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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 29 August 2011 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: College Soccer-Stanford @ Maryland (Friday 7:30pm Ludwig Field), Radford @ Maryland (Sunday 7pm Ludwig Field); Holiday Inn Express BWI Classic: St. Francis @ UMBC (Thursday 7pm Retriever Soccer Park), Fairleigh Dickinson @ UMBC (Saturday 7pm Retriever Soccer Park); Boxing: Jan Zaveck vs. Andre Berto (Saturday 10:30pm from Biloxi, MI live on HBO); WNBA: Atlanta Dream @ Washington Mystics (Thursday 7pm Verizon Center), Washington Mystics @ Atlanta Dream (Friday 7:30pm from Atlanta live on NBA TV), Connecticut Sun @ Washington Mystics (Sunday 4pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet/NBA TV)

10. UPROAR Festival feat. Avenged Sevenfold, Three Days Grace, Seether, Sevendust (Wednesday 2pm Jiffy Lube Live), Jimmy Buffett (Thursday 8pm Jiffy Lube Live), Stevie Nicks (Saturday 8pm Jiffy Lube Live), Journey/Night Ranger (Sunday 7pm Jiffy Lube Live); Lyle Lovett & His Large Band (Tuesday 8pm Wolf Trap); Olivia Newton-John & Terrell Owens host Cancer Awareness Event feat. Kelly Bell Band (Saturday 6:30pm Rams Head Live); The Hold Steady (Thursday 7pm 9:30 Club), Umphrey’s McGee (Friday & Saturday 8pm 9:30 Club); B.B. King & Buddy Guy (Tuesday 7:30pm D.A.R. Constitution Hall), The Script (Thursday 7:30pm D.A.R. Constitution Hall); Fuel (Friday 7pm Jaxx); Blake Shelton (Saturday 7:30pm Timonium Fairgrounds), All Time Low (Sunday 7:30pm Timonium Fairgrounds); Jimmie’s Chicken Shack (Friday 8:15pm Baltimore Grand Prix Party Zone), The Bridge/Collective Soul (Saturday 7pm Baltimore Grand Prix Party Zone); Red Hot Chili Peppers “I’m With You”, Lil’ Wayne “Tha Carter IV”, Counting Crows “August & Everything After: Live From Town Hall”, Lenny Kravitz “Black And White America” available in stores/on iTunes (Tuesday)

I won’t make the rescheduled version of Jimmy Buffett either, but somewhere in the comfort of my own home I’ll probably be singing “Fins”…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tNrM7DnYz4Y[/youtube]

Drew Forrester plays tunes from The Hold Steady sometimes on “The Morning Reaction”. I’m a fan…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Isvn_Dsj2bA[/youtube]

I’m so bitter that all of the good shows are in DC this week. Men shouldn’t admit to enjoying The Script as much as I do…but I REALLY enjoy The Script. A lot…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KMihKmoYfe8[/youtube]

WNST intern Ryan Morrison hooked me up with an advance copy of Tha Carter IV…I hope I’m not getting him in legal hot water by mentioning that. There was a humorous moment during Hurricane Irene where everyone in my house was singing along to this song. Don’t play it if you’re at work. Unless you work at The Gold Club. If you do, could you bring a Chap’s sandwich by the station Monday?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jl3QmFHk7D4[/youtube]

9. Maryland State Fair (Tuesday-Monday Timonium Fairgrounds); Maryland Renaissance Festival (Saturday-Monday RennFest Fairgrounds Crownsville); Glenn Clark’s Kickball Championship Round (Thursday 6:45pm Carsins Run Aberdeen)

I’m not sure which yet, but either Friday night or Monday early afternoon I’ll be at the fair. I have two goals. ONE-watching something get born in the Birthing Center and squirm like hell. TWO-Re-enact this picture…

msf

Glorious. Re-enacting THIS picture would also be an option…

horse

There’s a good chance I win the Breeders Cup at some point in the future.

Oh-I’m playing for a kickball title Thursday night in Aberdeen before the Ravens game. The hell with the Ravens game, no one that matters is playing. I’m playing for a kickball title. I’d love to have you guys come support us. You really owe me at least that much considering all I’ve done for you.

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 18 July 2011 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: Mixed Martial Arts: Strikeforce Challengers-Bobby Voelker vs. Roger Bowling (Friday 11pm from Las Vegas live on Showtime); WNBA: Atlanta Dream @ Washington Mystics (Wednesday 11:30am from Verizon Center live on NBA TV); Arena Football: AFL Spokane Shock @ Jacksonville Sharks (Friday 8pm from Jacksonville live on NFL Network); CFL: Edmonton Eskimos @ Calgary Stampeders (Saturday 7pm from Calgary live on NFL Network); Boxing: Friday Night Fights-Anthony Dirrell vs. Kevin Engel (Friday 9pm from Las Vegas live on ESPN2), Amir Khan vs. Zab Judah (Saturday 10pm from Las Vegas live on HBO); Roller Derby: Charm City Roller Girls (Saturday 5:30pm Du Burns Arena); Pro Lacrosse: MLL Long Island Lizards @ Chesapeake Bayhawks (Saturday 7pm from Navy-Marine Corps Memorial Stadium live on Comcast SportsNet/ESPN3.com)

10. Michael McDonald & Boz Scaggs (Tuesday 6:30pm Pier Six Pavilion), Dierks Bentley (Thursday 6pm Pier Six Pavilion); Wiz Khalifa (Sunday 3:30pm Merriweather Post Pavilion); Lucinda Williams/Amos Lee (Tuesday 8pm Wolf Trap), Emmylou Harris (Saturday 8pm Wolf Trap); Kid Cudi (Saturday 7pm Ocean City Inlet); Ted Nugent (Saturday 7pm Rams Head Live); Better Than Ezra (Friday 6pm Power Plant Live); Jimi Haha (Saturday 8pm Recher Theatre); Marc Cohn (Saturday 9pm Rams Head On Stage); Ellie Goulding (Monday 7pm 9:30 Club); Jonny Lang (Tuesday 7:30pm Birchmere), Carbon Leaf (Friday 7:30pm Birchmere); Brian McKnight (Friday 8pm Strathmore); Tom Papa (Thursday-Saturday DC Improv); 311 “Universal Pulse” available in stores/on iTunes (Tuesday)

I don’t care what Paul Rudd said in “40 Year Old Virgin”, Michael McDonald kicks ass. (Note: Michael McDonald doesn’t really kick ass. But “What a Fool Believes” does.)

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CDWGKQcQ8zw[/youtube]

It’s much too far a haul, but I’d be all in to go see Amos Lee…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qDOcbMic6mI[/youtube]

Can anyone help me find an affordable place to stay in OC this weekend? I’d REALLY like to go see Kid Cudi…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRPpLGxGNZY[/youtube]

If I don’t go to OC this weekend, I’m definitely going to see BTE Friday night. This song was the soundtrack to my 7th grade…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gl6gaF_6Wcs[/youtube]

9. Captain America” and “Friends With Benefits” open in theaters (Friday)

I’m all in on Captain America because…I mean…he’s Captain freaking America.

You might be surprised that I’m also in on FWB, but I am. Think about it. One-it’s a movie about Mila Kunis having sex…

kunis

Two-Justin Timberlake is legit funny…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dOulenjUr5E[/youtube]

(Eds. Note: Why would SNL try so hard to ruin him by shoving Kristen Wiig and Lady GaGa in this sketch?)

(Eds. Note 2: No way Friends With Benefits is REALLY funny.)

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 04 July 2011 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: Arena Football-AFL Cleveland Gladiators @ Philadelphia Soul (Friday 8pm from Philly live on NFL Network); Canadian Football League: Montreal Alouettes @ Saskatchewan Roughriders (Saturday 4pm from Saskatchewan live on NFL Network), Hamilton Tiger-Cats @ Edmonton Eskimos (Saturday 7pm from Edmonton live on NFL Network); WNBA: Washington Mystics @ Chicago Sky (Tuesday 8pm from Chicago live on ESPN3.com); Boxing: Brandon Rios vs. Urbano Antillon (Saturday 10pm from Carson, CA live on Showtime), Paul Williams vs. Erislandy Lara (Saturday 10:15pm from Atlantic City live on HBO), Friday Night Fights-Francisco Sierra vs. Jesus Gonzales (Friday 9pm from Phoenix live on ESPN2)

10. Bela Fleck & The Flecktones (Thursday 6pm Rams Head Live), Charm City Devils (Saturday 7:30pm Rams Head Live), Old 97′s (Monday 7pm Rams Head Live); Frankie Beverly & MAZE (Saturday 6pm Pier Six Pavilion); Animal Collective (Saturday 6:30pm Merriweather Post Pavilion); Def Leppard/Heart (Saturday 7:30pm Jiffy Lube Live); Marshall Tucker Band (Sunday 8pm Rams Head On Stage); John Witherspoon (Thursday-Sunday DC Improv); Rockapella (Thursday 7:30pm Meyerhoff Symphony Hall); The Bridge (Sunday 6pm Ladew Gardens)

The Old 97′s are the best band you’ve never heard of. (I’ve always wanted to say that!)

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1nn7lXP7WQ[/youtube]

I’ve been trying to get you to support John Allan and CCD boys for years. Please start soon.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cUB08-RuwdM[/youtube]

My favorite Def Leppard tune? Quite possibly “Photograph”…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZ5bS3_BCDs[/youtube]

For the 15th time this year, PLEASE START LISTENING TO THE BRIDGE…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ajY3mBuGVQk[/youtube]

9. “Horrible Bosses” opens in theaters (Friday); Boy Meets World Season 6 available on DVD (Tuesday)

I finally saw “Bridesmaids” over 4th of July weekend. How can Kristen Wiig not be funny at all on Saturday Night Live but then be genuinely funny in a really funny movie? Weird.

Critics are telling us Horrible Bosses is really funny, so I imagine I’ll see it. I am struggling with one of the plotlines being Charlie Day having problems with being sexually harassed by Jennifer Aniston however…

aniston

Nope. Not buying it.

And as far as BMW Season 6 goes, I remember the ridiculous range of emotions I experienced while watching the episode “Resurrection.” Tough to do this to a 13 year old kid, ABC.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wIv8WCIfD4Y[/youtube]

8. Pro Lacrosse: MLL All-Star Game (Saturday 7pm from Boston live on ESPN2)

Lord…they’ve won the Super Bowl three times, the World Series twice, the NBA Championship, the Stanley Cup and four Frozen Fours since 2001 and now they’re taking the All-Star Game in OUR sport?

Jesus, this is too much. Seriously, can’t we just have anything in Charm City? I mean, are they going to take this from us next???

backriver

7. Cycling: Tour De France (Stage 3 Tuesday 8am Stage 4 Wednesday 7:30am Stages 5-8 Thursday-Sunday 8am all live on VERSUS)

I couldn’t tell you a damn THING about the Tour de France at this point, and I follow Lance Armstrong on Twitter.

Instead, I offer a picture of Buffalo Chicken Waffle French Fries for my food porn friends…

fries

Word.

6. Auto Racing: NASCAR Quaker State 400 (Saturday 7:30pm from Sparta, KY live on TNT); IndyCar Series Honda Indy Toronto (Sunday 2pm from Toronto live on VERSUS)

Something called David Ragan won this week’s NASCAR race in Daytona. So…that happened.

Look-if it had been Brian Regan, I would have been interested…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89frRi8GgGA[/youtube]

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 27 June 2011 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: WNBA-Seattle Storm @ Washington Mystics (Sunday 4pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet); Arena Football: AFL Pittsburgh Power @ Orlando Predators (Friday 8pm from Orlando live on NFL Network); Canadian Football League: British Columbia Lions @ Montreal Alouettes (Thursday 7:30pm from Montreal live on NFL Network), Toronto Argonauts @ Calgary Stampeders (Saturday 8pm from Calgary live on NFL Network); NBA Collective Bargaining Agreement Expires (Friday); Cycling-Tour De France (Stage 1 Saturday Stage 2 Sunday Stage 3 Monday 8am live on VERSUS)

10. R. Kelly (Friday 8pm 1st Mariner Arena/Saturday 8pm Verizon Center); Trace Adkins (Friday 6:30pm Pier Six Pavilion); Kid Cudi (Saturday 6:30pm Merriweather Post Pavilion); Red/Red Jumpsuit Apparatus (Wednesday 6:30pm Rams Head Live); Todd Rundgren (Wednesday 8pm Rams Head On Stage); Matt and Kim (Tuesday 7pm 9:30 Club); “A Capitol Fourth” feat. Little Richard (Monday 8pm from the U.S. Capitol live on PBS); Uncle Sam Jam feat. Pat McGee Band & Blind Melon (Saturday 2pm National Harbor); Wale (Saturday 10pm Unitas Stadium), Transformers: Dark of the Moon (Wednesday) and Larry Crowne (Friday) open in theaters

You can make fun of me all you want. If you don’t dig “Honky Tonk Badonkadonk” you and I are simply going to have to agree to disagree…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vNVguvNE7qc[/youtube]

I really feel like I should dig Kid Cudi much more than I do. All told, he’s okay…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xt22KvnRSL4[/youtube]

I’ve actually seen Little Richard play once before…it was right after Maryland pasted Tennessee in the 2002 Peach Bowl. He played in the middle of downtown Atlanta, as they dropped a huge peach behind him. It kicked ass…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZ6h0kyqSRk[/youtube]

I don’t know how many more praises I can sing for Wale. Dude is incredible, even if he is an effing Redskins fan…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6zZqtYXDeh8[/youtube]

9. 4th of July Fireworks (Monday 9:30pm Inner Harbor); 4th of July parades/fireworks throughout Baltimore County (Saturday-Monday)

I’m partial myself to the Kingsville 4th of July parade having grown up on Bradshaw Road. As a youngster, it was nice to have something to do in town on Independence Day. Or at least a refreshing change of pace from what there was to do every other day in Kingsville…

nothing

So how did we get in so much trouble????

8. Boxing: IBF/WBO/WBA Heavyweight Championship Unification-Wladimir Klitschko vs. David Haye (Saturday 4:45pm from Hamburg, GER live on HBO), Friday Night Fights-Mark Melligen vs. Sebastian Lujan (Friday 11pm from San Antonio, TX live on ESPN2)

If a heavyweight title fight is held and no one pays attention, did it really happen?

This isn’t just a “everyone has a piece of the title so we’ll fight for a tenth of it” title fight, either. This is a legitimate “heavyweight championship of the world” title fight.

And yet…crickets.

Look, if Wladimir Klitschko wants people to pay attention to his next fight, I suggest he make it a “foxy boxing” contest against Jarah Marino (Thanks Guyism)…

jarah

Hey man…I know what I have to do to get page views, Wlad might have to do the same…

7. Auto Racing: NASCAR Coke Zero 400 (Saturday 7:30pm from Daytona, FL live on TNT)

I was in Charles Town, West Virginia Saturday night playing the ponies to celebrate a friend’s birthday. In the 5th race, the Number 5 horse literally through its’ jockey off not even a furlong in-only to go on to “win” the race by a nose. (Without the rider the win of course did not count.)

A young man standing near the rail near our party (who I’m reasonably certain was from WV) exclaimed “I ain’t never seen the #48 car do that!

So that’s what I’ve got from the world of NASCAR this week. Oh-apparently Kurt Busch won this week’s NASCAR race. And I saw Cars 2 Friday night! While I was sitting in the theater waiting for the flick to start, I Tweeted the following (follow me on Twitter @GlennClarkWNST)…

“Out to see #Cars2 tonight. #Thingsa27yearoldwithoutkidsshouldneverTweet”

So…yep…that’s all I’ve got for NASCAR. Honestly though, what did you expect?

6. Golf: PGA Tour AT&T National (Thursday & Friday 3pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday & Sunday 3pm live on CBS. All golf from Newton Square, PA); Champions Tour Principal Charity Classic (Friday 6:30pm Saturday & Sunday 7:30pm from West Des Moines, IA live on Golf Channel)

The National used to be an event that folks cared about because it was hosted by Tiger Woods. That was of course before Tiger Woods retired from competitive golf without having the decency to hold as much as a press conference to announce his decision.

Without Tiger, Drew Forrester will once again be the only person who cares even a little bit about the event. But since it’s near Philadelphia, it’s a great excuse to pass along this snippet of food porn…

patssteak

Look man…I’m no golf fan…but if watching a couple holes earned me a trip to Pat’s…I might be in.

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 20 June 2011 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: Pro Lacrosse-MLL Boston Cannons @ Chesapeake Bayhawks (Saturday 7pm Navy-Marine Corps Memorial Stadium); Arena Football: AFL Kansas City Command @ Utah Blaze (Friday 8pm from Salt Lake City live on NFL Network); Boxing: Friday Night Fights-John Molina vs. Robert Frankel (Friday 9pm from Temecula, CA live on ESPN2), Devon Alexander vs. Lucas Matthysse (Saturday 9:45 from St. Charles, MO live on HBO); WNBA: Indiana Fever @ Washington Mystics (Tuesday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Tulsa Shock @ Washington Mystics (Sunday 4pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet)

10. Bad Teacher” and “Cars 2” out in theaters (Friday)

Both of these flicks appear to be watchable at worst. Bad Teacher looks particularly good, as it includes the great Jason Segel…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5ZtwbzUFZE[/youtube]

…Phyllis from “The Office”…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eCZIfPAWMis[/youtube]

…and of course the great Justin Timberlake…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pi7gwX7rjOw[/youtube]

9. Roots Fest (Wednesday-Sunday “Highway to Nowhere”-Route 40, Franklin and N. Gilmor)

Perhaps the highlight of the event? The dialogue on the future of Baltimore…with the cast of “The Wire.”

Given the folks involved, is it safe to say that the future of Baltimore somehow involves drugs?

I’d pay ten dollars just to go and watch the guys re-enact their interrogations. Pardon the language…it’s art.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7EeFa8QOq_Y[/youtube]

8. Auto Racing: NASCAR Toyota/Save Mart 350 (Sunday 3pm from Sonoma, CA live on TNT); IndyCar Series Iowa Corn Indy 250 (Saturday 8pm from Newton, IA live on VERSUS)

Rex Snider said something on Twitter the other day about NASCAR TV ratings being up. I would have kept reading, but it involved NASCAR so I’m pretty sure no one cared.

Jeff Gordon recently won an event. With Cars 2 set to open soon, I will admit that I am much more concerned with how Jeff Gorvette is doing…

gorvette

7. Golf: PGA Tour Travelers Championship (Thursday & Friday 3pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday & Sunday 3pm live on CBS. All golf from Cromwell, Conn.); Champions Tour Dick’s Sporting Goods Open (Friday 6:30pm Saturday & Sunday 7:30pm from Endicott, NY live on Golf Channel); Wegmans LPGA Championship (Thursday & Friday 12:30pm Saturday & Sunday 4pm from Pittsford, NY live on Golf Channel)

With the U.S. Open in the books (and Rory McIlroy still making a birdie somewhere at Congressional), all of us not named Drew Forrester now go right back to doing exactly what we were doing before-not really giving a crap about golf.

You know how that would change? More Bubba Watson in overalls and “ooh-da-lolly lolly.”

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PM2NocuEihw[/youtube]

Seriously…these guys need to make one of these videos every week, especially if Tiger Woods is going to totally stop banging whores.

I mean, what the hell else are we supposed to do? Talk about golf???

6. Mixed Martial Arts: UFC Live 4-Nate Marquardt vs. Rick Story (Sunday 9pm from Pittsburgh live on VERSUS); Strikeforce Challengers-Caros Fodor vs. James Terry (Friday 11pm from Kent, WA live on Showtime)

A couple of things. One-Is Kevin Connolly REALLY interested in making a movie about the life of one-time MMA star Kimbo Slice? REALLY? Is Mr. T available to play him???

And also-did you see this picture of Conor Heun that Bloody Elbow posted after the Strikeforce event Saturday night? Looks normal at first…but keep looking at his right arm. I’ll give you about 5 seconds before you exclaim “Ohhhhh…………”

heun

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 13 June 2011 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: WNBA-Connecticut Sun @ Washington Mystics (Thursday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet); Lacrosse: MLL Chesapeake Bayhawks @ Long Island Lizards (Thursday 7:30pm from Hempstead, NY live on ESPN2/ESPN3.com); Boxing: Friday Night Fights-Fernando Guerrero vs. Grady Brewer (Friday 9pm from Austin, TX live on ESPN2), Canelo Alvarez vs. Ryan Rhodes (Saturday 10:30pm from Guadalajara, Mexico live on HBO)

10. Sade & John Legend (Thursday 7:30pm 1st Mariner Arena); Katy Perry (Wednesday 6pm Merriweather Post Pavilion); Owl City & Mat Kearney (Saturday 5:30pm Pier Six Pavilion); Rascal Flatts (Saturday 7pm Jiffy Lube Live); Patti LaBelle (Tuesday 8pm Wolf Trap), Elvis Costello & The Imposters (Wednesday 8pm Wolf Trap), Daryl Hall & John Oates (Monday 8pm Wolf Trap); Musiq Soulchild (Tuesday 7pm Rams Head Live), Michael Franti & Spearhead (Friday 7pm Rams Head Live), Pop Evil/Crossfade (Sunday 6pm Rams Head Live), Good Charlotte/Yellowcard (Monday 6:30pm Rams Head Live); The Bridge (Wednesday 8pm 8×10 Club); Pat McGee (Friday 6:30pm & 9:30pm Rams Head on Stage); Mark Curry (Thursday-Saturday Baltimore Comedy Factory); Aziz Ansari (Friday 7pm & 10pm Warner Theatre); “The Green Lantern” opens in theaters (Friday)

I was digging John Legend way before I ever heard his cover of Adele’s “Rolling In The Deep.” That being said, it DOES make me like him more…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SrQ4njrnnsI[/youtube]

When David Letterman had eight heart attacks, apparently Elvis Costello filled in for him one night and introduced himself as the musical guest. This is why YouTube exists, folks…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1XYFJUP84lE[/youtube]

If you’re not listening to Michael Franti, this is on you at this point. Get on it.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dh-8mw9MKbQ[/youtube]

Seeing Pat McGee playing solo makes me wonder what Pat McGee Band is doing. That being said, he’s pretty good on his own too…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzTL2woRzrI[/youtube]

9. Harford County Restaurant Week continues (Tuesday & Wednesday throughout Hazzard County)

Ho.ly. Crap.

You mean to tell me there’s a Chiapparelli’s in Havre de Grace and NONE of you a-holes told me?

Look, it will never replace the O.G. in Little Italy (which is actually closer to me), but it’s a potential refreshing change of pace when I need a fix.

Yes, I have an addiction…to Chips salad.

chips

What are everyone’s plans Wednesday night? I’m in if you are…

8. Charm City Roller Girls (Saturday 5:30pm Du Burns Arena)

You might not know this, but I’m a HUGE fan of the Roller Girls.

It isn’t just because the first time I went to see them I was greeted with Chipotle and Pabst Blue Ribbon, although I will admit it helped.

It’s also about the players’ names. For example…

Minnie Piledriver
Reckless Ndangerment
Frenzy Lohan
Duchess of Torque
Flo Shizzle
Coach Ballbricker
Dolly Rocket
Joy Collision
Pistol Whip

I offer one solid dollar for someone to come up with my own CCRG name. Not just a dollar…a SOLID dollar. Keep that in mind.

7. Auto Racing: NASCAR Heluva Good! Sour Cream Dips 400 (Sunday 1pm from Cambridge Township, MI live on TNT); IndyCar Series Milwaukee 225 (Sunday 3:30pm from West Allis, WI live on ABC)

I know some people are into this, but I’ve made no mistake that NASCAR and Auto Racing in general just aren’t for me.

You know how it WOULD be for me? If Rick From Reisterstown could call the races!!!!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TlmJsosYi_Y[/youtube]

Rick took the collar this year when Ruler On Ice claimed the Belmont instead of Shackleford. Seriously though, if you took your betting advice from Rick-I’ve got nothing for you.

6. NHL Playoffs: Stanley Cup Finals-Boston Bruins vs. Vancouver Canucks (Game 7 if necessary Wednesday 8pm from Vancouver live on NBC)

You’re thinking to yourself “Glenn, why is a potential Game 7 in the Stanley Cup Finals only number 7 on your list instead of being number 1???”

The answer is-of course-because if there’s a God (and I believe there will be), the Canucks will parade around Beantown with the Cup Monday night and Vancouver will simply be recovering from a 48 hour hangover Wednesday night.

If they win (either Monday OR Wednesday), we all agree that as a show of thanks for vanquishing the evil from Boston, we dress up like this on Friday, right?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A4ICMRAUEoE[/youtube]

5. Tennis: ATP Tour & WTA Tour Wimbledon (Opening Round Monday 7am from Wimbledon, ENG live on ESPN2/ESPN3.com)

The thing I like most about the fortnight is the chance to really watch the prettiest players in the sport go at it…

roddick

What did you think I was going to do? Post a picture of Caroline Wozniacki? This is the one grand slam event that Andy Roddick is actually (kinda) good at! Let me have SOMETHING!

By the way, I’m going to REALLY go out on a limb and say Rafael Nadal wins Wimbledon this year. Stunning, I know-but I hear he’s pretty good.

4. Soccer: Team USA vs. Guadeloupe (Tuesday 9pm from Kansas City live on Fox Soccer Channel); MLS-DC United @ Real Salt Lake (Saturday 9pm from Salt Lake City live on Comcast SportsNet)

What happened to Team USA against Panama Saturday night in Tampa Bay was nothing short of a debacle. Playing Van Halen tunes won’t make me feel a THING better about it, despite what some of your wisenheimers have tried doing on Facebook (search “Glenn Clark”) and Twitter (@WNST & @GlennClarkWNST).

There was SOMETHING good that came out of soccer this weekend though. If you haven’t seen the goal Eric Hassli scored for the Vancouver Whitecaps yet, thank me later.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8Vfdx7LEh4&feature=player_embedded#at=48[/youtube]

3. Mixed Martial Arts: Strikeforce Grand Prix Heavyweight Tournament-Allistair Overeem vs. Fabricio Werdum (Saturday 10pm from Dallas live on Showtime)

The disappointing part about Saturday’s event is that Gina Carano had to pull out of her fight.

Yes, that sentence WAS written in a way that would allow me to giggle about using the words “Gina Carano” and “pull out”.

I’d tell you more about the guys who ARE fighting, but wouldn’t we all just rather take another gander at the infamous weigh-in picture???

carano

Yep. Pants smaller.

2. Pro Wrestling: WWE Capitol Punishment (Sunday 8pm from Verizon Center live on Pay-Per-View); WWE Monday Night Raw (Monday 7:15from from 1st Mariner Arena live on USA Network)

Here’s the deal. Kelly Kelly will be in Baltimore Monday. If somehow she manages to leave town Tuesday, we’ve all failed.

kellykelly

1. Golf: PGA Tour/USGA U.S. Open (Thursday & Friday 10am & 5pm live on ESPN, 3pm live on NBC Saturday 2pm Sunday 1:30pm live on NBC. All golf from Congressional Country Club in Bethesda)

Harrison Frazar comes into the event red hot, having won the St. Jude Classic in Memphis. That inspires the question, “who the hell is Harrison Frazar?”

It inspires the additional, significantly more important question “did Harrison Frazar manage to get his family back after the win?”

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M9GwtRsOYSI[/youtube]

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 30 May 2011 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: Boxing-Sebastian Zbik vs. Julio Cesar Chavez Jr. (Saturday 10pm from Los Angeles live on HBO), Super Six World Boxing Classic Semifinals-Carl Froch vs. Glen Johnson (Saturday 9pm from Atlantic City live on Showtime); Arena Football: AFL Jacksonville Sharks @ New Orleans VooDoo (Friday 8pm from New Orleans live on NFL Network)

10. Rihanna/Cee-Lo Green (Saturday 7:30pm 1st Mariner Arena); New Kids on the Block/Backstreet Boys (Friday 7:30pm Verizon Center); Gabriel Iglesias/Russell Peters/Lisa Lampinelli (Friday 8pm Patriot Center); Creedence Clearwater Revisited/Three Dog Night (Friday 6pm Pier Six Pavilion); Capital Jazz Fest feat. Herbie Hancock, Natalie Cole, etc. (Friday-Sunday Merriweather Post Pavilion); Matt and Kim (Wednesday 7pm Rams Head Live), Steel Pulse (Saturday 8pm Rams Head Live); Against Me! (Friday 7pm Recher Theatre), Bang Tango/Kip Winger (Saturday 6:30pm Recher Theatre); Chuck Brown (Saturday 8pm & 11pm Rams Head On Stage); Death Cab For Cutie (Friday 8pm 9:30 Club); The Bridge (Wednesday 8pm 8×10 Club); Bone Thugs N Harmony (Tuesday 7pm Bourbon Street); Bill Cosby (Thursday 8pm Wolf Trap), Trombone Shorty & Orleans Avenue (Sunday 2pm Wolf Trap); Brian Wilson (Monday 8pm Wolf Trap); Kenny Chesney/Zac Brown Band (Saturday 4:30pm FedEx Field); The Script (Sunday 7:30pm D.A.R. Constitution Hall); “X-Men: First Class” opens in theaters (Friday); Monster-Mania Con 18 (Friday-Sunday Baltimore Marriott Hunt Valley Inn)

First of all, there is simply no excuse if you’re not listening to The Bridge. They’re local, they’re outstanding and they’re really good looking. (Did I just say that?)

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CmLaasnUiXw[/youtube]

There’s a really good chance I stand across the water and watch Three Dog Night. I mean, wouldn’t you?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-2wutEzjy_E[/youtube]

I’m a little embarrassed by how much I enjoy The Script. I feel like I might as well be a chick.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CPEBN2dVNUY[/youtube]

I can’t believe Zac Brown Band has to open for Kenny Chesney. Lord knows it should be the other way around…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ChmnEFUGoA[/youtube]

9. Auto Racing: NASCAR STP 400 (Sunday 1pm from Kansas City, KS live on FOX)

I never really enjoyed watching auto racing to begin with, so I have to assume that the racing gods will be willing to make sure every race ends with someone doing something idiotic on the last lap just to make sure we have something to talk about the next day, right?

For what it’s worth, I’m sure JR Hildebrand will always appreciate the Christmas cards he’ll get from Jean Van De Velde FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE.

“Thinking about you pal. Know if must be tough…again.”

And then there’s Dale Earnhardt Jr. I get the feeling he just didn’t want the Chicago Cubs to feel like they didn’t have company.

Right?

8. Golf: PGA Tour The Memorial (Thursday & Friday 3pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday 3pm Sunday 2:30pm live on CBS. All golf from Dublin, OH); Champions Tour Principal Charity Classic (Friday 6:30pm Saturday & Sunday 7:30pm from West Des Moines, IA live on Golf Channel); LPGA Tour ShopRite LPGA Classic (Friday 12pm Saturday 5pm Sunday 4:30pm from Galloway, NJ on Golf Channel); Nationwide Tour Melwood Prince George’s County Open presented by Under Armour (Thursday & Friday 12:30pm Saturday 2:30pm Sunday 1:30pm from University of Maryland Golf Course in College Park live on Golf Channel)

At last week’s event, some guy I’ve never heard of beat some guy I’ve never heard of in a playoff. But good news! The guy who won is the nephew of some girl I’ve never heard of.

Former Terrapins coach Gary Williams is the host of the Nationwide Tour event this weekend, which means I’d almost think about caring about it.

If he makes a decent putt in the Pro-Am, I can only pray he celebrates accordingly…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TDghwElDxMk[/youtube]

7. Mixed Martial Arts: The Ultimate Fighter Finale-Team Lesnar vs. Team Dos Santos (Saturday 9pm from Las Vegas live on SpikeTV)

Saturday night’s event is highlighted by Clay Guida vs. Anthony Pettis. You may remember Pettis as the author of THE GREATEST MOMENT IN THE HISTORY OF MMA….

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LH7oRb5Knjc[/youtube]

Holy hell I still don’t believe that happened.

6. Soccer: Team USA vs. Spain (Saturday 4:30pm from Foxborough, MA live on ESPN), Team USA Women vs. Mexico (Sunday 2pm from Harrison, NJ live on ESPN2); MLS-DC United @ Los Angeles Galaxy (Friday 11pm from Los Angeles live on Fox Soccer Channel)

Understand-I WILL be rooting for the Red, White & Blue Saturday afternoon. That being said, it doesn’t change the fact that my heart will always belong to Spain’s Paz Vega. It is what it is.

Pazvega

5. Scripps National Spelling Bee (Preliminaries Wednesday 8am live on ESPN3.com, Semifinals Thursday 10am live on ESPN, Finals Thursday 8:30pm live on ESPN. All spelling from National Harbor in DC)

The bad news: Erin Andrews is no longer involved in Spelling Bee coverage.

The good news: I’m pretty sure no one will have to spell “sardoodledom” ever again…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-3JSYDApec[/youtube]

4. NBA Playoffs: NBA Finals-Dallas Mavericks vs. Miami Heat (Game 1 Tuesday 9pm from Miami live on ABC, Game 2 Thursday 9pm from Miami live on ABC, Game 3 Sunday 8pm from Dallas live on ABC)

Two things we can agree about as Americans.

One-we love our military. God bless.

Two-we of course hate LeBron James and the Miami Heat.

This is where things get sticky, because rarely as Americans have we ever knowingly accepted anything about Germany, so our upcoming love affair with Dirk Nowitzki is going to be uncomfortable at best.

Let’s remember though-without the Germans, we wouldn’t have ever had “Beerfest”…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JMk5Vo_YRMU[/youtube]

Yep, go Mavs!

3. NHL Playoffs: Stanley Cup Finals-Boston Bruins vs. Vancouver Canucks (Game 1 Wednesday 8pm from Vancouver live on NBC, Game 2 Saturday 8pm from Vancouver live on NBC, Game 3 Monday 8pm from Boston live on VERSUS)

Another tricky spot here. We can either root for Canada…or we can root for a city that gave us the Red Sox and the worst sports “reporter” in Charm City. (You know who you are…and I’m sure you’re reading!)

So…let’s always remember that Canada gave us Our Lady Peace…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h1Z89zW-8sY[/youtube]

And the great Pamela Anderson…

canucks

So….let’s go Canucks!

2. Council of Ravens Roosts Convention (Thursday-Sunday throughout Ocean City); 8th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals hears NFL appeal of ruling lifting lockout (Friday St. Louis)

You never know who you might bump into down in Ocean City during Ravens Roosts weekend. For example, you MIGHT bump into Sergio Kindle and Brian Billick…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hziVDMfNPvw[/youtube]

OR you might bump into the legendary Intern Genna, who I believe has a permanent address in OC…

interngenna

(Edit from GMC: She’s the one on the right. I’m sure you can stumble upon her at Seacrets…where you might find Ray Rice too.)

1. Tennis: ATP Tour & WTA Tour French Open (Tuesday & Wednesday 8am Thursday 5am Friday 7am live on Tennis Channel, Tuesday & Wednesday 12pm Thursday 8am live on ESPN2, Friday 11am Saturday-Women’s Final & Sunday-Men’s Final 9am live on NBC)

No American men are around for Week 2 of a grand slam event. Say it with me in your best Jim Nantz voice, “A Tradition Unlike Any Other.”

Clearly the highlight of Roland Garros thus far has already been documented by Deadspin.

And since we have nothing to REALLY talk about here, here’s one more picture of Maria Sharapova. I mean, why not?

sharapova

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 13 May 2011 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: Golf-PGA Tour Crowne Plaza Invitational at Colonial (Thursday & Friday 3pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday & Sunday 3pm live on CBS. All golf from Fort Worth, TX), LPGA Tour Sybase Match Play Championship (Thursday & Friday 6:30pm, Saturday & Sunday 4:30pm from Gladstone, NJ live on Golf Channel); Charm City Roller Girls (Saturday 5:30pm Du Burns Arena); Soccer: Team USA Women vs. Japan (Wednesday 7pm from Cary, NC live on ESPN2), AFC Ajax @ DC United (Sunday 5pm RFK Stadium); Boxing: Bernard Hopkins vs. Jean Pascal (Saturday 10pm from Montreal live on HBO), Friday Night Fights-Joel Julio vs. Antwone Smith (Friday 9pm from Newark, NJ live on ESPN2); Mixed Martial Arts: Bellator Fighting Championships 45 (Saturday 9pm from Lake Charles, LA live on MTV2); Arena Football: AFL Arizona Rattlers @ New Orleans VooDoo (Friday 8pm from New Orleans live on NFL Network)

10. Sugarland/Little Big Town/Matt Nathanson (Sunday 6:30pm Merriweather Post Pavilion); Jason Aldean (Saturday 4:30pm Jiffy Lube Live); Apocalyptica/Finger Eleven/Charm City Devils (Thursday 6pm Power Plant Live); Blue October (Tuesday 7pm Rams Head Live), Grace Potter and the Nocturnals (Wednesday 6:30pm Rams Head Live); The Wailers (Saturday 8pm Recher Theatre); En Vogue (Sunday 8pm Bourbon Street); Pauly Shore (Saturday 7pm Rams Head on Stage); Arctic Monkeys (Tuesday 7pm 9:30 Club), B.O.B. (Thursday 6pm 9:30 Club), The Cars (Monday 7pm 9:30 Club); (hed)p.e. (Thursday 6:15pm Jaxx); Blind Boys of Alabama (Thursday 7:30pm Birchmere); DC101 Chili Cook-Off feat. Weezer, Papa Roach, Seether, Neon Trees, Panic! at the Disco (Saturday 12pm RFK Stadium); Preakness Infieldfest feat. Train, Bruno Mars, Puddle of Mudd, Phil Vassar (Saturday 11am Pimlico); Chesapeake Bay Blues Festival feat. Chris Isaak, Little Feat, Kenny Wayne Shepherd (Saturday-Sunday Sandy Point State Park); Ben Harper “Give Till It’s Gone” available in stores/on iTunes (Tuesday)

Make fun of me if you will, but I dig Sugarland. Even more than that, I REALLY dig Little Big Town…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=skAOb_EUE_M[/youtube]

I wish I could tell you I was excited about the Preakness infield. Unfortunately I cannot. But there will be 2-3 Train songs you’ll probably find me singing along to…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3wlEcgwjvcw[/youtube]

I’d so be at Sandy Point if it wasn’t Preakness weekend. Especially for Little Feat…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SkZsSydzQjM[/youtube]

I feel like I’ve seen Finger Eleven at Power Plant before. (I say that because I KNOW I’ve seen Finger Eleven at Power Plant before.) Say what you want, this song still kicks a little ass…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BJk6gZuPKRE[/youtube]

9. “Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tide” in theaters (Friday)

I don’t go to the movies much, but I was recently offered tickets to an advance screening of Pirates. I decided to take them.

I’m into the movies, but not “freakout” into them. I mean, not like Michael Bolton…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GI6CfKcMhjY[/youtube]

8. Auto Racing: NASCAR Showdown (Saturday 7pm from Charlotte live on SPEED), NASCAR All-Star Race (Saturday 8pm from Charlotte live on SPEED); IndyCar Series: Indianapolis 500 Pole Day Qualifying (Saturday 11am & 4:30pm from Indianapolis live on VERSUS), Indianapolis 500 Bump Day Qualifying (Sunday 12pm from Indianapolis live on VERSUS)

I don’t understand why NASCAR fans don’t like Kyle Busch. He’s (apparently) married to something named Samantha Sarcinella. Samantha Sarcinella (apparently) looks like this…

sarcinella

So…ummm….I’m a fan.

7. Tennis: ATP Tour & WTA Tour French Open (Sunday 5am live on Tennis Channel 1pm live on ESPN2, Monday 5am live on Tennis Channel. All tennis from Paris)

Because I’m a tennis snob, I will be referring to the event as Roland Garros. You loser Americans can call it the “French Open.”

We don’t usually like much about France in this country, but I feel like the trip to the clay is something we should be able to enjoy.

Of course, my favorite thing about France is Def Jam poet Jean K. Jean…

[dailymotion]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x8w2n2_saturday-night-live-update-jean-k-j_fun[/dailymotion]

6. NBA Playoffs: Eastern Conference Finals-Chicago Bulls vs. Miami Heat (Game 2 Wednesday 8:30pm from Chicago live on TNT, Game 3 Sunday 8:30pm from Miami live on TNT); Western Conference Finals-Dallas Mavericks vs. Oklahoma City Thunder (Game 1 Tuesday 9pm from Dallas live on ESPN, Game 2 Thursday 9pm from Dallas live on ESPN, Game 3 Saturday 9pm from Oklahoma City live on ESPN, Game 4 Monday 9pm from Oklahoma City live on ESPN)

I can’t root for the Chicago Bulls. They have both Carlos Boozer and Luol Deng on their roster. Rooting for a roster littered with Duke players is like* rooting for the Taliban.

(*It’s not like that at all. You and I both know that. But come on, let me have SOMETHING.)

That being said, Taj Gibson is worth rooting for…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tOOeMg7eqYM[/youtube]
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BmN-MIbvLks&feature=relmfu[/youtube]

Wow.

5. Pro Wrestling: WWE Over the Limit (Sunday 8pm from Seattle live on Pay-Per-View)

I probably won’t be getting Over The Limit Sunday night. Mostly because I don’t REALLY need to see Jerry “The King” Lawler face Michael effing Cole again.

But if the Bella Twins were more involved, I feel like I’d be more compelled to take a gander…

bellas

4. NHL Playoffs: Eastern Conference Finals-Boston Bruins vs. Tampa Bay Lightning (Game 2 Tuesday 8pm from Boston live on VERSUS, Game 3 Thursday 8pm from Tampa Bay live on VERSUS, Game 4 Saturday 1:30pm from Tampa Bay live on NBC, Game 5 if necessary Monday 8pm from Boston live on VERSUS); Western Conference Finals-San Jose Sharks vs. Vancouver Canucks (Game 2 Wednesday 9pm from Vancouver live on VERSUS, Game 3 Friday 9pm from San Jose live on VERSUS, Game 4 Sunday 3pm from San Jose live on NBC)

You think the suits in New York (Toronto?) are just salivating over the possibility of a Tampa-San Jose Stanley Cup Finals showdown?

I know I’m….looking for other things to watch.

I guess I’m pulling for Tampa? I mean, they beat the Washington Capitals, so they’ve already done the Lord’s work.

Plus…you know…Hulk Hogan is a fan.

hulk

3. Ray’s Summer Days (Thursday-Saturday throughout Baltimore-locations include Ruth Chris Havana Club, Patterson Park, Perry Hall Lanes, etc.)

I have to admit I’m both surprised and hurt.

I mean, how could Ray Lewis schedule an event without carefully planning it around the schedule of his dear friend Glenn Clark?…

rayglenn

Honest mistake I’m sure.

2. College Lacrosse: NCAA Tournament-Johns Hopkins vs. Denver (Saturday 2:30pm from Hempstead, NY live on ESPN2) Maryland vs. Syracuse (Sunday 12pm from Foxborough, MA live on ESPNU); Division 3 NCAA Tournament-Roanoke @ Stevenson (Wednesday 4pm Caves Athletic Complex-semifinal Sunday at Salisbury or vs. Dickinson at CAC if Mustangs win); Women’s College Lacrosse: NCAA Tournament-Princeton @ Maryland (Saturday 12pm Field Hockey & Lacrosse Complex College Park), Loyola @ North Carolina (Saturday 1pm from Chapel Hill, NC streaming live on NCAA.com); High School Lacrosse: MIAA Lacrosse Championships-A Conference Semifinals (Tuesday 6pm & 8:30pm Unitas Stadium), A, B & C Conference Finals (Friday 3pm, 5:30pm & 8pm Unitas Stadium)

Whatever happens this weekend in the NCAA Tournament, there is NO WAY it will be anywhere NEAR as cool as what the Terrapins did in their opening round win over the Tar Heels…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ds5qLbqkQs[/youtube]

I can’t get over it. Holy crap that’s awesome.

1. Horse Racing: Preakness Stakes (Saturday 4:30pm from Pimlico live on NBC), Black-Eyed Susan Day (Friday 4pm from Pimlico live on VERSUS); Preakness Week events throughout Baltimore (Tuesday-Sunday)

Two things we know (sadly) won’t be happening Saturday.

One-The previously legendary “Running of the Urinals”…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IIcyFSYhvV4[/youtube]

Two-Rick From Reisterstown getting ANYTHING right…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dAenPfeIRGo[/youtube]

We’re improving things around here!

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 11 April 2011 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: Arena Football-AFL Tampa Bay Storm @ Philadelphia Soul (Friday 8pm from Philly live on NFL Network); Boxing: Friday Night Fights-Ivan Popoca vs. Ruslan Provodnikov (Friday 9pm from Temecula, CA live on ESPN2), Andre Berto vs. Victor Ortiz/Amir Khan vs. Paul McCloskey (Saturday 9:45pm from Mashantucket, CT & Manchester, ENG live on HBO), Juan Manuel Lopez vs. Orlando Salido (Saturday 10:30pm from Bayamon, Puerto Rico); Mixed Martial Arts: Bellator Fighting Championships 41 (Saturday 9pm from Yuma, AZ live on MTV2); Soccer: MLS-DC United @ Toronto FC (Saturday 7pm from Toronto live on Fox Soccer Channel)

10. Trans-Siberian Orchestra (Friday 7:30pm 1st Mariner Arena); Sick Puppies/Framing Hanley/Adelita’s Way (Tuesday 7pm Rams Head Live), Three Days Grace/My Darkest Days (Wednesday 7pm Rams Head Live/Tuesday 7pm 9:30 Club), Dirty Heads (Thursday 7pm Rams Head Live), Seether/Red Jumpsuit Apparatus (Friday 7pm Rams Head Live), Several Species: The Pink Floyd Experience (Saturday 8pm Rams Head Live); All Mighty Senators (Friday 8pm 8×10 Club); Johns Hopkins University Spring Fair feat. Chiddy Bang (Friday-Sunday JHU); Cake (Thursday-Saturday 7pm 9:30 Club); Aimee Mann (Tuesday & Wednesday 7:30pm Birchmere); KT Tunstall (Wednesday 8pm Sixth & I Historic Synagogue), Chris Cornell (Sunday 8pm Sixth & I Historic Synagogue); Patrice O’Neal (Friday-Sunday DC Improv); Foo Fighters “Wasting Light” available in stores/on iTunes (Tuesday)

You’re thinking to yourself…”TSO? Christmas is 8 and a half months away!” Well…try this one on for size…

[youtube]http://youtu.be/Rkzs1h1vu0E[/youtube]

Framing Hanley made a major mistake. Art Alexakis from Everclear once told me bands should “NEVER release a cover as their first single.” That being said, Framing Hanley’s take on Lil’ Wayne is pretty good…

[youtube]http://youtu.be/vbUR0SRceD0[/youtube]

If you weren’t a Soundgarden/Temple of the Dog/Audioslave fan; you may not realize how amazing a Chris Cornell solo show has the possibility of being…

[youtube]http://youtu.be/5Pt03oU6RHI[/youtube]

The Foo Fighters are amazing. Every time they put something new out you say to yourself “Wow…that might be the best thing they’ve done.” Yet they’re no one’s favorite band. It’s wild…

[youtube]http://youtu.be/kbpqZT_56Ns[/youtube]

9. Roller Derby: Charm City Roller Girls (Saturday 5:30pm Du Burns Arena)

kiss

Now you’re thinking to yourself “Okay Glenn, how did you go from an entry about the CCRG to a picture of Drew Barrymore and Ellen Page kissing???”

This is too easy.

Drew and Ellen kissed as part of the promotional tour for the film “Whip It”, which was…of course…about Roller Derby. Here’s another promo photo…

drewellen

That would be another point for me. I’m running away with this one.

8. Horse Racing: Arkansas Derby (Saturday 5pm from Hot Springs, AK live on HRTV), Decanter Wine Festival (Saturday 11am Pimlico)

I’m realizing more and more that my second annual pilgrimage to Louisville for the Kentucky Derby is…like…RIGHT around the corner.  It means I have to consider my wardrobe again.

Last year I went with THIS on Kentucky Oaks day…

oaks

I’m the one on the left. I swear.

And then I wore THIS on Derby day…

derby

Look, I tend to dress like a bit of a homeless slob for most of the year…so…I like the idea of looking good just for these days. With that in mind, any suggestions?

7. Tennis: Monte Carlo Rolex Masters (Tuesday-Friday 4:30am, Saturday 7am Sunday 8am from Roquebrune-Cap-Martin, France live on Tennis Channel)

Oh good. Clay courts. The place where the American men who aren’t good enough to win the rest of the year somehow actually get worse.

I don’t understand it either.

But since the event is on the clay, shouldn’t we just go ahead and give the title to this man?

kuerten

(Edit from GMC: If you knew that was Gustavo Kuerten, we should probably consider a life together.)

6. Golf: PGA Tour Valero Texas Open (Thursday & Friday 3pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday & Sunday 3pm live on CBS. All golf from San Antonio), Champions Tour Outback Steakhouse Pro-Am (Friday 12:30pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday 4pm Sunday 1pm live on NBC)

Outback Steakhouse Pro-Am? TOTAL excuse for me to post a picture of a Bloomin’ Onion!!!

onion

Words really aren’t necessary after that, right?

5. Auto Racing: NASCAR Aaron’s 499 (Sunday 1pm from Talladega, AL live on FOX); IndyCar Series Toyota Grand Prix of Long Beach (Sunday 3:30pm from Long Beach, CA live on VERSUS)

Did someone say Talladega??? Ricky Bobby was on TNT the other night…

[youtube]http://youtu.be/BWKisUSxjXk[/youtube]

Thank God for this movie. Could you imagine if I actually had to know who had won each NASCAR race during the course of the year?

I know they were in Texas last week-who won that one? Davey Allison? Was that the name of a real driver?

4. Pro Wrestling: TNA “Lockdown” (Sunday 8pm from Cincinnati live on Pay-Per-View)

Every match inside a steel cage? YES PLEASE!

In fact I’d be PARTICULARLY interested if Angelina Love was in one of those matches…

alove

3. NBA: Washington Wizards @ Cleveland Cavaliers (Wednesday 8pm from Cleveland live on Comcast SportsNet); NBA Playoffs (Saturday-Monday live on ABC, ESPN and TNT)

And sadly, the season ends for the Washington Wizards. Of course, we’ll always have the memories…

Like…

Yep. It was a hell of a season.

2. NHL Playoffs: New York Rangers @ Washington Capitals (Wednesday 7:30pm from Verizon Center live on VERSUS), New York Rangers @ Washington Capitals (Friday 7:30pm from Verizon Center live on VERSUS), Washington Capitals @ New York Rangers (Sunday 3pm from New York live on NBC)

Look, I appreciate the fact that the Caps are going to play a game at the Civic Center next year. Not because I like the Caps, but because I appreciate anything that brings money to the city. If I want folks to praise Shogun Fights, I have to be willing to praise the DC hockey team.

That being said, it’s going to be really awkward pulling for the Rangers over the next few weeks considering how much I dislike the Yankees.

But seriously, how can you root against these guys?

[youtube]http://youtu.be/o1OA5niEPm0[/youtube]

1. College Lacrosse: Johns Hopkins @ Maryland (Saturday 8pm from Byrd Stadium live on ESPNU); Loyola @ Georgetown (Saturday 7pm from Kehoe Field live on AM1570 WNST); Towson @ Penn State (Saturday 7pm from University Park, PA live on ABC2 & ESPN3.com); Army @ Navy (Saturday 2pm from Navy-Marine Corps Memorial Stadium live on CBS Sports); Stevenson @ Salisbury (Saturday 12pm Sea Gull Stadium)

I (secretly) pull for the Blue Jays almost every week of the year.

Not this one.

turtle

It’s the 107th matchup between the Terps and the Jays. I’m hoping for 107-0 in honor of that.

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 04 April 2011 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: Horse Racing: Illinois Derby (Saturday 5pm from Stickney/Cicero, IL live on TVG), Santa Anita Derby (Saturday 5pm from Arcadia, CA live on HRTV); Soccer: U.S. Open Cup-Philadelphia Union @ DC United (Wednesday 7:30pm RFK Stadium), MLS-Los Angeles Galaxy @ DC United (Saturday 7:30pm RFK Stadium); Boxing: Erik Morales vs. Marcos Maidana (Saturday 9pm from Las Vegas live on HBO PPV), Friday Night Fights-David Lemieux vs. Marco Antonio Rubio (Friday 9pm from Montreal live on ESPN2); Tennis: ATP Tour U.S. Men’s Clay Court Championship (Saturday 2pm Sunday 3pm from Houston live on Tennis Channel); Arena Football: AFL Dallas Vigilantes vs. Georgia Force (Friday 8pm from Duluth, GA live on NFL Network)

10. Marsha Ambrosius & Melanie Fiona (Thursday 7pm Rams Head Live); Bill Burr (Friday 7 & 9:30pm Recher Theatre), Aimee Mann (Sunday 7pm Recher Theatre); Colin Hay (Sunday 8pm Rams Head on Stage); House of Pain (Tuesday 7pm 9:30 Club), Toad The Wet Sprocket (Saturday 7pm 9:30 Club), Old 97′s (Sunday 7pm 9:30 Club); Dirty Heads (Monday 7pm 9:30 Club); Widespread Panic (Tuesday & Wednesday 8pm Warner Theatre); Ralphie May (Saturday 8pm Lisner Auditorium); Buddy Guy (Sunday 7:30pm Birchmere); Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons (Saturday 8:30pm Hippodrome)

House of Pain is still awesome, even if only one song REALLY matters…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9Q0jPyrja0[/youtube]

If you don’t love this Toad The Wet Sprocket song, we’ll NEVER be friends…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZpUUrEWnWQ[/youtube]

I got the chance to hang out with Rhett Miller from the Old 97′s on Radio Row in Dallas at the Super Bowl this year, and I COMPLETELY nerded out.

rhettmiller

If you’re not familiar, please to be checking them out…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DDDyD0Hj5n0[/youtube]

I listened to a lot of WQSR growing up thanks to my father. I’m grateful. It taught me the significance of artists like Frankie Valli…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bE40KM4SGAY[/youtube]

9. Cirque du Soleil “Totem” opens (Thursday 8pm Grand Chapiteau at the Westport Waterfront); Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus present Barnum 200 (Thursday 10:30am & 7:30pm, Friday 7:30pm, Saturday 11:30am 3:30pm & 7:30pm, Sunday 1pm & 5pm 1st Mariner Arena)

I used to be a big fan of the circus, but…you know…I’m not 8 anymore. Everyone keeps telling me about how great Cirque is, but I feel like I couldn’t enjoy it without the Paul Rudd treatment from “Knocked Up”.

Instead, the only circus-related activity I enjoy watching involves YouTube and a certain former WWF star…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eC4qriqlfDM[/youtube]

It’s almost unbelievable to remember Doink The Clown having faced Triple H…like…ever.

8. Pro Wrestling: Maryland Championship Wrestling “Bodyslam Autism” (Friday 7:30pm The New Green Room Dundalk)

Neat! Another chance for me to nerd out about rasslin’!

So…who watched WrestleMania? Who thought it was a bit over the top how much they had The Undertaker sell his injuries after forcing HHH to tap?

Who has an opinion on the subject and has ALSO recently had sex with a girl?

Nope…didn’t think so.

Eh, who cares. Let’s keep nerding out.

Was the Snooki thing cool? I hated (but understood) everything about why WWE did it-and I know they thought this move should put her over…but honestly, was this cool???

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ed0LaWLy5N8[/youtube]

7. Auto Racing: NASCAR Samsung Mobile 500 (Saturday 7:30pm from Fort Worth, TX live on FOX); IndyCar Series Honda Indy Grand Prix of Alabama (Sunday 3pm from Birmingham, AL live on VERSUS)

I used to date a gal who was from the DFW area. Apparently the NASCAR race is a big deal down there.

You know what’s a BIGGER deal down there?

texas

Yep.

6. NBA: Detroit Pistons @ Washington Wizards (Tuesday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Washington Wizards @ Indiana Pacers (Wednesday 7pm from Indianapolis live on Comcast SportsNet), Washington Wizards @ Boston Celtics (Friday 7:30pm from Boston live on Comcast SportsNet), Atlanta Hawks @ Washington Wizards (Saturday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Boston Celtics @ Washington Wizards (Monday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet)

Just in time for the season to be over, the ‘Zards have actually won a couple of games recently! Neat trick!

Elsewhere in the country, there are actual significant pro basketball games being played. Like in Chicago, where Derrick Rose…is…amazing…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2QmcFh-hOg8[/youtube]

5. Women’s College Basketball: NCAA Championship Game-Notre Dame vs. Texas A&M (Tuesday 8:30pm from Indianapolis live on ESPN)

And if the Aggies end up winning, we’ll turn to Shirley Q Liquor to celebrate…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sbDX22SGZV0[/youtube]

(Yes, that is usually playing on “Elliott in the Morning” around the same time I’m arriving at 1550 Hart Rd. each morning. And it’s still funny every time.)

4. Mixed Martial Arts: Strikeforce-Nick Diaz vs. Paul Daley (Saturday 10pm from San Diego live on Showtime); Bellator Fighting Championships 40 (Saturday 9pm from Newkirk, OK live on MTV2)

I poked my head at Bellator fighting on MTV2 the other night. It wasn’t that bad. I mean, it isn’t a marquee promotion for a reason-but it’s at LEAST watchable.

Of course, it’s not exactly the best thing I’ve ever seen on MTV2. That of course involved one Chris Pontius…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Xj8QzRaW68[/youtube]

Does enjoying Wildboyz make me kind of an idiot? I mean, I can accept that.

3. NHL: Washington Capitals @ Toronto Maple Leafs (Tuesday 7pm from Toronto live on Comcast SportsNet), Florida Panthers @ Washington Capitals (Wednesday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet PLUS), Washington Capitals @ Florida Panthers (Saturday 7pm from Sunrise, FL live on Comcast SportsNet); College Hockey: NCAA Frozen Four-Minnesota Duluth vs. Notre Dame (Thursday 5pm from St. Paul, MN live on ESPN2 & ESPN3.com), Michigan vs. North Dakota (Thursday 8:30pm from St. Paul, MN live on ESPN2 & ESPN3.com), National Championship Game (Saturday 7pm from St. Paul, MN live on ESPN & ESPN3.com)

And if after the game the Leafs and Caps decided to merge into one team, their logo would look something like the one on the right below (Thanks Puck Daddy!)…

leafs
And you know what? I don’t care for anything from Washington-but that’s actually kind of an awesome logo. I might be all in.

2. College Lacrosse: Fairfield @ Loyola (Saturday 1pm from Ridley Athletic Complex live on AM1570 WNST); Albany @ Johns Hopkins (Friday 7:30pm from Homewood Field live on ESPNU); Towson @ UMBC (Wednesday 7:30pm UMBC Stadium), Binghamton @ UMBC (Saturday 12pm from UMBC Stadium live on ABC2/ESPN3.com); UMass @ Towson (Saturday 1pm Unitas Stadium); Maryland @ Navy (Friday 7pm from Navy-Marine Corps Memorial Stadium live on CBS Sports); Stevenson @ Frostburg State (Wednesday 4pm Bobcat Stadium), Stevenson @ St. Mary’s (Saturday 1pm Seahawk Stadium)

It’s the big Baltimore County battle Wednesday night in Catonsville.  Representing the East Side…

towson

And from our friends on the West Side, an actual photo from the women’s bathroom inside the Chemistry building at UMBC…

umbc

So…you know…advantage Tigers and all.

1. Golf: PGA Tour-The Masters (Thursday & Friday 3pm live on ESPN, Saturday 3:30pm Sunday 2pm live on CBS. All Golf from Augusta, GA)

With no offense to the nerds (like Drew Forrester) who will watch this pantsless this weekend, there’s only one REAL reason to watch this event (unless somehow Tiger Woods starts playing golf again)….

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PRv6JwWk4As[/youtube]

Hello friends.

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

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