.”

Also, you’ll be seeing this video (or actually Comcast SportsNet’s version of this video) a lot over the next 24 hours…..

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S6hFVgur8W8[/youtube]

4-Shin-Soo Choo, Derek Lee, Justin Morneau and Casey McGehee

In other baseball news this weekend, Jason Bay made the All-Star team despite toting just a .260 average and going 0-5 with 5 strikeouts against the Orioles last week. But I think people from Boston are really smart. For example, this guy is an elected official……

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RbK4cL3QSc0&feature=player_embedded[/youtube]

Your city is awful, your people are worse. I guess I’ll throw in a shout-out to Tim Wakefield, who made his first All-Star team since 1963.

5-Serena Williams

For absolutely no reason at all, I’d like to remind you of what Serena Williams looks like in a bikini.

serena

If this isn’t a reminder of why America is the greatest country on the face of the planet, I don’t know what else you’re looking for. Seriously, this country rules. And Serena is apparently pretty good at tennis too.

6-Robbie Rogers

I would love Robbie Rogers even if he wasn’t the man of the match in the US’s win over Grenada. That is of course because Robbie went to the greatest school in the history of the world, a proud Maryland Terrapin.

I know what you’re thinking. “Glenn, does that mean that no matter what, you just immediately love every person that went to the University of Maryland, no matter who they are?”

Well, the answer is yes. Except for these guys anyway……

md

Ehhhh….who am I kidding? Even those guys.

7-Justin Turner, Radhames Liz, and Chris Salberg

Congratulations also go out to Jim Miller and Chris Tillman of the Norfolk Tides, who were each named to the International League’s All-Star team for next week’s game in Portland.

Wait……their reward is to spend three days in Portland that they could have spent on vacation?

I’m sorry…..there are no consolation prizes available.

8-Matt Russell

Remember how I said Tim Kennedy was my favorite soldier in the world? He has company. There’s really nothing about Matt Russell that falls into the category of “news” from this weekend, but Matt Russell is a former Navy goalie and current Washington Bayhawk who is currently serving in Iraq. For that, he kicks ass. And I know he’s not the only athlete who is serving or who has served recently, but he’s the only one that I had a story about waiting for me in my Inbox. And it is REALLY hard for me to go searching for other stories when I know that there is an episode of “Kendra” waiting on my Comcast DVR.

russell

So here’s to you Matt Russell. When you get home, I’m buying you a Blue Moon. I’d buy you more, but how would you drive me home?

9-Rick Maese

I get the feeling that I am going to SERIOUSLY regret the fact that I wasn’t able to hang out more with Rick Maese while he was working in Baltimore. I mean, it’s not as if I never knew the guy, but something tells me he would have been the perfect candidate to have me pass out on his floor after a weekend with Mike Grinnon in College Park.

nude

Rick recently took a new gig with the Washington Post as a Redskins beat writer following his dismissal from The Sun. He did an interview last week with the humorous DC-sports Blog “Mister Irrelevant”, and here are some of the many gems….

When asked about his firing while covering a game at Camden Yards:

No, it wasn’t cool, but there’s probably no perfect way to whack an employee. I didn’t need a hug or a pat on the back or a Baltimore Sun souvenir mug on my way out the door.

I’m a couple of months removed now and I mostly feel sadness. The Sun is important to Baltimore, and there’s still a lot of good people trying to do good work. To me, what’s happened there isn’t fair to these people who are on the ground — who are actually practicing journalism — and it’s not fair to the people of Baltimore who depend on the Sun in so many ways. So it’s sad to me. I sincerely hope the people steering the ship have a plan. In a perfect world, newspapers are run by journalists, not kamikaze pilots.

When asked about how he’s been spending his time off:

My recent extended vacation has forced me to figure out what else I like to do to pass the time. I’m big into music. In the past few weeks, I’ve seen Drive-By Truckers, Old 97s, Martin Sexton, Gaslight Anthem, Roger Clyne & the Peacemakers and Michael Jackson. Wait, scratch that last one. No one will ever top David Bowie or the Beatles. Seen Bowie once. Supposed to see him a second time, down in Miami several years back, but the show was canceled. After the opening act, some dude fell from the catwalk and died on the stage. Bowie never came out. I’m not sure anyone’s death has affected me quite so profoundly.

And on his memories from The Sun:

I’m going to sidestep your question slightly. I’m saving the embarrassing athlete stories for Larry King. Or. Maybe my best-man toast at Gary Williams’ wedding.

Anyhow, when I look back at my time with the Sun, it won’t be a singular story or some home movie. It’s more like flipping through a photo album. Going to work each day at one of the best ballparks in the country. Meeting Ali. China with Cal. China with Phelps. Brian Billick quotes. The student section at Comcast. Dressing as Lincoln and making a mockery of the Presidents Race. Getting an earful each morning from Angelos’ loyal staff subjects. Barbaro. Blindly hunting for Miguel Tejada in the Dominican Republic. Witnessing Dan Steinberg’s ongoing mental breakdown. And that unforgettable Orioles’ World Series. Wait, scratch that last one.

Anyone else get the feeling he’s better off?

10-Micah Owings

Hits a home run and throws a gem in a win. He goes both ways. Sorta like Tila Tequila…..

Tila Tequila

11-Keith Law

Here’s the quick explanation. Law is the man who came up with the quote “Sliced bread is the greatest thing since Matt Wieters” that the people over at MattWietersFacts.com turned into a t-shirt. So to bring everything full circle, Keith Law took a picture of himself wearing the t-shirt and holding a slice of bread.

law

Bringing things even fuller circle, the slice of bread was quoted as saying “You know what, that Matt Wieters fella is even more awesome than I am. Except of course when you slather Esskay bacon, lettuce, and tomato on me. Then I kick more ass than anything else in the world.”

12-Orange Blossom Cream Ale

creamale

I was a little worried that I was drinking a foreign brew on the 4th of July; but it’s from California. Which means it’s almost American!

13-Vladimir Guerrero

Do you ever get this feeling while you’re watching the Orioles:

“How come all of the good players play for the other teams?????”

14-Fruit Salad

fruit

In a recent taste test conducted by me; fruit salad was crowned heavyweight champion of the salad community. With no offense to pasta salad, macaroni salad, potato salad, or really anything else in the world; fruit salad is just much awesomer. So awesomer in fact that I decided to invent the word awesomer in order to be able to describe it.

15-America

At one point while standing on the corner of Surf and Stillwell in Coney Island Saturday, I looked at a friend of mine and said “is there anything greater about our country than being here on this day?”

Joey Chestnut was introduced to the crowd at Nathan’s Famous to the tune “Baba O’Reilly” by The Who. My pal John Chambers (buy his stuff on iTunes) and I immediately started air guitaring every riff and belting out every lyric. We then looked at each other and I said to him “why the hell don’t they just change this song to our national anthem?” My pal agreed, and it wasn’t until about ten minutes later than my buddy finally wised up and said “Wait, The Who isn’t an American band.” I responded by saying “I know, but they should be.”

And for as much ass as our country kicks, I’m not completely certain it is a good thing that the most patriotic song most people my age could think of Saturday was this gem from “Team America World Police” that is ABSOLUTELY not safe for work. Unless your work is being Bob Saget. And if that’s the case, thanks for reading Bob.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZdJRDpLHbw[/youtube]

You got lucky…….

1-Roger Federer

I’m not the type to take away from a man on the day of one of his greatest accomplishments, but damnit I thought Andy was finally going to do it today. I had 7 years worth of frustration pent up as an American tennis fan that I was ready to release, too. Here’s a bet I’d like to get advice on…..which happens first: an American wins a grand slam or the Orioles make the playoffs? Chew on that.

Anyway, at least having Pete Sampras in the crowd meant we got to see a few screen shots of the great Veronica Vaughn….

madison

…….and the reminder of Bridgette Wilson’s existence also reminds me that every girl I’ve ever met named Veronica has received this response from me…..”Veronica Vaughn……want to touch the heiney”

These are also reminders that there was a time when Adam Sandler was funny. That’s a pleasant memory.

2-Tony Stewart

Do you get the feeling that a newspaper in Daytona probably said “4th of July Fireworks Come ON Track in Race”?

Tony Stewart won the race. Kyle Busch wrecked on the last lap. I think I need a bigger iPod. Can someone donate one?

More NASCAR analysis later.*

(*By “later” I mean “likely never.”)

3-Ron Artest

This was the same guy who asked his team for some time off so he could promote his rap record.

Now, he’s an outstanding player again, and he’s going to pocket big money to go out to Los Angeles and collect championships with Kobe Bryant.

Nice life.

4-Manny Ramirez

Is there a less likeable guy who is more popular? If I was Sammy Sosa, I’d be kicking myself that I never thought to grow out dreadlocks. Or win two World Series titles. I guess there is a difference.

5-Ian Gregory

Look, this isn’t about Ian Gregory necessarily being lucky. A young man who has had to go through cancer absolutely deserves the chance to hang out with his favorite football team; even if he has a terrible parent who allowed him to root for the Cowboys.

What this is really about is the fact that it is “My Wish” week again on SportsCenter; which means their had better be a fresh box of Kleenex somewhere around the apartment. I wish I was kidding; but these damn videos ALWAYS leave me in tears.

Trust me, I hope Marion Barber turns his ankle in the first week of the season (unless I end up drafting him); but damnit I can’t help rooting for the guy for at least 3-4 minutes.

Here it is…..

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hD2lplGRisw[/youtube]

6-Shoot The Freak

coney

Only in New York. Nothing like wandering down the street and hearing “Shoot the freak in the freaking head!” or “It’s Coney Island, what did you expect?”

How this attraction still exists I don’t know; but there’s a part of me that’s glad it does. Look, New York isn’t for everyone. For example, I went to something called Rubulad while I was in town this weekend, and after my 4th or 5th Pabst Blue Ribbon; I decided it probably wasn’t for me.

But I wasn’t sure how to get off the roof.

Or why the cow next to me was watching a silent film on a projector.

And I only wish I had a camera to prove these things.

7-The Luckiest Dang Gal On The Face Of The Planet

skeeball

Now, I know that having the name “The Luckiest Dang Gal on the Face of the Planet” would tend to lead to the idea that the subject is, in fact “lucky”, but something I learned this weekend officially makes her even luckier.

The Skee-ball lanes above are at the Coney Island Arcade. When we arrived there Saturday while our friends took in the Wonder Wheel; I immediately requested $5 worth of quarters from the man in the Arcade so I could show off my freakish pop-a-shot basketball prowess; as well as my relatively mediocre Skee-ball stardom. I took the quarters, handed a couple to TLDGOTFOTP, and placed mine in the Skee-Ball machine nearest me. It was at that moment that potentially the most fateful words in the short history of our relationship were spoken…..

“I’ve never played Skee-Ball before.”

I know what you’re thinking.

“Glenn, how did you not leave her right there in that Coney Island Arcade and let her find her own way back to whatever people might still accept her?”

Trust me, I considered it.

But I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt, and a chance to show she was a quick learner.

But I was wrong.

Her first ball was thrown overhand.

Her send bounced right back in her face.

I’m pressing on for now, but I have to admit that the future of our relationship is still in doubt.

HOW IN THE HELL HAVE YOU NEVER PLAYED SKEE-BALL??????

You’re a zero……

Kansas City Royals

I know it sounds like I’m piling on; but the story of what they did to Baseball Prospectus’ Rany Jazayerli is practically Bader-istic.

The long and short of it? The Royals didn’t like something Jazayerli blogged; so they threatened to cut him off completely from the team…….and anyone (including radio shows) who associated with him as well.

Jazayerli is (of course) amongst the biggest Royals fans on the planet.

Somewhere Steve Melewski was thinking to himeself “I think the Royals are really doing a good job.”

-G

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